Author hannabolics95 Posted September 22, 2021 Author Posted September 22, 2021 Just now, Wiseman2 said: He doesn't seem that interested. Have you read the book "He's Just Not That Into You"? It may help you move on from this and invest your time and effort into men who are interested in dating you. Set yourself free and finally delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. Would you personally see this person again?
basil67 Posted September 22, 2021 Posted September 22, 2021 Hanna, have you noticed that how he treats you is how you were treating him? He's following your lead. 2
Author hannabolics95 Posted September 22, 2021 Author Posted September 22, 2021 32 minutes ago, basil67 said: Hanna, have you noticed that how he treats you is how you were treating him? He's following your lead. As in, taking a while to ever meet up or?
introverted1 Posted September 22, 2021 Posted September 22, 2021 1 hour ago, hannabolics95 said: Would you personally see this person again? He told you he'd be busy until after his exams. You are not a long-standing girlfriend but someone he recently met, so that's a reasonable position for him to take. Yes, perhaps if you had really knocked his socks off he'd find time to see you while studying. But he doesn't want to do that and that is your cue to move on and date other people. If he comes 'round after his exams and you are still interested, then you go out with him. If not, you are on to the next man. But this thing you do where you continue to push him and accuse him of poor behavior -- you won't "stand for" certain things, he should be more proactive, you've been strung along, you've had enough, etc.-- is killing any interest he had. If someone did this to me, I wouldn't want to see that person, regardless how they felt about me. He's not the center of your life. Stop nagging him. 6
Author hannabolics95 Posted September 22, 2021 Author Posted September 22, 2021 7 minutes ago, introverted1 said: He told you he'd be busy until after his exams. You are not a long-standing girlfriend but someone he recently met, so that's a reasonable position for him to take. Yes, perhaps if you had really knocked his socks off he'd find time to see you while studying. But he doesn't want to do that and that is your cue to move on and date other people. If he comes 'round after his exams and you are still interested, then you go out with him. If not, you are on to the next man. But this thing you do where you continue to push him and accuse him of poor behavior -- you won't "stand for" certain things, he should be more proactive, you've been strung along, you've had enough, etc.-- is killing any interest he had. If someone did this to me, I wouldn't want to see that person, regardless how they felt about me. He's not the center of your life. Stop nagging him. Thank you. I did feel like the date did go really well though which has made it more confusing that I feel he could've been a bit more proactive previously.
introverted1 Posted September 22, 2021 Posted September 22, 2021 1 minute ago, hannabolics95 said: Thank you. I did feel like the date did go really well though which has made it more confusing that I feel he could've been a bit more proactive previously. But it's been one date! You can't get this invested after one meeting with someone. And you certainly can't expect anything good to come from telling someone how awful you think their behavior has been. From your OP, it reads like you are both very young and inexperienced. Are you both teenagers? Maybe he will reach out after his exams. At this point, there is nothing for you to do except to respond to him IF he reaches out. If he doesn't, move on to another guy. And keep your emotions in check. One date does not make someone beholden to you, or you to them. 1
Author hannabolics95 Posted September 22, 2021 Author Posted September 22, 2021 2 minutes ago, introverted1 said: But it's been one date! You can't get this invested after one meeting with someone. And you certainly can't expect anything good to come from telling someone how awful you think their behavior has been. From your OP, it reads like you are both very young and inexperienced. Are you both teenagers? Maybe he will reach out after his exams. At this point, there is nothing for you to do except to respond to him IF he reaches out. If he doesn't, move on to another guy. And keep your emotions in check. One date does not make someone beholden to you, or you to them. Thank you, unfortunately we are mid twenties.
ExpatInItaly Posted September 22, 2021 Posted September 22, 2021 14 minutes ago, hannabolics95 said: Thank you. I did feel like the date did go really well though which has made it more confusing that I feel he could've been a bit more proactive previously. The same could easily be said of you. You dropped the ball a few times here yourself. And then you get demanding and pushy when he doesn't respond as fast as you would like - and it's only been one date. It's not surprising that he's not overly-excited to set up the second one.
