Can we push reset?

[poppyfields]

30 minutes ago, Pumpernickel said:

Not "hush-hush" at all. This is not at all about sex being a taboo or women needing to be more liberated or free-spirited etc. But everything has its place and time. Talking about her derriere and how he wants to slap it – I would find that disrespectful during the early stages of dating. That's all.   

@Gaeta obvs found that disrespectful as well. At least it made her uncomfortable enough to block him the first time around. And understandably so..... 

In addition to "disrespectful" and "uncomfortable" ----> The guy was told that these comments were too much, uncalled for, inappropriate, a turnoff, etc. She told him. He knows it. He won't stop. He is SIXTY. Not SIXTEEN. This behavior reminds me of desperation, of a toddler who is defiant and stubborn. A whiner. Somebody who has low impulse control. He won't get his way. So he keeps trying until he "breaks her". No matter what. Basically everything I don't want in a man. Being relentless may be an attractive "alpha" trait in a biz environment. Everywhere else, it reeks of desperation.     

 

Fair points and TBH I might have found them disrespectful myself, depending on context and the dynamic we had developed up to that point.

Like I said earlier, I have had men go a bit overboard with me, over-zealous perhaps, and I simply don't respond to it.   They "get it" and have actually apologized without me saying a word, a couple of them anyway. I am right now recalling one in particular and I appreciated it!

However, Gaeta has accepted a second date with the man so there must be something redeeming about him, something about him she finds appealing.

She said he was a "gentleman" on their date and she felt "safe" with him, not sure what 'feeling safe' entails exactly but Gaeta is a grown woman, she knows what she wants and what she's doing.

I trust she will make the best decision for herself and let chips fall where they may, like she always does.

Edited September 21, 2021 by poppyfields

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Alpaca said:

Texting "I want to slap your ass, I love your breasts, ass, face, I can't wait to do it with you" is sharing a fear? 

Agree. I would expect to get blocked for sending trash like that. There are respectful ways to put put feelers out regarding sexual interest.

[poppyfields]

Gaeta, has the second date been scheduled?  Have you been communicating since the first meet? 

Texting, talking?

[Sun Seeker]

54 minutes ago, Pumpernickel said:

 

@Gaeta He won't stop. He is SIXTY. Not SIXTEEN. This behavior reminds me of desperation, of a toddler who is defiant and stubborn. A whiner. Somebody who has low impulse control. He won't get his way. So he keeps trying until he "breaks her". No matter what. Basically everything I don't want in a man. Being relentless may be an attractive "alpha" trait in a biz environment. Everywhere else, it reeks of desperation.     

 

Agree 100%. I was cringing just reading the words he used. That's why it's confusing why she actually wants to meet him again.

Even if for the time being he acts how she wants him to, it's only a matter of time until the incompatibilities surface again. He's not going to change. This is all only going to end one way.

[introverted1]

15 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Okay but what about all the vetting Gaeta (admittedly) does and other women do, even before the first meet?  

1.  Are you seeking a serious relationship?  (Main question)

2.  What do you do for a living?

3.  What is your living situation?

4.  Do you have children?

Otherwise known as "qualifying" questions, which I personally DON'T ask, I'm with you, in life you roll the dice and discover things as you go along.

But many women (people) do ask so would the same "rule" (the do not ask rule), apply?

Or is it okay for women to ask those questions but NOT okay for a man to want to know how a women feels about sex?

What's the dirty little secret about sex that no one bothered to tell me, that we should keep it 'hush hush'?  Don't ask, don't talk about, etc.

I am obviously missing something.  

 

He can ask the question of whether, once in a relationship, she enjoys sex. But to keep making comments, particularly after she's asked him to stop, is not the same as the qualifying questions you listed.

For example:

• Ok (your number 2) : What do you do for a living?
• Not ok (similar to what he's doing): How much do you make?  What is the value of your savings account?  How much do you have put away for retirement? What's the balance on your credit cards?  What is your credit score?

[Happy Lemming]

1 hour ago, poppyfields said:

2.  What do you do for a living?

3.  What is your living situation?

4.  Do you have children?

 

I would probably ask these 3 questions (3 out of your 4) of any woman, before I went out with her...  I do think there is some basic information any person would need so you don't jump into a quagmire.

