Alvi Posted September 7, 2021 Posted September 7, 2021 I met this guy from the internet today. We met outside of the coffee place at the local Mall. Well, as it turns out, that coffee place was closed early today due to the Labor Day here in Canada. So, he suggested that we grab a drink at some restaurant at the mall. So we went there. A waiter asked us if we want anything to drink and we ordered 2 non-alcoholic beverages. So, a waiter comes back with our drinks and asks if we want to order anything else. Very quickly this guy says: "No, we will not be ordering anything else." I was a bit shocked. Not that I was hungry or that I would want to order anything to eat. But would it not be customary to ask me if I want to order anything before saying a no??? "Hey, are you hungry? Would you like to order an appetizer?" or something similar. I would say no. I would not have a problem paying myself if needed. I don't think that this guy was interested in me. His body language practically screamed disinterest. We had a nice polite conversation, that's about it. He probably wanted to end our meeting as soon as possible, I get it. But it it were me, I would at least offer to order something off the menu. What do you all think?
Miss Spider Posted September 7, 2021 Posted September 7, 2021 (edited) I agree with you that the most polite thing to do would have been to ask you if you wanted something else and patiently enjoyed the remainder of the date. However, I guess not everyone has the time or volition to do that. Seems like he wanted to cut it short for whatever reason. Sorry it didn’t work out Edited September 7, 2021 by Cookiesandough 3
ShyViolet Posted September 7, 2021 Posted September 7, 2021 It sounds like he wasn't interested and so he wanted to cut the date as short as possible, not extend it by ordering food. 3
Author Alvi Posted September 7, 2021 Author Posted September 7, 2021 39 minutes ago, ShyViolet said: t sounds like he wasn't interested and so he wanted to cut the date as short as possible, not extend it by ordering food. Yep, that was it. But I have to ask myself, if I didn't quite like the guy on a date, would I at least offer? I probably would, unless he was rude or unpleasant.
glows Posted September 7, 2021 Posted September 7, 2021 He should have let you answer for yourself. You saw fairly quickly what he’s made of so count this as a draw. You’re not interested either.
Alpacalia Posted September 7, 2021 Posted September 7, 2021 1 hour ago, glows said: He should have let you answer for yourself. You saw fairly quickly what he’s made of so count this as a draw. You’re not interested either. Agree. It would have been fantastic though if you said something like, "why yes, I'll have the lobster thermidor." 2
Happy Lemming Posted September 7, 2021 Posted September 7, 2021 Maybe he couldn't afford to pay for food and that is why he set up a coffee date to begin with. It is the beginning of the month and he probably just paid rent/mortgage. He may have had little money left over to try to date/meet you. 1
Wiseman2 Posted September 7, 2021 Posted September 7, 2021 5 hours ago, Alvi said: would it not be customary to ask me if I want to order anything before saying a no??? "Hey, are you hungry? Would you like to order an appetizer?" Sorry this happened. No, he doesn't have to order more or drag things out. No, it's not "customary". Why would you expect a meal if the agreement was meeting for coffee? Keep things simple on first meetings. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted September 7, 2021 Posted September 7, 2021 4 hours ago, Alvi said: if I didn't quite like the guy on a date, would I at least offer? I probably would, And that's just it - he isn't you. So while I understand where you are coming from, he evidently has a different point of view and doesn't see the sense in offering and potentially continuing the date when he's not feeling it. 2
bene Posted September 7, 2021 Posted September 7, 2021 (edited) If he was clearly not interested then he just wanted to cut the date short. Also, you had agreed on the coffee date, a dinner would be extending the plans. Sitting through several courses of food with someone who is clearly not interested in me sounds really bad to me. Then there’s the awkwardness of paying. No, I’d be glad to get out of there Edited September 7, 2021 by bene 1
basil67 Posted September 7, 2021 Posted September 7, 2021 If he'd asked you out for a meal, it would have been rude. But he didn't, so it wasn't.
Blind-Sided Posted September 7, 2021 Posted September 7, 2021 7 hours ago, Alpaca said: Agree. It would have been fantastic though if you said something like, "why yes, I'll have the lobster thermidor." LOL.... But I have a feeling our OP will be paying for it herself.. regardless... it was a first date... and that's what it's about... Getting to know who the other person is. He obviously wasn't interested in you... and you aren't interested in him. 1
d0nnivain Posted September 7, 2021 Posted September 7, 2021 It's just one more reason there will be no 2nd date. Don't sweat it. Just move on.
