Red flag or am I being over the top

[Laalaadeedee454]

My boyfriend hid a photo frame I gave him. He had it on his display cabinet and when I came over it was nowhere to be seen. He said he moved it when he was dusting but I could tell he hadn’t dusted the area. Is this a red flag? We have been together for 3 months and things have moved very quickly. Looking for reassurance or advice. Thanks 

[ClearEyes-FullHeart]

A frame or a frame with a photo of you both in it? If the former I wouldn’t care. If the latter not sure what I think. I’m not one to give a framed photo so early on in a relationship. Maybe he feels it’s too soon. Are you exclusive etc? Is there any reason you feel he isn’t being honest about how he feels?

[Laalaadeedee454]

1 hour ago, ClearEyes-FullHeart said:

A frame or a frame with a photo of you both in it? If the former I wouldn’t care. If the latter not sure what I think. I’m not one to give a framed photo so early on in a relationship. Maybe he feels it’s too soon. Are you exclusive etc? Is there any reason you feel he isn’t being honest about how he feels?

After 4 weeks of being offical I gave him a photo of the 2 of us together and he put it on display. I arrived at his house yesterday and it was hidden. 
 

He is very affectionate and loving and was so happy when I gave him the photo of us both but I have a bad feeling about him hiding it when I know he didn’t just move it to clean. 
 

My gut tells me he may have had another female over when I wasn’t here. I know it’s early on but we are meant to be exclusive but I just have a bad gut feeling he is hiding something. Not sure if I am reading too much into it. 

[Laalaadeedee454]

If anything he is the one wanting to move really quickly. He wants me to move in with him, he’s already talking marriage etc but him hiding that photo of us has thrown me. 

[ClearEyes-FullHeart]

29 minutes ago, Laalaadeedee454 said:

If anything he is the one wanting to move really quickly. He wants me to move in with him, he’s already talking marriage etc but him hiding that photo of us has thrown me. 

I think him wanting you to move in and talking marriage so early is a bigger red flag than lying about why he moved the frame. Absolutely don’t move in after just a few months of dating. It’s way to early to know anything about all that.

The way I see it is you can let it ride and see what happens, or in a very calm and non confrontational way inquire about the frame again. From what you said he has lied - maybe he just doesn’t want it on display and didn’t say that as he didn’t want to hurt your feeling. Sort of seems odd but people can have peculiar tastes about their space.
That said, if your spidey sense is telling you he is cheating, you probably need to broach that and talk about your concerns without accusing him since you don’t really know. 

[DividedTrail]

I would think if a woman I am in to/ smitten with gave me a photo of the two of us, I would display it with pride and only hide it for a few reasons:

1) My mother was coming over and I know she can be a pain the butt when it comes to my personal life

2) I had another female over and didn’t want her to know I was in a relationship

3) I was having guy friends over that would give me a hard time and bust my chops and didn’t want to deal with it

4) He has kids and doesn’t want to introduce questions too early 

Only reason 1, 3 or 4 would be legitimate maybe at this stage of the relationship.

As a single young guy, I cleaned my place to a degree. The kitchen, bathrooms, laundry and vacuum. I don’t remember dusting anything to be honest. Even if I did, you would place it to the side, dust and then put stuff back.

I see you’re in your 30s to 40s so I assume he is too. Odd for sure. What it means I don’t know but keep your guard up or ask him again about it.

ETA: If he was having company and just didn’t want to deal with an inquisition, he should have just told you that even if it was embarrassing. The fact it appears he lied would be a concern. You guys aren’t 19, he should just be honest.

 

Edited September 12, 2021 by DividedTrail

[Laalaadeedee454]

Thank you so much for your honest advice. I’m so new to all of this. 
 

is a red flag him moving so quickly? What does it mean? I’m worried now but have to protect myself. 
 

thank you so much again for your help. 

[Laalaadeedee454]

20 minutes ago, DividedTrail said:

I would think if a woman I am in to/ smitten with gave me a photo of the two of us, I would display it with pride and only hide it for a few reasons:

1) My mother was coming over and I know she can be a pain the butt when it comes to my personal life

2) I had another female over and didn’t want her to know I was in a relationship

3) I was having guy friends over that would give me a hard time and bust my chops and didn’t want to deal with it

4) He has kids and doesn’t want to introduce questions too early 

Only reason 1, 3 or 4 would be legitimate maybe at this stage of the relationship.

As a single young guy, I cleaned my place to a degree. The kitchen, bathrooms, laundry and vacuum. I don’t remember dusting anything to be honest. Even if I did, you would place it to the side, dust and then put stuff back.

I see you’re in your 30s to 40s so I assume he is too. Odd for sure. What it means I don’t know but keep your guard up or ask him again about it.

ETA: If he was having company and just didn’t want to deal with an inquisition, he should have just told you that even if it was embarrassing. The fact it appears he lied would be a concern. You guys aren’t 19, he should just be honest.

 

I have in my gut that he had another female over. He isn’t close to his family, his son lives interstate and he doesn’t have friends over so the only logical thing I can see is that he had another female over. I can tell he didn’t dust the area but feel like a snoop if I say anything. 

[DividedTrail]

I'm with ClearEyes-FullHeart, it's too soon to move in with him. Especially if you have doubts even if ultimately proven to be unfounded. I can't imagine seriously talking marriage after a few months. Now if it's just a causal, how do you feel about marriage type thing, that's different. Ugh, I have my own issues and I'm one to talk but if people would just be honest, the world would be a better place.

It's one thing to have doubts and concerns, just take things slow. But assuming you have been intimate, I would need to feel comfortable in order to protect my health.

