Ami1uwant Posted September 21, 2021 Posted September 21, 2021 6 hours ago, MelIsT899 said: I have a fairly new friends with benefits. We’ve been having casual sex since June. We are both busy and in school and I’m a lot busier than he is. Lately sex hasn’t really crossed my mind due to me working two jobs again and having less free time. Last night he texted me and said “i want to see you and have sex tonight” i responded with “no tonight’s not good” So he replied “i know you’re sleeping with other men but I’m coming tonight and why do i have to stay home ? See i knew it” Then i said “lol and my sex life isn’t your business” That’s when he said “ don’t laugh your crazy over me” And i said “nah it’s not like that” Him: “you aren’t crazy over me? Please let me know if you aren’t “ Then he calls me and asked me “is someone giving it to you better than me ?” I didn’t respond and he said “I’m being real who is it. Because I’ll leave you alone.” And i said “I’m not sleeping with anybody I’m busy with work and i don’t care whether you believe me or not” And he said “you know i don’t believe you” And i hung up the phone after that because myself life is personal TL;DR/ my friends with benefits is way too into my sex life and i think i should cut him off I thought FWB was for people who weren’t really looking for relationships. Not fir those who are sleeping around. The idea is that it comes with a sense of safe sex.
Wiseman2 Posted September 21, 2021 Posted September 21, 2021 4 hours ago, MelIsT899 said: We were dating and it wasn’t working. Then expecting exclusivity is off this table. This is why going from dating to FWB is a mess. Too much history. You can have random casual sex with anyone why hang on to a mess?
Author MelIsT899 Posted September 21, 2021 Author Posted September 21, 2021 6 minutes ago, Ami1uwant said: I thought FWB was for people who weren’t really looking for relationships. Not fir those who are sleeping around. The idea is that it comes with a sense of safe sex. I’m not sleeping around
poppyfields Posted September 21, 2021 Posted September 21, 2021 (edited) 6 hours ago, d0nnivain said: He caught feelings. Not necessarily. He's acting from his EGO. Guy is most likely used to his FWBs fawning over him wanting/pressuring for a "relationship" and he's in the driver's seat. Here, with @MelIsT899, SHE is in the driver's seat and it appears it's thrown him off balance and into a bit of a loop!! He doesn't know how to handle it, just my take. Edited September 21, 2021 by poppyfields
Wiseman2 Posted September 21, 2021 Posted September 21, 2021 12 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Not necessarily. He's acting from his EGO. Agree. If he has feeling he would not have broken up.
Author MelIsT899 Posted September 21, 2021 Author Posted September 21, 2021 2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Agree. If he has feeling he would not have broken up. Right he only hits me up for sex
vwisme Posted September 21, 2021 Posted September 21, 2021 If he's responding this way from his ego...it's about time he go. lol joking aside, he's become disrespectful. Best to move on.
stillafool Posted September 21, 2021 Posted September 21, 2021 1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said: Agree. If he has feeling he would not have broken up. He didn't. She was the one who distanced herself from him because it wasn't working out. 1
stillafool Posted September 21, 2021 Posted September 21, 2021 1 hour ago, MelIsT899 said: Right he only hits me up for sex Then you need to find another FWB who wants the same thing you do. No commitments. 1
basil67 Posted September 21, 2021 Posted September 21, 2021 5 hours ago, MelIsT899 said: So why did he act like that when i told him the truth. I said I’m not sleeping i with anyone else and he said “ you know i don’t believe you” He acted like that because he doesn't believe you 1
Author MelIsT899 Posted September 21, 2021 Author Posted September 21, 2021 38 minutes ago, stillafool said: He didn't. She was the one who distanced herself from him because it wasn't working out. Correct! we weren’t in an actual relationship… dating and it wasn’t working out in my favor i just got distant
princessaurora Posted September 22, 2021 Posted September 22, 2021 (edited) I had a fwb years ago and we were exclusive sexually to each other. That was the agreement we made and stuck with it. Like others have said if someone has multiple sex partners they are potentially exposing everyone in that circle to an STI. For that reason, I think it deceitful to not disclose if you are sleeping with multiple people unless that was already agreed upon. If not you are not giving that person the right to fairly assess their risk. So, yes, I do believe it is their business. Edited September 22, 2021 by princessaurora 1
