Can we push reset?

[poppyfields]

14 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

He’s not really second choice. This is pretty typical for OLD. Lots of false starts. I’d say he isn’t even a choice at this point. Just a prospect. Even Romeo was really just a prospect a little further in. I think @Gaeta mentioned she was upset for about 2 minutes after he broke up with her. 
 

And the more open minded you are about prospects the better. She’s not committing to anything by going out with him a few times. I’m sure she’s still got her profile up and is open to other prospects. The fact that he’s ready to retire at 60 is a really good sign too. Lots of good qualities here - and his “eagerness” when it comes to sex might end up being good too! 

Very true!  Especially the bolded but all of it really.

And if Gaeta can let go of the negativity surrounding such innuendos based on what "society" has drilled into women's heads about it (and sex in general) for centuries, and not take offense, it might open up an entire new world for her sexually and otherwise.  

All the best Gaeta in whatever you decide!!

Edited September 20, 2021 by poppyfields

[elaine567]

21 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

looked at your ass and it's crazy how I desire you, I wanted to get in the car with you

You know what I look for on a woman: ass, face and breasts ( it's a good thing he said he was attracted to me intellectually 24 hours ago)

Since I saw your picture online and saw those hips I've been wanting to slap that ass ever since.

I can't wait for you and I to 'do it' 

 This isn't innuendo, innuendo is subtle and only hints at a sexual meaning.

"Innocent" remarks that can be seen as having a sexual meaning can be introduced into the conversation with a knowing smirk or a shocked expression.
It is often framed as an unintentional slip, OMG I didn't mean to say that... or in the form of a silly joke. It is fun.   
What he said was not subtle at all or fun, pretty crass and wooden in my book.

[poppyfields]

6 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

 This isn't innuendo, innuendo is subtle and only hints at a sexual meaning.

I agree with elaine, those remarks were not sexual innuendo (i.e. a sexual interpretation of an otherwise subtle and innocent uttering) but rather a blatant and direct expression of his sexual attraction and desire for you.

Nothing innocent or subtle about them whatsoever.

Edited September 20, 2021 by poppyfields

[FMW]

Just now, poppyfields said:

And if Gaeta can let go of the negativity surrounding such innuendoes based on what "society" has drilled into women's heads about it for centuries

I think @Gaeta is a woman who makes her own choices, I doubt she let's societal views guide her dating decisions.  

[poppyfields]

4 minutes ago, FMW said:

I think @Gaeta is a woman who makes her own choices, I doubt she let's societal views guide her dating decisions.  

Fair enough however I think we all (or many of us) can be affected by society's views and expectations on some level anyway.

It's hard not to, it's there, it's real and it exists and has for centuries.

However, I agree with you, perhaps I was hasty when I made that comment, I should not have assumed Gaeta bases her decisions on what society thinks, although many women, many people, do, even if they are not consciously aware of it.

 

Edited September 20, 2021 by poppyfields

[Gaeta]

9 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

However, I agree with you, perhaps I was hasty when I made that comment, I should not have assumed Gaeta bases her decisions on what society thinks, although many women, many people, do, even if they are not consciously aware of it.

You're right. Even the most independantly thinking women are influenced, sometimes without realizing it, by society's norms. 

[Alpacalia]

1 hour ago, Gaeta said:

I looked at your ass and it's crazy how I desire you, I wanted to get in the car with you

You know what I look for on a woman: ass, face and breasts ( it's a good thing he said he was attracted to me intellectually 24 hours ago)

Since I saw your picture online and saw those hips I've been wanting to slap that ass ever since.

I can't wait for you and I to 'do it' 

Those aren't sexual hints.

That was him expressing his sexual desire for you, implying that you and he will have sex for certain.

 

 

[poppyfields]

14 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

You're right. Even the most independantly thinking women are influenced, sometimes without realizing it, by society's norms. 

Thanks Gaeta, and just want to say I appreciate (more than you realize) that you respect and appreciate the diverse nature of my comments, without judgment. 

