Should I stop seeing a guy who may be 'bad' for someone who seems to be 'good'

[Goodorbad]

Started seeing someone I’ve know through a friend. After going out to a restaurant a got word from some folks that I he has had a troubled past with money and relationships (taking money from his prior spouses). Also heard from a friend who was out with him and some other folks that he was bragging about his sexual conquests and talking about a woman’s breasts in the same room at the restaurant. He said the guy was acting like a jerk who was 16 instead of the 69 year old man he is.  I don’t think he’s broke but also don’t believe he’s totally financially secure and still works. It’s somewhat embarrassing to be seeing someone of 2 different ppl tell me to run not walk from him. 
I wasn’t sure what to do but thought maybe I should try to reach my own conclusions. Then I reconnected with someone I saw on one date a few years ago. He is a solid citizen and was divorced a few years ago but is on good terms with his ex (unlike the guy I’m seeing who villafies his 2 ex wives and one of his sons). Also this new guy had an established legal career (I’m a lawyer too) is my age and just seems to be a good guy. 
I don’t want to lead anyone on but am tired of guys who have too much baggage. I have my life together. I’m a widow and financially secure. I’m 64 already and no time to waste or be disappointed. I do like the original guy but should I cut my losses now and focus on the new guy (new guy lives 50 miles away and current guy is down the street so that’s a factor)?

Edited September 19, 2021 by Goodorbad

[Ami1uwant]

Given the history given by two separate should be listened to.  I’m assuming he lives close to you.

 

 

[d0nnivain]

Keep your eyes & ears open.  Treat him like a prospective client or adverse client & evaluate the truth of what he's saying & does it match everything else about him.  Basically look at the evidence.  

[Noproblem]

No.  Just run, there is no reason for two people to tell you lies about the first guy! The last thing you need at 64 is for some guy to use you, confuse you, and then brag about it!

 

Edited September 20, 2021 by Noproblem

[Weezy1973]

First, these aren’t your only two options. They just happen to be what’s happening now. And second, what do you like about the first guy? Just the vilifying of both ex-wives alone would make me lose interest.

[Lotsgoingon]

You can go out with the first guy if you want, but you will be ignoring the most reliable guidance out there: testimony of others who know the guy. Now maybe you don't think these people know this guy well. 

Keep in mind that many of us can fake nice for a good while ... bad people, mean people, cruel people don't have horns. Unless you are in a small and confining the community, the reputation of someone can be extremely informative. Now if these people talking about him are just gossipy, then consider that. But also consider this: just because some folks are gossipy doesn't mean they're wrong. 

Avoid the "I might be special" syndrome. This is the behavior where someone gets told that such and such is dangerous--from multiple good sources--and yet the person still proceeds with person they've been warned about. They sometimes think: "well maybe he was mean with them, but I'm different. He's great with me."

Hardly. In 99 percent of the cases, it just means the person is putting on a good front with you. And look, you might be someone who brings out the good in people, but don't allow that gift to fool you. You can bring out the good on a few dates. But the bad, if it's there, will soon announce itself quite loudly and obnoxiously as you go on in the relationship. 

So yes, the bad opinions of others--especially if they're not from the same related clique--are red flags. Meaning proceed with extra caution and be ready to come to a full stop and end things at the drop of a hat. Better yet, skip this guy.