Can we push reset?

[salparadise]

7 hours ago, Gaeta said:

I had a great time ! We went to a coffee & cake shop, we were there till closure. He was a gentleman from beginning to end.

I think the innuendos and such via text could have been something of misunderstanding. Misunderstandings via text are easy to have.  If they were subtle and clever (as opposed to blatantly crude) his intent may have been quite different from how you received them. Now that you've had a nice meeting and he was a gentleman, I'd suggest erasing the scorecard and focus on the present and future.

[introverted1]

Rooting for you, @Gaeta!

[Whodatdog]

Wait a minute, what did I miss here? What happened to Romeo?

[Gaeta]

28 minutes ago, Whodatdog said:

Wait a minute, what did I miss here? What happened to Romeo?

Romeo asked me for money l said l didn't know him enough to do that. He dumped me the following day.

[Gaeta]

This man is going to be a handfull. 

Last night he sent me a looong text that he likes me physically and intellectually but he can't get over that if he says something wrong l will block him...added that when he hugged me good bye he felt chemistry but he didn't kiss me because he was too afraid l'd crucify him right there on the boulevard, go home and block him.

I said l felt that chemistry too and would not have rejected him if he had kissed me. He was shoked, he said l gave him 0 hint that l liked him.  I explain that l stayed with him till restaurant close and let him press me against him for that long hug good bye! He said he thought l had done that because l'm a nice person. 

Then he said l completely charmed him and he doesn't want to hold back.

I'm not the spontaneous type, l need time to warm up to a man, l don't need that long but l need a good 3 dates to feel excited about meeting him. 

Edited September 20, 2021 by Gaeta

[Happy Lemming]

Sound like he is a little "gun shy" as you did block him once, before. 

Maybe you should attempt to initiate the "good night" kiss after the next date. 

Also, maybe you should invite him on the next date.  This will reassure him that you are interested in him. 

With a little patching, you may be able to salvage this guy from the reject pile.

[Gaeta]

3 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

Sound like he is a little "gun shy" as you did block him once, before. 

And he has 0 games. It's not a bad thing though. 

He's the most stable man I have come across though. He was married 18 years, been single for a few years. He's worked for the same airline company all his life, his house is paid, he owns rental properties. He has a grown son. He's a bit older than me, he just got 60. This man is not my usual man-project, he stands solid on his own. 

[Happy Lemming]

13 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

 He's a bit older than me, he just got 60.

Five years age difference is nothing. 

Is he a healthy 60 year old man??

[FMW]

I agree that since you previously blocked him, however deserved it was, you will need to be the one to initiate anything physical.

[Gaeta]

1 hour ago, Happy Lemming said:

Five years age difference is nothing. 

Is he a healthy 60 year old man??

Yes he looks healthy and active. He doesn't look 60. Good looking guy. 

Also, he's retiring next year and that has me giving thoughts to this. I have another 10 years of working in front of me. Our life style will differ quite a bit.. 

[Happy Lemming]

3 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

 I have another 10 years of working in front of me. Our life style will differ quite a bit.. 

Could be a positive!!  If things work out, he'll have dinner ready when you get home from work!!

[introverted1]

3 hours ago, Gaeta said:

Last night he sent me a looong text that he likes me physically and intellectually but he can't get over that if he says something wrong l will block him...added that when he hugged me good bye he felt chemistry but he didn't kiss me because he was too afraid l'd crucify him right there on the boulevard, go home and block him.

I call BS on this.  IIRC, you blocked him after he made sexual innuendos on three separate occasions, and you repeatedly asked him to stop.  So he knows full well you didn't block him for frivolous or unexpected reasons. My take is that he is using the previous blocking as a way of guilting you and making you feel that you have to accelerate being physical to prove to him that you won't block him again.

I hope I am wrong, but this just gives me a bad feeling.

[glows]

4 hours ago, Gaeta said:

This man is going to be a handfull. 

Last night he sent me a looong text that he likes me physically and intellectually but he can't get over that if he says something wrong l will block him...added that when he hugged me good bye he felt chemistry but he didn't kiss me because he was too afraid l'd crucify him right there on the boulevard, go home and block him.

