How selfish is breadcrumbing?

[thebiglimp]

I had a girl who started breadcrumbing me after a second date to which my response was ask her out each time she did so. 3 times i got a round-about 'no' and i gave up there and cut off contact. Granted i wouldve stopped at first no but she KEPT initiating contact which was puzzling to me until i learned of the term 'breadcrumbing'.

 

3 weeks go by in silence and today she texts me out of the blue AGAIN. (with a meme. Classic breadcrumbing ) So i call her out on it and then mostly as an experiment ask her out AGAIN. And once again her response is a re-worded maybe ('oh im busy until so and so but afterwards sure!') And then she immediately turns the convo into getting some housing advice from me.

Now its kinda obvious she contacted me for this advice. What im having tough time accepting is that she could be this selfish and inconsiderate. If i had to reject someone and have no intention of seeing them i would respectfully give them space, and have done so in the past. Which means if im to keep contacting them out of boredom or ego boost knowing that their feeling was somewhat hurt by my decision, i would have to consider myself selfish or even cruel, which is what this girl is kinda being to me. And im having tough time believing a woman can be this immature, and wonder if this is common these days or not.

Or is there something im not seeing?

Edited September 9, 2021 by thebiglimp

[Lotsgoingon]

Look, if you want to date successfully, you need to realize there are people far more selfish and self-absorbed than this woman. That's part of the game/challenge of dating: we have to screen out these selfish folks. Literally, that's our job. The more you put the responsibility on her, the more you stifle your own skills. 

Basically the only reply that is significant for you is the one that says, "I'm thinking about you a lot" or "I can't wait to see you again" or "I had so much fun the other night, looking forward to meeting again soon."

If you don't get those kinds of emphatic messages, then the other person isn't interested. Those are NOT bread crumbs--those are pieces of ##%$. Delete and wipe them away and keep going.  And for the record, lots of people ARE selfish and clueless. My guess is that you could have figured this out based on one date. 

Finetune your dating skill so you don't get sucked in by these kind of people. Sorta similar to not getting sucked in by a used car salesman. Same thing. 

Edited September 9, 2021 by Lotsgoingon

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, thebiglimp said:

then she immediately turns the convo into getting some housing advice from me.

Yes you're seeing it clearly.  Best way to  deal with timewasters like this is simply delete and block them. That way there's no annoying  background noise

[max3732]

I had never heard the term but had someone do that to me. I asked her out and she had a very specific excuse and said to contact her in a week or 2. When I did she came up with another excuse and then said she couldn't meet since she didn't have a car. I offered to meet near her place and then she says she could meet but just as friends since she already has a boyfriend. This was on a dating app. So I obviously never contacted her again.

[Alvi]

6 hours ago, thebiglimp said:

I had a girl who started breadcrumbing me after a second date to which my response was ask her out each time she did so. 3 times i got a round-about 'no' and i gave up there and cut off contact. Granted i wouldve stopped at first no but she KEPT initiating contact which was puzzling to me until i learned of the term 'breadcrumbing'.

You should've blocked her.

6 hours ago, thebiglimp said:

3 weeks go by in silence and today she texts me out of the blue AGAIN. (with a meme. Classic breadcrumbing ) So i call her out on it and then mostly as an experiment ask her out AGAIN. And once again her response is a re-worded maybe ('oh im busy until so and so but afterwards sure!') And then she immediately turns the convo into getting some housing advice from me.

Doesn't sound like a breadcrumbing to be honest. She never told you that she is still interested and, in fact, she gave you that "I am busy" excuse when asked. So not breadcrumbing. If you work in the housing industry then perhaps she though that you could offer her your expertise. 

This meme could've been one of those mass messages since you probably were in her contact list. Why on earth bother to call her out on anything? Waste of your time. Next time just block and forget about it. Don't keep the convo going and don't give any advice. Just say "bye" and block her. Oh, wait, she should've been already blocked.

6 hours ago, thebiglimp said:

Now its kinda obvious she contacted me for this advice. What im having tough time accepting is that she could be this selfish and inconsiderate. If i had to reject someone and have no intention of seeing them i would respectfully give them space, and have done so in the past. Which means if im to keep contacting them out of boredom or ego boost knowing that their feeling was somewhat hurt by my decision, i would have to consider myself selfish or even cruel, which is what this girl is kinda being to me. And im having tough time believing a woman can be this immature, and wonder if this is common these days or not.

Oh, come on. Selfish and inconsiderate? Ego boost and cruel?  Somehow she is immature because....why exactly? This is so melodramatic. You are way overthinking and overanalyzing this. This is the woman you've only seen twice in your life. You could not be that attached to her yet so why are you so bitter? Was it the best decision to contact you? No, probably not.  But she did for whatever reason. You didn't have to answer her at all. But you did because you though that you still have a chance with her. 

Like I said above, next time just block and forget.

[smackie9]

You asked her out again and again. Why didn't you block her number? because you are not listening to the common sense part of your brain, and  that you are holding out hope. She's totally friends zoned you, so stop letting her jerk you around. Just tell her to stop wasting your time, and not to contact you anymore. It's over, it's done, now block/delete.

[Gaeta]

21 hours ago, thebiglimp said:

Or is there something im not seeing?

You are not seeing that you allowed that bread crumbing to happen. You have no control over other's behavior but you have all the power to remove yourself from a situation you do not enjoy. 

[glows]

22 hours ago, thebiglimp said:

I had a girl who started breadcrumbing me after a second date to which my response was ask her out each time she did so. 3 times i got a round-about 'no' and i gave up there and cut off contact. Granted i wouldve stopped at first no but she KEPT initiating contact which was puzzling to me until i learned of the term 'breadcrumbing'.

 

3 weeks go by in silence and today she texts me out of the blue AGAIN. (with a meme. Classic breadcrumbing ) So i call her out on it and then mostly as an experiment ask her out AGAIN. And once again her response is a re-worded maybe ('oh im busy until so and so but afterwards sure!') And then she immediately turns the convo into getting some housing advice from me.

Now its kinda obvious she contacted me for this advice. What im having tough time accepting is that she could be this selfish and inconsiderate. If i had to reject someone and have no intention of seeing them i would respectfully give them space, and have done so in the past. Which means if im to keep contacting them out of boredom or ego boost knowing that their feeling was somewhat hurt by my decision, i would have to consider myself selfish or even cruel, which is what this girl is kinda being to me. And im having tough time believing a woman can be this immature, and wonder if this is common these days or not.

Or is there something im not seeing?

Just ignore. There are a lot of people who prefer being text buddies as opposed to actually forming a genuine relationship in person. Whatever their reasons, it's none of your concern if you automatically move past this. You'll free up your energies to meeting others more on your wavelength.

[ShyViolet]

You're just as much a participant in this as she is.  You are actively allowing this by choosing not to block her, by asking her out again "as an experiment."  There's no reason to be so dramatic about this.  If you don't like the fact that she's still texting you, then don't answer her texts.  Or block her.

[flitzanu]

this seems less about "breadcrumbs" and more about her just not being into you

[Snow_Queen]

Breadcrumbing is very common in the dating world. Once you spot it, you simply move on. There is no experiment here. You have allowed yourself to believe she cannot be this immature. Therefore, you are allowing her to continue her behavior. She is achieving exactly what she set out to do.