pooh23350 Posted October 19, 2005 Posted October 19, 2005 I have 4 daughters.There ages are 10,9,8,2.My 3 oldest are by my exhusband and my youngest is by another guy.My exhusband has not seen his daughters since christmas of 2004,has not paid child support since who remembers when,and is in jail now for posecion of coccain.my youngest daughter's father has not seen her since sept.2004,over a year now.He does pay child support because it comes out of his pay check every week.If it was not for that I would not get anything from him.Now my question is,Is there anyway I can go through the courts to get both of there rights terminated.I do have a boyfriend and he is more a father to them,than they could ever be.My daughters want to call my boyfriend daddy,but I have tried to explain to them just to call him by his first name for now.My youngest has been running around calling him daddy and when he is not here she will say where is daddy.It really shocked me at first.It is a lot harder to explain to her to call him by his first name because she is only 2.He does want to adopt them when we do get married.But that won't be for a long while.I just want advice on how to terminate there rights and if I can do it or not.Thanks for taking the time to read this.any replys will be greatly appriciated.
slubberdegullion Posted October 19, 2005 Posted October 19, 2005 Depending on where you live, there may be government agencies that take charge of the support payments. In Ontario (Canada), there's a government department called the Family Responsibility Office (FRO), which essentially is the enforcement agency for child support payments. They do the collecting from the irresponsible spouse; they can cancel driving licenses, garnishee wages, sell assets, etc. There may be a similar office in your jurisdiction.
Guinevere04 Posted October 20, 2005 Posted October 20, 2005 The child's father would have to agree to terminate his rights. I am not sure if that is something that goes through Div of Child Support Enforcement or not. If he did not agree, you could file for support through child support in your city/county, like the other responder said. It's a slow process but better than none.
LittleMiss Posted October 20, 2005 Posted October 20, 2005 I know where you are coming from. My son's fathe hasn't seen him in a year and hasn't paid any support in 6 months. The Attorney General has had no luck collecting any payments. I have also thought about getting his rights taken aways, but it's pointless right now. If he signs over his rights he will no longer be responsible for the child support and that's not fair. I'm not letting him off that easy. Another thing, I know in a few states the parent has to sign over there rights and usually a judge will only allow this if there is someone willing to adopt them. They do this because they want someone to be responsible financially for the child. If your current boyfriend is willing to adopt then I would just wait until you two are married to start the process. If you want PM me and we can talk. I'm sorry your going through this. Trust me I know it sucks.
Woggle Posted October 20, 2005 Posted October 20, 2005 So you want to shove a child's father out of their life? And people wonder why some men hate women. I am not saying that what he is doing is right but I would guess that you are not telling the whole story. Leave it to your kids if they want to see their father or not. My mother is an abusive loser but my father still let her see me.
LittleMiss Posted October 20, 2005 Posted October 20, 2005 I wouldn't be so hard on her. If her child's father is anything like mine then he's an ass that does not care about his kids or their well being. If he wanted so much to be in their life then he would be. There is nothing stopping him from trying to see his kids and support them financially.
Woggle Posted October 20, 2005 Posted October 20, 2005 I wouldn't be so hard on her. If her child's father is anything like mine then he's an ass that does not care about his kids or their well being. If he wanted so much to be in their life then he would be. There is nothing stopping him from trying to see his kids and support them financially. I am sorry but I refuse to buy into the poor little woman deal. She chose him to be the father of her kids and probably knew what he was like before hand. Plus she had another kid from another man she probably knew was not going to be there for the long haul. The men she talks about are wrong but she is not innocent either. Plus who knows if they tried to have a relationship with their kids and she stopped them.
Guinevere04 Posted October 20, 2005 Posted October 20, 2005 My sister's ex was harrassing her and their daughter. But the court wouldn't do anything about it b/c it was "her father". He wasn't paying child support, hadn't seen her in months, so my sister asked him if he wanted to terminate his rights. She is 15 and she figured she wouldn't see any $ out of him in the next 3 years and he doesn't even call to check on her at all, so what's the difference? He said he didn't want to drop rights but asked her if she would send something to child support saying that he didnt' have anymore financial responsibility for her and then he would start seeing her, so my sister DID??!! So now they see each other and he is happy because he doesn't have to pay a dime to raise his teenager, which isn't cheap. And my whole family is totally ticked off because my sister just completely forgets about when he didnt want to see her because he thought she might askfor a dollar. He even told her to bring her own tylenol one time that she did stay with him several years ago, because he wasn't going to buy her any. I think my sister has lost her mind because now he has gotten what he wanted, no responsibility. She said the only reason she didn't want to term his rights was in case he croaked over, their daughter might be entitled to a death benefit. We wouldn't be so lucky!
