Dropped off like garbage

[Maria46]

-Originally Posted by liswil

-no one to talk to about this. I can't talk about how I'm feeling here because it won't have a "positive outlook" and therefore, isn't allowed.

 

 

Did I say that??

[liswil]

No matter what's said it's turned around

Did I say that??

 

How about ending this thread and starting a new one with a positive outlook?

 

 

Looks pretty straightforward to me, Maria.

[lindya]

This thread will expand until it takes over the whole of cyberspace. People will continue to drift in and out, alternating between messages of support, practical advice and "shock tactics" attempting to inject reality into the situation.

 

While you're waiting for the next response, here's some reading material that attempts to explore whether the process of venting really does help people who are suffering from depression.

 

http://health.yahoo.com/centers/depression/44

[whichwayisup]

Just my thoughts, but maybe starting a new thread will shed some new light. This thread is up,down and around, lost it's focus and too many disagreements etc...

 

Please don't take that the wrong way Lis, not my intention. Would just be good if we helped you, without everybody reacting to what is being said, get to the nittygritty and solve some problems instead of making you feel worse. That's all. Remember, good intentions only here...

[RainyDayWoman]

And as slow as this forum loads screens on my computer, the less I had to post, the better.

 

 

i think this statement indicates, based on similar comments made by other questionable identities, that this is s fake post.

[liswil]

This thread will expand until it takes over the whole of cyberspace. People will continue to drift in and out, alternating between messages of support, practical advice and "shock tactics" attempting to inject reality into the situation.

 

While you're waiting for the next response, here's some reading material that attempts to explore whether the process of venting really does help people who are suffering from depression.

 

http://health.yahoo.com/centers/depression/44

 

See it's stuff like this that keeps me from posting. Snide, smart alecky comments that make a person feel like s*** for coming here. I guess you get some kind of satisfaction out of this. Then you'll post that you're trying to "help" right???

[liswil]

Just my thoughts, but maybe starting a new thread will shed some new light. This thread is up,down and around, lost it's focus and too many disagreements etc...

 

Please don't take that the wrong way Lis, not my intention. Would just be good if we helped you, without everybody reacting to what is being said, get to the nittygritty and solve some problems instead of making you feel worse. That's all. Remember, good intentions only here...

 

 

I have a feeling that the new thread would also be full of snide,smart alecky comments. Then of course when I reply smart alecky back, I get told "Why the attitude? We're just trying to help...."

I can't recall the name for it right now, but that's a psychological game they're playing.

 

Regardless, they've made me feel like I can't post which has left me with nothing to turn to. But then they're wondering why I feel suicidal.

[liswil]

i think this statement indicates, based on similar comments made by other questionable identities, that this is s fake post.

 

 

Yep Rainydaywoman---we're all just plain bored and have lots of time on our hands so this is what we do for kicks. I suppose those were fake tears I've been crying as well. It's all a huge facade which thoroughly entertains us. "Desperate Housewives" has gotten kinda stale lately so we've turned to this for amusement.

 

But then....this must be another fake post..........

 

lol

[whichwayisup]

There is a way of putting posters on ignore so you don't see their comments, period. Maybe that would help you, and you'll only see the more helpful advice rather than the ones that upset you.

[Hot Coco]

There is a way of putting posters on ignore so you don't see their comments, period. Maybe that would help you, and you'll only see the more helpful advice rather than the ones that upset you.

 

Yeah, 24 blank pages would be about as helpful to her!

[lindya]

See it's stuff like this that keeps me from posting.

 

So I see. Did you read the link, by the way?

[crazy_grl]

i think this statement indicates, based on similar comments made by other questionable identities, that this is s fake post.

 

You have a point. I've been wondering that for awhile, and now it's starting to get absurd. I've continued posting in the off chance that this really is a person in need and not just some jokester. If lis is a phony just messing with us, I've got to give her props on keeping it up so long and on doing such a great job.

 

Lis, I mean no offense by that if you're for real. If you are, the fact that you're being so difficult that people are starting to think you're a fake should tell you something... about yourself, not about them.

