stillafool Posted October 17, 2021 Posted October 17, 2021 8 hours ago, hannabolics95 said: So, I had not heard anything and I noticed he had unfollowed me, so I sent a joking message that I was going to give him some type of penance for unfollowing (he does a particular sport) and I asked how his exam was. He told me he was salty about me unfriending him, asked how I was, and told me he will have to resit his exam again. I apologised if I added to the stress and he said it was his bad for not messaging me. He then sent a follow up message asking about my week, and I replied and asked when he can resit. He told me and that was it. He hasn't mentioned about catching up. Confusing because I can't think of why he would follow up with me, claim to be affected by me unfriending him if he wasn't interested but why no initiating to see me again? Understand he's probably very stressed now after the exam. Why are you messaging him about unfollowing you when you were the one who unfriended him? This guy probably thinks you are silly. He isn't initiating because you act too immature. He's moved on. 8
stillafool Posted October 17, 2021 Posted October 17, 2021 1 hour ago, hannabolics95 said: He had a lot of chances to say he wasn't interested and wish me well when I was basically questioning why he hadn't initiated again. Seems like very little value to gain if he's not interested at all. Point is, if he's not blowing up your phone to get a date he's no longer interested. The rest doesn't matter. 1
poppyfields Posted October 17, 2021 Posted October 17, 2021 (edited) 6 minutes ago, stillafool said: Why are you messaging him about unfollowing you when you were the one who unfriended him? This guy probably thinks you are silly. He isn't initiating because you act too immature. He's moved on. Agree. You are 50% of what happened here. Instead of focusing on his actions (or lack thereof), look within at your own actions and how you contributed to the demise of this. It takes TWO. Own your part and learn from.it. Edited October 17, 2021 by poppyfields 3
Alpacalia Posted October 17, 2021 Posted October 17, 2021 (edited) Is this the butt spanking comments guy from your last thread? Edited October 17, 2021 by Alpaca
Acacia98 Posted October 18, 2021 Posted October 18, 2021 I'm having a hard time focusing on his actions long enough to give you an objective assessment of his level of interest because of what you've done to him over the course of your interaction. It genuinely sounds like you're not interested in him and you're just in this for the ego boost. It also sounds like you feel entitled to attention from him. You sent him a condescending little lecture about how you won't stand for his treatment of you. You're also the one who unfriended him but kept close enough track of him to notice that he'd unfollowed you. Why on earth would anyone do that? Do you get pleasure out of toying with people and hurting them? And you're seriously asking if he's stringing you along? For your own sake, I hope this is a fabricated story. Because if it isn't, I seriously worry about your emotional health and about the well-being of anyone you choose to toy with in the name of dating. You really shouldn't be dating. You should be trying to address the issues that would cause you to treat a person this way. 2
ASG Posted October 18, 2021 Posted October 18, 2021 (edited) On 10/18/2021 at 1:21 AM, hannabolics95 said: I understand that. However, why follow up with me with another message if he's so not interested? I don't do that to people I'm not interested in. Also why say that he wanted to see me again, then keep in contact with me after the first date? He had a lot of chances to say he wasn't interested and wish me well when I was basically questioning why he hadn't initiated again. Seems like very little value to gain if he's not interested at all. Because maybe he didn't want to seem rude. He only asked you about your week, reciprocating your own question. It's not exactly going out of his way. And he may have been interested, but seriously, you're way too much drama. You unfriend him and get mad at him for unfollowing you?!?! WTH?! What's that even about? And he told you he wasn't impressed with being unfriended. That might have turned his switch to NOT INTERESTED. Edited October 18, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator language
ChatroomHero Posted October 19, 2021 Posted October 19, 2021 So if there was a guy that you went on a date with but realized he was nice but you had no interest and you felt bad rejecting him and just wanted to push him away and do the slow fade, can you tell me how YOU would have handled things any differently? I mean everything you did just screams you want his attention to validate yourself but want nothing further than that. You want his attention and want him to chase but from his view it's clear you're not ever going to let him catch up. For him, you are a waste of time and massive frustration of a pen pal where it is going nowhere fast. 1
Author hannabolics95 Posted October 19, 2021 Author Posted October 19, 2021 2 minutes ago, ChatroomHero said: So if there was a guy that you went on a date with but realized he was nice but you had no interest and you felt bad rejecting him and just wanted to push him away and do the slow fade, can you tell me how YOU would have handled things any differently? I mean everything you did just screams you want his attention to validate yourself but want nothing further than that. You want his attention and want him to chase but from his view it's clear you're not ever going to let him catch up. For him, you are a waste of time and massive frustration of a pen pal where it is going nowhere fast. Rejected plenty of people somewhat recently. I have had no issues being honest.
