Can we push reset?

[Gaeta]

Early July I came across a man I identified as prospect number 10. We hit if off right away on the phone and had plans to meet 5-6 days later. We text and spoke on the phone. When we spoke on the phone he was always a gentleman but on text he'd sometimes make sexual innuendoes, nothing too graphic but annoying to me. I warned him twice and by the third time I didn't say a word and blocked him. I was disappointed as he came across as fun, sensitive, and took a lot of interest in my life but enough is enough. 

Anyway I am back online and he saw my profile go by. He messaged me and asked why I had disappeared. I did not go into it deep I only said I had warned him enough time to quit his sexual innuendoes and he didn't take me seriously. He apologized 3 times, he said he realizes he took it too far and he's very sorry and if there is a possibility we hit reset. He said he was shaken that whole weekend when he realized I had blocked him. 

We are meeting at 19h30 tonight. 

Is an early reset possible as per your experience?

[Wiseman2]

3 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

He messaged me and asked why I had disappeared. I did not go into it deep I only said I had warned him enough time to quit his sexual innuendoes and he didn't take me seriously. He apologized 3 times, he said he realizes he took it too far and he's very sorry and if there is a possibility we hit reset.

Unfortunately it sounds like he does this to a lot of women, thus gets thrown back into the pond a lot. Don't let your guard down. Leopards don't change their stripes.

[glows]

I don't think so, Gaeta. Whenever I feel tempted to schedule over old flames or someone else that rubbed me the wrong way once, I know then the pickings are slim and a break is eminent and preferred. It's a good time to cool off and take a break from dating. 

He was "shaken" is a little dramatic also and too little too late. A little more respect and discernment earlier on wouldn't have led to the fall out.

[Gaeta]

My guards are way up. 

I've read often on here men are more attracted to women showing boundaries. Here it is. He saw l mean business.

[Alpacalia]

This is an odd one.

Too much wordplay can be unsettling, but if he was being playful and making you laugh with his double entendres (which you said you did not find funny), he was attempting to measure your degree of comfort with the thought of him and sex, possibly together.

I don't know.

Guess you'll have to make a judgment call.

 

 

Edited September 18, 2021 by Alpaca

[Gaeta]

7 minutes ago, Alpaca said:

 he was attempting to measure your degree of comfort with the thought of him and sex

We cleared that when we first got in touch. He asked in a proper way what place l gave *intimicy* in a relationship. He explained his ex wife didn't like it and he suffered from that many years. I replied it is important to me, l stand in the middle,  i'm not a maniac or frigide.

Edited September 18, 2021 by Gaeta

[Alvi]

I would say no based on my very recent personal experience. But you are not me, who knows, it might be different for you. But generally speaking no. But do meet him and see. If he tries to say or to do  anything inappropriate, then leave immediately.

4 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

I've read often on here men are more attracted to women showing boundaries.

But do you need to let a guy know more than once about your boundaries and what is not acceptable for you before he finally "get" it? Is his skull really that thick? lol One time him asking something out of there I can see, but more than once?  He is probably trying to push your boundaries further and further till he agrees to whatever he wants you do do. Not a good thing for a long run if he cannot listen and act accordingly to when you say "NO".

 

[Gaeta]

@Alvi excellent point

[Ami1uwant]

48 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Early July I came across a man I identified as prospect number 10. We hit if off right away on the phone and had plans to meet 5-6 days later. We text and spoke on the phone. When we spoke on the phone he was always a gentleman but on text he'd sometimes make sexual innuendoes, nothing too graphic but annoying to me. I warned him twice and by the third time I didn't say a word and blocked him. I was disappointed as he came across as fun, sensitive, and took a lot of interest in my life but enough is enough. 

Anyway I am back online and he saw my profile go by. He messaged me and asked why I had disappeared. I did not go into it deep I only said I had warned him enough time to quit his sexual innuendoes and he didn't take me seriously. He apologized 3 times, he said he realizes he took it too far and he's very sorry and if there is a possibility we hit reset. He said he was shaken that whole weekend when he realized I had blocked him. 

We are meeting at 19h30 tonight. 

Is an early reset possible as per your experience?

 

I missed the update on guy number 19,256 who I thought you had something going.

 

it really depends on these innuendo comments and how they were interpreted online vs if he said them in person.  I do t know how much of it might be biased by your experiences while to someone else these might seem more fun/ playfull.

 

I do t know if these comments are in the same category of comment types where because you warned him, he might not thing they are the same.

Edited September 18, 2021 by Ami1uwant

[Ami1uwant]

29 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

My guards are way up. 

I've read often on here men are more attracted to women showing boundaries. Here it is. He saw l mean business.

 

no….

 

I respect women to much.

 

 

some guys look at it as a code to break ir a challenge to accomplish something if a guard is put up.

[Gaeta]

9 minutes ago, Ami1uwant said:

no….

I respect women to much.

some guys look at it as a code to break ir a challenge to accomplish something if a guard is put up.