My only intention was to present you with a different side of the situation, a different perspective.

In the end, I know you will do what you feel is best, as you should!!

I hope you will keep us posted and I think it was @introverted1who said she was rooting for ya -- as am I!! 

 

Edited September 21, 2021 by poppyfields

[princessaurora]

Some men can be very verbally expressive when it comes to sex. But they won't  push the boundaries physically. I have always been a very sexual person but I was very selective about who I actually got intimate with. Men have told me I have an amazing derriere since I was a teen, and my husband told me one of the first times we ever talked on the phone " You know I totally wanna have sex with you, right? "Like @poppyfields, I just didn't respond.  I took it as him expressing his sexual attraction to me, but he never pushed me to do anything I wasn't ready for. Neither did any of the other guys I dated though they were always telling me how sexy I was and they couldn't wait to see me naked. But wait they did, because they were respectable guys who just wanted to express their sexual desires and I had no issue with that. I actually found it to be quite a turn on, who doesn't want to feel sexy and desired? Of course, it may be a dealbreaker for  you, @Gaetaand that's the bottom line. But just because a guy opens up about his sexual thoughts and intentions does not mean he will pressure the woman for sex before she's ready. If he's a respectful man, he'll keep it in his pants till at least  the woman gives him the green light. 

[ExpatInItaly]

6 hours ago, FMW said:

I think @Gaeta is a woman who makes her own choices, I doubt she let's societal views guide her dating decisions.  

Agreed. 

I am sure her critical thinking skills are sharp enough and her epxerience wise enough to avoid being that easily influenced by social norms. 

[chillii]

13 hours ago, introverted1 said:

I call BS on this.  IIRC, you blocked him after he made sexual innuendos on three separate occasions, and you repeatedly asked him to stop.  So he knows full well you didn't block him for frivolous or unexpected reasons. My take is that he is using the previous blocking as a way of guilting you and making you feel that you have to accelerate being physical to prove to him that you won't block him again.

I hope I am wrong, but this just gives me a bad feeling.

 

 

Me too, and he's sexual stuff just sounds ridiculous, try hard, fake. And you had to block him the first time for it and he didn't even know you, man.

Edited September 21, 2021 by chillii

[IrinaM]

Quote

Since I saw your picture online and saw those hips I've been wanting to slap that ass ever since.

What a disgusting pig-ish thing to say to a woman. He's on the prowl for a woman who does not know her worth or how to assert boundaries. And the way he tried to play like he is some sort of wounded puppy over being blocked, something about that is very groom-ey to me. He is making you feel guilty, or like you owe him something.

Please be careful, I would hate to see you get used. I don't mean for sex, either. Be careful. He might not be the highly successful businessman he portrays himself to be.

[Wiseman2]

10 hours ago, Gaeta said:

looked at your ass and it's crazy how I desire you, I wanted to get in the car with you

You know what I look for on a woman: ass, face and breasts.

Since I saw your picture online and saw those hips I've been wanting to slap that ass ever since.

I can't wait for you and I to 'do it' 

Delete and block him. It sounds like you're afraid to look at the messages after a pattern like this.

Hopefully you are still talking to and meeting more respectful men.

Most women would push "delete and block" after this, not "reset".

Edited September 21, 2021 by Wiseman2

[QuietRiot]

5 hours ago, princessaurora said:

Some men can be very verbally expressive when it comes to sex. But they won't  push the boundaries physically. I have always been a very sexual person but I was very selective about who I actually got intimate with. Men have told me I have an amazing derriere since I was a teen, and my husband told me one of the first times we ever talked on the phone " You know I totally wanna have sex with you, right? "Like @poppyfields, I just didn't respond.  I took it as him expressing his sexual attraction to me, but he never pushed me to do anything I wasn't ready for. Neither did any of the other guys I dated though they were always telling me how sexy I was and they couldn't wait to see me naked. But wait they did, because they were respectable guys who just wanted to express their sexual desires and I had no issue with that. I actually found it to be quite a turn on, who doesn't want to feel sexy and desired? Of course, it may be a dealbreaker for  you, @Gaetaand that's the bottom line. But just because a guy opens up about his sexual thoughts and intentions does not mean he will pressure the woman for sex before she's ready. If he's a respectful man, he'll keep it in his pants till at least  the woman gives him the green light. 

