Possible divorce and manipulation

[Empathwife]

My husband and I have been having a lot of issues that we have tried to fix with marriage counselling but they keep happening after a while. He is emotionally dependent on me and was at one point using coercion.  I am having trauma reponses from the coercion and that fact that he is smothering. I asked for a divorce and because of his religion he said that if I leave I am making his mind up for him in the fact that he will have to start a new relationship and will be reprimanded from the church. Does this sound like manipulation? I am staying because I don’t want to deal with him being upset.

[basil67]

Yes, it's manipulation.  He's trying to put you on a guilt trip.   And if I was in your shoes, I would tell him that I don't care.

May I ask what was going on with the coercion?

[Empathwife]

13 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Yes, it's manipulation.  He's trying to put you on a guilt trip.   And if I was in your shoes, I would tell him that I don't care.

May I ask what was going on with the coercion?

For a few years he was pretty much guilt tripping me into intercourse.  One day I got extremely angry and threatened to leave if he didn’t stop. He has now realized what he did but I am feeling the effects of this and have anxiety when I think about being intimate!

[BaileyB]

4 hours ago, Empathwife said:

For a few years he was pretty much guilt tripping me into intercourse.  One day I got extremely angry and threatened to leave if he didn’t stop. He has now realized what he did but I am feeling the effects of this and have anxiety when I think about being intimate!

Well that, does not a happy marriage make. 

What is it that keeps you in your marriage beside guilt? Do you like the man? 

[Wiseman2]

6 hours ago, Empathwife said:

. I asked for a divorce and because of his religion 

How long have you been married? Why did you marry in the first place if his religion is a problem?

You don't need his permission to divorce. You need to privately and confidentiality speak with an attorney about your options in divorce.

For example, do you have kids? Do you both work? All important questions in dissolving a marriage.

Never threaten divorce as a power play to make him change.

6 hours ago, Empathwife said:

For a few years he was pretty much guilt tripping me into intercourse.  

Are you implying it's marital rape or he is persistent and doesn't respect your boundaries?

[Wiseman2]

10 hours ago, Empathwife said:

. Does this sound like manipulation?  I don’t want to deal with him being upset.

It sounds more like complete BS. You can do whatever you wish. It's your responsibility to contact an attorney. 

When/if he gets served papers it's his problem to deal with his culture/religion and moving on.

There's no gun to your head. You just don't want the hassle of divorce.

What do you mean by coercion? Threatening you?  How, exactly, does he coerce you? What happens if you don't do what he wants?

Do you both work? Can you support yourself? 

[d0nnivain]

If you are incapable of being intimate with him, that is marital abandonment.  If you have abandoned the marriage that might be grounds for annulment.  He needs to talk to his spiritual advisor about this.  If he can get your marriage annulled in his church rather than just a civil divorce, he will be free to marry again in the eyes of that church.  There will be nothing for him to "get in trouble" over.  You can be free & the leverage he's trying to assert over you will be null & void.  Problem solved.