I said l felt that chemistry too and would not have rejected him if he had kissed me. He was shoked, he said l gave him 0 hint that l liked him.  I explain that l stayed with him till restaurant close and let him press me against him for that long hug good bye! He said he thought l had done that because l'm a nice person. 

Then he said l completely charmed him and he doesn't want to hold back.

I'm not the spontaneous type, l need time to warm up to a man, l don't need that long but l need a good 3 dates to feel excited about meeting him. 

A gentleman would have acknowledged that his comments were inappropriate, practiced some restraint (AGAIN) with texting and endeavoured to do better without this rhetoric and guilt-tripping. I don't see what you see in him, Gaeta, and he sounds like he has two thumbs that are a little too busy. But if you do wish to enjoy his company, that is fine too. I wouldn't see him again.

[poppyfields]

Hi Gaeta,

From a previous thread:

>>After 2 days of random texts he started light sexual innuendoes. I wanted to nip it right away because it's a real turn off before we meet. He took it gracefully and stopped. 

What are "light sexual innuendoes"?  I don't recall you posting what those "light sexual innuendoes" were.

What I don't understand is what was/is wrong with a man using light sexual innuendo to gauge sexual exergy?  Even before a meet?  What's the difference between before the meet and after the meet? 

They are trying to determine your sexual energy and compatibility, same as you do with all your vetting (are you seeking a serious RL?, what's your job?, living situation?, etc.)  Your mutual sexual energy was important to HIM and there is nothing wrong with that.

Why is it everyone always jumps to - HE JUST WANTS SEX!!???  He is not being a "gentlemen."  Ugh!    As if sex is some dirty little subject that should not be discussed until the "proper" or "appropriate" time?  WTF.

You posted he asked you how you felt about "intimacy" within the context of a relationship?  You and others jumped all over that as if asking breached some dating "rule" or code of "proper" conduct or something.  

IMO, again he was gauging sexual compatibility, and could he have been any more polite in doing so?

I could understand if he had crudely asked "hey DTF"?  I have had men message me with that and yes that is crude and it goes straight to trash.

But my goodness, this man is 60 years old, do you honestly think his motivation here is being DTF?  Really?  That is not the way I see it.  I see it as a man who has a healthy sexual energy, whose ex wife was cold and frigid and is seeking a partner who also has a open, healthy sexual energy, same as himself.

Admittedly, he received zero sexual vibe from you on your in-person date.  None, nada, zip.  Why was that?  Are you not attracted to him?  

Does NOT mean he wants to immediately jump into bed with you, he simply needs to FEEL you are sexually and physically attracted to him!!  And does not need to feel you are going shoot him down for mentioning anything sexual or even giving you a simple kiss!  

Which is how he felt, and he was being honest and real by sharing that!  And some posters are criticizing him for that?  

THAT is the vibe he got from you Gaeta, I would encourage you to think about it.

I also see nothing wrong with him being honest about his feelings about being blocked, regardless of what those reasons were, and yes they were because you turned off by his "slight sexual innuendo."  

My advice is to do him and yourself a favor and don't see him again or pursue further.  You are flat out incompatible.  

He needs a more open minded woman, a woman less uptight and rigid with respect to "proper etiquette and timing" relating to sexuality and when to mention/discuss it, otherwise he risks offending you and getting blocked.

Sex is not some dirty little subject that needs the appropriate time to talk about.  If you are connecting on line prior to meet the way you were, I saw nothing wrong with him broaching the subject in a playful respectful way with some "light sexual innuendo."

Being a very non-uptight person myself and open minded regarding discussing sexual topics, even prior to the in person meet assuming we are connecting, I would have had no issue with it, and as far as him asking how you feel about "intimacy within the context of a relationship," to you and others, my advice is lighten up and stop projecting your past negative experiences with men who did only want sex, with him, he is a completely different person.

 

 

Edited September 20, 2021 by poppyfields

[poppyfields]

Too add to my last post (too late to edit), in case anyone is wondering, my open minded attitude has never and I mean NEVER led to my being "used" by men for sex or "pumped and dumped."  I am actually quite discretionary with whom I choose to engage in sexual relations and it has typically led to either a short term or long term relationship.

