vwisme Posted September 22, 2021 Posted September 22, 2021 I would have taken her no response as all that's needed. Maybe following up to make sure she's alright but still... good relationships are not hard. Relationships should be easy. Things aren't always easy in relationships but ghosting/not communicating is never alright.
Herkamer Posted September 22, 2021 Posted September 22, 2021 4 hours ago, Corduroy said: Yeah, this has me thinking that she maybe lying, she left me on read last night and haven’t heard from her since. I guess I’ll stop trying and if she wants to see me, I’ll let that be on her to reach out. This is probably for the best. Honestly, when it comes to getting a woman's attention, going out on dates, and/or getting into relationships, not pursuing them or giving them your attention really is the best way to see if they're actually interested. What I found is it's better for men to play hard to get a little in today's world because, 9 times out of 10, women know when we're interested and uninterested, and they know that we'd show them commitment if we liked them. They just need to uphold their end of the deal is all. Right now, enjoy being single! Focus on your hobbies, friends, family, and interests. Do the things you like and have fun. Only way to bring people in is when they see you're enjoying yourself. Truth be told, I'm single myself and trying to focus on staying that way, for now. I've been doing ballroom dancing for a few months, and, already, I have a few women that are checking me out. For starters, women LOOOOOOVVVE to dance, especially when it comes to a ballroom setting. Secondly, I'm much better than when I first started, and women want to dance with a guy that can dance well. Great confidence booster for men because there are A LOT of beautiful women that show up, and if they see you're having fun, they will come to you. Having that moment when you have a woman in your arms feels good, so something to consider for yourself. Now, I'm keeping my distance from these women, as far as a relationship is concerned, but I'm not ruling them out, either. One in particular, I think, wants to start something, but I'm playing it safe and not taking her out on a date. For now, I'm focusing on my dancing and trying to learn more while getting better. As odd as it is for a guy like me to admit, but I love it. One of the best decisions I've made in a long time. So if you want some advice that you can enjoy while single (with potential to get into a relationship), find something physical and fun. Good luck and keep your chin up! 1
Author Corduroy Posted September 22, 2021 Author Posted September 22, 2021 Yeah I won’t contact her and play hard to get if she contacts me. It really sucks and not a good feeling but I’ll try to enjoy myself. I’ve actually started talking to other girls but maybe rebounding isn’t a good idea?
basil67 Posted September 22, 2021 Posted September 22, 2021 3 minutes ago, Corduroy said: Yeah I won’t contact her and play hard to get if she contacts me. It really sucks and not a good feeling but I’ll try to enjoy myself. I’ve actually started talking to other girls but maybe rebounding isn’t a good idea? If you're going to do that, you may as well just end it now. Doesn't sound like you value her that much anyway 2
ChatroomHero Posted September 22, 2021 Posted September 22, 2021 6 hours ago, Corduroy said: Yeah, this has me thinking that she maybe lying, she left me on read last night and haven’t heard from her since. I guess I’ll stop trying and if she wants to see me, I’ll let that be on her to reach out. My initial take, like jumping right out at me after reading your posts to the point I would wager a large amount of money on it...Straight up classic ghosting. When work is crushing you and you have someone you are dating and really into, you call them to feel better about it. You run to them after work to see them and get away. At the very, very, very, very least, you would never just ghost on potential plans you promised to get back to them on and then continue to ghost until called out on it 4 or 5 days later. I would bet money that 30 seconds after she told you she was happy to have you in her life or whatever, she was trying to decide the best way to stop seeing you and knew she was going to just not respond to you about the plans you were trying to make. Her liking a picture was her KNOWING she blew you off and acknowledging it while KNOWING she was going to stop communicating with you indefinitely until maybe you reached out. Think of it like this...how much of an absolute bag of dicks would YOU have to be if she said, "Hey, Corduroy, I have a wedding next week for my best friend and I really need a date , can you go?" and you said, let me check my schedule and get back to you. Days pass, you say nothing and stop all communication going forward. Wedding comes, you never respond, she posts a picture and you like it. Or you comment, "Looks like fun!". Then you don't message her for the next few days until she messages you and your response is, "Busy". That's pretty much what she did. I would feel almost positive she basically chose someone else over you. If you had daily communication and it suddenly stopped like that, pretty much a better option came up that made her forget you exist and made her not too concerned about showing you basic decency. Once she chose, she wasn't too concerned about you anymore either way. I'd just let it go. If she reaches out, I'd probably just pass on that but she already showed she's not too concerned about reaching out to you again.
