hannabolics95 Posted September 8, 2021 Posted September 8, 2021 Can it be possible that a man *occasionally* will message you something slightly sexual? Been talking to a guy since April, all initiated by him. We finally met up after weeks/months of me not responding. He picked me up, offered to introduce himself to my parents and met my mother on the way home. Paid for dinner. We only kissed after he dropped me home. Nothing overtly sexual. However, if a guy has serious intentions with a girl, will he send the odd sexual message? Perhaps let's say - if the sexual tone is more initiated by me but he definitely shy away, occasionally.
introverted1 Posted September 8, 2021 Posted September 8, 2021 20 minutes ago, hannabolics95 said: Can it be possible that a man *occasionally* will message you something slightly sexual? Been talking to a guy since April, all initiated by him. We finally met up after weeks/months of me not responding. He picked me up, offered to introduce himself to my parents and met my mother on the way home. Paid for dinner. We only kissed after he dropped me home. Nothing overtly sexual. However, if a guy has serious intentions with a girl, will he send the odd sexual message? Perhaps let's say - if the sexual tone is more initiated by me but he definitely shy away, occasionally. Please elaborate on the bolded. What do you mean when you say you were not responding when you also say you were talking for months? Why did it take so long to meet? Do you live locally to each other? 1
Author hannabolics95 Posted September 8, 2021 Author Posted September 8, 2021 (edited) 10 minutes ago, introverted1 said: Please elaborate on the bolded. What do you mean when you say you were not responding when you also say you were talking for months? Why did it take so long to meet? Do you live locally to each other? He just reached out to me via Instagram, I briefly responded to something he said and he replied and then I didn't respond to that till months later. However, probably late July-August we were messaging each other a few times a week (brief messages) for about a month until we met. I think there was some genuine nervousness from both ends. He admitted when he picked me up for dinner that he was nervous too. We live locally yes, unsure when he first messaged me though. Edited September 8, 2021 by hannabolics95
Ami1uwant Posted September 8, 2021 Posted September 8, 2021 (edited) 8 minutes ago, hannabolics95 said: He just reached out to me via Instagram, I briefly responded to something he said and he replied and then I didn't respond to that till months later. However, probably late July-August we were messaging each other a few times a week (brief messages) for about a month until we met. I think there was some genuine nervousness from both ends. He admitted when he picked me up for dinner that he was nervous too. We live locally yes, unsure when he first messaged me though. What are the sex comments? were they double entendre sexual innuendo jokes? We’re they explicit of wishing to kiss you? Edited September 8, 2021 by Ami1uwant
Author hannabolics95 Posted September 8, 2021 Author Posted September 8, 2021 10 minutes ago, Ami1uwant said: What are the sex comments? were they double entendre sexual innuendo jokes? We’re they explicit of wishing to kiss you? Sort of disguised as flirting I guess. For example, asking what I was going to wear on the date, saying that it would be hot. Telling me about a colleague who got fired for slapping someone on the butt and then asking if I would like him to do that to me.
stillafool Posted September 8, 2021 Posted September 8, 2021 53 minutes ago, hannabolics95 said: Sort of disguised as flirting I guess. For example, asking what I was going to wear on the date, saying that it would be hot. Telling me about a colleague who got fired for slapping someone on the butt and then asking if I would like him to do that to me. 1 hour ago, hannabolics95 said: Perhaps let's say - if the sexual tone is more initiated by me but he definitely shy away, occasionally. Are you saying you initiated the sexual tone or he did?
d0nnivain Posted September 8, 2021 Posted September 8, 2021 (edited) Flirting is part of dating. Sex is part of a relationship. I would be more concerned if there was no flirting or innuendo. Like most things moderation is key; as long as the reference was veiled, lighthearted & merely suggestive in sort of a PG way, it's not a big deal & probably doesn't indicate that the person is only looking for casual. Something overt or worse, vulgar, may be a harbinger of deeper problems. The comment that your outfit would be "hot" was probably OK. Asking if you would like to be slapped on the butt is crossing a line. Edited September 8, 2021 by d0nnivain 4
glows Posted September 8, 2021 Posted September 8, 2021 It may be a turn off but it doesn't mean he's not interested. You can decide whether you like it or not and tell him to cut it out or stop speaking with him. Overall, he sounds decent enough for wanting to introduce himself to your parents if you live with them. I don't know how old you are but if a man tried this at my age, it wouldn't work. The comments are too silly for me. He doesn't need to ask about what I'm going to wear on the date if he's on time and is there. I don't know whether to laugh or ignore.