I am simply open minded with respect to such light sexual innuendo being exchanged, however I have had men step way over a boundary and when that has happened I say NOTHING, I simply do not respond.  My non-response tells them everything they need to know and they "get" it.

I do not hold it against them or as a strike against them.  I do not judge or attach negative attributes to them (he ONLY wants sex), I simply follow my own path and this attitude has worked out quite well for me for the most part.

Anyway, I am not judging you Gaeta, I promise.  I just don't think you are compatible, that's all.

 

Edited September 20, 2021 by poppyfields

[Weezy1973]

32 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

 

Anyway, I am not judging you Gaeta, I promise.  I just don't think you are compatible, that's all.

 

I’d say it’s too early to tell. Most people aren’t compatible long term so you’re probably right, but just like heading in full steam in the early stages based on nothing but sexual attraction will usually lead nowhere, cutting things off early based on relatively minor things can be a mistake too. Time will tell either way. 

[poppyfields]

10 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

I’d say it’s too early to tell. Most people aren’t compatible long term so you’re probably right, but just like heading in full steam in the early stages based on nothing but sexual attraction will usually lead nowhere, cutting things off early based on relatively minor things can be a mistake too. Time will tell either way. 

Not disagreeing with you Weezy, but let's face it, he was second choice (sloppy seconds as my late mom used to say).  And HE knows it.

That combined with him feeling "shot down" and being blocked because he offended Gaeta with his light innuendo, which I have no doubt was not his intentions, in fact if Gaeta interpreted him asking how she feels about "intimacy within the context of a relationship" as sexual innuendo, then yeah there's a huge incompatibility there, there is no TRUST between them at all at this point.  

Frankly and JMO but I think it might be wise for Gaeta to take a break from on line dating after the Romeo (aka "Poetry Guy"?) fiasco, she completely misread that entire situation, and she is still carrying that negative/distrusting vibe with her and will take that into all her subsequent dating experiences whether she consciously realizes it or not.

I mean, she really REALLY liked him, and after she discovered he was only it for the money and dropped her, she was back on the apps the very next day.

Again, JMO.

 

 

 

Edited September 20, 2021 by poppyfields

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, poppyfields said:

I am not judging you Gaeta, I promise.

That's not what it looks like, if I may be blunt, because you also say this:

3 hours ago, poppyfields said:

He needs a more open minded woman, a woman less uptight and rigid

Can't we repsect that we all have different boundaries without putting each other down? 

Edited September 20, 2021 by ExpatInItaly

[poppyfields]

12 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Can't we have repsect that we all have different boundaries with putting each other down? 

I do respect that Gaeta has different boundaries (from me) and apologize if my comment offended or she interpreted as me "putting her down."  I was simply stating how I view it from my perspective.  I am of the belief no one can feel "put down" unless we/they allow it.

That said, apologies to Gaeta if she felt put down by that comment.

By the same token, I think it's important for Gaeta and other posters responding to respect that HE has different needs and boundaries as well without putting HIM down (he's disrespectful, guilt-tripping, not a "gentlemen" etc).

Respect goes both ways.

Edited September 20, 2021 by poppyfields

[Gaeta]

43 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

how she feels about "intimacy within the context of a relationship" as sexual innuendo

I read all the new posts and I want to clarify a couple of things. By the way I think you made good points in all your posts.

Clarification:   Him asking how I view intimicy within a relationship was a 100% ligitimate question and him and I had a conversation about it where I answered his questions, it was a mature conversation between 2 adults. I do not put that in the pile of 'sexual innuendoes'.

Now to understand what it is I don't like I will share some of it with you. Since we met Saturday night here are some of the things he said, and that's him holding back remember. 

I looked at your ass and it's crazy how I desire you, I wanted to get in the car with you

You know what I look for on a woman: ass, face and breasts ( it's a good thing he said he was attracted to me intellectually 24 hours ago)

Since I saw your picture online and saw those hips I've been wanting to slap that ass ever since.

I can't wait for you and I to 'do it' 

Now he says other things, nice romantic things that I really like. I like his personality and energy, there is something about him that says ' I won't let anything happen to you', he's kind, attentive, talkative,  and I'm attracted to all that. Am I uptight??