Author MelIsT899 Posted September 22, 2021 Author Posted September 22, 2021 41 minutes ago, princessaurora said: I had a fwb years ago and we were exclusive sexually to each other. That was the agreement we made and stuck with it. Like others have said if someone has multiple sex partners they are potentially exposing everyone in that circle to an STI. For that reason, I think it deceitful to not disclose if you are sleeping with multiple people unless that was already agreed upon. If not you are not giving that person the right to fairly assess their risk. So, yes, I do believe it is their business. I did tell him i was not sleeping with others and he called me a liar repeatedly 1
Alpacalia Posted September 22, 2021 Posted September 22, 2021 1 hour ago, MelIsT899 said: Correct! we weren’t in an actual relationship… dating and it wasn’t working out in my favor i just got distant What wasn't working out in your favor? If he was bothered by the thought of you having physical intimacy with other guys, I believe he would express with you that he would like to be exclusive. Otherwise, it reads like a man who wants your commitment but does not want to reciprocate it. 1
Author MelIsT899 Posted September 22, 2021 Author Posted September 22, 2021 Just now, Alpaca said: What wasn't working out in your favor? If he was bothered by the thought of you having physical intimacy with other guys, I believe he would express with you that he would like to be exclusive. Otherwise, it reads like a man who wants your commitment but does not want to reciprocate it. I just felt like it wasn’t going anywhere .. felt as if i could do better maturity wise. He hasn’t said anything about being exclusive after i got distant before he was but now no
Alpacalia Posted September 22, 2021 Posted September 22, 2021 30 minutes ago, MelIsT899 said: I just felt like it wasn’t going anywhere .. felt as if i could do better maturity wise. He hasn’t said anything about being exclusive after i got distant before he was but now no Well, the whole concept of the "arrangement" is to...ummm...have "fun", and, enjoy spending time together, no? It tends to work best when both people are content with the arrangement but it's not sounding that way. 1
basil67 Posted September 22, 2021 Posted September 22, 2021 Back to your original question as to whether or not you seeing others is his business, I would say that as far as his sexual health is concerned, it is his business. Especially if you aren't using condoms. Not to the degree of knowing who and how often, but simply whether or not he's sharing you with others.
princessaurora Posted September 22, 2021 Posted September 22, 2021 49 minutes ago, MelIsT899 said: I did tell him i was not sleeping with others and he called me a liar repeatedly Well ,you did your part then. Can't control if he doesn't believe you. But at least you were honest. Sounds like he's scared you might be exploring other options.
Author MelIsT899 Posted September 22, 2021 Author Posted September 22, 2021 8 minutes ago, princessaurora said: Well ,you did your part then. Can't control if he doesn't believe you. But at least you were honest. Sounds like he's scared you might be exploring other options. I mean FWB isn’t meant for long term. I did it think it mattered even though I’m not
mark clemson Posted September 22, 2021 Posted September 22, 2021 1 hour ago, MelIsT899 said: felt as if i could do better maturity wise. And it appears you were correct.Time to throw this one back, IMO. 1
Uruktopi Posted September 22, 2021 Posted September 22, 2021 48 minutes ago, Alpaca said: Well, the whole concept of the "arrangement" is to...ummm...have "fun", and, enjoy spending time together, no? It tends to work best when both people are content with the arrangement but it's not sounding that way. Agree with you. Moreover, even when both are content with the "arrangement" for some time, it may evolve in an asimetric way and it seems to happen frecuently. 1
mortensorchid Posted September 22, 2021 Posted September 22, 2021 Tell him to hit the road, Jack. If he's not going to be flexible then this isn't for you to be in. Also, open relationships / marriages, FWB, polygamous situations, etc. tend not to work out in the end. Why? Because one person always gets jealous of the other, thinking "he'll choose me over all others because I am his wife / gf (or whoever)." Not always. Just keep that in mind as well.
Wiseman2 Posted September 22, 2021 Posted September 22, 2021 5 hours ago, MelIsT899 said: I just felt like it wasn’t going anywhere .. Unfortunately now it's just going downhill. Know when to cut your losses and make a clean break.
ItsTheDay Posted September 22, 2021 Posted September 22, 2021 I think each FWB participant has the right to know if one or the other is sleeping with someone else besides them, for safety reasons. However, I don't agree with the way he's trying to find out.
Recommended Posts