[liswil]

So I see. Did you read the link, by the way?

 

You know what's funny? If I would have said venting was helpful and feedback wasn't you would have given me a sight on how helpful feedback is in depression.

 

Let's put it this way: If I say black, you'll say white.

[crazy_grl]

When I've felt really down, the only thing that gets me through and out of it is to rationalise what I'm feeling, and use positive thinking techniques.

 

Exactly, lindya. Wallowing leads to nowhere but more wallowing and feeling worse. A change of attitude and a positive outlook leads somewhere productive. When a relationship ends, focusing on the details of "what does it mean if he/she said this", "do you think it'll turn out like this for him/her" are pointless speculations for anyone, because there's no way to know those things, and you just drag yourself back into the situation by doing it.

 

I liked the link about venting. It was great reading just like the TA one.

[liswil]

I've had enough here. I'm tired of getting kicked around. I mentioned it to some people I know and they were astonished what people here have said.

It's really sad to see people act this way. This is really the ugly side of humanity.

You'll find a new target after I'm gone. People like you always do. It's the only way you can feel good about yourself.

 

My favorite are the ones who pretend to be nice to get more information out of me only so they can attack again.

 

Well I'm done here. I didn't know coming here would make me worse but it has. Find a new one to get your jollies with. I'm going to stop the fun for you here.

[lindya]

I liked the link about venting. It was great reading just like the TA one.

 

Thanks cg. I think it's easy for people to get sucked into the belief that nonstop venting is in some way therapeutic, when really it just reinforces negative thinking patterns. The ignore button is another tiptop recommendation from Lindya. Not an option I normally employ, but sometimes you have to take active steps to avoid continually getting sucked into negative situations

[whichwayisup]

I'm sorry to hear that Lis.

 

I tried my best, I really did.

 

Wish you well and hope that things improve.

 

Hugs,

WWIU

[crazy_grl]

I mentioned it to some people I know and they were astonished what people here have said.

 

I suggest you print the thread and show it to those same people and see if they feel the same way after reading it. If they do, you can consider yourself vindicated. (No need to tell me whether you're going to or not and/or why you won't be able to or what you think of the idea.)

 

Good luck to you, lis. I hope you'll eventually choose to seek happiness. I still believe that once you make that decision, you will be able to do it and come out stronger.

[seachange]

sorry you want to go, lis. but i hope you do find a way to feel better, hon.

 

and lindya - that was a great link. speaking as someone who has dealt with depression in a SO (as well as with myself) - it was very enlightening!

[Sheba]

All these well-intentioned posts (and a few frustrated ones) and Lis has resisted virtually every one!

 

Lis, come back in a month, after you have put some time between yourself and this painful situation. I think you will read all of these messages with a different perspective and new appreciation.

 

In the mean time, good luck!

[megabit15]

.....While you're waiting for the next response, here's some reading material that attempts to explore whether the process of venting really does help people who are suffering from depression.

 

http://health.yahoo.com/centers/depression/44

 

It can be of tremendous help to identify the problem by dissecting information and venting to get a different perspective, but there are times where one gets stuck and can't see the forest for the trees. I spent almost 8 months in that frame of mind, and talking about it did not help after a while.

 

What did work for me was counting blessings to make myself feel better, because no one else could do it for me even though they tried. For 2 months I made a daily list of at least 10 things I was grateful for, and when I didn't see anything to be grateful for, I listed the things I took for granted. Like having two legs, eyesight, having enough food, a roof over my head, not having cancer or AIDS, pretty lace curtains, a running car, music, television, being able to read (even if I choose not to at this time), birds singing, sunshine, beautiful trees, a beautiful sunset, toothpaste, running water, electricity, a working computer, a nice breeze, etc. It was the only thing that worked to pull me out of the messy bog of anger, fear and self pity. I still use this technique when I feel my attitude slipping anywhere near that time in my life.

 

People had told me long before that time to do the gratitude list, but I resented anyone telling me how to feel. I though people were judging me and not accepting how I felt, and I resented that too. But honestly, the choice was always mine whether I wanted to feel better or not, I just didn't know it or that I could feel better by my own doing. Eventually I tired of feeling suicidal, depressed, angry and decided to give it a try. It works. I hope you give it a try Lis.

