codylim625 Posted September 18, 2021 Posted September 18, 2021 (edited) Ok so I met this girl online and we went to the same college years ago (we're already in our 30s). From what I knew she had gotten off a 4 year relationship a year ago. I basically introduced myself online and with the help of a common friend, she was nice and receptive but was also quite forward by asking why was I messaging her. So I was honest and told her I find her interesting and would like to get to know her more. She acknowledged it was flattering but she wasn't interested in anything more than friends at the moment. So we would chat a bit for around 2 weeks but I noticed she would never initiate nor ask anything about me, although her messages were friendly and warm and involved some light teasing from both sides. Later on I decided to ask if I could call her but she said she gives me points for effort for trying but no since calls are premature but she brought up the idea of meeting coffee. She also added to not expect anything from it. Shortly after that she became quiet for about two weeks (seenzoning etc). So afterwards I asked her if she was still open to meeting for coffee and she apologized by saying that she's not in the headspace to maintain our chats and that she tried but the connection wasn't there and that she's being honest to not waste my time. So I responded by respecting her decision and wished her well. Although I kind of wonder, was it because of the lack of a "spark"? Was it me or her? I mean online convos are not as meaningful as face to face and well I did agree to not expect anything since its still a getting-to-know-you stage Edited September 18, 2021 by codylim625 Added details
Wiseman2 Posted September 18, 2021 Posted September 18, 2021 18 minutes ago, codylim625 said: asking why was I messaging her. I asked her if she was still open to meeting for coffee and she apologized by saying that she's not in the headspace to maintain our chats and that she tried but the connection wasn't there and that she's being honest to not waste my time. Sorry this happened. Are you recently divorced/out of a relationship? What inspired you to contact a random woman on social media? How did you come across her profile? It's time to step back and let go. She doesn't seem interested. Have you tried getting a good profile and pics on some quality dating apps? At least you know they are interested in dating.
Author codylim625 Posted September 18, 2021 Author Posted September 18, 2021 11 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Sorry this happened. Are you recently divorced/out of a relationship? What inspired you to contact a random woman on social media? How did you come across her profile? It's time to step back and let go. She doesn't seem interested. Have you tried getting a good profile and pics on some quality dating apps? At least you know they are interested in dating. Oh been single for a long time now, never married. Oh we're part of an alumni group on social media, so we have a shared network but we never met in person. Yep I tried. I actually saw hers also on the dating apps and I saw she put she doesn't know what she's looking for. Im trying to move on, but the curiousity is still there I guess on what happened.
Wiseman2 Posted September 18, 2021 Posted September 18, 2021 8 minutes ago, codylim625 said: we're part of an alumni group on social media, so we have a shared network but we never met in person. I actually saw hers also on the dating apps and I saw she put she doesn't know what she's looking for. Ok, just step back and if she contacts you, great...if not, you tried.
smackie9 Posted September 18, 2021 Posted September 18, 2021 (edited) As soon as she asked why you were messaging her, that's the brick wall going up. She had no interest in you or talking to you. She responded lightly or not at all hoping you would see she's not interested and that you would give up. You didn't so the common reaction is to keep give excuses. She mentioned coffee, but also showed you the brick wall again and don't expect anything. It's just a passive way again of saying not interested. Anyone that puts "I don't know what I'm looking for." in their dating profile usually does know what they are looking for but they don't trust anyone to know. She's built a fortress around her, so if I were you I would move along. Edited September 18, 2021 by smackie9
d0nnivain Posted September 19, 2021 Posted September 19, 2021 Whether it's in general or you specifically she's not interested. Just leave her be. If you are ever at the same alumni event in person together go up & say hi but for now, move along
Author codylim625 Posted September 19, 2021 Author Posted September 19, 2021 Thank you for the inputs everyone. Yes moving on is the best for me 1
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