Ami1uwant Posted September 8, 2021 Posted September 8, 2021 25 minutes ago, glows said: It may be a turn off but it doesn't mean he's not interested. You can decide whether you like it or not and tell him to cut it out or stop speaking with him. Overall, he sounds decent enough for wanting to introduce himself to your parents if you live with them. I don't know how old you are but if a man tried this at my age, it wouldn't work. The comments are too silly for me. He doesn't need to ask about what I'm going to wear on the date if he's on time and is there. I don't know whether to laugh or ignore. 25 minutes ago, glows said:
Ami1uwant Posted September 8, 2021 Posted September 8, 2021 (edited) 29 minutes ago, glows said: It may be a turn off but it doesn't mean he's not interested. You can decide whether you like it or not and tell him to cut it out or stop speaking with him. Overall, he sounds decent enough for wanting to introduce himself to your parents if you live with them. I don't know how old you are but if a man tried this at my age, it wouldn't work. The comments are too silly for me. He doesn't need to ask about what I'm going to wear on the date if he's on time and is there. I don't know whether to laugh or ignore. on your last part….. if you are meeting in person for the first time…asking what you are wearing is a fair un offensive non sexist question. It helps you find the person. I have prosopagnosia. It’s difficult recognizing people…especially women when they change their hair dtyle or hair color often. Edited September 8, 2021 by Ami1uwant
Mrin Posted September 8, 2021 Posted September 8, 2021 Mmmmm sounds like flirting to me. And trying to suss out whether or not you are a sexual being. Having a sexual connection is crazy important for me in a relationship and so I will try to see if there's some sexual tension that can be built. 2
Lotsgoingon Posted September 8, 2021 Posted September 8, 2021 Sounds like flirting to me, and slapping the butt comment seems way too early. But I cannot tell what you want. Do you want sex with this guy or not? Or do you want a relationship with this guy or do you want to see if there is a relationship possibility. Tell us where you stand and we can give you better guidance. You NEVER want to develop interest in someone solely because they are interested in you.
Author hannabolics95 Posted September 9, 2021 Author Posted September 9, 2021 8 hours ago, Lotsgoingon said: Sounds like flirting to me, and slapping the butt comment seems way too early. But I cannot tell what you want. Do you want sex with this guy or not? Or do you want a relationship with this guy or do you want to see if there is a relationship possibility. Tell us where you stand and we can give you better guidance. You NEVER want to develop interest in someone solely because they are interested in you. I would like a relationship with this person, yes. The other details about him can be found on my other posts, but just only concerned that this Sunday I would have last seen him 2 weeks ago. He said at the end of the date when he dropped me home if I would like to do this again and I said yes. We don't message a whole lot, but he said last weekend his weekend was packed (he works in the medical industry) but he just hasn't messaged me about catching up again. While, he initiated just about everything, I would much prefer if it came from him again.
