Calmandfocused Posted September 15, 2021 Posted September 15, 2021 13 hours ago, Gaeta said: So still nothing on how she died? I find this highly unusual. Do you know this man's last name? About your verify the obituary in his city. Amanda, I spent 4 years with a man that told me his mother was dead....and she was not. Like Gaeta, I had an abusive ex who told me his dad had died (during our relationship). He even made up a detailed, elaborate story about the “funeral”. He even cried a few times. His dad had not died. He was alive and well. Unfortunately people are not always as they seem Op Personally I’m suspicious. 1
Gaeta Posted September 15, 2021 Posted September 15, 2021 6 hours ago, Lotsgoingon said: Mom is sick--that's all he had to say. Exactly, it's more respectful toward her to say that than to leave her in limbo for days. She's not a stranger in the streets. No one is saying he should open his gut to her, a simple information was sufficiant, just like he did his boss before leaving. I doubt he told his boss I got to go I'll let you know what it's about when I return. When something like that happens we even tell our neighbors! Can you watch my house, feed my fish, we are called to our mother's bedside. He also didn't refuse to let her know once but twice, adding more worry to the situation. 3
Classicfiction Posted September 15, 2021 Posted September 15, 2021 On 9/10/2021 at 9:26 AM, poppyfields said: I do not advise sending that. I mean it sounds lovely but consider why you want to send. To show him what a caring "girlfriend" you'd make? To endear yourself to him? Or to seek reassurance? That's actually quite manipulative. Why can't you respect his privacy and his word that HE will contact you? Like he told you? Why infringe on his boundary? Again, it's self-serving and manipulative, you are sending that for YOU, not him. Think about it. You are not his long time girlfriend Amanda, there is no need to be "there" for him if/when he needs you, in fact it's possible your intensity after only 5 dates is what has caused him to want to distance himself in the first place! It's too much, too over the top, too overwhelming. Leave him be. Live your life. If you want to show him who you are, show him you are an independent person and OK with the distance. And that you respect him enough to allow him his privacy right now. Stop pushing. Stop reaching. Girl, she is not being manipulative. She is reacting to his instigation. That bs he's pulling.. "Something big happened in my life but I can't tell you what it is" that is exactly the kind of thing a guy says when he wants to keep you hooked while he messes with another woman. Its like a suspense novel or a movie with a sequel. It is designed to peak interest and keep someone coming back for more. Whether he's intentionally hooking her or just doing it mindlessly as his attention is on another woman, he IS creating a reactional situation. If he cared about her at all when whatever it is popped up, he would have said something along the lines of "I have a family member in crisis right now and I have to go help" or even "Something crappy just happened and I have to handle it, can we plan to meet back up on such and such date." Not now that we've slept together Im going away for an unknown period of time, see ya dont know when I'll be back. He is messing with your head OP and unfortunately he doesn't care about you all that much right now. I'm sorry he pulled this on you. I know it feels bad. As far as being an independent person with your own life, yeah thats the healthy way to go. But that doesn't mean that when someone mindf***s you that it wont mess with your stability and happiness. Think about it, she was all ready for a joyful event and he rained on her parade. Thats dumb. If he texts you or calls you anytimes soon and provides a reasonable explanation and a time/date that you can expect to meet up again, then it might be salvagable. But I would say keep your options open at this point, go on dates with other guys, hang out with friends. You are not exclusive with a man that takes off without explanation and tells you he cant make any further plans with you. 3
Alpacalia Posted September 15, 2021 Posted September 15, 2021 His mother died of a terminal illness, and everyone grieves in their own way. He was aware that his mother's life was nearing to an end. We can't always assume that someone isn't in pain just because they appear to be doing well (or by sending a happy "emoji"). Providing your sympathies and support, and maintaining light contact, is the best you can do at this juncture. 3
poppyfields Posted September 15, 2021 Posted September 15, 2021 7 hours ago, Lotsgoingon said: OP is as "burdened" now as she would have been had he not done the "I can't tell you for your own good" routine. Mom is sick--that's all he had to say. And he said it eventually--so the delay didn't accomplish anything. Fair point. IF my brother had died while we were dating, and I had to leave, I would have told him. But still, I think it's important to respect other's boundaries with regard to what they feel comfortable sharing and what they do not. Amanda141 does and she is the one dating him, not any of us. 1
poppyfields Posted September 15, 2021 Posted September 15, 2021 (edited) 15 hours ago, Amanda141 said: I checked online (I know his last name and town) and it’s actually true Not sure what a few of you are suggesting, that he's lying? Because a man had lied to you? Amanda checked and it's not a lie. Amanda, I'm sorry this happened, timing sucks because it may take him awhile to process and deal. It's a lot for a new blossoming relationship to survive. I speak from experience, I had a tough time after my dad died, and many months after, and it STILL affects me. I wish you both the best of luck Edited September 15, 2021 by poppyfields 1 1
Classicfiction Posted September 15, 2021 Posted September 15, 2021 5 hours ago, Alpaca said: His mother died of a terminal illness, and everyone grieves in their own way. He was aware that his mother's life was nearing to an end. We can't always assume that someone isn't in pain just because they appear to be doing well (or by sending a happy "emoji"). Providing your sympathies and support, and maintaining light contact, is the best you can do at this juncture. Who's mother died? The OP's? Am I missing a post? And true we cant always assume, but usually a person will be considerate of a person they are interested in to at least say I am dealing with a family situation, I will talk to you in a week once I can get a moment.
Classicfiction Posted September 15, 2021 Posted September 15, 2021 4 hours ago, poppyfields said: Not sure what a few of you are suggesting, that he's lying? Because a man had lied to you? Amanda checked and it's not a lie. Amanda, I'm sorry this happened, timing sucks because it may take him awhile to process and deal. It's a lot for a new blossoming relationship to survive. I speak from experience, I had a tough time after my dad died, and many months after, and it STILL affects me. I wish you both the best of luck And if he did tell her then thats good. Thats why I said, if he gives you a reasonable explanation, then things could be fine between the two of you. Yes, people speak from experience. Thats all we can do sometimes. Plenty of women have been left on clifhangers only to find out it was another woman and thats why being left on a clifhanger can trigger that emotional response.
glows Posted September 15, 2021 Posted September 15, 2021 Yes, his mother died according to his message. She passed on Saturday. He is communicating with her. The only good way to handle this is with tact and being mindful that someone is grieving. This may not be the time to date but also subjective. See how it goes. 3
Classicfiction Posted September 15, 2021 Posted September 15, 2021 Well I stand corrected on that then. I hope it works out for the OP and this guy. 1
Alpacalia Posted September 16, 2021 Posted September 16, 2021 (edited) 9 hours ago, Classicfiction said: And true we cant always assume, but usually a person will be considerate of a person they are interested in to at least say I am dealing with a family situation, I will talk to you in a week once I can get a moment. He did. Sure, we can speculate all sorts of possible scenarios. But for the time being, she can push the pause button. And re-evaluate. She can still do that by keeping in light contact. Edited September 16, 2021 by Alpaca
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