robaday Posted September 12, 2021 Posted September 12, 2021 I don't why but I can't shake off a quite embarrassing memory from about a year ago. I had a breakup and when I was saying goodbye I burst into tears and kinda blamed myself even though it wasn't my fault. I acted very emotional and slightly desperate. Admittedly I was drunk, but I replay the incident in my mind a lot and wish I had conducted myself better. I was in love with her and I thought she was the one. But I want to shake off this feeling of shame and move forward.
Veronica73 Posted September 12, 2021 Posted September 12, 2021 I’ve done way worse than that. You were in love with her. And guys I’ve broken up with have handled it WAY worse than you did. I don’t think you have anything to be ashamed about. 1
basil67 Posted September 13, 2021 Posted September 13, 2021 Contrary to what you may read, tears are very common reaction when being broken up with by someone who we really love. Even for men. And it's nothing to be ashamed of. 1 1
glows Posted September 13, 2021 Posted September 13, 2021 5 hours ago, robaday said: I don't why but I can't shake off a quite embarrassing memory from about a year ago. I had a breakup and when I was saying goodbye I burst into tears and kinda blamed myself even though it wasn't my fault. I acted very emotional and slightly desperate. Admittedly I was drunk, but I replay the incident in my mind a lot and wish I had conducted myself better. I was in love with her and I thought she was the one. But I want to shake off this feeling of shame and move forward. Shame implies you've done something wrong. The only thing I can think of that may be bothersome in what you've written is the drunk part as it means your mind was clouded and you may not have faced the situation with the clarity that you may have wanted. Do you have trouble with drinking or alcohol? If the answer is no, then there's not much else to feel bad about as the past is in the past. If you do have issues with alcohol, deal with those issues. When bothered with thoughts at times I ask myself how it impacts me now, today, and tomorrow, going forward. Does it have any bearing on who I am or what I'm doing or about to do? No? Then let it go.
Author robaday Posted September 21, 2021 Author Posted September 21, 2021 I guess a big part of why we broke up was me struggling with mental health issues. I guess I feel a little emasculated by the last night I saw her, blaming myself and crying.
basil67 Posted September 21, 2021 Posted September 21, 2021 Perhaps pay less attention to gender stereotypes and work more with the approach that humans are a diverse lot. 2 1
spiritedaway2003 Posted September 21, 2021 Posted September 21, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, robaday said: I guess a big part of why we broke up was me struggling with mental health issues. I guess I feel a little emasculated by the last night I saw her, blaming myself and crying. Bursting into tears over a breakup, especially with someone you love, is a normal reaction. People with mental health issues can still lead fully functional lives, so that in itself is not hindrance if it is managed well. As another poster already said, I too wouldn't focus the gender stereotypes and the shame of "emasculation". There is no shame in crying, and gender doesn't come into play. People are diverse. When I see people cry, I only see their pain and hurt, not their gender. If you're dealing with the stigma of mental health issues and it being the cause of the end of the relationship, then work with a counselor to help you get past those stigma. This is not to understate the challenges you might have in starting or maintaining a relationship, but stigmas (including ones you create for yourself) can affect you in unhealthy ways. Don't be too hard on yourself. Edited September 21, 2021 by spiritedaway2003
Author robaday Posted September 21, 2021 Author Posted September 21, 2021 I'm in counselling and have been for several months. I had a major depressive episode which I am slowly coming out of but I still don't really have any enjoyment in life, I ruminate a great deal. I actually had depression off and on for five years but came out of it for ten years and lived a very functional happy life so I am aware I can get past it, it's just gonna take time and pushing myself to get off this sofa staring into space! 1
d0nnivain Posted September 21, 2021 Posted September 21, 2021 While under the influence emotions bubbled up. That is part of being human. You are not the only person to ever get upset & let it out while drunk. Cut yourself a break. A year later that is nothing to still be going on about. You needed to forgive yourself within the week. I too suffer from depression. All you want to do is curl up & hide. Unfortunately the best antidote is movement, activity & people. So when you most want to isolate, force yourself to go for a walk. You will be shocked at how much of an improvement that causes . I was.
The Outlaw Posted September 21, 2021 Posted September 21, 2021 There's nothing to be ashamed of, man. It's better to just let it all our rather than keep it bottled up. You were in love with her. I totally get it. I was the same way just last year. But your reaction is natural and it doesn't emasculate your or make you less of a human being. Some people will openly show their emotions in front of people and others keep it to themselves until they've behind closed doors. I hope it gets better for you. 1
Author robaday Posted October 15, 2021 Author Posted October 15, 2021 Since posting this I've had some big developments. Got a job I'm really enjoying and thriving in, got some volunteering work as well which is giving me some really cool new skills, and kinda so busy I haven't had time to think of that sad episode. 1
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