1 hour ago, poppyfields said:

Otherwise known as "qualifying" questions, which I personally DON'T ask, I'm with you, in life you roll the dice and discover things as you go along.

 

I don't really think you can describe how sexual or non-sexual you are (unless it is some extreme).  I think that is something that just needs to be experienced by both people.

As an example, a woman can say... "Oh, I love sex" and she might just lay there quietly like a dish rag (starfish).  Again, she may be enjoying herself, but I would be expecting more. 

[poppyfields]

8 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

I don't really think you can describe how sexual or non-sexual you are (unless it is some extreme).  I think that is something that just needs to be experienced by both people.

True which is perhaps why he made those comments?  Testing (pushing?) boundaries to determine how open she is sexually?  

Oh who knows, I am operating off literally 2 hours sleep last night, I am not in my right mind at the moment.

 

Edited September 21, 2021 by poppyfields

[Gaeta]

1 hour ago, elaine567 said:

You say he is similar to your ex husband whose "raw language" you didn't like, so are you trying to date the familiar as it makes you feel more secure maybe?

I am sure not at all,  I assure you. 

I was thinking that his similarities to my ex may be a generation thing. My ex-husband would be 62 this year. For a few years now I have only dated men a bit younger than I. This current man is 60, my usual dates are 48-49-50. 

Edited September 21, 2021 by Gaeta

[Gaeta]

41 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Gaeta, has the second date been scheduled?  Have you been communicating since the first meet? 

Texting, talking?

No, the second date has not been scheduled. He said something like all his weekends are free for me to spend in his arms. I did not comment on that. 

Since we met we text each day. In June he was big on calling but this week he works nights, he's not calling. 

[poppyfields]

9 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

No, the second date has not been scheduled. He said something like all his weekends are free for me to spend in his arms. I did not comment on that. 

Since we met we text each day. In June he was big on calling but this week he works nights, he's not calling. 

Bolded, now THAT would turn me right off.  It's just the sort of phony contrived BS that I personally cannot stand. 

You've had ONE meet!

I am glad you didn't comment on it.

I don't like him now. lol  

Edited September 21, 2021 by poppyfields

[Gaeta]

haha @poppyfields

I got to go fish for other prospects. 

[Happy Lemming]

18 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

True which is perhaps why he made those comments?

 

Do you think he was sort of like "begging" for sex or putting Gaeta on call, that if she doesn't have sex with him (quickly) he is not going to take her out (ie waste his time and money)??

I'm still kind of scratching my head on his comments.  As someone else pointed out the guy is 60, not 16... so he should have some couth??  Right?? 

I've never talked that way to any of the women I dated, when sex happened there was communication about what each other liked or disliked. (So that improvements could be made for the next go round.) 

27 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Oh who knows, I am operating off literally 2 hours sleep last night, I am not in my right mind at the moment.

Sorry to hear about your lack of sleep... I had one of those sleepless nights a few days back.  Nothing on my mind, nothing to worry about... but I just couldn't sleep.

[introverted1]

38 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

True which is perhaps why he made those comments?  Testing (pushing?) boundaries to determine how open she is sexually?  

Oh who knows, I am operating off literally 2 hours sleep last night, I am not in my right mind at the moment.

 

Meh...  I am very open sexually once I am in a relationship.  But I am not open to discussions about my sexuality with someone who is essentially a stranger.  I don't think pushing boundaries is a good way to assess openness.  It could work for some people but not others and there's no way to accurately know who's which.

[elaine567]

20 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

No, the second date has not been scheduled. He said something like all his weekends are free for me to spend in his arms. I did not comment on that. 

LOL he is like Pepe Le Pew...

 

[poppyfields]

4 minutes ago, introverted1 said:

Meh...  I am very open sexually once I am in a relationship.  But I am not open to discussions about my sexuality with someone who is essentially a stranger.  I don't think pushing boundaries is a good way to assess openness.  It could work for some people but not others and there's no way to accurately know who's which.

I was being facetious.  Hence the ??

Like I said, I am literally operating on two hours sleep last night and 3-4 hours the night before, so don't know what I'm saying, apologies.

I'll stop responding for now.

Edited September 21, 2021 by poppyfields

[Gaeta]

@elaine567 haha thank you for that !!