Author Corduroy Posted September 22, 2021 Author Posted September 22, 2021 47 minutes ago, basil67 said: If you're going to do that, you may as well just end it now. Doesn't sound like you value her that much anyway I value her, it’s at the point where I have no choice, I’ve done all I could do. I’m just sick of trying to make this work.
poppyfields Posted September 23, 2021 Posted September 23, 2021 (edited) 39 minutes ago, Corduroy said: I value her, it’s at the point where I have no choice, I’ve done all I could do. I’m just sick of trying to make this work. Then let go of trying to make it work! This is one of the Seven Spiritual Laws of Success -- The Law of Detachment. >>The Law of Detachment says that we must detach ourselves from the result or outcome in order to allow what we desire to materialize in the physical universe. After we have done our part, we must learn to let go of the outcome for things to manifest and materialize. And once we do let go, it's when things will actually manifest and materialize. There is another universal law that may also apply - The Law of Least Effort. >>I will practice Acceptance. Today I will accept people, situations, circumstances, and events as they occur. I will know that this moment is as it should be, because the whole universe is as it should be. I will not struggle against the whole universe by struggling against this moment. My acceptance is total and complete. I accept things as they are this moment, not as I wish they were. OP, I live my life by these rules and as a result, no matter what happens, good or bad, positive or negative, I am happy and feel at peace knowing whatever happened is precisely what was supposed to happen. You have no idea how freeing that is!! How at peace I feel. Stop trying to force it. You become your own worst enemy when you do that. Edited September 23, 2021 by poppyfields 1 1
basil67 Posted September 23, 2021 Posted September 23, 2021 (edited) You're sick of trying to make this work? This makes it sound like the time you've spent together has been drama filled and really hard work for you. Is there a heap of stuff which you haven't shared? Also, going just on what I read here, you've hardly done "all you can do" to try and address whatever is going on. At the very least, you dial her number and talk with her. Edited September 23, 2021 by basil67
ramen234 Posted September 23, 2021 Posted September 23, 2021 On 9/21/2021 at 2:01 PM, Corduroy said: We used to talk everyday, talking about our days or whatever, but it stopped 4 days ago. I really like her, but her flaking on me and us not speaking has been bugging me. I’d contact her, but people have been saying I’ll come off too clingy or too available. But what I asked “so are you still interested in dating? Because I’d hate to be wasting your time…” Do not contact her even again! If she contacts you, simply block her. You should respect yourself more.
ExpatInItaly Posted September 23, 2021 Posted September 23, 2021 5 hours ago, basil67 said: You're sick of trying to make this work? This makes it sound like the time you've spent together has been drama filled and really hard work for you. Is there a heap of stuff which you haven't shared? I caught that, too. What else has happened here, OP?
d0nnivain Posted September 23, 2021 Posted September 23, 2021 10 hours ago, Corduroy said: I’m just sick of trying to make this work. It's only been a few months. You should still be in the HM phase. Just what is going on here?
Wiseman2 Posted September 23, 2021 Posted September 23, 2021 12 hours ago, Corduroy said: I won’t contact her and play hard to get if she contacts me. That's ironic because playing games is why she lost interest in the first place. Step up and ask her out or just free yourself and move on.
d0nnivain Posted September 23, 2021 Posted September 23, 2021 14 hours ago, Corduroy said: Yeah I won’t contact her and play hard to get if she contacts me. It really sucks and not a good feeling but I’ll try to enjoy myself. I’ve actually started talking to other girls but maybe rebounding isn’t a good idea? Playing hard to get is always a bad plan. Being busy & selective in who you date is fine but don't play games. It's fine to date others. How much of a rebound can there really be? You weren't with this woman for a long time. A rebound is not just the next person you date after a break up. A rebound is when there's a break up & you stuff anybody into the empty space left by your EX's departure solely so you don't have to face being alone. Are you doing that -- taking anybody just because you want to be part of a couple or are you genuinely looking for the right woman to have a relationship with?
