diegolpz Posted September 14, 2021 Posted September 14, 2021 (edited) Sometime in Nov/Dec 2019 I met this cool guy online who originally identified himself as being bicurious; he’s 31 years old and I am 33. He knew I was gay from the get go and that was never an issue to him. We got along well since the beginning. Our relationship was more like bromance but we never crossed the line. We would talk about pretty much everything and he like the fact that I was good vibe. We would would text back and forth for a few days and stop for a couple of weeks to soon reach out again and we would pickup right where we left off. Now, he lives about 6 hours away from me so he was not someone I could just say "Hey, let's hang out this weekend or what are you doing tonight? Let's meet up for a drink." I never really develop any feelings towards him other than as a friend and really enjoyed our conversations. This went on up until Feb 2021. Once again, we stopped texting but I never thought anything of it. Three months later he reached out again just like her would normally do, but end up forgetting to respond. A week later, I get another text and again I completely never responded back. Weeks went by and reached out again towards the beginning of July 2021 which I did respond and we picked up right where we let off again. We kept in touch almost on the daily, even if it was just a quick "good morning" text. August comes and things started going a different route. Unexpectedly, we started to develop feelings towards each other. Compliments started to be thrown out in between conversations. Flirty comments increased and eventually he confessed he was slowly falling for me. He then admitted he had fooled around with a guy back when he was in high school so he knew he liked men too but has only dated women since then. He also mentioned that his closests friends and family also know he's bixesual except for his parents. Eventually, my emotions got the best of me and soon I was crushing deeply for him. Everything was fine until he had to go on a two week trip for his friends wedding (he was the best man). Obviously, not being exclusive I tried my best to give him his space, since I knew he was going to be busy. He never really gave me exact dates but all I knew is that it was going to towards the end of August. On 08/26, we texted for the most part of the morning/early afternoon not knowing he was on his way to his destination. Later that evening I reached out again and that's when he advised he was already out of town. I tried to leave alone after that but telling him to have fun and enjoy his trip but kept the conversation going. He would tell me stuff like "I miss you alot. I wish you were here with me. And how much he appreciated me. And that he not been this happy in a very long time. Etc!" We exchanged texts until late that night and continued until mid-day of that following day. After that, I just let him alone to enjoy his time away. After the weekend passed by, I reach out again that following Monday, and pretty much told him "I hoped he was enjoying himself" Again, he kept a conversation going for the most part of the day and went on with our lives. About a week later (09/07) he reached out again after not hearing from him (which again I know he was busy) but his text really confused me. This was his text: "Hey papa. I hope you’re doing well. Just so you know you’ve been on my mind this entire time I was gone. I just didn’t want to text u to not have time to respond being out and about but I do hope you’re ok. Miss u man." I responded shortly after receiving it but never got a follow up text. So then I thought to myself, based on the context sounds like he's back home so maybe he's settling in. Two days later, I texted him again pretty much just wondering if he was back home but that I just wanted to say hi and hope he was well. Again, no response at all. The following day (this past Friday 09/10) I send him a voice message pretty saying that I miss him and hoping everything was ok About two hours later he responded through text: "Happy Friday ! Hope you’ve had a great week so far. I’m back in Cali now just getting back into the groove is all." Now, I may be reading too much into his response, but I felt like he was responding to me like there was no interest in me. I did respond back and until now, haven't heard back from him. I don't know if I'm overthinking or maybe something happened since that last text he had sent me last Tuesday where he mentioned he missed me and I was on his mind. I want to question him cuz I don't want to sabotage what we started (which I probably I already did) and at this point we're not exclusive. What should I do? Should I give him his space and have him reach out? Or give it time before reaching out? Edited September 14, 2021 by diegolpz
ExpatInItaly Posted September 14, 2021 Posted September 14, 2021 19 minutes ago, diegolpz said: Now, I may be reading too much into his response, but I felt like he was responding to me like there was no interest in me. You're not reading too much into it. He's not that interested. You're his texting buddy but even then he drops communication (and no, he's not so busy that can't take a few minutes and get in touch more regularly) Someone who has a genuine interest in you isn't going to be this sporadic and inconsistent. I'm sorry OP, but this is a dead-end. I would not continue contact.
Daisydooks Posted September 14, 2021 Posted September 14, 2021 Listen to your gut. Drop him. He is not your guy
Author diegolpz Posted September 14, 2021 Author Posted September 14, 2021 7 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Is he in another relationship? As far as I know he’s not. Obviously, he never mention anything to me. I never got a feeling he was involved in another relationship. Unless he talking to someone else at the same time?
introverted1 Posted September 14, 2021 Posted September 14, 2021 You've known him for nearly 2 years and have never "crossed the line," plus, he lives 6 hours away. It's reasonable that you'd both want to find someone locally to date.
Calmandfocused Posted September 14, 2021 Posted September 14, 2021 Am I reading this correctly? In the entire 2 years you’ve been texting, you’ve never met? Have you even spoken on the phone? You think a relationship can be built and solely maintained through text? Erm ……
smackie9 Posted September 14, 2021 Posted September 14, 2021 (edited) Look don't you see it? He's still unsure of pursuing this side of his sexuality. Some people are still chained to the old perspectives of coming out, like really coming out. It's like having fear of deep water but curious enough to dip your toes in to test the water and quickly pulling them back out. I wouldn't hold out much hope. You should just back off on the romance part, and go back to being friends. And by all means tell him this. He's just not there yet and maybe never be there. Just date locally, and carry on with things. Edited September 14, 2021 by smackie9
glows Posted September 14, 2021 Posted September 14, 2021 What does he do in CA? It looks like this is a mutual crush between the both of you and you had some flirting but you've never met one another. He can reach out if he wants but to what end? You both live six hours away from each other.
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