I think I was breadcrumbed

[mortensorchid]

I was on Tinder rhe other day and connected with someone.  We started exchanging messages, offered my phone number so we could text there.  He asked if we could meet on Wednesday night of this week, I said okay.  He seemed to come on quite strong and said he thought I was cute and whatever else, he wanted to meet as soon as possible.  I agreed to the meeting then went on the ask more factual questions (what do you do for a living, places you live or have lived in the past, have kids, etc.).  Eventually we drifted off yesterday and went to sleep.

I didn't hear from him today at all.  I was very busy today and when I finally finished the last of my things to do today at 9 pm (I teach on my computer at home), I texted him.  Nothing.

I feel like I was breadcrumbed, or am I being paranoid?

[Happy Lemming]

Maybe he was watching Monday Night Football and had his phone off.

He might be out with friends, who knows.

I doubt he is sitting at home watching his phone & waiting for your 9:00pm text.

If he doesn't return your communication within 24 hours, then start to worry.

[introverted1]

10 hours ago, mortensorchid said:

I was on Tinder rhe other day and connected with someone.  We started exchanging messages, offered my phone number so we could text there.  He asked if we could meet on Wednesday night of this week, I said okay.  He seemed to come on quite strong and said he thought I was cute and whatever else, he wanted to meet as soon as possible.  I agreed to the meeting then went on the ask more factual questions (what do you do for a living, places you live or have lived in the past, have kids, etc.).  Eventually we drifted off yesterday and went to sleep.

I didn't hear from him today at all.  I was very busy today and when I finally finished the last of my things to do today at 9 pm (I teach on my computer at home), I texted him.  Nothing.

I feel like I was breadcrumbed, or am I being paranoid?

I think you have the order backwards.  Why would you agree to meet before knowing some basics?  To be clear, I am not an advocate of weeks-long texting before meeting, but whether someone has kids, their marital status, their job, etc., are all things I'd want to know before agreeing to a date.

Hard to say at this point what's going on.  He could have just had a busy day or he could be doing the modern day equivalent of collecting phone numbers he never intends to call.

Edited September 14, 2021 by introverted1
typo

[Blind-Sided]

As above... hard to say... it's too soon.  He could do shift work, and at 9pm, he could be sleeping... or working. Give it a day... and then decide. 

[smackie9]

He started with some messages to get to know a little about you, and asked you out. The date is set so then there is no need to keep texting each other. Wait for the date to happen.

[Alvi]

18 hours ago, mortensorchid said:

I was on Tinder rhe other day and connected with someone.  We started exchanging messages, offered my phone number so we could text there.  He asked if we could meet on Wednesday night of this week, I said okay.  He seemed to come on quite strong and said he thought I was cute and whatever else, he wanted to meet as soon as possible.  I agreed to the meeting then went on the ask more factual questions (what do you do for a living, places you live or have lived in the past, have kids, etc.).  Eventually we drifted off yesterday and went to sleep.

I didn't hear from him today at all.  I was very busy today and when I finally finished the last of my things to do today at 9 pm (I teach on my computer at home), I texted him.  Nothing.

I feel like I was breadcrumbed, or am I being paranoid?

You've never met him in person so it could be pretty much anything. Just some random things:

-  He didn't like something that you've said and decided to end the contact with you. Not necessarily your fault (and probably not at all), but something unbeknown to you could be that he thought was a dealbreaker.

- He is talking to and dating  other women. Maybe he decided to become exclusive with someone and unfortunately that means no more talking to other women on the dating sites.

- Maybe after talking to you he went out with someone else and decided to give it a go. Or decided to talk to another woman instead since he feels that they have more in common.

- He could be a scammer, fake, flake or a 15 years old teenager. Maybe everything he told you about himself is one big fat lie. You never know.

- Maybe his ex decided to take him back.

- He is married or partnered. Maybe his wife found the messages on his comp and made him stop contacting you.

- Maybe the aliens took him, lol

 

Has he actually came up with a concrete plan for the two of you to meet, such as a specific date, time and place? If not, move along, he is no longer interested.

Edited September 14, 2021 by Alvi

[Alvi]

18 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

The date is set so then there is no need to keep texting each other.

But is the date actually set? Or he simply asked if you could meet him on Wednesday and you said yes. And that was it. IF this is a case, the date hasn't been set.