[veronese]

 

You never told me why you stayed with you H.

 

Initially I wanted to divorce him, I didn't think there was any alternative.

 

But when the dust settled I discovered that love can't be switched off over night, no matter how hard we would like it to. My H wanted to stay, the OW were not wild, passionate affairs and my H had not been torn at any time between me and them - he'd always been fairly contented with our marriage strange though it sounds.

 

Our children were our priority and my decision to try and work through our problems was for their sakes, not mine. He knew it was a day by day thing and that I would only continue as long as the children weren't being harmed more by him staying, and I was able to cope like that.

 

Our love for each other proved stronger than I imagined. Our marriage and family are too precious to give up on over what happened.

 

If our marriage does end one day, it will because of us, not anyone else.

 

v

[veronese]

While I agree that Lisl has been a bit beligerant at times, I don't agree that it was necessary to take this thread to the extremes it has gone to.

 

If your advice was ignored or thrown back at you, maybe you should have backed off. This woman has arrived here needing help and from what I can see, her post has turned into a circus.

 

Why have so many people devoted so much of their time responding to a post that was clearly exasperating them? Why waste your time on something that infuriates you so much?

 

It's true Lisl, that many of the replies here were posted with the best of intentions for you but unfortunately you didn't always see that,you obviously ruffled a few feathers in here. People mean well but like you, most of us here have had a tough time and get riled far too easily. That does not justify the barrage of argumentative posts throughout this thread, and personally, I think you've had a bloody hard time here.

 

If Lisl bugs us so much, picking holes in her is futile and churlish. She may not say what we want to hear but surely we haven't forgotten how fragile and defensive we all were when we made our first posts? She's only been here a short while but just look at how long this thread is now. There are more people following her story than just about anything else on this forum - my guess is that the interest in Lisl had become entertainment for a few people around here.

 

I hope Lisl takes the time to read some of the links recommended to her, and also reads some of the other threads in 'OW/OM' and 'Infidelity'.

 

And Lisl? If you've had a belly full of us here I wouldn't blame you. But I know I'm not the only one who wishes you all the very best and hope your pain subsides before too long.

 

Take care.

 

Veron x

[FWIW]

That's the cutest avatar FWIW!

 

Thanks.. might as well make it funny, huh?

 

Ok, I didn't get something you said:

 

I'd say this to anyone getting frustrated - even if you're annoyed with slow progress or with your well intentioned advice being ignored... LEAVE IT!

 

Then you go on to say to not give up on her. I don't understand what you're saying. Don't give up on her or leave it?

 

Leave commenting if you're taking it personally... and if you can bear it, then don't give up!

 

Hey, good luck trying!

 

She's ignoring me anyway, so I don't see why I should make any further effort. I try not to make a habit of banging my head against a wall.. if I'm not appreciated I move on.

[Confused Woman]

Yeah I'm not sure what the current focus of this post is but originally it started off as a woman suffering from depression after her MM dumped her, so I'll just comment on that.

 

I'm in a similar situation and my MM and I actually lived together, so we were very serious. Then we had a fight and he decided to run back to his wife. He just cried to me yesterday and told me how much he regrets moving back in with her, how much he loves me and misses me and wishes we could be together. He actually got down on his knees in front of me and sobbed, oh is he good... But yet he's living with wife, making love to her, playing happy family. He's a walking contradiction. Love just isn't enough. If someone continually causes you pain and hurts you, the only option is to cut them off and move on. You won't forget about him if the feelings were real, I still love my MM very much and its extremely difficult to not take him back and resume the affair. But continuing the affair after a certain point isn't even an option if your a single woman and want a family of your own one day. The MM can not give you that, so in essence you're wasting your time with him. I have to do what's best for me and my well-being at this point.

 

Move on, seek counselling, medication if necessary and get on with your life. I know that's easier said than done but I'm actually doing it, so I'm not just giving advice.