Author hannabolics95 Posted October 19, 2021 Author Posted October 19, 2021 (edited) 21 hours ago, ASG said: Because maybe he didn't want to seem rude. He only asked you about your week, reciprocating your own question. It's not exactly going out of his way. And he may have been interested, but seriously, you're way too much drama. You unfriend him and get mad at him for unfollowing you?!?! WTH?! What's that even about? And he told you he wasn't impressed with being unfriended. That might have turned his switch to NOT INTERESTED. He asked me how I was (which I didn't respond to) and he sent a follow up message asking about my week. Nothing indicates about doing it out of kindness. Edited October 19, 2021 by hannabolics95
stillafool Posted October 19, 2021 Posted October 19, 2021 1 minute ago, hannabolics95 said: Rejected plenty of people somewhat recently. I have had no issues being honest. I see. So you're probably used to and are okay with most of them thinking the below: 1 minute ago, hannabolics95 said: you are a waste of time and massive frustration of a pen pal where it is going nowhere fast.
ASG Posted October 19, 2021 Posted October 19, 2021 45 minutes ago, hannabolics95 said: He asked me how I was (which I didn't respond to) and he sent a follow up message asking about my week. Nothing indicates about doing it out of kindness. If you're not interested... and everything you're going screams that, why do you care?
Alpacalia Posted October 19, 2021 Posted October 19, 2021 (edited) OP, it's apparent that you're interested in him. So, what was the reason for your hesitancy on your part? Edited October 19, 2021 by Alpaca
Alvi Posted October 19, 2021 Posted October 19, 2021 I m a bit confused about what you want from this guy. Do you like him at all? If so, your actions are totally off. You showed him in every way that you are not interested in him. Do you want him to still keep messaging and orbiting you you or you just want him to tell you that he is no longer interested? If you are interested in him, here is what you do: You text him and apologize for your wishy washy dramatic behavior. Admit that you like him and see some potential but your actions were wrong. Tell him that you mishandled things and would like another for another chance to prove yourself. If he texts you back then ask him out. If not, let it go.
ExpatInItaly Posted October 19, 2021 Posted October 19, 2021 OP, you have no idea what you want and it shows. 2 1
Author hannabolics95 Posted October 20, 2021 Author Posted October 20, 2021 16 hours ago, Alvi said: I m a bit confused about what you want from this guy. Do you like him at all? If so, your actions are totally off. You showed him in every way that you are not interested in him. Do you want him to still keep messaging and orbiting you you or you just want him to tell you that he is no longer interested? If you are interested in him, here is what you do: You text him and apologize for your wishy washy dramatic behavior. Admit that you like him and see some potential but your actions were wrong. Tell him that you mishandled things and would like another for another chance to prove yourself. If he texts you back then ask him out. If not, let it go. Yes I do. I did apologise and he said "It was my bad for not messaging, I should have", so on that basis, as he hasn't suggested another date; I assume it's a no. Maybe not forever as we did take a while to meet. While I'm not opposed completely due to the lack of momentum as I am quite busy/stressed with my own life.
Author hannabolics95 Posted October 23, 2021 Author Posted October 23, 2021 Update: he asked to see me soon.
stillafool Posted October 23, 2021 Posted October 23, 2021 16 hours ago, hannabolics95 said: Update: he asked to see me soon. Same ole same ole I see. Still no date set.