clia Posted September 22, 2021 Posted September 22, 2021 4 hours ago, hannabolics95 said: I asked if he wants to see me and that I’ve still yet to receive any real date from you when this would be happening and even if he’s not intentionally doing it, I feel quite strung on. He opened that and didn’t respond. I sent him a final message this morning saying that he’s not clutching to even respond, that he’s should have been more proactive since as he would suggest things previously. That I feel frustrated with this and have had enough. Opened that and no response yet either. That if we did catch up in 2 weeks, that would have been 6 weeks since we first met. He finally replied asking if I would like his number and if we wanted to study this weekend. I said after his exams is fine and he said that’s very gracious of me. I didn’t respond and that was a week ago. This is all just so cringey. He's not interested. I'm going to break it down: Quote I asked if he wants to see me and that I’ve still yet to receive any real date from you when this would be happening and even if he’s not intentionally doing it, I feel quite strung on. He opened that and didn’t respond. He told you he was busy with exams and would get back to you once they were finished. But here you are, messaging him again and pushing for a date. You should have just said "okay," and moved along with your life. Was he being truthful? Who knows, who cares. If you hear from him again, then at that point you decide if you are still interested in seeing him. If you don't hear from him, then no big deal. That often happens after one date, when one party decides they aren't compatible. Quote I sent him a final message this morning saying that he’s not clutching to even respond, that he’s should have been more proactive since as he would suggest things previously. That I feel frustrated with this and have had enough. Opened that and no response yet either. That if we did catch up in 2 weeks, that would have been 6 weeks since we first met. His lack of response IS a response. This is a guy you had one date with. If you think he's not proactive enough, move along. You don't have to share with him every thought and feeling you have about his actions. It's way too much at this stage. Quote He finally replied asking if I would like his number and if we wanted to study this weekend. I said after his exams is fine and he said that’s very gracious of me. I didn’t respond and that was a week ago. You don't even have his phone number and are carrying on like this? Sheesh. He might've been interested right after your date, but if someone I had one date with was carrying on like this, I would think it was way too much to deal with. You should've just gone with the flow. 6
smackie9 Posted September 22, 2021 Posted September 22, 2021 I say it's acceptable.....but you don't have to put yourself on hold. Date other people.
d0nnivain Posted September 22, 2021 Posted September 22, 2021 3 hours ago, hannabolics95 said: I did feel like the date did go really well though which has made it more confusing that I feel he could've been a bit more proactive previously. A good date with some potential does not mean he needs to blow off studying for some new person only in his life for a few weeks. Your expectations are completely out of whack. Yes it would have been nice if he sent you a text or two but he did tell you he's studying. You should not go out with him again because you two are on different pages. He should drop you like a hot potato because you are far too unreasonable & your priorities are so much different than his. Be done. Move on. 1
Snow_Queen Posted September 22, 2021 Posted September 22, 2021 The reason he’s not being very proactive is because you’ve given some pretty clear signs you’re not interested. I know that wasn’t your intention but your actions have spoken. Taking too long to respond, the way you’ve spoken to him, and treated him tells him all he needs to know. I’m surprised he’s still communicating. It would be wise to move at this point. 3
stillafool Posted September 22, 2021 Posted September 22, 2021 I think you're definitely interested in him but he is quickly losing interest in you because of the drama you bring. Don't get your hopes up on this guy because he's not that into you. 2
Author hannabolics95 Posted October 17, 2021 Author Posted October 17, 2021 So, I had not heard anything and I noticed he had unfollowed me, so I sent a joking message that I was going to give him some type of penance for unfollowing (he does a particular sport) and I asked how his exam was. He told me he was salty about me unfriending him, asked how I was, and told me he will have to resit his exam again. I apologised if I added to the stress and he said it was his bad for not messaging me. He then sent a follow up message asking about my week, and I replied and asked when he can resit. He told me and that was it. He hasn't mentioned about catching up. Confusing because I can't think of why he would follow up with me, claim to be affected by me unfriending him if he wasn't interested but why no initiating to see me again? Understand he's probably very stressed now after the exam.
ExpatInItaly Posted October 17, 2021 Posted October 17, 2021 I would put this guy in your rearview mirror. This never gained momentum and there's nothing here to build on. 2
elaine567 Posted October 17, 2021 Posted October 17, 2021 1 hour ago, hannabolics95 said: So, I had not heard anything and I noticed he had unfollowed me, so I sent a joking message that I was going to give him some type of penance for unfollowing (he does a particular sport) and I asked how his exam was. He told me he was salty about me unfriending him, asked how I was, and told me he will have to resit his exam again. I apologised if I added to the stress and he said it was his bad for not messaging me. He then sent a follow up message asking about my week, and I replied and asked when he can resit. He told me and that was it. He hasn't mentioned about catching up. Confusing because I can't think of why he would follow up with me, claim to be affected by me unfriending him if he wasn't interested but why no initiating to see me again? Understand he's probably very stressed now after the exam. Take the hint he is not interested. You are playing hard to get games but that only works if the person you are playing them with, is very interested or has no other options or likes the game. He was luke warm and just got colder. Leave him alone. A person can be upset about something you do but that doesn't mean they are interested in seeing more of you, here it just means he wants to avoid you. 3
Wiseman2 Posted October 17, 2021 Posted October 17, 2021 3 hours ago, hannabolics95 said: he was salty about me unfriending him. He hasn't mentioned about catching up. Why did you unfriend him if you are still interested? What do you mean by "catching up"? Hooking up or hoping he's interested in dating again?