My gut feeling is he came across a bunch of women willing to talk like this so it became the norm. I came across so many men telling me lots of women online are jumping right into talking sex. I think a lot of women in their 50s lack censure.

Edited September 18, 2021 by Gaeta

[Happy Lemming]

51 minutes ago, Alvi said:

But do you need to let a guy know more than once about your boundaries and what is not acceptable for you before he finally "get" it? Is his skull really that thick? lol One time him asking something out of there I can see, but more than once? 

I agree...

I was thinking along the same lines... If you make a mistake, you apologize and don't let it happen again.  The fact that it came up multiple times is cause for concern.  Its almost like he is "testing the waters" to see if he'll be able to sleep with the OP (quickly) before he wastes resources (time and money) getting to know her.

In general, I try not to do or say things that I have to apologize for (especially before or during the first date).  "Getting to know you" conversation should be light, funny banter, comical stories... stuff like that.

[lana-banana]

I think you can push reset after a bad first impression, misunderstanding each other, coming off like a jerk, etc, but that has to be because of one interaction/circumstance. In this case, when this guy made multiple inappropriate comments, I'm inclined to think you saw exactly who he is. He might be on his best behavior for a bit but I wouldn't expect it to last.

[smackie9]

I can smell the bs from here on the west coast Gaeta.

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Gaeta said:

My gut feeling is he came across a bunch of women willing to talk like this so it became the norm.

It's doubtful you're the first women he's tried this on. That's why he's back on the dating app.  Maybe he's clueless, maybe he's just a

[Alvi]

1 hour ago, Gaeta said:

He asked in a proper way what place l gave *intimicy* in a relationship. He explained his ex wife didn't like it and he suffered from that many years. I replied it is important to me, l stand in the middle,  i'm not a maniac or frigide.

Boy, oh boy. Why would he think this would be appropriate to bring up with someone you've never met in person? You are a lot more open minded than I am Gaeta. I would block him immediately. So many issues here. 

Do enjoy your date but please keep your eyes and ears wide open.

 

[mark clemson]

Problem is that different women like/expect diff things. So he may be trying what worked in the past with some women, but it was a negative for you.

Since it was texting specifically but he's otherwise appealing for you, I'd say it's ok to give it another try. Hopefully the hint is taken this time. If not you can always block him permanently...

[Sun Seeker]

When you have incompatibilities showing this early on, along with being annoyed, having to block, it's a massive sign that it's not going to work.

Surely you can get other new options instead of going back to the past, does not seem like a good decision.

[Lotsgoingon]

Gaeta, I don't think there is a right/wrong here because the bigger issue is that you have the capacity and confidence, it seems to me, to say no and to walk away. 

So going out with him again--I might not do that for a different set of reasons--but if you want to that's fine. You can assess him when you meet him and see how you feel, see if your body is convinced by his apology. By body, I mean you feel deeply reassured and safe, physiologically it feels right to hang out with him--not simply that you find his apology somewhat plausible. 

It seems to me that you have the confidence and wisdom to make a good judgment when you meet him again. Here's the thing to remind yourself: you do not cut him slack again--say for the next 6 months (assuming you were to keep seeing him). As in you set a different boundary and he violates it once, he dump him--no ifs ands or butts. You cannot let him get away with anything right now. 

[Alpacalia]

3 hours ago, Gaeta said:

We cleared that when we first got in touch. He asked in a proper way what place l gave *intimicy* in a relationship. He explained his ex wife didn't like it and he suffered from that many years. I replied it is important to me, l stand in the middle,  i'm not a maniac or frigide.

He might have said that merely to smooth things over.

Perhaps he went too far with his innuendos, not just with her but with other women, and his ex-wife grew tired of it.

Who knows.

You're someone he spoke to on the phone for a short time, and his text comments already irritated you to the point where you had to tell him to tone them down numerous times.

 

 

[Weezy1973]

Chances are he’s not going to be a match, just like anytime you’re meeting a stranger. But no harm in meeting him. You already know your boundaries and if he crosses them, it’s an easy “next”!

[Noproblem]

chances are, he'll stood you up just like how you blocked him to even the scores..

or just block you after the meeting!

Edited September 19, 2021 by Noproblem

[Coasting1991]

Is this the one who you suspected would send these innuendos when he got drunk? I would say no, or be extremely careful  

[Gaeta]

Back from my date. 

I had a great time ! We went to a coffee & cake shop, we were there till closure. He was a gentleman from beginning to end. When I got home I sent him a thank you text. He said nice things, I had a beautiful smile and I was exactly like my picture, he asked how things had been for me and I said he was a gentleman from beginning to end and I had a good time so he made a joke to not block him yet, it made me laugh. 

On a side note, when I was leaving for my date I came across a few kids visiting my neighbor and one of them....threw up on me!  ! I think it's good luck right lol. 

[Mrin]

56 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

 I think it's good luck right lol. 

Buy a lottery ticket for sure