[poppyfields]

19 hours ago, mortensorchid said:

I didn't hear from him today at all.  I was very busy today and when I finally finished the last of my things to do today at 9 pm (I teach on my computer at home), I texted him.  Nothing.

I feel like I was breadcrumbed.

That isn't breadcrumbing, it appears the man has changed his mind and ghosted you.

Breadcrumbing is when the person goes through the motions of dating you, but doesn't give much except occasional scraps (breadcrumbs) to keep you on the rotation (or the backburner), nothing more.

He's not even doing that, he has flat our ignored your message.

Consider this man a ghost and don't give it a second thought.

19 hours ago, mortensorchid said:

I agreed to the meeting then went on the ask more factual questions (what do you do for a living, places you live or have lived in the past, have kids, etc.).

If I had to hazard a guess, he ghosted because of these "qualifying" questions which are a great big YAWN to many people, including myself.

Feels like a job interview.

Best to simply gauge how well you're vibing, the energy between you.  Make it fun and playful. 

Save the qualifying questions for when you meet, click and actually start dating.

No man wants to date a woman because he passed her qualifying questions. 

He wants to date a woman who is "attracted to" him, mentally, physically, sexually.

 

Edited September 14, 2021 by poppyfields

[Weezy1973]

7 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

If I had to hazard a guess, he ghosted because of these "qualifying" questions which are a great big YAWN to many people, including myself.

 

I wouldn’t call them qualifying questions. They’re general conversation starters. A lot of profiles already have that info, but Tinder is pretty bare bones. People don’t like those questions generally if they’re not too happy with where they are in regards to the answer. Not proud of your career; really don’t like answering questions about what you do for a living etc. 
 

I do agree that this seems like just a run of he mill ghosting. Par for the course with OLD.

[poppyfields]

31 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

I wouldn’t call them qualifying questions. They’re general conversation starters. A lot of profiles already have that info, but Tinder is pretty bare bones. People don’t like those questions generally if they’re not too happy with where they are in regards to the answer. Not proud of your career; really don’t like answering questions about what you do for a living etc. 
 

I do agree that this seems like just a run of he mill ghosting. Par for the course with OLD.

Thank you Weezy, to ME (and others I know) they are qualifying questions and yes I realize on line dating profiles have this info which is why I hate on line dating.  I am much more into how we generally vibe and our energy.

But perhaps I was a bit hasty in my reply, I do understand for many people, they are conversations starters, but it's all in the delivery. 

Not what you say (or ask) but HOW you say it (ask it).  You can still make the convo fun and playful.

Sadly however, these types of initial convos do come off as contrived, inane and BORING.

And given he came on strong, wanted to meet her but then disappeared after her "factual" questions suggests he thought the convo boring as well.

JMO.

 

 

 

[glows]

20 hours ago, mortensorchid said:

 I agreed to the meeting then went on the ask more factual questions (what do you do for a living, places you live or have lived in the past, have kids, etc.). 

Did he answer your questions? 

 

[Alvi]

4 hours ago, poppyfields said:

hat isn't breadcrumbing, it appears the man has changed his mind and ghosted you.

I would not even call this ghosting. They haven't even met in person.  He is just some guy that Mort texted with for a few days. Hard to say what exactly changed his mind but it could be anything. May have nothing to do with her questioning him.  For all she knows he could be married and just just boosting his ego by chatting with random women.

Edited September 15, 2021 by Alvi

[ShyViolet]

I think it's unnecessary to apply labels to this like "bread crumbing", or even "ghosting".  This is a guy who you don't know, a stranger really, who you've never met in person, who you chatted online with for a couple of days.  He obviously lost interest for whatever reason, and stopped replying to you.  You're giving this way too much of your energy.... just forget him and move on.

[poppyfields]

8 minutes ago, Alvi said:

I would not even call this ghosting. They haven't even met in person.  He is just some guy that Mort texted with for a few days. Hard to say what exactly changed his mind but it could be anything. May have nothing to do with her questioning him.  For all she knows he could be married and just just boosting his ego by chatting with random women.

I dunno, I think "ghosted" can have different meanings depending on context.

When I said ghosted, I meant he disappeared into the abyss, like a ghost.  

Doesn't matter, I can't stand labels anyway. 

People say "move on" but there is actually nothing to move on from.

Sorry mort. 