Lotsgoingon Posted September 9, 2021 Posted September 9, 2021 He's not interested. At the end of a date, I would NEVER (and I'm on the cautious side)--I would NEVER ask someone, "would you like to do this again?" That's lame. I wouldn't do that because I want to make clear that I'd like to do this again. And if the date has been really fun and we really connecting, then I want to step into that energy and say I really had a good time. It's the enthusiasm with which you say "I had a great time" that communicates that you want to see someone again. I'd wait for her to say if she says had a wonderful time--with equal enthusiasm. Then I'd hug or kiss and within 24 hours would repeat that I had a fabulous time. And then follow up with a new date plan. There's no such thing as "busy" when it comes to dating. Not in a world of texting or two-minute phone calls when you can tell someone you are thinking about them and that you are really looking forward to seeing them. Trust me: this guy, no matter how busy je os. is taking some time out of his day or evening and goofing off on websites and watching ESPN or some other TV. So stay away. An interested guy, actually a half-interested guy, would already have contacted you multiple times--even if he's working 18-hour days or seven days straight. You contact the woman to say I'm busy now, but I'm looking forward to seeing you again. You want to learn how to read disinterest--because this behavior is pretty obvious disinterest. Now if you choose to make yourself available (even though he's been out of touch) his conclusion will be that you are easy sex or that you are easy to bamboozle. He'll assume he can throw you some nice words (you'll hear those words as deep interest) and after he sleeps with you, he'll again not want to be in contact because he wants to just sleep with you. 4
Author hannabolics95 Posted September 9, 2021 Author Posted September 9, 2021 21 minutes ago, Lotsgoingon said: He's not interested. At the end of a date, I would NEVER (and I'm on the cautious side)--I would NEVER ask someone, "would you like to do this again?" That's lame. I wouldn't do that because I want to make clear that I'd like to do this again. And if the date has been really fun and we really connecting, then I want to step into that energy and say I really had a good time. It's the enthusiasm with which you say "I had a great time" that communicates that you want to see someone again. I'd wait for her to say if she says had a wonderful time--with equal enthusiasm. Then I'd hug or kiss and within 24 hours would repeat that I had a fabulous time. And then follow up with a new date plan. There's no such thing as "busy" when it comes to dating. Not in a world of texting or two-minute phone calls when you can tell someone you are thinking about them and that you are really looking forward to seeing them. Trust me: this guy, no matter how busy je os. is taking some time out of his day or evening and goofing off on websites and watching ESPN or some other TV. So stay away. An interested guy, actually a half-interested guy, would already have contacted you multiple times--even if he's working 18-hour days or seven days straight. You contact the woman to say I'm busy now, but I'm looking forward to seeing you again. You want to learn how to read disinterest--because this behavior is pretty obvious disinterest. Now if you choose to make yourself available (even though he's been out of touch) his conclusion will be that you are easy sex or that you are easy to bamboozle. He'll assume he can throw you some nice words (you'll hear those words as deep interest) and after he sleeps with you, he'll again not want to be in contact because he wants to just sleep with you. Very strange as he immediately messaged me after saying he had fun and thanked me and then kept in contact with me afterwards, initiating etc. Should I say anything to him? I do honestly wonder though if it's anything to do with how long it took for us to meet and me sort of showing not that much effort/interest.
Alpacalia Posted September 9, 2021 Posted September 9, 2021 Is this when he asked you if you wanted your butt spanked before meeting you/going on a date? If it made you uncomfortable, and you're looking for someone similar to you with values more aligned with yours, the only way to see or find him is to turn off the rest of the noise.
Author hannabolics95 Posted September 9, 2021 Author Posted September 9, 2021 37 minutes ago, Lotsgoingon said: He's not interested. At the end of a date, I would NEVER (and I'm on the cautious side)--I would NEVER ask someone, "would you like to do this again?" That's lame. I wouldn't do that because I want to make clear that I'd like to do this again. And if the date has been really fun and we really connecting, then I want to step into that energy and say I really had a good time. It's the enthusiasm with which you say "I had a great time" that communicates that you want to see someone again. I'd wait for her to say if she says had a wonderful time--with equal enthusiasm. Then I'd hug or kiss and within 24 hours would repeat that I had a fabulous time. And then follow up with a new date plan. There's no such thing as "busy" when it comes to dating. Not in a world of texting or two-minute phone calls when you can tell someone you are thinking about them and that you are really looking forward to seeing them. Trust me: this guy, no matter how busy je os. is taking some time out of his day or evening and goofing off on websites and watching ESPN or some other TV. So stay away. An interested guy, actually a half-interested guy, would already have contacted you multiple times--even if he's working 18-hour days or seven days straight. You contact the woman to say I'm busy now, but I'm looking forward to seeing you again. You want to learn how to read disinterest--because this behavior is pretty obvious disinterest. Now if you choose to make yourself available (even though he's been out of touch) his conclusion will be that you are easy sex or that you are easy to bamboozle. He'll assume he can throw you some nice words (you'll hear those words as deep interest) and after he sleeps with you, he'll again not want to be in contact because he wants to just sleep with you. Also, he hasn't been out of touch. I will say, that is incorrect. In fact, I didn't respond till 5 days later when he asked about a job interview I had on the weekend. All contact has been initiated by him which makes it more confusing.