Author hannabolics95 Posted October 24, 2021 Author Posted October 24, 2021 7 hours ago, stillafool said: Same ole same ole I see. Still no date set. Possibly because I have exams in a few weeks and gave a rough idea when they are and said after them. Hopefully we do come to an agreement of a day.
stillafool Posted October 24, 2021 Posted October 24, 2021 9 hours ago, hannabolics95 said: Possibly because I have exams in a few weeks and gave a rough idea when they are and said after them. Hopefully we do come to an agreement of a day. A few weeks is not soon. 1
Wiseman2 Posted October 24, 2021 Posted October 24, 2021 On 10/23/2021 at 1:23 AM, hannabolics95 said: Update: he asked to see me soon. What are you hoping for if/when you meet?
ExpatInItaly Posted October 24, 2021 Posted October 24, 2021 2 hours ago, stillafool said: A few weeks is not soon. Yeah, this is my reaction too. Soon is within the next few days. Not a nebulous point weeks from now. 2
Author hannabolics95 Posted October 25, 2021 Author Posted October 25, 2021 19 hours ago, S2B said: Even a super busy guy has his meals each day. if he really wanted to see you he would ask for coffee or a quick meal. he’s not interested enough to find time to see you. Move on. Wouldn't this be more relevant pertaining to me now since I said we can catch up after my exams? I assume, when he asked to study with me recently, he meant practically now?
Author hannabolics95 Posted December 4, 2021 Author Posted December 4, 2021 This guy messaged me first quite a few times before I had responded on Instagram. I then realised it was a few months and I hadn’t responded so I messaged him. We spoke for probably a whole month before the meeting. He has offered breakfast/study dates before too. We ended up going out for dinner. Had very good chats, seems like a really lovely guy and nothing sexual. Some cute messages to each other, like him sending me photos of what he does for work and him telling me that he often thinks about me. He told me he was a bit nervous before picking me up. He picked me up from my house and before he got to mine, he texted me saying would I like him to meet my parents or just pick me up. He paid for dinner and it went really well in terms of chats, felt like a really caring and respectful guy, talked about family and all those nice things. One thing is that he takes great interest in my life and wants to make things easier for me (or so it feels at times), for example wanting to help me out with studying etc. He dropped me home and did not indicate anything about going back to his which was good. He asked if I would like to do this again and I said yes. When we got back to my house to drop me home, my mother was just coming home and he waited and said hello to her. He then said she was lovely. I could tell he wanted to kiss as he sort of just kept looking at me, I said something and then we kissed. He messaged me a few hours later thanking me, kept in on and off-contact for the week, he told me he was tired but good. He asked about my plans for the weekend and I did the same, he is very busy and works in the medical field. He hasn’t mentioned anything about catching up again. He asked about a job interview over the weekend and I didn’t respond till about 5 days later. In one of our messages, I sort of implied that I wasn’t sure when I would be seeing him next and he sent a sweet message saying he hopes to get to know me better and see where things go. That he was busy but should have more time once exams are finished and that he does want to see me again. I told him I supported him and that I don’t expect him to keep in contact. He initiates a lot and has initiated predominately. He’ll message, we’ll talk for a bit and then maybe I won’t respond if it doesn’t require a response and then he’ll send a follow-up message asking about something. He asked about studying together. I suggested we should go to the beach/study together. He asked me a few other questions, asking where the apartment is etc as I’m probably buying one soon. He’s currently in quarantine and we’ve been messaging a fair bit, him following up if I don’t respond etc. He told me about some job offers he took, asking what we want to do when we catch up. He said the other day if he's allowed to ask an upfront question, and asked 'what is it you're looking for?' as he has to move away which is about 2 hours away with a sad face. Told him I want to see where things go and that I do like him, he agreed to talk in person. Then asked if I’m looking for someone casual at all, perhaps asked me this as a while back when we were talking, I said I probably didn’t have the capacity for anything serious but would be open to it. He questioned at the time and said ‘I thought you were looking for something serious?’ I said not pursuing something casual but the same for a relationship. He agreed to see how things go. Advice? **TL;DR** guy seems into me, he has to move away for work. Been talking for almost 9 months, not exclusively.
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