Edited September 15, 2021 by poppyfields

[Alpacalia]

On 9/13/2021 at 6:24 PM, mortensorchid said:

I was on Tinder rhe other day and connected with someone.  We started exchanging messages, offered my phone number so we could text there.  He asked if we could meet on Wednesday night of this week, I said okay.  He seemed to come on quite strong and said he thought I was cute and whatever else, he wanted to meet as soon as possible.  I agreed to the meeting then went on the ask more factual questions (what do you do for a living, places you live or have lived in the past, have kids, etc.).  Eventually we drifted off yesterday and went to sleep.

I didn't hear from him today at all.  I was very busy today and when I finally finished the last of my things to do today at 9 pm (I teach on my computer at home), I texted him.  Nothing.

I feel like I was breadcrumbed, or am I being paranoid?

The date is supposed to be Wednesday (so that's today).

So, I think it's a bit premature at this stage ^^^^ to make a formal judgment.

Edited September 15, 2021 by Alpaca

[mortensorchid]

We are to get together on Thursday, it is now Wednesday.  I will update as time goes on.

[Alvi]

1 hour ago, mortensorchid said:

We are to get together on Thursday, it is now Wednesday.  I will update as time goes on.

Did you hear from him since? Did he set up a specific date, time, place for you two to meet? If not, I would not even bother thinking that he is going to do anything. But if he actually did do that, then why don't you shoot him up a text asking if you are still on for the Thursday?

[poppyfields]

On 9/13/2021 at 6:24 PM, mortensorchid said:

He asked if we could meet on Wednesday night of this week, I said okay.

^^^ Tonight is Wednesday.

Have you heard from him confirming? 

[Happy Lemming]

2 hours ago, mortensorchid said:

We are to get together on Thursday, it is now Wednesday.  I will update as time goes on.

 

29 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

^^^ Tonight is Wednesday.

Have you heard from him confirming? 

It appears that this gentleman has contacted mortensorchid and scheduled a date for Thursday.

[poppyfields]

7 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

 

It appears that this gentleman has contacted mortensorchid and scheduled a date for Thursday.

Things are not always what they "appear" to be.

We actually have no idea; she hasn't stated he's contacted her, she may have gotten the date wrong in her OP.

Mort is once again being elusive as ever, requiring us to play guessing games.

Sorry but I'm tired of it, opting out.

CYA mort, good luck. 

Edited September 15, 2021 by poppyfields

[Happy Lemming]

1 minute ago, poppyfields said:

Things are not always what they "appear" to be.

 

You are correct... I am making assumptions based the OP's posts and am trying to "connect the dots".

Again, I could be wrong...

In the end, I do hope this gentleman has planned a nice date for mortensorchid and they both enjoy themselves.

[FMW]

If he simply skipped a day without texting, I don't think that's a huge deal, and it's too soon to judge his interest or intentions.  

[mortensorchid]

UPDATE:

He texted me and said that he had gotten the date mixed up and it was on Thursday not Wednesday.  I said that was fine with me, I could meet him on Thursday night.  So this is how it went ...

We met near the place where this band from Sweden was to play and shook hands.  He said he was really embarrassed but the band canceled.  I said oh I was so sorry (which I was of course), he said let's go for a walk then and I agreed.  We went to a park nearby, while we were walking he said "Do you want to hold hands?"  I said "I don't even know your last name and you want to hold hands?"  He laughed.  But it was funny not awkward kind of laughing.  He was a decentish guy.  I asked him what he did, he said he drives for Door Dash and he also started his own biodegradable products company (not too sure what that is).  Ten years my junior, seemed to be kind of a bohemian type.  Said he was married once - marriage lasted 7 months and he was husband #4 (!) (I didn't ask for details).  He moved in closer and said he thought we should make out, I said I don't even know your last name and he told me his and I told him mine.  But I still wouldn't kiss him, I wasn't going to be that easy. 

He walked me to my car and we parted ways happily.  We hugged goodbye, now I have to wait until I hear from him.

[Happy Lemming]

So when the band canceled, plan B was to go for a walk??  Not go get dinner or even ice cream??

I don't want to rain on your parade, but this guy sounds like he is (monetarily) poor and can't afford to really be dating, at all.  Either that or he is cheap. 

Plan a nice date, if something goes south... try to salvage it with a dinner or something.  A walk in the park... give me a break.

 

[Alpacalia]

So his Plan B for your first date was to ask you if you want to make-out in a park?

That's a first.

Geesh.