We say we live eachother but she says she's not ready for a relationship

[smackie9]

Just stop talking about the future, and all these details. She's just testing the waters, and really doesn't know what she wants at this time or is in fear of her parents in regards to your racial differences. For now she likes your commitment to giving her attention and enjoying each others company. If that is how far things go, then you can walk away at anytime. You are her secret, and it's going to be that way whether you like it or not.

[d0nnivain]

15 hours ago, poppyfields said:

@d0nnivainI respect your opinions so much, almost like a mentor at times, but to the bolded, almost sounds like you are advising him to be an 'orbiter' and hoping a relationship develops from it?

This very rarely leads to anything worthwhile or positive for the man. 

Once a man is in a women's friendzone, extremely difficult to transition out of that and into dating/relationship.

It can happen but it's rare. 

Your statement is absolutely correct if these people were adults.  They are not.  They are HIGH SCHOOL children.   There needs to be a lot more foundation and time for a young teen girl who is not ready to date to develop a rapport with the young man who will become her 1st BF.  Going slow is the best pace at this life stage.  

In adulthood there are brighter lines:  you are either romantic potential or you are a friend / orbiter but when your age still has the word "teen" in it, this foundational approach is more reliable.  

[Idk124]

On 9/6/2021 at 4:14 AM, d0nnivain said:

Your statement is absolutely correct if these people were adults.  They are not.  They are HIGH SCHOOL children.   There needs to be a lot more foundation and time for a young teen girl who is not ready to date to develop a rapport with the young man who will become her 1st BF.  Going slow is the best pace at this life stage.  

In adulthood there are brighter lines:  you are either romantic potential or you are a friend / orbiter but when your age still has the word "teen" in it, this foundational approach is more reliable.  

Not that it really matters but we are both in collage, and 19. 

[d0nnivain]

You being in college matters but my point remains the same.  The younger you are, the more it's acceptable for a true friendship 1st situation that involves hanging out, spending time together & zero sexual pressure or pressure that comes from words / labels like "date" "BF/GF" & "relationship."  In that limited context, usually when you are still in school, it's possible to transition from friends to romance by spending time together.  Once you enter the real world, the friendship 1st dynamic, unless organic, usually results in being relegated to the friendzone.  

@Idk124do avoid becoming the male girl friend but stop pushing her & go at her pace.  It may never blossom into the relationship you want so don't put all your eggs her basket.  Date others but don't use them to make her jealous or shove them in her face.  

Edited September 7, 2021 by d0nnivain

[Miss Spider]

You’re in friend zone, bud

Edited September 7, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[spiderowl]

On 9/5/2021 at 7:00 PM, Idk124 said:

Okay thanks lol. I was confused because I I don't believe I'm a pushover. I make it clear that I do not need her, but I do want her obviously. But often times she is the one who brings up living together, but we both bring up the sexual stuff lol. So do you think I should still slow it down, like should I tell her to slow down with talking about living together?

If you want a relationship with her and she doesn't want that (yet) then moving in together would be a disaster.  You would be FWB and she would be free to date whoever she liked - after all, she has not made you any promises.

It sounds like she wants your friendship, company and sexual fun with you but doesn't want to give all this a name.  That is puzzling unless she sees you purely as a FWB.  It may be that she knows her family would not approve of you as a prospective marriage partner and so she is keeping you under the radar.  It is not unusual for people in some cultures or religions to date outside their religion and then to marry someone from within their religion.  I think you need to be sure just how much of a difference her family objections make.  What you don't want is to find you have given her everything and she is reciprocating and then suddenly she's off marrying someone of her own race or culture.

As others have said, I think you are rushing things too.  You are both very young and moving in is a huge commitment.  It would be very unwise to even consider that if she is not prepared to commit to a relationship with you, unless all you want is a FWB arrangement.

[Wiseman2]

On 9/7/2021 at 1:24 PM, Idk124 said:

 we are both in collage, and 19. 

Ok great. Date have fun. Take your time. Stop the living together talk. 

You're young responsible adults so enjoy college and dating.