Wish more women could be like you, but I pretty much think that if a woman is just as physically attracted to the guy saying these kinds of things, she won't have a problem with it. Which lead to her giving him a date.

I remember using innuendo with a woman that I was actually physical with. We dated a month, a lot  making out and feeling each other up, but for some reason, saying things like this guy did to her...was making her uncomfortable. It rather confounded me.

[bene]

20 hours ago, Gaeta said:

Last night he sent me a looong text that he likes me physically and intellectually but he can't get over that if he says something wrong l will block him.

Too much negotiating, explaining and misunderstanding for such an early stage. I strongly believe that the communication should flow naturally at the beginning. 

I agree with the others that he was not making sexual innuendoes but was just plain crass and rude. He is no teenager who gets overexcited and doesn’t know better.

Edited September 21, 2021 by bene

[Wiseman2]

1 minute ago, bene said:

 he was not making sexual innuendos but was just plain crass and rude. 

Agree. One date and lots of drama. He's just plain creepy. That's why he's perpetually on dating apps.

Next time delete and block creeps like this. Try not to get into a lonely or desperate position, where someone like this is even a consideration.

[introverted1]

12 hours ago, Gaeta said:

Since we met Saturday night here are some of the things he said, and that's him holding back remember. 

I looked at your ass and it's crazy how I desire you, I wanted to get in the car with you

You know what I look for on a woman: ass, face and breasts ( it's a good thing he said he was attracted to me intellectually 24 hours ago)

Since I saw your picture online and saw those hips I've been wanting to slap that ass ever since.

I can't wait for you and I to 'do it' 

Now he says other things, nice romantic things that I really like. I like his personality and energy, there is something about him that says ' I won't let anything happen to you', he's kind, attentive, talkative,  and I'm attracted to all that. Am I uptight??

 

What you've quoted him as saying are all things that would be fine once an actual relationship had started.  They are not attractive before meeting or after only 1-2 meetings. 

I am not in the camp that thinks that men who want sex only want sex.  But I am definitely in the camp of knowing when and how to signal interest.  And I would expect a 60yo man to have a little more restraint and finesse than this.  

You obviously have the benefit of interacting with him in person, and you know your own boundaries, but for me, the statements above, especially combined with ostensibly being too afraid to kiss you, are off-putting. 

What are the "innuendos" that led you to block him two months ago (or whenever it was)?

[Alpacalia]

13 hours ago, Gaeta said:

I agree to not censure him anymore and let him be who he is. He did not impose anything on me in person and he could have tried to kiss me and didn't as he could not read me. I see that as something positive. 

I have messages waiting for me but prefer waiting to see how will be our next date before reading those messages. No rush, no one getting married this week.

You don't seem very flattered by this type of communication so early on, based on previous posts.

You mentioned that this person's comments prior to meeting (when you first began conversing) were off-putting, you've gone on one date with him, he made more overtly sexual remarks at the end of the date, but you've decided to remain silent even if/when his gestures appear over-the-top so that he doesn't feel "censored?"

I'm wondering if the previous man you were involved with has put you in a vulnerable situation. You seemed to enjoy him, despite the fact that you'd only known him for a few months.

Now here's a person who seems very into you (sexually) and has verbally expressed a great deal of interest in you...

I understand that falling in love and developing chemistry can happen rapidly.

That's perfectly OK.

But, it's often on a slippery slope if we're overly concerned with how eager we are for some attention or that relationship status, and we ignore what our intuition tells us.

Regardless of how fantastic you are (which you are!), I would imagine your interactions with him (or whomever) would be more in synch with the current context of your relationship.

