CalipsoRose Posted September 6, 2021 Posted September 6, 2021 Hi everyone, I have a first date planned this week with a guy I havent met yet. We started talking on a dating app. We are planning to meet in a few days. At first we agreed on meeting at a beer garden restaurant in my area. Then he invited me to an arena concert on that day instead, which is 40 mins from my house instead of the restaurant 10 mins from my house (I don't like driving much on the first date in case I have a cocktail). Normally I would think this is a fun idea, but for a first date this would be a 2-3 hour loud concert, which means we probably wouldn't be able to have any in depth conversation. If I decided I don't like him immediately, I would be stuck on the date for a long time too. So I told him I would think about it. I haven't decided yet. Should I go to the concert or stick to the original beer garden plan? I feel bad saying no to a fun idea though. I also don't know about being in a jam packed concert full of people sweating all over you right now in case I get sick.
glows Posted September 6, 2021 Posted September 6, 2021 Decline early so he can go with someone else. Tell him your reasons and meet in a more low key setting. 1
basil67 Posted September 6, 2021 Posted September 6, 2021 I agree that you should decline. I'd make sure to tell him that you appreciate such a generous gesture, but prefer something more low key for a first date. 1
Ami1uwant Posted September 6, 2021 Posted September 6, 2021 (edited) 2 hours ago, CalipsoRose said: Hi everyone, I have a first date planned this week with a guy I havent met yet. We started talking on a dating app. We are planning to meet in a few days. At first we agreed on meeting at a beer garden restaurant in my area. Then he invited me to an arena concert on that day instead, which is 40 mins from my house instead of the restaurant 10 mins from my house (I don't like driving much on the first date in case I have a cocktail). Normally I would think this is a fun idea, but for a first date this would be a 2-3 hour loud concert, which means we probably wouldn't be able to have any in depth conversation. If I decided I don't like him immediately, I would be stuck on the date for a long time too. So I told him I would think about it. I haven't decided yet. Should I go to the concert or stick to the original beer garden plan? I feel bad saying no to a fun idea though. I also don't know about being in a jam packed concert full of people sweating all over you right now in case I get sick. Tell him not for a first meet. you want a place to meet where you can easily talk and interact. A concert isn’t one. if you are interested in the concert look at meeting before it. Edited September 6, 2021 by Ami1uwant
spiderowl Posted September 6, 2021 Posted September 6, 2021 It sounds like he's quite inexperienced at dating because you can't get to know someone in those conditions. It does not seem a good idea to be in someone else's vehicle for that amount of time when you don't know them very well. I think it best to suggest the alternative date idea so that you two can talk. Good luck with the date!
poppyfields Posted September 7, 2021 Posted September 7, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, spiderowl said: It sounds like he's quite inexperienced at dating because you can't get to know someone in those conditions. Or maybe he IS experienced and realizes first meets can be awkward and uncomfortable so planned something more carefree, lively and fun where there is less pressure to talk and "connect." Where they could both feel each other's "presence" and energy, dance to the music, laugh, be playful. Versus going somewhere to "talk and get to know each other." For a first meet, that can feel tremendously pressured and awkward. If me, I would prefer the concert! I would be totally open to that, sounds fun! Brilliant idea imo. Drive yourself, meet him there. If we clicked and started dating, plenty of time to "talk" later. If you don't romantically click, enjoy the music then say your goodbyes. Edited September 7, 2021 by poppyfields
ShyViolet Posted September 7, 2021 Posted September 7, 2021 A concert is a terrible and awkward choice for a first date. A first date should be short, like just grabbing a coffee or lunch just to see if you have chemistry in person, but if you don't, then you don't want to waste too much time and you want to be able to make an easy exit. 4
poppyfields Posted September 7, 2021 Posted September 7, 2021 He also may be wanting to see how adventurous you are, how open you are to trying something new and different versus the standard 30 min "meet and greet" which for some can be a great big YAWN. @CalipsoRosesince you are not open to it, you may be incompatible. But play it out, you have the right to be uncomfortable with the idea and suggest something else. His response will speak volumes.
ExpatInItaly Posted September 7, 2021 Posted September 7, 2021 I would not be interested in a concert for a first meet either, OP, so I get where you are coming from. Stick with the original plan or something similarly low-key. If he isn't interested in that, then this wasn't a match anyway. 1
Wiseman2 Posted September 7, 2021 Posted September 7, 2021 8 hours ago, CalipsoRose said: . Should I go to the concert or stick to the original beer garden plan? I feel bad saying no to a fun idea though. I also don't know about being in a jam packed concert full of people sweating all over you right now in case I get sick. Did he buy tickets? Did he invite you to the concert or expect you to buy a ticket and meet him there? It's a poor ides for a first date. Stick with the original plan.
Alpacalia Posted September 7, 2021 Posted September 7, 2021 Concerts involve sharing a new experience, and they typically include reasonable built-in pauses between sets, so you can still enjoy the live music without completely foregoing conversation. Still, for a first date with a complete stranger, especially given the distance, that may be a bit much. Just say that you prefer something closer to where you live.
Blind-Sided Posted September 7, 2021 Posted September 7, 2021 Its real simple... a first date is to get to know someone. You can NOT get to know someone at a concert. Just tell the guy no, and you want to go somewhere were you can talk, and to get to know who he is. PERIOD.
d0nnivain Posted September 7, 2021 Posted September 7, 2021 Just say no thank you. Pick a date / time for the beer garden that doesn't conflict with his concern attendance & go from there. Understand he will probably take a different date to that concert.
Miss Spider Posted September 7, 2021 Posted September 7, 2021 Just tell him you’d rather get a drink or something. nbd
Lotsgoingon Posted September 7, 2021 Posted September 7, 2021 The concert might be a good second or third date after it's clear you both are interested in each other. But speak up. No reason to be stuck 3 hours with someone. If he can't adjust to your request, then he's not the person for you. This guy might just be inexperienced and he is thinking the date has to be exciting and thrilling and all of that.
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