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What do I do in this situation .

JK130443D

By JK130443D
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JK130443D New Member

JK130443D

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Hello, 

Please go easy on me ha! 

Long story short - I like a girl and I first started talking to her on instagram around 3/4 months ago and its slowly progressed from there. We have now been out 3 times with things going well. She wants a boyfriend and said im boyfriend material.

Just over 2 weeks ago she started going through a rough time. A family bereavement, amongst a few other things. She spent days in bed, crying and so on. Ive taken a step back and obviously we havent been out usual flirty chatty selves with each other and most convos have been her talking about her troubles. On a positive note - around a week ago we went on our 3rd date and i picked her up she told me she had been in bed all day poorly and she was still poorly when we was out but she has still come to see me despite being poorly and having a load of crap going on in her life which to me meant a lot.
Anyhow - this weekend she went away with her family and used it as a chance to clear her head , de stress etc. Its not Monday and I havnt heard from her since thursday morning. Ive sent a couple of messages the 1st saying i hope she has a good time and then again yesterday saying i hope shes having a good time etc but yeah - no reply. 
You could say shes being quiet because of all the crap going on in her life plus shes also been away but then again it takes a minute to send a text. She may have been away and thought she wants to have a complete break from everything even me and not spoken to anyone - I can only guess.

How should  I approach it? part of my thinks leave it now dont bother with her let her come to me then part of me thinks message her maybe tomorrow and be like "hey hows things how was your weekend" its just a delicate  situation - i defintiely dont want to vent any frustrations to her but yeah if anyone has any advice id greatly appreciate it thank you

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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1 hour ago, JK130443D said:

part of my thinks leave it now dont bother with her let her come to me then part of me thinks message her maybe tomorrow and be like "hey hows things how was your weekend"

Let her come to you, yes.

You've already sent 2 messages that she has not replied to. Don't send a third. I know you really want to hear from her, but her silence is your cue that she doesn't wish to communicate right now. 

elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

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1 hour ago, JK130443D said:

Ive sent a couple of messages the 1st saying i hope she has a good time and then again yesterday saying i hope shes having a good time etc but yeah - no reply. 

This may not be the reason for her no reply, but how can she possibly be having a good time when she is just so recently bereaved and has gone to her family for support?

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JK130443D New Member

JK130443D

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36 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

This may not be the reason for her no reply, but how can she possibly be having a good time when she is just so recently bereaved and has gone to her family for support?

Heya - the holiday away was already planned but she was unsure if she could afford to go. By the looks of it she has really enjoyed herself so hopefully its done her the world of good. In normal circumstances if i hadnt of heard from her since thursday then red flag but because shes been through a lot in the space of 2 weeks and also because shes been away i need to maybe see if differently  

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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22 minutes ago, JK130443D said:

By the looks of it she has really enjoyed herself 

I gather that this means she's posting on IG but not responding to you?

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JK130443D New Member

JK130443D

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3 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

I gather that this means she's posting on IG but not responding to you?

Correct yes shes posted pictures on social media facebook, IG and snapchat but not spoken to me since Thursday morning when she told me she had decided to go away as planned. So usually id accept ive been ghosted but because shes had all this trouble in her life lately and because shes been away im thinking of it different. Maybe she has been away and thought she needs to have a complete break away from everything including me, her friends and so on. Shall i just leave her now and see if she comes to me? shall i message in a couple of days and check in? shall i vent frustrations to her 

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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7 minutes ago, JK130443D said:

Shall i just leave her now and see if she comes to me? shall i message in a couple of days and check in?

Well, I've already answered these questions above. 

7 minutes ago, JK130443D said:

shall i vent frustrations to her

After only 3 dates - nah. Just keep moving. 

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted

Death affects people differently.  She is grieving in her way.  It's brainless to post on social media but takes more effort to interact with somebody.  You reached out 2x.  Ball is in her court.  She knows how to get in touch with you.  All you can do is wait & see.  

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kendahke Established Member

kendahke

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On 9/13/2021 at 3:42 AM, JK130443D said:

How should  I approach it?

what is her behavior telling you? Follow that clue.  I'd give her space until she comes around. She already knows you want to see her.

Quote

Correct yes shes posted pictures on social media facebook, IG and snapchat but not spoken to me

Then she's not checking for you.  It's way easier to post to social media where you don't have to get into long, protracted conversation with someone who is muscling their way into a priority spot in your life after only 3 dates.

Edited by kendahke
glows Established Member

glows

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On 9/13/2021 at 1:42 AM, JK130443D said:

Ive sent a couple of messages the 1st saying i hope she has a good time and then again yesterday saying i hope shes having a good time etc but yeah - no reply.

...then part of me thinks message her maybe tomorrow and be like "hey hows things how was your weekend" 

I hope you understand that although you come from a good place these texts are very inane and lacks heart. I am not saying that you are heartless but you have to put a lot more effort into one text and make it count. 

Something more along the lines of: "Hey, I understand a lot is going on right now. I just wanted to touch base and see how you were doing. You don't need to respond if you're not feeling up to it but I'm here if you would like to reach out or need a listening ear."

Consecutive texts like "hope you are having a good time" when she is grieving or "hey how's things how was your weekend" are things people get from anyone, even random texts from a dating app by the hundreds. Put a little more effort into communicating in future.

For now, I would leave things be for the next week or so. If you would like to reach out again in a week and send something more meaningful. 

Sun Seeker Established Member

Sun Seeker

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Delete

Edited by Punterxx
Sun Seeker Established Member

Sun Seeker

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Only 3 dates in 3/4 months... Doesn't sound very promising at all.

She's posting stuff online but ignoring your messages... that says it all. Everything is pointing to her just not being that interested in you. I think you are trying to use what happened to her 2 weeks ago as an excuse for her clear lack of interest.

What you do is absolutely nothing. Do not contact her again, and wait to see if she contacts you.

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