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What could have happened and what should I do? thoughts needed :

Amanda141

By Amanda141
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hajk Established Member

hajk

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Lotsgoingon said:

If he's in legal trouble, you willing to contribute bail money?  If he's about to be evicted, you ready to loan him a few thousand dollars? 

Also be careful, he could be a scammer if he is asking for money to help him out of trouble.

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ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

Posted
Posted
9 hours ago, JRabbit said:

My guess was immigration issue? 

No, only because if he’s a citizen of Spain he has the right to live and work in other EU countries (ie Germany) without restrictions. 

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Amanda141 Established Member

Amanda141

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@ExpatInItaly Grazie! Io vicino a Milano :)

Thank you to everyone for the replies, really appreciated!! ❤️❤️ 

I have been thinking about it and yes, it's definitely too much to say "I am here for you ecc ecc"

 I remember he has a collection of magnets from city around the world, and asked if I could bring him one from my city. So, I want to wait for him to text, but say, if on Tuesday morning he still hasn't, maybe I can send him a pic of the magnet adding "look what I got for you! How's everything?"

 

 

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elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

Posted
Posted

My guess - mental illness on his part.
He has had or is about to have an "episode" of some kind and needs to go home for support for an indefinite period.
He doesn't want to tell you that over text,
Or it is perhaps not mental illness but a chronic physical illness that has flared up.
He again doesn't want to tell you over a text.

OR his wife has found out and he is now busy trying to fix his broken marriage... 

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ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

Posted
Posted
47 minutes ago, Amanda141 said:

 I remember he has a collection of magnets from city around the world, and asked if I could bring him one from my city. So, I want to wait for him to text, but say, if on Tuesday morning he still hasn't, maybe I can send him a pic of the magnet adding "look what I got for you! How's everything?"

The only reason I would discourage this is because if it is an issue with another woman/something that might hurt you, how will you feel later about having offered him sympathy and sweet gestures? 

You have a good heart Amanda. I think I would guard it a little more here until you know what is going on. 

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d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
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It's too late now but in your shoes I would have replied something along the lines of 

"I appreciate you not wanting to ruin my weekend at the wedding but worrying that you are in trouble & not knowing what's wrong is sending my imagination into overdrive.   Can we please talk?  I'd like to help if I can."  

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Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Amanda141 said:

 if on Tuesday morning he still hasn't, maybe I can send him a pic of the magnet adding "look what I got for you! 

If he does not reach to you for 5 days what does it say about him? Why do you want to chase a man that does not have you on his mind.

When he gets that picture for all you know he might be in bed with another woman. 

Texting him is your way of forcing him to think about you. Let it go.

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elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

Posted
Posted

I would definitely not text him until he gets in contact with you.
I would not be surprised if you never heard from him again, sorry to say.

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Lotsgoingon Established Member

Lotsgoingon

Posted
Posted

No, don't send him anything. 

Lose this guy.

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glows Established Member

glows

Posted
Posted

One week is not long to be busy. Do other things and let things unfold on their own. Let him reach out. 

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chillii Established Member

chillii

Posted
Posted (edited)
5 hours ago, glows said:

One week is not long to be busy. Do other things and let things unfold on their own. Let him reach out. 

 

Yep , simple as that op, could be this that or other who knows, or it could be legit too and he comes back and straightens it all out.

Edited by chillii
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Old Aussie Member

Old Aussie

Posted
Posted

Yes, Obviously all men are bastards, and he is obviously a serial-killer.  Better to never go on dates and just spend your days sharing your man-hating wisdom online.  [/Sarcasm]

Perhaps just send him an honest message:  "Sorry you had to rush home.  I know you wanted to spare me from worrying, but I'm actually worrying anyway.  Are you able to tell me what happened?"  

If he still doesn't give you a clear answer, then try again:  "Yes, I understand, but I'm actually worrying more not knowing, please tell me what's going on."
What have you got to lose?
Either you get an answer, or if he still refuses to open up, then you can follow all the suggestions above, at least knowing that you gave it your best shot.

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Amanda141 Established Member

Amanda141

Posted
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Posted

UPDATE

Yesterday I attended a wedding and today I posted a picture of mysef attending it on Instagram.

he DMed me saying “You look beautiful!”

Should I reply “thanks! How are you?”

 

 

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Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted
16 minutes ago, Amanda141 said:

UPDATE

Yesterday I attended a wedding and today I posted a picture of mysef attending it on Instagram.

he DMed me saying “You look beautiful!”

Should I reply “thanks! How are you?”

That would not sit well with me. He leaves you in limbo, does not communicate with you since his departure but he's on social media commenting your picture!!! Again..what does that say about him!