[Laalaadeedee454]

4 minutes ago, DividedTrail said:

I'm with ClearEyes-FullHeart, it's too soon to move in with him. Especially if you have doubts even if ultimately proven to be unfounded. I can't imagine seriously talking marriage after a few months. Now if it's just a causal, how do you feel about marriage type thing, that's different. Ugh, I have my own issues and I'm one to talk but if people would just be honest, the world would be a better place.

It's one thing to have doubts and concerns, just take things slow. But assuming you have been intimate, I would need to feel comfortable in order to protect my health.

I will most definitely not be moving in with him. We really have a lot of fun together and enjoy spending time together but I just have some reservations on taking it to the next step. I just found a receipt for an engagement ring from February which was only 8 weeks before we met. It really has me worried now.

[DividedTrail]

Hmm. The fact you feel the need to snoop is a problem in and of itself.

I think you have two options:

1) Tell him you don't think it's working out and end it.

2) Tell him your concerns and evaluate how honest you think his answers are.

Both options stink when you are having fun for the most part but better to learn now how you feel than 2 years from now.

ETA: If he is really into the relationship and values your concerns, he will bend over backward in a verifiable way to assure you things are not what they seem to be.

Edited September 12, 2021 by DividedTrail

[Laalaadeedee454]

56 minutes ago, DividedTrail said:

Hmm. The fact you feel the need to snoop is a problem in and of itself.

I think you have two options:

1) Tell him you don't think it's working out and end it.

2) Tell him your concerns and evaluate how honest you think his answers are.

Both options stink when you are having fun for the most part but better to learn now how you feel than 2 years from now.

ETA: If he is really into the relationship and values your concerns, he will bend over backward in a verifiable way to assure you things are not what they seem to be.

Very true. I am going to confront him with my concerns and see what happens from their. I would rather know now than later when I am too invested. 

[d0nnivain]

This guy is somebody who can't be alone.  8 weeks before he met you he bought somebody else an engagement ring.  You are a rebound.  Then he's talking about moving in with you even though you have only known each other for 90 days.  Waaaaayyyyyy too fast.  Now you are snooping.  All in all this isn't going well.  

[glows]

10 hours ago, Laalaadeedee454 said:

I will most definitely not be moving in with him. We really have a lot of fun together and enjoy spending time together but I just have some reservations on taking it to the next step. I just found a receipt for an engagement ring from February which was only 8 weeks before we met. It really has me worried now.

This is not good. At this point stay to hear him out and listen to what he has to say. Give it some thought but be prepared to move on. He’s not ready to start a new life with someone if he’s on the rebound. It’s too soon.

[mark clemson]

Hmmm.  If this is all true, it's definitely red-flags. The part about the engagement ring especially.

[Wiseman2]

16 hours ago, Laalaadeedee454 said:

My gut tells me he may have had another female over when I wasn’t here.

Have you met his family and friends? Are you a secret? Does he have a recent on/off ex?

[Laalaadeedee454]

13 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Have you met his family and friends? Are you a secret? Does he have a recent on/off ex?

I’ve met his family and friends but something just doesn’t sit right. Finding the receipt for the ring has thrown me even more than him hiding the photo of us. 

[DividedTrail]

Have you guys had the ‘past relationships talk’? Such as, where you ever married, how many times, ever engaged and it didn’t work out, ever propose, etc.

I hate to speculate too much and I think others have mentioned it but could it be he proposed before he met you, and she said no? And maybe she came over so they could ‘talk’. Hence the missing picture.  I put talk in quotes not to insulate they were physical but maybe one or the other has unresolved feelings. Could be she came buy to return some stuff of his she found. That would still be odd after that much time. 

Where was the receipt? Like in a kitchen drawer where it could be easy to explain how you found it or you went through his nightstand or desk?

If you haven’t had the past relationships talk, this would be a perfect way to see how he responds. 

Edited September 12, 2021 by DividedTrail

[torn_heart]

On 9/11/2021 at 8:02 PM, Laalaadeedee454 said:

My boyfriend hid a photo frame I gave him. He had it on his display cabinet and when I came over it was nowhere to be seen. He said he moved it when he was dusting but I could tell he hadn’t dusted the area. Is this a red flag? We have been together for 3 months and things have moved very quickly. Looking for reassurance or advice. Thanks 

Red flag. I did the same.

[ExpatInItaly]

On 9/12/2021 at 5:18 AM, Laalaadeedee454 said:

If anything he is the one wanting to move really quickly. He wants me to move in with him, he’s already talking marriage etc but him hiding that photo of us has thrown me. 

So the hidden photo has thrown you, but not the supersonic speed at which you two are moving?

All of it is too much, OP. You are right to be concerned, and not just because the photo has suddenly been moved. Your gut appears to be screaming at you that you need to slow the heck down and get to know the guy before any talk of big future commitments. 

[JK130443D]

Hey - if you ever get a red flag and arnt satisfied with their answer, pull them up on it. "dusting? you havent dusted that area" and see what he says. yeah it looks like he may have had a girl over but it may be something innocent 

[Classicfiction]

Ugh this happened to me once.  This guy at work was flirting with me via email.  I went to his desk to say hi, saw a framed pic of him and a woman.  I asked who it was and he said his ex.

The next time I went up there the pic was gone and we carried on flirtations.  Anyway, he ended up marrying that woman.  I'd be very cautious with this.

[stillafool]

On 9/12/2021 at 1:09 AM, DividedTrail said:

I'm with ClearEyes-FullHeart, it's too soon to move in with him.

See for me if a guy I was dating gave me a framed photo of us to display in my house I would freak out.  I don't know why but I just would.  For one thing I'm not a big fan of photos sitting around anyway as it reminds me of my Grandma's house.  Also I would think it was only given to me to deter other men.

[smackie9]

One of his buddies teased the crap out of him so he took it down. Anyways, give him another one.

Edited September 13, 2021 by smackie9