weweregods Posted October 19, 2005 Posted October 19, 2005 I know that this is no new issue, but I believe that I'm falling in love with my best friend. He and I are so much alike, it's scary. We get along very, very well. We never fight and we respect each other very much. I know that he loves me, but he has said that - classic line - he "doesn't love me that way." I've listened to eveything that he wants and then I watch him chase after exactly what he doesn't want. He goes into relationships with people that are his exact opposite and they fail miserably. He has said to me that he wishes he could become friends with someone first, before diving right in... That's what he says, and yet he keeps wanting to rush right into things. One night, we went out together, we got drunk and I blurtted out that I love him. He smiled, said "awww" and asked me why I was crying and I told him that I was scarred - scarred that he wouldn't return my feelings (as he doesn't). But then he launched into a discussion about how "if he was in a relationship" and that I "want him to be in a relationship" with me, ect. The thing is, I never said anything about a relationship or even being, for sure, in love with him. I never mentioned anything about dating, ect. I honestly just want the chance to explore the feelings I have for him and see what might could be. I feel that we are both mature enough to have this not affect our friendship and even build upon it. Truth be told, we've had some intimate contact, so I know it's not a physical thing. To this end, I wrote him this letter last night: Hey _________, I don’t know why, but I wanted to write you and tell you all the things that I have running thorough my head right now. Actually, I wanted to talk to you about it, but it’s late and you are probably at ___________’s. I’m afraid that our last conversations have left me quite embarrassed, but I’ve been able to ponder them and the underlying causes from a much brighter vantage point, as of late. My bipolar disorder affects my moods, not my emotions. The thing is, when I said that I THINK I’m falling in love with you, I was telling the truth. You know that already, but you’ve been speaking as if I told you that I love you in a romantic way – I don’t, not right now, but I think that I could… Truth is I do love you as a friend. I like you a lot and my feelings for you are growing. I think that it upset my mood more when I heard talk of relationships and if I expected you to fall in love with me through our hanging out. I expected neither of these things. Tuth be told, I don’t want a relationship either, not right now. But I do want to explore the feelings that I’m having. Did you not tell me that you wanted to try and be friends with someone first, before starting a relationship? Also, haven’t you told me about all the things your past boyfriends have been that you have been disappointed with: how they’ve been bitchy and prissy and condescending? You realize, of course, that I am none of those things. You also have to realize how similar the two of us are. Also, after having messed around one night, it seems that there is a possibility there… Now, I’m not meaning to entrance you into anything, or entrap you in any way. I’m just starting to realize what a good catch I am, and I think the above reasons are why my feelings have taken on a new form. I wanted explain them. So, there you go. What would I like? Honestly? I’d like to explore the feelings that I’ve been having in a mature and friendly way – as friends who want to see if they can be more than friends. I’d like to start very slowly. Maybe, have a date or two every once in a while. What’s the harm in trying, if we are both adults about it? Sure, it might be a little weird at first, but I’ve been through my share of weird. I know I’ll live and I have confidence that you are even more mature than me in some instances. If you are completely opposed to this idea, feel free to say no. You won’t hurt my feelings or our friendship. I know that we both like each other a lot and in light of the last conversation that we had, that we will not let anything – even this – interfere in that invaluable friendship. So, I know you have a busy day Wednesday. How about I call you Thursday afternoon? Maybe we can have dinner and discuss everything. This won’t be a DATE mind you, just a chance to talk. Please don’t be weirded-out by all this, and like I said, feel free to say no. It won’t change anything between us. I can only promise that on my end, but I know that you are a very loving and generous person and you’ve proven to me that you care about me too. What do you think? Am I making a huge mistake?
Outcast Posted October 19, 2005 Posted October 19, 2005 You're fighting an uphill battle and you'll end up on the 'wounded' list. You need to get your head straight: The thing is, when I said that I THINK I’m falling in love with you, I was telling the truth. You know that already, but you’ve been speaking as if I told you that I love you in a romantic way is contradictory. Did you not tell me that you wanted to try and be friends with someone first, before starting a relationship? Also, haven’t you told me about all the things your past boyfriends have been that you have been disappointed with: how they’ve been bitchy and prissy and condescending? You realize, of course, that I am none of those things. You also have to realize how similar the two of us are. Also, after having messed around one night, it seems that there is a possibility there… Now, I’m not meaning to entrance you into anything, or entrap you in any way. I’m just starting to realize what a good catch I am, and I think the above reasons are why my feelings have taken on a new form. I wanted explain them. So, there you go. You're trying to logic him into this which won't work. Also what's with the line I bolded? I thought this was a guy that you're writing to? Is he gay? Are you? What's going on?
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