Author Corduroy Posted September 23, 2021 Author Posted September 23, 2021 20 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: Playing hard to get is always a bad plan. Being busy & selective in who you date is fine but don't play games. It's fine to date others. How much of a rebound can there really be? You weren't with this woman for a long time. A rebound is not just the next person you date after a break up. A rebound is when there's a break up & you stuff anybody into the empty space left by your EX's departure solely so you don't have to face being alone. Are you doing that -- taking anybody just because you want to be part of a couple or are you genuinely looking for the right woman to have a relationship with? I mean like lately, she’s been distant. Last time I saw her she didn’t want to kiss me goodbye. I just feel Like there’s something wrong. We’ve never had an argument or disagreement but should I ask her what’s really going on??
Nothanks Posted September 23, 2021 Posted September 23, 2021 It could be that she doesn’t have space in her life right now to deal with dating. Let her make the next move and don’t wait for her in the meantime. Sounds like you are on the right track.
d0nnivain Posted September 23, 2021 Posted September 23, 2021 10 minutes ago, Corduroy said: should I ask her what’s really going on?? She told you what she wants you to know -- work is tough & taking a toll. There is probably more to this but it all adds up to you wasting your time.
Author Corduroy Posted September 23, 2021 Author Posted September 23, 2021 I feel I should ask her how she’s doing, because I really do care about her. Yet I want to give her space and let her come to me. What’s the best thing I should do?
d0nnivain Posted September 23, 2021 Posted September 23, 2021 At this point I'd leave her be. You won't. So send a message that says something along the lines of "sorry things are tough for you right now. Reach out when you want some light hearted fun. I'd be happy to try to take your mind off things. For now I'm gonna back off to give you the space you seem to need. Looking forward to hearing from you later." See what she does with that but do NOT follow up. Silence speaks volumes both ways: her saying buzz off & you showing her that in the grand scheme she's inconsequential in your life if she won't put in effort. Meanwhile explore those other options you have. In a few weeks you won't even remember her name
Author Corduroy Posted September 23, 2021 Author Posted September 23, 2021 10 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: At this point I'd leave her be. You won't. So send a message that says something along the lines of "sorry things are tough for you right now. Reach out when you want some light hearted fun. I'd be happy to try to take your mind off things. For now I'm gonna back off to give you the space you seem to need. Looking forward to hearing from you later." See what she does with that but do NOT follow up. Silence speaks volumes both ways: her saying buzz off & you showing her that in the grand scheme she's inconsequential in your life if she won't put in effort. Meanwhile explore those other options you have. In a few weeks you won't even remember her name Lol, I probably won’t leave her alone, she’s my girl, I’m concerned. I will just send something light hearted, and see where things go from there.
poppyfields Posted September 23, 2021 Posted September 23, 2021 (edited) OP, try to let it go, do nothing. Her silence is actually her answer and tells you all you need to know. There is no more to do, in fact the more you try to do (or say), the further away you push her. It's cringeworthy. Maybe she will come back round, maybe she won't. In any event, acceptance is key and the first step toward healing. I'm sorry. Edited September 23, 2021 by poppyfields 1
Author Corduroy Posted September 23, 2021 Author Posted September 23, 2021 1 hour ago, poppyfields said: OP, try to let it go, do nothing. Her silence is actually her answer and tells you all you need to know. There is no more to do, in fact the more you try to do (or say), the further away you push her. It's cringeworthy. Maybe she will come back round, maybe she won't. In any event, acceptance is key and the first step toward healing. I'm sorry. Okay, okay. You’re right. Even though I miss her, I won’t give in. 1