Author hannabolics95 Posted September 9, 2021 Author Posted September 9, 2021 Just now, Alpaca said: Is this when he asked you if you wanted your butt spanked before meeting you/going on a date? If it made you uncomfortable, and you're looking for someone similar to you with values more aligned with yours, the only way to see or find him is to turn off the rest of the noise. He said this in message to me last night.
Alpacalia Posted September 9, 2021 Posted September 9, 2021 (edited) 31 minutes ago, hannabolics95 said: He said this in message to me last night. A little spicy talk is fine. But, you also have to set your own parameters. Maybe you open that door with him too quickly, and you won't be able to control yourselves and you'll end up having sex faster than you planned. If that's not what you're looking for, then that's not what you're looking for. Edited September 9, 2021 by Alpaca Just reread
Wiseman2 Posted September 9, 2021 Posted September 9, 2021 17 hours ago, hannabolics95 said: . Telling me about a colleague who got fired for slapping someone on the butt and then asking if I would like him to do that to me. Was it just one date so far? Yes this seems like he's in another relationship but seeing if you are into his kinks. It may best to cut your losses since he's clearly not that interested and ghosts for months at a time.
Author hannabolics95 Posted September 9, 2021 Author Posted September 9, 2021 (edited) 36 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Was it just one date so far? Yes this seems like he's in another relationship but seeing if you are into his kinks. It may best to cut your losses since he's clearly not that interested and ghosts for months at a time. Ghosts for months at a time? It was me that didn't respond. The chances of this guy being in a relationship is very slim. Edited September 9, 2021 by hannabolics95
d0nnivain Posted September 9, 2021 Posted September 9, 2021 You didn't respond to him for 5 days but you expect him to chase you & initiate. You claim you don't understand why he hasn't scheduled another date. Be serious. He hasn't scheduled anything because he is uncertain whether you like him. Nobody likes rejection. At this point he is probably not asking in part because he fears you will say no or have friend-zoned him. You just don't seem eager. Stop playing games. Start being more responsive. Since you dragged your feet for almost a week, get off your hands & you initiate something. He's not going to do anything, nor should he, while you are being non-responsive. 2
stillafool Posted September 9, 2021 Posted September 9, 2021 So you've only been out with this guy one time? 1
Author hannabolics95 Posted September 9, 2021 Author Posted September 9, 2021 5 minutes ago, stillafool said: So you've only been out with this guy one time? Yes.
Author hannabolics95 Posted September 9, 2021 Author Posted September 9, 2021 2 hours ago, d0nnivain said: You didn't respond to him for 5 days but you expect him to chase you & initiate. You claim you don't understand why he hasn't scheduled another date. Be serious. He hasn't scheduled anything because he is uncertain whether you like him. Nobody likes rejection. At this point he is probably not asking in part because he fears you will say no or have friend-zoned him. You just don't seem eager. Stop playing games. Start being more responsive. Since you dragged your feet for almost a week, get off your hands & you initiate something. He's not going to do anything, nor should he, while you are being non-responsive. I think you have a fair point. I think a part of me is worried that he'll be put off/I'll be rejected if I initiate that I want to see him again.
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