MelIsT899 Posted September 21, 2021 Share Posted September 21, 2021 I have a fairly new friends with benefits. We’ve been having casual sex since June. We are both busy and in school and I’m a lot busier than he is. Lately sex hasn’t really crossed my mind due to me working two jobs again and having less free time. Last night he texted me and said “i want to see you and have sex tonight” i responded with “no tonight’s not good” So he replied “i know you’re sleeping with other men but I’m coming tonight and why do i have to stay home ? See i knew it” Then i said “lol and my sex life isn’t your business” That’s when he said “ don’t laugh your crazy over me” And i said “nah it’s not like that” Him: “you aren’t crazy over me? Please let me know if you aren’t “ Then he calls me and asked me “is someone giving it to you better than me ?” I didn’t respond and he said “I’m being real who is it. Because I’ll leave you alone.” And i said “I’m not sleeping with anybody I’m busy with work and i don’t care whether you believe me or not” And he said “you know i don’t believe you” And i hung up the phone after that because myself life is personal TL;DR/ my friends with benefits is way too into my sex life and i think i should cut him off Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 21, 2021 Share Posted September 21, 2021 I would drop him from my FWB list immediately if he talked to me that way. What are you going to do? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 21, 2021 Share Posted September 21, 2021 He caught feelings. It's time to cut the benefits off. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted September 21, 2021 Share Posted September 21, 2021 42 minutes ago, MelIsT899 said: TL;DR/ my friends with benefits is way too into my sex life and i think i should cut him off Then, cut it off. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted September 21, 2021 Share Posted September 21, 2021 Ya he's caught feelings and he made the choice to act like a d bag....block/delete/ignore. FWB and what is or isn't their business is something that needs to be discussed before you start the arrangement. For some it's a sexually committed arrangement, but can date/hangout with/talk to other people. Who you spend time with is none of their business. Should also stipulate if one is catching feelings, then the FWB has to come to an end. Now if it's it a booty call, then IMO it's a free for all. At any rate communication/ keeping the line of honest communication open is key but this dude decided to be passive aggressive....it's a good thing you are not in a relationship with him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted September 21, 2021 Share Posted September 21, 2021 Men in general do not like their fwb sleeping with other men. She is "supposed to be" only sleeping with him. He can sleep with who he likes, but she cannot... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MelIsT899 Posted September 21, 2021 Author Share Posted September 21, 2021 7 minutes ago, elaine567 said: Men in general do not like their fwb sleeping with other men. She is "supposed to be" only sleeping with him. He can sleep with who he likes, but she cannot... Honestly that’s what i think this is 2 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted September 21, 2021 Share Posted September 21, 2021 This is more complicated than what you are saying. Are you actually sleeping with other men? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MelIsT899 Posted September 21, 2021 Author Share Posted September 21, 2021 11 minutes ago, DKT3 said: This is more complicated than what you are saying. Are you actually sleeping with other men? No I’ve just been busy that’s all 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted September 21, 2021 Share Posted September 21, 2021 8 minutes ago, MelIsT899 said: No I’ve just been busy that’s all Who's idea is it to be FWB? I've always thought it was a foolish arrangement because one is usually emotional invested and merely settling for what they can get. Only you and/or know which one is which. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MelIsT899 Posted September 21, 2021 Author Share Posted September 21, 2021 10 minutes ago, DKT3 said: Who's idea is it to be FWB? I've always thought it was a foolish arrangement because one is usually emotional invested and merely settling for what they can get. Only you and/or know which one is which. We were dating and it wasn’t working. So i just distanced myself. I didn’t want to let the sex go so we only meet up for sex. He only texts me for sex and vice versa and I’m okay with that Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted September 21, 2021 Share Posted September 21, 2021 So its just a bad idea, and you're driving this toxic dump truck. Last question, how old are you two? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 21, 2021 Share Posted September 21, 2021 19 minutes ago, MelIsT899 said: We were dating and it wasn’t working. It sounds like he cares more than you know. If the dating wasn't working & now he's getting all butt hurt because you aren't at his beck & call, it's time to just be done. Find somebody else to scratch your itches. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