Herkamer Posted September 25, 2021 Posted September 25, 2021 On 9/23/2021 at 11:53 AM, Corduroy said: Okay, okay. You’re right. Even though I miss her, I won’t give in. Man, some people seem to be coming down on you because you are deciding to not contact her. You are making the right choice. Your time and value as a man are far more important than giving this woman validation when she's not doing anything for you at the moment. If she likes you, she will be far more engaged, but from what I can tell, she isn't interested. Sorry for sounding blunt, but I really don't know how I can put it another way. What's sad is a lot of men, regardless if they're on formats like this or not, simp A LOT and they don't even know they're doing it. They're told to pursue the women they like, when, in today's world, is probably one the worst ideas that you can do in trying to get in a relationship. A lot of women play hard to get with the average Joe, and they're not even interested in them. Now, they don't do that with Chads. It's instant with them because those are the type of guys a lot of women actually want. Anymore, I don't buy the "I WANT A GOOD GUY" or the "WHERE ARE ALL THE GOOD MEN" statements. Those statements don't mean ANYTHING anymore. If these type of women actually wanted a good man, they would have been in a relationship with them already because they KNOW who the good ones are but don't want them. They'd rather have Chads, and that's the sad reality. I know this because, unfortunate for me, I use to be a simp. I'd like to think I'm a good guy, at least try to be one (I'll let others judge for themselves), and I had wanted to be with a woman. I use to make excuses for the women I liked, think about what it would be like if I was with them, and thought if I got them their problems would go away. I would be the light for them to follow because of my personality. In the end, everything I was told I should do to attract women and ask them out, it didn't work. Even losing weight, getting into shape, and rebuilt my confidence from the ground-up didn't do a d@^n thing. I was stood up, mocked, and had false accusations made about me every time I asked almost any woman out. I only ever had one 'no' answer but I took it well. It's the "I don't know" answers that are the worst that can be said. When I did go on those dates, those relationships didn't last long. Woman I dated last time turned out she never got over her old Chad, and in her old relationships with other men, she cheated on all of them The last woman I thought would have made a compatible partner turned out to be very dishonest because she made it sound like she was shy and flattered when I asked her out, only to find her, a week later while I was working, with another guy. That hurt and made me feel very awkward. After that, I listened to other guy's stories similar to mine, and it was too familiar. So I am done with these stupid hard to get games that these women play, done with pursing women, and done with dating. Unless if someone comes along and shows real interest in me, I'm going to stay single because I'm tired of being played and hurt by women. Right now, there might be one that could be interested in me, but I'm keeping her at arms length. I would like to say that I trust her because I know there are good women out there, but, so far, she hasn't proven anything to me yet that I can be with her. There are red flags that need addressed and I really do want to focus on me. I missed out on a lot in my 20s and my early 30s, and I'd like to live it up. Focus on my hobbies, friends, family, work, and life in general. If I am to be single the rest of my life, no kids nor gf, so be it, as long as I can be happy. I've come to terms on that and I'm good. Don't be disheartened by what I said. I'm hoping this will help you move on. Enjoy life, go out and have a few drinks with the guys, spend quality time with the family. If someone comes along, great. If not, don't worry about it. You, as a man, are worth more than what other people say you are. A woman should like you for you, not for your attention. I'm tired of seeing good guys getting hurt and/or worried over someone who may or may not be interested while they play games instead of saying yes or no to going out. I've been there and done that, and I don't want to put up with it anymore and you shouldn't either. 1
Author Corduroy Posted September 26, 2021 Author Posted September 26, 2021 (edited) These past couple of days have been rough, couldn’t sleep and couldn’t get her off my mind. I saw she was having fun with her friends on her story. Unfortunately I contacted her last night while I was drunk, asking her how she was doing. She replied work sucks, blah, blah, blah. I asked her asked her a question about it, and she left me hanging for 7 hours. I got pissed and texted her “You keep leaving me hanging, I guess it’s not going to work out, bye.” Then I deleted her off social media. I texted her because I wanted closure. I just needed validation that she won’t change and she doesn’t care about me. I should’ve done “No simp September.” Edited September 26, 2021 by Corduroy
ExpatInItaly Posted September 26, 2021 Posted September 26, 2021 I think you correctly intuited that she was losing interest, for whatever reason. It's better that this is over now. It was heading in the direction for her anyway.
Wiseman2 Posted September 26, 2021 Posted September 26, 2021 29 minutes ago, Corduroy said: I contacted her last night while I was drunk. I got pissed and texted her “You keep leaving me hanging, I guess it’s not going to work out, bye.” Ok. Just leave her alone. You've put the final nail in the coffin with a nasty drunken text. That's your "closure". Keep her deleted and blocked and move forward.
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