BoogieWoogie Posted September 7, 2021 Posted September 7, 2021 Hi all. I’ve been dating my boyfriend for about 8 months. He treats me well and the relationship has been going swimmingly. However, I found out he has a habit of leaving really mean comments online; I guess he’s a “troll”? Sometimes he leaves a mean comment during an argument. But most of the time, he leaves mean comments completely unprovoked and for no reason. Comments he makes are along the lines of making fun of people’s appearances, calling them fat/obese, telling them to kill themselves, that they’re autistic, and so on. I didn’t snoop through his phone or computer. This is all out in the open and a google search away by looking up his very specific username that he uses for everything. This repulses me. I don’t think it’s funny and I’m scared that even though he’s never said anything mean to me or treated me badly, that its a reflection of how he truly is? I’m not really sure how to approach the topic with him, especially why I even decided to google his username. I did it out of curiosity but I feel like it would be weird to explain that “hey, I just looked your username up on google and found your nasty comments”. If anyone has any advice on how to bring this up, I’d really appreciate it.
elaine567 Posted September 7, 2021 Posted September 7, 2021 No need to confront him, just walk away is my advice. You have stumbled across his nasty side. This is who he really is. One day YOU will be the butt of his nasty "jokes" and comments. There are no reasonable excuses for his actions here, so don't even bother trying to make excuses for him. Get him out of your life asap. Otherwise you will live to regret it. 3
d0nnivain Posted September 7, 2021 Posted September 7, 2021 You can ask him why he does this but you need to really listen to his answer. Personally I would not stay with somebody so cruel. He's a cowardly bully. Eventually all that nastiness will be turned toward you. 5
introverted1 Posted September 7, 2021 Posted September 7, 2021 Have you confirmed that it is him? When you think about the millions and millions of usernames out there, even a unique one could be used by more than one person. Assuming you have incontrovertible proof that it is indeed him, then I agree with the others that this is a significant character issue. 2
Blind-Sided Posted September 7, 2021 Posted September 7, 2021 Yep... I agree. Call him out on that, and ask him why he feels he needs to be a bully? I understand that sometimes you have to be blunt... or give "Tough Love" as advice... but to be a troll is just wrong. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted September 7, 2021 Posted September 7, 2021 36 minutes ago, BoogieWoogie said: that its a reflection of how he truly is? Yes, it is. 36 minutes ago, BoogieWoogie said: I feel like it would be weird to explain that “hey, I just looked your username up on google and found your nasty comments”. I wouldn't care about it seeming weird, honestly. He certainly does not care how other people perceive him, nor does he care about others' feelings. My primary motivation in bringing this up would be to let him know why I am ending it, not to "fix" it, so I frankly would not give a zoom if he found it weird. 1
basil67 Posted September 7, 2021 Posted September 7, 2021 (edited) Plus one to what has already been written. The guy is a toad who gets his kicks from hurting people and his behaviour would be an absolute deal breaker for me. No second chances. No discussion. Just tell him you've seen what he does and want nothing more to do with him. Edited September 7, 2021 by basil67
Miss Spider Posted September 7, 2021 Posted September 7, 2021 (edited) Ask him about it to verify it’s him, but come at him like you thought the comments were amusing. Otherwise, he might deny it. If you’re sure it’s him, then dump. If he was a funny troll my advice would be different, but he just sounds mean. That same vitriol could eventually be turned to you or someone you love one day under the right circumstances Edited September 7, 2021 by Cookiesandough 2
Wiseman2 Posted September 7, 2021 Posted September 7, 2021 2 hours ago, BoogieWoogie said: I guess he’s a “troll”? . Comments he makes are along the lines of making fun of people’s appearances, calling them fat/obese, telling them to kill themselves, that they’re autistic, and so on. Cut your losses. This is part of who he is. A cowardly bully. He'll turn it on you if you are foolish enough to stay. 1
Gaeta Posted September 7, 2021 Posted September 7, 2021 (edited) 3 hours ago, BoogieWoogie said: Comments he makes are along the lines of making fun of people’s appearances, calling them fat/obese, telling them to kill themselves, that they’re autistic, and so on. This is highly serious, people like him have no idea of the hurt they're causing. Left & right we hear of young women killing themselves for being bullied on social media just like this. I remember a documentary that was done about those online trolls. The journalists tracked them down, knocked at their door and asked them why they spread hate like this. All of them thought it was 'for fun'. Only once put face to face with their victims they understood online words can destroy real people. I would test him. I would tell him I heard a story of a young woman that attempted on her life because someone online called her fat and told her to kill herself.......and let him talk. If he says anything about it being for fun....breakup. This man is incapable of empathy and has no depth. Edited September 7, 2021 by Gaeta 2
Lotsgoingon Posted September 7, 2021 Posted September 7, 2021 You gotta dump this guy. This isn't close. I mean, you can if you want start with telling him that you really are repulsed and offended by his comments. You can say his comments online violate your values. That you don't like people criticizing others' appearances at all. You gotta say that. If you can't say that, then you are not ready for an adult relationship. You really don't want to sugarcoat this. You've been dating 8 months. How long have you known about his nasty comments? 2
spiderowl Posted September 8, 2021 Posted September 8, 2021 (edited) Yes, dump the guy. He has an alter ego. He can't keep this stuff hidden from you for ever. It's likely to come out in his behaviour towards you at some point. If it is making you feel scared, then pay attention to that feeling. It is warning you of something. His behaviour is a massive red flag. Having said the above, you must have searched for his username for a reason. Was there something about him that was bothering you before you found his posts? You really do need to be sure they are his posts and that you are not pointing the finger at the wrong person. I suspect that something or someone tipped you off to this. Edited September 8, 2021 by spiderowl 1
ShyViolet Posted September 9, 2021 Posted September 9, 2021 It shows that he's a person of very poor character. You should dump him, and let him know why, so that maybe he'll make some connection in his mind that there are consequences to his actions. But don't "confront" him in a way like you are trying to change him. Because that's not possible.
balletomane Posted September 9, 2021 Posted September 9, 2021 My ex was abusive. The first warning sign I had were the vicious comments he directed at people online. I told myself that wasn't the real him, it was his illness talking (he was diagnosed with a severe mental illness), he probably couldn't help it, and how he was with me was the true indicator of his personality. It was the real him. The Internet and real life are not separate; what you say behind the anonymity of a screen is how you would behave offline if you felt there would be no repercussions. He could help it - there was a reason why he never had these outbursts in front of his university professors, boss, or anyone else he wanted to impress. And soon enough he started lashing out at me too, but always behind closed doors where no one else could see. Cyber bullies are cowardly, unpleasant people. I would break up with him and be very clear as to why. 3
Recommended Posts