 

[Gaeta]

1 hour ago, introverted1 said:

What you've quoted him as saying are all things that would be fine once an actual relationship had started.  They are not attractive before meeting or after only 1-2 meetings. 

I am not in the camp that thinks that men who want sex only want sex.  But I am definitely in the camp of knowing when and how to signal interest.  And I would expect a 60yo man to have a little more restraint and finesse than this.  

You obviously have the benefit of interacting with him in person, and you know your own boundaries, but for me, the statements above, especially combined with ostensibly being too afraid to kiss you, are off-putting. 

What are the "innuendos" that led you to block him two months ago (or whenever it was)?

I agree all this would be fine if it was after we've been intimate. 

I blocked him 2 months ago because he'd start describing what he likes in bed but we were not in PG-13 anymore...more like 'mature content'. 

[introverted1]

3 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

I agree all this would be fine if it was after we've been intimate. 

I blocked him 2 months ago because he'd start describing what he likes in bed but we were not in PG-13 anymore...more like 'mature content'. 

This would be a huge turn-off to me.  I like sex.  I want sex.  But I do not want to discuss sex with a man I have not met.  Nor do I want to be told about someone's likes or dislikes (or to share mine) before we've met.  This is something to reveal as we become intimate.  Exploring and learning about each other is part of the fun of intimacy.  The total is greater than the sum of parts when it is right and good.  And this can only be learned through experience, and comes with time.

Just my thoughts. No real right or wrong here, just what is right or wrong for you.

[Gaeta]

31 minutes ago, Alpaca said:

You don't seem very flattered by this type of communication so early on, based on previous posts.

You mentioned that this person's comments prior to meeting (when you first began conversing) were off-putting, you've gone on one date with him, he made more overtly sexual remarks at the end of the date, but you've decided to remain silent even if/when his gestures appear over-the-top so that he doesn't feel "censored?"

I'm wondering if the previous man you were involved with has put you in a vulnerable situation. You seemed to enjoy him, despite the fact that you'd only known him for a few months.

Now here's a person who seems very into you (sexually) and has verbally expressed a great deal of interest in you...

I understand that falling in love and developing chemistry can happen rapidly.

That's perfectly OK.

But, it's often on a slippery slope if we're overly concerned with how eager we are for some attention or that relationship status, and we ignore what our intuition tells us.

Regardless of how fantastic you are (which you are!), I would imagine your interactions with him (or whomever) would be more in synch with the current context of your relationship.

 

He said nothing during our date. It's always on text.

I'm not in a vulnerable state I can walk away from this but I'd like to see how second date unfolds. Yes I did enjoy Romeo but I always kept in the back of my mind it can end at any minute this early. He's not occupying my mind. 

I've only been single 10 months, out of a 5 year relationship, I don't feel the urge to be in a relationship yet, it would be nice but no urgency. 

 

 

[Gaeta]

So we exchanged a bit on text last night. He's working nights this week. The conversation lead to me saying I like to be 'romanced' I don't like raw language. He said he doesn't understand me and to please tell him what it is that I like then, he asked if I was shy or reserved that I always reject his expression of attraction. So one thing lead to another and he said he has a fear to fall for a woman that's sexually uptight and I said it's alright we all have fears, my fear is to fall for a man that only sees in me ass and boobs.

[elaine567]

5 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

So we exchanged a bit on text last night. He's working nights this week. The conversation lead to me saying I like to be 'romanced' I don't like raw language. He said he doesn't understand me and to please tell him what it is that I like then, he asked if I was shy or reserved that I always reject his expression of attraction. So one thing lead to another and he said he has a fear to fall for a woman that's sexually uptight and I said it's alright we all have fears, my fear is to fall for a man that only sees in me ass and boobs.

He is too thirsty to the point of coarseness...

[Gaeta]

2 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

He is too thirsty to the point of coarseness...

How he's coarsening me?

[elaine567]

6 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

How he's coarsening me?

He's not coarsening you,
He is coarse.