Author pooh23350 Posted October 20, 2005 Author Posted October 20, 2005 i did not or try to shove my daughters out of there fathers lives.That was there choices.They know where I live,they know my family,they know how to get to get up with me.And for my youngest daughters father,he goes to the same church as my 3 oldest daughters and he knows them.So if he really wanted to all he would have to do is tell them where I can get up with him or somthing.My 3 oldest already told me they do not want anything to do with there father anymore.If either one of the guys cared they would at least call,but they dont.Not for b-days or even christmas.It is not my fault they are dead beats.And another thing!I did not know they were gonna end up being DEAD BEATS!Me and my exhusbad were together for 5 years than he all of a suden decided he did not want to be a father anymore.And the other guy was a good guy and I thought He was gonna be my one,but once I told him I was pregnant he was gone like the wind andkept telling me it was not his till we got a dna test and i proved it to him.So I am not to blame here.they are.I am not stopping them from coming and seeing there daughters.And how many times have you been through this with your kids?thanks littlemiss for your advice.At least somone knows where I am coming from.
Skeered Posted October 20, 2005 Posted October 20, 2005 Wow woogle chill man..lol I understand what you are saying and I'm kinda on the opposite end of this spectrum because I arrange the visits for my ex to see his daughter..otherwise he gets wrapped up in his life, so I remind him..he doesn't pay me a dime for her at all however I still want her to see him because I feel he shouldn't have to pay to see her. But I am slowly stopping with calling him up to save his butt with her. The situation is quite simple if the dad wants to be in their lives he will make the effort if he doesn't it shouldn't be up to the woman to beg him to take the kids. I knew who my ex was before I married him too but we didn't have a daughter then..after she was born I really saw how immature and irresposible he was, staying out all night getting wasted, coming home and not remembering what he did, spending more time with friends and on the computer than with his child. Now he tries to tell me his daughter is his everything, all he has left in the world, however he doesn't call her (EVER), he doesn't give me anything for support and he doesn't make an effort to make the first call to come see her. I think if you feel that you want sole custody of your kiddos..head to court, fight for it, if he wants to have something to do with em maybe this will open his eyes.
Pyro Posted October 20, 2005 Posted October 20, 2005 IMO, if a father wants to be a part of his childrens lives, then he needs to act like a father. To be a father, you must set a good example for your children. You must teach them right from wrong and teach them responsibilities. When it comes to child support, I think that the father should have to contribute in some way, shape, or form.
NewLee40 Posted October 21, 2005 Posted October 21, 2005 I've been a single mom for 11 years. During these 11 years, my two boys were lucky if they saw him for an overnight visit once a month, and the longest he's gone without seeing them is 2 years and blamed me for it because I was trying to collect child support and he was "forced" to go into hiding. Now, let me tell you, I could write a book about my story that would amaze, astound and probably anger most of you. The reader's digest version (and yes,this is simply MY side of the story) was that I married my high school sweetheart, he became physically and emotionally abusive after we were married, since our divorce has not paid a dime in child support unless forced to by the court. We've had to go to great lengths to find him at times, and the last time he was arrested at a professional football game in his season ticket seats. Yes, I picked him. But,we met in church, went to a Christian college where he studied to be a minister. We lived and worked as missionaries in overseas, and no one believed that this charismatic, wonderful, handsome, Godly man could have put me through the hell he did. But, it was a living hell. I'm not faultless, but no woman deserves to be beaten, kicked in the ass while pregnant, cheated on, and lied to. It took me 10 years to even think about being with a man again. And yet... I have always...always ALWAYS done whatever I can to keep the door open for him to have a relationship with his children. He's such a sorry piece of donkey doo, that he naturally does not. But, I can look myself in the mirror and into the eyes of my children and know that I did not do ANYTHING to prevent a relationship with their dad. On the other hand, I also felt it was my personal responsibility to my kids to pursue the child support owed to THEM.....to them... not to me. I felt if I let that issue go, I was letting them down. Trust me, I would rather not have the money (although I've sorely neededit) than go through what I've had to go through to collect. But, its not about me....its about them. This is a topic I feel passionately about. The bottom line is, deadbeats suck, they are worthless, and they have no right to call themselves parents. I don't know how they sleep at night, but that's not my concern. My concern is for my kids. My concern is that I support and facilitate a relationship with their father insofar as is within my power to do so. I'm not going to chase the guy down, but he knows the door is open any time. I've made that clear. As long as he's not abusive to them in their presence, then there I must allow it - for their sake. Unfortunately, his neglect of them is far more abusive than anything he is capable of doing to them. But, that part of it is out of my control. I would never actively try to terminate a parents rights. That's not your right to do - no matter what a dead beat he is. What do you hope to accomplish by terminating his rights? Does your new boyfriend want to adopt the kids? If so, perhaps the ex would be amenable to voluntarily terminating his rights and therefore his responsibilities. If he's not wanting to marry their mother and adopt this other man's kids, it seems like all you are doing trying to punish him for being a deadbeat. But, trust me, that will backfire on you in the long run. It is tough as hell to collect child support, but why cut out any chance of collecting? That doesn't make sense. I know its hard to raise kids on your own. Its frustrating and it makes me really mad to see men (or women) not living up their responsibilities. Just be the best mom you can, recognize that they do have a dad and if there is a chance for a relationship, it will ultimately be healing for your kids for you to allow it. If not, then there will never be any question in their eyes or yours, that the choice was HIS.