MJean Posted September 21, 2021 Share Posted September 21, 2021 35 minutes ago, MelIsT899 said: We were dating and it wasn’t working. So i just distanced myself. I didn’t want to let the sex go so we only meet up for sex. He only texts me for sex and vice versa and I’m okay with that Yeah, bad idea. By keeping a sexual relationship with him you're basically leading him on and he's acting out. If you really want to keep a FWB relationship with him you have to explicitly state that you are FWB and only FWB. Nothing more. Your personal life isn't his business. And let him know that his behavior and attitude in regard to those texts will not be tolerated. If he can't handle that, fine. Then it's time to cease having sexual or any other contact. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 21, 2021 Share Posted September 21, 2021 You can't be FWBs with an ex. Never works out. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted September 21, 2021 Share Posted September 21, 2021 Just now, stillafool said: You can't be FWBs with an ex. Never works out. The one who cares the most, usually the dumpee tends to get very hurt. They accept the fwb as they are hoping for reconciliation and second chances, the dumper on the other hand is only thinking sex and casual, a mere stopgap until they find someone else.. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MelIsT899 Posted September 21, 2021 Author Share Posted September 21, 2021 21 minutes ago, elaine567 said: The one who cares the most, usually the dumpee tends to get very hurt. They accept the fwb as they are hoping for reconciliation and second chances, the dumper on the other hand is only thinking sex and casual, a mere stopgap until they find someone else.. We only ever hit each other up for sex thought we were on the same page Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted September 21, 2021 Share Posted September 21, 2021 To answer the original question, yes, I think it is his business if you are sleeping with others, because that can put him at risk of STIs that would not be an issue if you are only seeing each other. All he needs to know in such cases is that you have other partners, and whether or not you are using protection. Concealing such information is unethical as it could put him at risk without the option of choosing for himself if he wants to accept that risk. He has no need to know the status of or your intent with other partners, if you have any. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MelIsT899 Posted September 21, 2021 Author Share Posted September 21, 2021 1 minute ago, central said: To answer the original question, yes, I think it is his business if you are sleeping with others, because that can put him at risk of STIs that would not be an issue if you are only seeing each other. All he needs to know in such cases is that you have other partners, and whether or not you are using protection. Concealing such information is unethical as it could put him at risk without the option of choosing for himself if he wants to accept that risk. He has no need to know the status of or your intent with other partners, if you have any. So why did he act like that when i told him the truth. I said I’m not sleeping i with anyone else and he said “ you know i don’t believe you” Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted September 21, 2021 Share Posted September 21, 2021 5 minutes ago, MelIsT899 said: So why did he act like that when i told him the truth. I said I’m not sleeping i with anyone else and he said “ you know i don’t believe you” That I don't know. It sounds like he wants more than FWB, and also wants to manipulate you in some way into that - but the remarks seem more likely to drive you away (which would be a good result for you, I think). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted September 21, 2021 Share Posted September 21, 2021 2 hours ago, DKT3 said: This is more complicated than what you are saying. Are you actually sleeping with other men? Really doesn't matter if she is sleeping with anyone else. That's the whole point of FWB, no strings and it goes both ways, but as said above many men seem to think it means she sleeps only with me and the guy can sleep with whoever, whenever. FWB also does not mean sleep with me when I want even if you are not interested.= Not really complicated at all, he caught feelings or is being controlling. Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted September 21, 2021 Share Posted September 21, 2021 16 minutes ago, MelIsT899 said: So why did he act like that when i told him the truth. I said I’m not sleeping i with anyone else and he said “ you know i don’t believe you” You may never know why he acted that way. All one really needs to know it is not OK, you don't need to deal with it, validate it, apologize for or explain or defend your life. He most likely caught feelings and/or is insecure. He just can't deal with what FWB is. Kind of a classic and predictable response. That he makes it all about his sexual performance, as if that is the end all be all, kind of tells you where his head is at and his security (or lack thereof) in his sexual self. He can't just wrap his head around the fact that he is not the end all be all in bed or your world. In his mind, you are so in need of sex that if you tell him no then it must be someone else...and he is amazed that this other person is better than him. This is how he thinks, so he is projecting how he sees the world and his relation to sex onto you. You are getting a front row seat to how he sees and acts in the world. It's not an alluring picture in my book. Or to make it real simple, he is acting like this (a d-bag) because he is a d-bag. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted September 21, 2021 Share Posted September 21, 2021 Block/delete/ignore. Obviously this arrangement isn't working out either. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
vwisme Posted September 21, 2021 Share Posted September 21, 2021 Yeah...title was really misleading. Ya'll aren't just FWB. There's more there. If this was strictly FWB then I'd cut him off but this is exes. I'd still cut it off but it's misleading to say "we're just FWB" when you're both more than that and you know it. Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted September 21, 2021 Share Posted September 21, 2021 1 hour ago, SumGuy said: Really doesn't matter if she is sleeping with anyone else. That's the whole point of FWB, no strings and it goes both ways, but as said above many men seem to think it means she sleeps only with me and the guy can sleep with whoever, whenever. FWB also does not mean sleep with me when I want even if you are not interested.= Not really complicated at all, he caught feelings or is being controlling. It would mean a lot if she was sleeping with other guys and not being honest about it. It would mean she wanted more. Link to post Share on other sites
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