Alpacalia Posted September 7, 2021 Posted September 7, 2021 1 hour ago, Blind-Sided said: LOL.... But I have a feeling our OP will be paying for it herself.. regardless... it was a first date... and that's what it's about... Getting to know who the other person is. He obviously wasn't interested in you... and you aren't interested in him. I know (lol). I was just trying to perk OP up. 1
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted September 7, 2021 Posted September 7, 2021 13 hours ago, Alvi said: I met this guy from the internet today. We met outside of the coffee place at the local Mall. Well, as it turns out, that coffee place was closed early today due to the Labor Day here in Canada. So, he suggested that we grab a drink at some restaurant at the mall. So we went there. A waiter asked us if we want anything to drink and we ordered 2 non-alcoholic beverages. So, a waiter comes back with our drinks and asks if we want to order anything else. Very quickly this guy says: "No, we will not be ordering anything else." I was a bit shocked. Not that I was hungry or that I would want to order anything to eat. But would it not be customary to ask me if I want to order anything before saying a no??? "Hey, are you hungry? Would you like to order an appetizer?" or something similar. I would say no. I would not have a problem paying myself if needed. I don't think that this guy was interested in me. His body language practically screamed disinterest. We had a nice polite conversation, that's about it. He probably wanted to end our meeting as soon as possible, I get it. But it it were me, I would at least offer to order something off the menu. What do you all think? Be grateful he showed you right away who he is. This is a blessing. 1
Gaeta Posted September 7, 2021 Posted September 7, 2021 11 hours ago, Alvi said: Yep, that was it. But I have to ask myself, if I didn't quite like the guy on a date, would I at least offer? I probably would, unless he was rude or unpleasant. No you would not. Can you imagine offering a meal to every man you meet that you're not interested in? It's not viable, you'd end up spending a fortune on people you don't want to see again. AND IF he had taken your route and offer you to eat something YOU would have interpreted it as he's interested, right! He did the right thing. Appreciate it. Move on to next. 4
Caauug Posted September 7, 2021 Posted September 7, 2021 13 hours ago, Alvi said: I met this guy from the internet today. We met outside of the coffee place at the local Mall. Well, as it turns out, that coffee place was closed early today due to the Labor Day here in Canada. So, he suggested that we grab a drink at some restaurant at the mall 1st coffee joint shut.... He suggests another. He has some interest or maybe just polite... All interest dead when waiter as if more service is needed. What was said or conveyed in that time? How much did you have invested in the meet up? A few hours prep time and $10 fuel? "Nothing ventured, nothing gained". You gave it a shot, it didn't work. Maybe the next guy is a winner.... Next!!! 1
JRabbit Posted September 7, 2021 Posted September 7, 2021 12 hours ago, Alvi said: if I didn't quite like the guy on a date, would I at least offer? Nope...why? Why spend more time with someone you don't want to. Life is too short. it's not rude, it's dating. 1
spiderowl Posted September 8, 2021 Posted September 8, 2021 Sorry this happened, OP. He was telling you who he was - either disinterested in continuing the date beyond politeness (though he doesn't seem to have much of that himself) or controlling or inconsiderate. Yes, a decent guy would have behaved better.
Wiseman2 Posted September 9, 2021 Posted September 9, 2021 (edited) If the chemistry is good sometimes dates can extend, ordering more, etc. However it's best to assume that coffee means coffee. Edited September 9, 2021 by Wiseman2
Author Alvi Posted September 9, 2021 Author Posted September 9, 2021 (edited) 3 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: If the chemistry is good sometimes dates can extend, ordering more, etc. However it's best to assume that coffee means coffee. You are right. He did sent me a message saying that I am nice, blah, blah, blah but he didn't feel any chemistry. I think I got overly invested into this guy before the date. Oh well... Edited September 9, 2021 by Alvi 1
poppyfields Posted September 9, 2021 Posted September 9, 2021 (edited) 9 minutes ago, Alvi said: You are right. He did sent me a message saying that I am nice, blah, blah, blah but he didn't feel any chemistry. Oh well... Did you feel chemistry Alvi, a connection with him? In my experience, genuine chemistry/energy is mutual, something happening between both people. Since HE wasnt feeling it, what, if anything, were you feeling? Physical attraction based on looks? That's not chemistry. Or perhaps your ego is a bit bruised? Again, not mutual chemistry/energy which is what you want. Just some questions to ask yourself because I contend dating, romantically connecting with another human being, can be very confusing sometimes! Edited September 9, 2021 by poppyfields
Author Alvi Posted September 9, 2021 Author Posted September 9, 2021 2 hours ago, poppyfields said: Did you feel chemistry Alvi, a connection with him? In my experience, genuine chemistry/energy is mutual, something happening between both people. Since HE wasnt feeling it, what, if anything, were you feeling? Physical attraction based on looks? That's not chemistry. Or perhaps your ego is a bit bruised? Again, not mutual chemistry/energy which is what you want. Just some questions to ask yourself because I contend dating, romantically connecting with another human being, can be very confusing sometimes! To be totally honest, no, I didn't feel a connection with him. We texted quite a bit before our date, so I think I made this great connection inside my head. I usually go with zero expectations to meet a guy but somehow I felt connected to him through his texts. We clicked so well in texts. I know, nothing is real till you meet and I do try to keep my emotions in check but I am only human. I think I made him out to be whatever I wanted him to be. He was a lot shorter than he claimed to be in his profile. Not a bit turn off since I am only 5'3 but I felt like he lied in his profile. I though he was a bit more muscular based on his pics but he is very skinny. He also has two kids and I am not sure if this is what I am looking for to be honest. Not saying it's a bad thing, just not sure how well I would fit in with a guy who has two young children every second week at home. I think when he told a waiter so abrasively that we would not be ordering anything else I started talking less. The vibe sort of died for me and then for him shortly too. Or it could be the other way around. He wasn't that interested to begin with. He is really into camping, and when I told him that I am more of a stay in a hotel on a vacation type of person, we got really turned off. He also showed me some pics on his phone of his trailer and apparently he also had pics of nude girls on his phone. He looked embarrassed when he realized that I saw them, lol. Overall, I guess, we were not a good match. But I would not mind us second time.
Gaeta Posted September 10, 2021 Posted September 10, 2021 20 hours ago, Alvi said: Overall, I guess, we were not a good match. But I would not mind us second time. but why?? everything about him is a turn off. 2
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