Dating but not 'dating'

[poppyfields]

48 minutes ago, Herkamer said:

Trying to justify what you're doing and looking down on what the other person is doing because they want to be traditional and actually romantic IS jealousy. This guy's doing it right. If he and his woman workout, this relationship will last until the death do they part. These other ways people would want you to do it, their way, is a recipe for disaster. Trust me, to the author of this thread, continue what you're doing because it works. These other ways in today's world will only lead to ruin. These other people just don't know it yet.

These "other" ways?  What, giving her a kiss? lol 

I'm not talking about a heavy "make out" session, it's a kiss.  

Even 13 year old boys will give a sweet kiss.   To show he likes her.  The OP and this girl are 21.

Not sure what world you live in @Herkamer, where you believe sleeping in bed together and cuddling (fondling?) is OK, but a simple kiss is wrong?

But it's not a world I would want to live in, but to the OP, do whatever is comfortable and let chips fall where they may.

If it turns out she sees this as only a friendship, you learn from it, from the experience.

But who knows.  

I hope it works out for you.

 

Edited September 11, 2021 by poppyfields

[Herkamer]

On 9/11/2021 at 11:21 AM, poppyfields said:

These "other" ways?  What, giving her a kiss? lol 

I'm not talking about a heavy "make out" session, it's a kiss.  

Even 13 year old boys will give a sweet kiss.   To show he likes her.  The OP and this girl are 21.

Not sure what world you live in @Herkamer, where you believe sleeping in bed together and cuddling (fondling?) is OK, but a simple kiss is wrong?

But it's not a world I would want to live in, but to the OP, do whatever is comfortable and let chips fall where they may.

If it turns out she sees this as only a friendship, you learn from it, from the experience.

But who knows.  

I hope it works out for you.

 

If he doesn't want to kiss, he doesn't have to, and this woman he's dating seems perfectly fine with that. Why pressure him and why try to "fix" something he's doing which isn't broken? And I don't know why you're implying that I thinking sleeping in bed together and fondling is acceptable. What I'm getting at is it's better to do simpler things like cuddling up together and holding hands is better at this point than giving a kiss. He may still have some uncertainties and that's normal. It's better he gets his questions answered this way rather than giving off any wrong signals. The guy is doing just fine, and, honestly, this is what a lot of men actually would like to have: simple. If we know the woman loves us, that moment will happen when it's on full display. I can tell this is a good guy and he's simply respecting the relationship. I think it would put this woman's family at ease when they're keeping it to a minimum like this, so my hat's off to this man.

[poppyfields]

On 9/7/2021 at 4:21 PM, d0nnivain said:

You are not dating.  This isn't even a romance if you don't kiss  Laying near each other is meaningless.  

This^^.  

OP, you are 21.  Give her a kiss. Again, her response will tell you everything you need to know, whether it's "dating" or not, per your thread title. 

Sadly, there are women who are perfectly happy putting men in the "cuckzone," treating them like a boyfriend, with all the perks of him doing things for her, giving her attention, even cuddling, with no romantic feelings. 

NOT saying that is what she is doing, maybe to her it is dating, BUT again per your thread title, you seem confused about it.

So either kiss her, or communicate with her about it.

That is what people do when dating/in a relationship.  They communicate.  They seek clarification when they are confused about something.

Kissing is an expression of romantic attraction, don't be afraid of it.  It's what differentiates "dating" from a "platonic friendship." 

Good luck and if you are still reading, let us know how it all turns out.  

 

Edited September 13, 2021 by poppyfields

[Dillon609]

So I got details to why it has been so weird lately. Basically relationships scare her right now because she had some back things happen to her in the past that scarred her. Which I completely understand because the things she told me were pretty bad. But I think it’s a big step that I got that out of her because she trusted me enough to tell me about it and she’s only told a couple people. So she was totally against putting a label on it cause it scared her. But I got to talking to her about it and told her about the past I’ve had (kind of similar to hers) and it made her look at me differently. I think she realized I am not just out there for sex or whatever. We’re both actually looking for a real genuine relationship where with somebody we can trust. So we both agreed we’re gonna keep it how it is for now and just take it slow. So what I’m asking is what else do I need to do to show her that she can trust me? Cause I think she’s just scared of getting her heart broke again and I am 100% not out there to do that to her

[glows]

Continue to do what you are doing now, being open and genuine with her and communicative. Trust takes time to build so be patient. You're on the right track if you have your heart set on this.