sheribaaby Posted October 19, 2005 Posted October 19, 2005 I have been dating a guy for a month. We hit it off right away. I never call him or make the plans, it is all him. We have a blast together. His work friends have told me how he talks about me at work and he likes me so much. He has met my family and recently took me out of town for the weekend where I met his parents, and we had so much fun. Everything was fine, then two nights after we got back he said he "got scared" and it was "moving so fast" and he "needs to think". He says he likes me alot, that we have to same interests and that he has a blast with me. He also said he hasn't dated in 3 years and in the 11 years since his divorce he has only introduced 2 people to his kids. (I never mentioned anything about meeting his kids). I thought it was all good. Last weekend it was perfect when we went out of town, then he called me 2 nights straight and the conversations were all light and funny. Then he got weird. Whats the deal????
SmoochieFace Posted October 19, 2005 Posted October 19, 2005 The brighter the flame, the quicker it burns out...
Outcast Posted October 19, 2005 Posted October 19, 2005 "Rubber-band theory" - a guy who's been hurt finds himself getting very fond of someone and gets scared so pulls back because commitment and love mean being vulnerable and possibly being hurt again. I think it's a lot like getting into a cold pool - he's one of the sorts that goes in a toe at a time and then jumps back out for a bit.
whichwayisup Posted October 19, 2005 Posted October 19, 2005 I think he is feeling alot for you and is just figuring things out in his head. This isn't about you really, it's about him and his fears. Give him some time, let him know you're still interested but aren't going to see/call him as much in the upcoming weeks because you feel he's pulling back from you. Be honest and make him feel more secure yet at the same time allow him to deal with this.
Author sheribaaby Posted October 21, 2005 Author Posted October 21, 2005 He has been gone out of town all this week - didn't want me to take him to the airport when that was the original plan. I haven't heard from him at all this week - not even a response to my email asking how his trip was going. He is due back on Saturday... I feel I shouldn't contact him, but I don't want to just leave it like this either... If he wants to end it I would rather hear it. or something!! What to do???
LucreziaBorgia Posted October 21, 2005 Posted October 21, 2005 Everything was fine, then two nights after we got back he said he "got scared" and it was "moving so fast" and he "needs to think". He's not scared of what he is feeling, he is scared of what he is not feeling and how you are going to handle it when he backs out. "Moving so fast" means that your feelings are greater than his right now, and in fact his feelings are fading at the rate he perceives yours are rising. What he needs to think about is the best way to back out of this with the least amount of fallout. It isn't pretty, but what he is doing is a passive form of breaking up where he does it in such a way that he looks 'confused' and 'unable to handle a relationship' when really he isn't confused at all. He simply wants out, and doesn't want to look like the bad guy doing it. If there is any contacting to be done, best let him be the one doing it. If you don't hear from him, just walk away.
Author sheribaaby Posted October 21, 2005 Author Posted October 21, 2005 I tend to think the worst right away, so normally I would agree that his feelings are fading and he wants out - but then why would he take me out of town to meet his parents? Have a great time.. call me the next 2 nights... then start acting this way??
fundamental Posted October 21, 2005 Posted October 21, 2005 I think he is feeling alot for you and is just figuring things out in his head. This isn't about you really, it's about him and his fears. Give him some time, let him know you're still interested but aren't going to see/call him as much in the upcoming weeks because you feel he's pulling back from you. Be honest and make him feel more secure yet at the same time allow him to deal with this. For years I always believed that this couldn't be true... but it's been happening to me lately. When I like somone a lot, it is harder to get close ... because of certain past failures that I haven't resolved. It doesn't mean that I do not like the girl or that I am trying to break things off because I do not feel anything. He's not scared of what he is feeling, he is scared of what he is not feeling and how you are going to handle it when he backs out. "Moving so fast" means that your feelings are greater than his right now, and in fact his feelings are fading at the rate he perceives yours are rising. What he needs to think about is the best way to back out of this with the least amount of fallout. This is not always the case. Each situation is different...LucreziaBorgia could be right or WhichWayisUp could be right. You are just going to have to let him be for now. If he contacts you and you are willing to take a chance, then go for it.
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