Author hannabolics95 Posted October 17, 2021 Author Posted October 17, 2021 5 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Why did you unfriend him if you are still interested? What do you mean by "catching up"? Hooking up or hoping he's interested in dating again? Catching up, hanging out/seeing where things go.
Sun Seeker Posted October 17, 2021 Posted October 17, 2021 3 hours ago, hannabolics95 said: Catching up, hanging out/seeing where things go. That ship has long passed. It's not going to happen. He is not interested in you, how is it so hard for you to see when it's so clear to everyone else. Stop contacting him and move on with your life. Your obsession with him is not a good look. 3
Author hannabolics95 Posted October 17, 2021 Author Posted October 17, 2021 (edited) 6 minutes ago, Sun Seeker said: That ship has long passed. It's not going to happen. He is not interested in you, how is it so hard for you to see when it's so clear to everyone else. Stop contacting him and move on with your life. Your obsession with him is not a good look. I understand that. However, why follow up with me with another message if he's so not interested? I don't do that to people I'm not interested in. Also why say that he wanted to see me again, then keep in contact with me after the first date? He had a lot of chances to say he wasn't interested and wish me well when I was basically questioning why he hadn't initiated again. Seems like very little value to gain if he's not interested at all. Edited October 17, 2021 by hannabolics95
ExpatInItaly Posted October 17, 2021 Posted October 17, 2021 He might keep you around as a hook-up if the opportunity arises, but it's clear that he's lost interest in dating you. 1
Author hannabolics95 Posted October 17, 2021 Author Posted October 17, 2021 (edited) 9 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: He might keep you around as a hook-up if the opportunity arises, but it's clear that he's lost interest in dating you. It's not like anything has changed though. It's not like we were messaging and within days/weeks, we met up. He messaged me in first in April, wet met August. It's arguable there never has been a momentum, as a result of anything; that could be simply beyond my control. Edited October 17, 2021 by hannabolics95
poppyfields Posted October 17, 2021 Posted October 17, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, hannabolics95 said: I understand that. However, why follow up with me with another message if he's so not interested? I don't do that to people I'm not interested in. Also why say that he wanted to see me again, then keep in contact with me after the first date? He had a lot of chances to say he wasn't interested and wish me well when I was basically questioning why he hadn't initiated again. Seems like very little value to gain if he's not interested at all. When you receive these types of 'mixed messages' (i.e keeps in contact, says he wants to see you again BUT never initiates seeing you again or follows through) it's always best to focus on the least favorable message. In this case, he hasn't initiated seeing you, has not followed through. Focus on THAT versus why did he do this or that. Who the hell knows, it doesn't matter. Interested people ACT interested. They initiate and want to spend time with you. He is not, that is as clear as a bright sunny day. The 'why' doesn't matter, could be many things. Best to move on, I'm sorry. Edited October 17, 2021 by poppyfields 2
princessaurora Posted October 17, 2021 Posted October 17, 2021 1 hour ago, hannabolics95 said: I understand that. However, why follow up with me with another message if he's so not interested? I don't do that to people I'm not interested in. Also why say that he wanted to see me again, then keep in contact with me after the first date? He had a lot of chances to say he wasn't interested and wish me well when I was basically questioning why he hadn't initiated again. Seems like very little value to gain if he's not interested at all. There seems to be a fine line between responding so quickly you look desperate or waiting so long to respond they think you're not interested. I have seen so many friends struggle to find this balance and basically become a a "plain bag of potato chips". What that means is he/she won't completely throw you away because they don't hate plain chips, but they would much prefer the flavored ones.. So they'll hold onto the bag of plain ones (by stringing you along with sporadic messages) and may even reach to grab the bag (set a date) if they don't see any flavored ones at the moment , but if as they're reaching they spot a bag of bbq (better date option, better offer) , you're staying in the pantry, (date is cancelled, postponed) and will remain there until they open you and finish half the bag (finally see you and have a mediocre time ) because you don't satisfy their craving, or realize you're expired and throw you away (finally completely fade out). The problem is women don't want to seem too available but if you're too hard to get many men wont bother. It's a world of catalog dating, so they'll just move on to the next one and then Rinse, wash, repeat. You are in the "about to be expired " category right now. So I would just walk away with your head held high and learn from this experience. Maintain your own life and don't be at a man's beckon call, , but do not play games either because they almost always backfire. When you don't respond for a few hours, that's just going about your business. When you go for days without responding, either you're not that into him or are messing with his head. And most people are smart enough to decipher. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted October 17, 2021 Posted October 17, 2021 13 minutes ago, hannabolics95 said: It's arguable there never has been a momentum Well, exactly. There is no point trying to keep in touch with him. 1
Recommended Posts