[DKT3]

6 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

LOL he is like Pepe Le Pew...

 

Im confident he would be in prison today

[Alpacalia]

2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Agree. I would expect to get blocked for sending trash like that. There are respectful ways to put put feelers out regarding sexual interest.

Yes, like an icon of a camera one could say "love your camera lens... it's so gray, round and has that cute little switchie thing-a-ma-roo."  

 

 

[Alpacalia]

5 hours ago, poppyfields said:

you are not the one dating him, Gaeta is and SHE is open to a new and different style from her previous, which I find admirable.

 

With all due respect, she started a thread asking for others opinions, which have been given to her.

Edited September 21, 2021 by Alpaca

[Alvi]

I was going to say something about this 60-year-old horndog and the level of inappropriateness. But he is who he is, he is not going to change at the ripe old age of 60. You are who you are too Gaeta. 

Dating is all about finding the "right" one. Sometimes you have to go on few dates or even date for a while to find out whet the person is all about. If you feel that there something that might be there despite his comments, why not try to explore it? It may or may not work out, but at least you will never have to look back and wonder what if. For all we know, he might be the one who doesn't wish to see you after your second date.  Nowadays, you probably have to date tons of people, kiss lots of frogs, before finding the one the most compatible person to have a relationship with. There nothing wrong with wanting to see how things go with one or more of the "frogs." There probably have to be some compromises make and sometimes you really do have to push yourself out of your comfort zone and think outside the box. Or dating guys who don't fit into your box. 

Anyway, take one date at a time and see how it goes.

[IrinaM]

Yeah I agree with @Pumpernickel, I'm not thinking this man is some sort of high-sex-drive, free-spirited, libertine who needs someone who can keep up. I think he's a disrespectful jackass.

Also- I don't think he's saying all this stuff because he's so attracted to OP. I think this is just how he talks to women.

Sometimes, when someone acts as if they don't respect you, what it means is that they do not respect you. Nothing more.

Quote

You know what I look for on a woman: ass, face and breasts ( it's a good thing he said he was attracted to me intellectually 24 hours ago)

OP, this comment he made and the way you tried to clean it up for him is cringe-inducing. He's saying, here's what I care about, your body parts. And you're like, yeah but he already complimented my intellect so it makes sense for him to say that somehow.

[Alpacalia]

5 hours ago, Happy Lemming said:

Along the same lines as @Alpaca... You go out on dates, get to know one another, do fun things together and the relationship progresses into being sexual.  At that point, if two people are not sexually compatible, then you break up and move on.

I'm seeing a guy that wants to make sure he is going to his sexual needs satisfied before he spends resources (time and money) on getting to know the woman. 

That is not how it works... in life you roll the dice.  Sometimes you win, sometimes you don't. 

Perhaps he was perplexed and mistook a future woman with whom he has already been on many more dates with him. 

Edited September 22, 2021 by Alpaca

[Happy Lemming]

7 minutes ago, Alpaca said:

Perhaps he was perplexed and mistook a future woman with whom he has already been on many more dates with him. 

I know for a fact, I have never commented on/complemented a woman's breasts or butt unless we were already sexually active. 

Prior to having sex, I will compliment a woman's dress or jewelry or home decor, etc.  (something along those lines)

You can say... "Wow, you look nice, tonight" or something like that without mentioning body parts or saying I want to "slap that ass".

 

[Gaeta]

He text me around 19h30. I asked how he was and he replied 'so so". I asked what's the matter and l don't know if he was feeling down or something but he talked about missing that special presence in his life and he's dwelling on it. He spoke about it being harder on men than women. He did not turn it into sex but he turned it into women hide their weaknesses and needs and are hard to read. I asked if that was meant for me and he said no, women in general.

is their a life crisis at 60?

[Noproblem]

This guy talks like a low-life teenager who doesn't know how to speak to a woman or had any proper education in his life.

Yes sex is great, but eww the stuff he said will not turn me on, maybe some will like that, I don't know about you, but if I were you, I would block him fast. I thought you didn't like people who talk this way, but he is doing it again, so why linger!

 

also, many people who talk this way, usually proves to be very meh in bed, all words with no action!

 

Edited September 22, 2021 by Noproblem