lilmoma1973 Posted October 21, 2005 Posted October 21, 2005 Any man can be a "Daddy" but it takes a real man to be a Father!! Good Luck!!!
lilgee Posted October 22, 2005 Posted October 22, 2005 i dont get guys now days. I cant see myself not being there for my child. It would be hard not to be there for em. I dont understand how guys can be like this.
NewLee40 Posted October 23, 2005 Posted October 23, 2005 Its not just guys, unfortunately. I would guess there are probably more deadbeat dads than moms out there simply because mothers retain custody more often, among other more hard wired differences between men and women. Still, I recently dated this guy who has twins aged 7 and another boy age 9. She just took off with another man she met on the internet and left the kids in TN and moved to Idaho. For the life of me, I cannot imagine leaving my children like that. A man I used to work with raised his kids on his own from the time the baby was 5 months old and the daughter was 2. The mom left and never paid a dime in support. In all my many trips to child support court, I've only seen two people hand cuffed and taken to jail - one was a man and the other was a woman. I have the deepest respect and admiration for any parent who shoulders the whole load on their own. Its the toughest job in the world. I think we still have a long way to go in this society when it comes to dealing with issues of custody and support. At least in my state, the laws are written such that it can make it extremely difficult for the custodial parent to collect child support from a deadbeat. You cannot imagine what I've had to go through to get anyone to help me. People say "oh there are laws, you can have it taken from his paycheck, you can have him thrown in jail, you can take away his driver's license" Yes, the laws are there, but they are difficult to enforce. Its almost a full time job, let me tell you. I am going to child support court next week. My ex is seeking to have his support reduced. Actually, though, I was the one who initiated the proceeding. He wasn't paying according to plan. He was supposed to pay every week, and sometimes I would go three months without a payment and then just in the nick of time, he'd make a little lump payment so I wouldn't sick the authorities on him. Since my oldest just turned 18, I felt we needed to get this straightened out because I knew there would be an adjustment when my oldest emancipated. I wanted to make sure the courts had us on the right amount of support going forward, because there is a $20,000 arrearage balance that he's paying off at $7 a week (when he pays) and I was hoping to offset the losing support for my 18 year old with a higher payment on the arrearage balance. Well, even though for the last year he and I have been making the same annual salary, since I started a new job on September 1, the laws have changed and now they take both parents incomes into account to set child support. Although I think its fair to do it that way, the net effect is that his child support obligation has now been reduced by half. Therefore, my raise, just went pooof right before my eyes. Somehow this doesn't seem fair. I've worked hard to better myself, raised the kids on my own, finished my degree and finally got the payoff in a better job. He, on the other hand, pissed away a six figure income because he was spending everything he made, didn't make his child support payments anyway, and ended up losing his job over his irresponsible financial behavior. Now he is underemployed and has wrecked his potential for making any more. For 11 years I haven't been able to get ahead because he wasn't living up to his repsonsiblities and I still can't get ahead it seems. Although this sounds like I'm whining, because it really does tick me off, I do know that I'm still worlds better off. I have a wonderful relationship with my boys who have turned out to be such fantastic young men in spite of the odds being against them. While its been a struggle financially to get by, I still have my credit, my career, and the potential to make more of myself, while he's really ruined his life. I take no consolation in that, but I do say this to say....we spend alot of time thinking about how unfair the deadbeats are treating us and our kids. We feel they need to be punished. My parents complain all the time about how he is getting by "scott free" and getting away with not supporting his children. Trust me, no one gets away with anything. He's 40 years old and has no future, no retirement, and he's alienated all his family and his children. He will forever be looking over his shoulder until he pays every dime of support he owes, not knowing if he'll be arrested or if someone is looking for him. He's paid a price for being a deadbeat - a heavy one, but narcissist that he is, in the end, he'll just blame me for it all. Fortunately, I know better...
Author pooh23350 Posted October 24, 2005 Author Posted October 24, 2005 thanks for all the advice.And yes my boyfriend wants to marry me.We are talking about it and everything.And once we do get married he does want to adopt my daughters.He is more a father to my daughters than there real father's have ever been.He is here for them when he needs them,helps them with there home work,buys them things when they need anything,or just want somthing.He treats them just like they are his.They even call him daddy somtimes.And it does not bother him one bit.The way I see it, love is somtimes thicker than blood.In this case anyways.
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