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Starswillshine Established Member

Starswillshine

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I see absolutely nothing wrong with sending him a note to tell him that you are thinking of him and hope everything is ok. It feels that not sending a text when you really want to is more manipulative than sending something. I think there are way too many conclusions being made here, and too many posters are more into games. Who the hell cares if he thinks she will be supportive? Isn't that what a relationship is? They may not have made it official, but they have been dating. 

To add to all the jumping to conclusions, this could relate to someone else, and at this point, it may not be his place to be telling other people that person's business. 

I prefer to operate on the notion that most people are good until they show me otherwise. 

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introverted1 Established Member

introverted1

Posted
Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, Amanda141 said:

UPDATE

Yesterday I attended a wedding and today I posted a picture of mysef attending it on Instagram.

he DMed me saying “You look beautiful!”

Should I reply “thanks! How are you?”

 

 

Sure, this is totally normal/acceptable.

Edited by introverted1
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Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted

Why ask him how he's doing? He's not asking you how you're doing, right? Actually he's not asking you anything or engaging you in a conversation. 

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Amanda141 Established Member

Amanda141

Posted
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Posted

I asked him “thanks! How are you” and he replied “Well, I don’t think I can see you until the end of the month... Have fun in Italy, stay with your friends and family! We’ll talk when you come back to Germany tomorrow and I’ll tell you everything :) “ 

 

i guess i have to wait....

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted

Glad you had fun at the wedding.  Let us know what he reveals when you return.  

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Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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Posted

What kind of job he has that he can just up and go for an entire month?

Don't let your guards down. I met a man once that told me he lived in my city and was originally from NY. He got called back home to see his sick mother for a few days, which turned into weeks, which turned into a couple of months. I waited and waited. Turned out he lived in NY and just came to my city once in a while for business. 

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Amanda141 Established Member

Amanda141

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9 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

What kind of job he has that he can just up and go for an entire month?

Don't let your guards down. I met a man once that told me he lived in my city and was originally from NY. He got called back home to see his sick mother for a few days, which turned into weeks, which turned into a couple of months. I waited and waited. Turned out he lived in NY and just came to my city once in a while for business. 

He’s an engineer and I checked it on Linkedin. Everything he told me has been checked proof on linkedin🤣

let’s see tomorrow ...

Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Amanda141 said:

I asked him “thanks! How are you” and he replied “Well, I don’t think I can see you until the end of the month... Have fun in Italy, stay with your friends and family! We’ll talk when you come back to Germany tomorrow and I’ll tell you everything :) “ 

i guess i have to wait....

More I read this more I get mad. He's calling all the shots isn't he. 

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elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Amanda141 said:

We’ll talk when you come back to Germany tomorrow

So if he is still in Spain and can't see you till the end of the month, then why the wait till tomorrow? 

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glows Established Member

glows

Posted
Posted

He sounds like a waste of time. It depends what turns you on. I don’t see anything horribly wrong with waiting if you are the sort to wait idly by for someone who doesn’t have his life together. It’s these subtle cues ultimately that determine whether you’re compatible at times. I get one whiff of this and it’s not wrong per say but would hold no attraction whatsoever.

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poppyfields Established Member

poppyfields

Posted
Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, Amanda141 said:

I asked him “thanks! How are you” and he replied “Well, I don’t think I can see you until the end of the month... Have fun in Italy, stay with your friends and family! We’ll talk when you come back to Germany tomorrow and I’ll tell you everything :) “ 

Amanda, he paid you a lovely compliment, I would have done the same thing (or similar), responded "thank you, had a great time, hope things are well with you." 

I'd continue to live my life same as always.  Talk to and meet other men, go on dates if you like them.

This man has done NOTHING wrong or bad. 

You are not in a relationship, you are not exclusive, you have had 5 dates.  Imo, best to approach it from that perspective, and not immediately jump to the negative. 

He is under no 'obligation' to tell you what's happening.  Would it be nice?  Sure, but he is not wrong or bad for preferring to maintain privacy about it.

Respect that.  Try to not jump to the worst possible scenario, there is no reason to.  Best to stay open to all possibilities, good and bad. 

Could it be another woman? Sure, of course and IF it is, you deal with it THEN.

But it may not be!  

Until he talks to you, which he said he will, best to stay open and positive. 

That's how I would approach it, and my positive and open attitude attracts a lot of men, keeps them sticking around and wanting to discover more about me.

And believe me, my experiences have NOT always been positive, in fact the opposite in some cases, but I do not bring that shyt with me into new dating experiences. 

Negativity, distrust, anger = repels.

Positivity, happy, acceptance and trust = attracts. 

IF it ends up being disappointing (which it might), pick yourself up, shake it off and carry on.

Know you will be OK either way.  That's actually what allows me to maintain a positive attitude, and to take more risks. KNOWING that no matter which way it goes, I will be okay and hopefully learned something from the experience.

It really is that simple.  

Keep us posted!  

 

Edited by poppyfields
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