 

[ExpatInItaly]

3 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

 Since we met Saturday night here are some of the things he said, and that's him holding back remember. 

I looked at your ass and it's crazy how I desire you, I wanted to get in the car with you

You know what I look for on a woman: ass, face and breasts ( it's a good thing he said he was attracted to me intellectually 24 hours ago)

Since I saw your picture online and saw those hips I've been wanting to slap that ass ever since.

I can't wait for you and I to 'do it' 

Now he says other things, nice romantic things that I really like. I like his personality and energy, there is something about him that says ' I won't let anything happen to you', he's kind, attentive, talkative,  and I'm attracted to all that. Am I uptight??

You aren’t uptight, no.

You are a woman who knows what works for her and what doesn’t, and where to draw the line when someone is making you uncomfortable. 

[glows]

7 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

I read all the new posts and I want to clarify a couple of things. By the way I think you made good points in all your posts.

Clarification:   Him asking how I view intimicy within a relationship was a 100% ligitimate question and him and I had a conversation about it where I answered his questions, it was a mature conversation between 2 adults. I do not put that in the pile of 'sexual innuendoes'.

Now to understand what it is I don't like I will share some of it with you. Since we met Saturday night here are some of the things he said, and that's him holding back remember. 

I looked at your ass and it's crazy how I desire you, I wanted to get in the car with you

You know what I look for on a woman: ass, face and breasts ( it's a good thing he said he was attracted to me intellectually 24 hours ago)

Since I saw your picture online and saw those hips I've been wanting to slap that ass ever since.

I can't wait for you and I to 'do it' 

Now he says other things, nice romantic things that I really like. I like his personality and energy, there is something about him that says ' I won't let anything happen to you', he's kind, attentive, talkative,  and I'm attracted to all that. Am I uptight??

 

Thanks for sharing this. Gaeta, I believe you can do a lot better. 

[poppyfields]

16 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

You aren’t uptight, no.

You are a woman who knows what works for her and what doesn’t, and where to draw the line when someone is making you uncomfortable. 

First off thanks for sharing Gaeta, that was helpful. 

Second, this^^ I agree with without knowing the context and the other types of things he has said to you and your conversations.

Bottom line, no one can say what is offensive or inappropriate for another person, and if you are uncomfortable with it, then that is certainly your prerogative.

However, if me I would not be telling him what's appropriate or not appropriate, he is who he is and you are who YOU are.

JMO, but his job is not to acquiesce to your needs or what's comfortable for you nor is it your job to acquiesce to his.

What's important is that you are both on the same wavelength about such things, that you gel, and are compatible with respect to how you both express all your needs and desires, sexually and otherwise..

There is no right or wrong and to say you can do "better" is missing the mark. 

Better for YOU yes, but just as it's not right to judge you for your needs and how you choose to express yourself and what you find offensive, it's not right for anyone to judge him either, imho.

There is another woman out there who may find him just right, "perfect" (for her), sexual innuendo and all.

 

 

 

Edited September 20, 2021 by poppyfields

[Weezy1973]

1 hour ago, poppyfields said:

Not disagreeing with you Weezy, but let's face it, he was second choice (sloppy seconds as my late mom used to say).  And HE knows it.

He’s not really second choice. This is pretty typical for OLD. Lots of false starts. I’d say he isn’t even a choice at this point. Just a prospect. Even Romeo was really just a prospect a little further in. I think @Gaeta mentioned she was upset for about 2 minutes after he broke up with her. 
 

And the more open minded you are about prospects the better. She’s not committing to anything by going out with him a few times. I’m sure she’s still got her profile up and is open to other prospects. The fact that he’s ready to retire at 60 is a really good sign too. Lots of good qualities here - and his “eagerness” when it comes to sex might end up being good too! 

[Gaeta]

I agree to not censure him anymore and let him be who he is. He did not impose anything on me in person and he could have tried to kiss me and didn't as he could not read me. I see that as something positive. 

I have messages waiting for me but prefer waiting to see how will be our next date before reading those messages. No rush, no one getting married this week.