Mw58853 Posted September 3, 2021 Posted September 3, 2021 (edited) I’ve bought a house with my girlfriend we’ve been together almost 3 years and it’s great most the time but I feel she always puts her friends first. I want her to come to my dads surprise 50th and help set up as she is creative however her friend has changed her evening plans (my dads thing is at 2pm so plan was to go there after) to a bottomless brunch. I said it made me feel s*** as any plans with her friends are set in stone but all of a sudden it changes and so does she. we discussed it and the she said grow some balls. This confused me as I feel by kicking off I am having balls and not rolling over. I’ve looked this up and most things say end it but we’re too deep and that’s too strong. She says when we argue she says things to hurt me, and it works! Edited September 3, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator added meaningful title
d0nnivain Posted September 3, 2021 Posted September 3, 2021 Sorry but you come 2nd. Your father's 50th is a big deal. This is not some regular weekly dinner with your family although a brunch with friends is far more routine. The fact that she won't be there for you to celebrate dad's milestone says that she doesn't care about you. Now your problem is how to do you get out of a mortgage? This is why one should not buy real estate with somebody you are merely dating.
Alpacalia Posted September 4, 2021 Posted September 4, 2021 You might ask her what factors influenced her decision. Even when people are in a relationship, it is important that they keep their friendships. But I'd also consider how often she prefers her friends above spending quality time with you. Especially something as important as your father's 50th birthday. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted September 4, 2021 Posted September 4, 2021 8 hours ago, Mw58853 said: we discussed it and the she said grow some balls Is this how she usually speaks to you? That's incredibly disrespectful. 8 hours ago, Mw58853 said: when we argue she says things to hurt me, and it works! If you keep allowing it, she'll keep doing it. Look, it is very clear this woman is not as into you as you are into her. She apparently doesn't treat you right and does not value your relationship the way you do. And the worst part? You can't make someone more interested. You say you're in too deep to end it, but is she? Doesn't sound like it. Why did you buy a house together if your relationship is not that solid? That was not a great idea, man. 2
glows Posted September 4, 2021 Posted September 4, 2021 She doesn’t respect you. Why should she respect your family or those other commitments? Both of you seem to have different values and priorities. Date someone more on your wavelength. Or, treat this exactly as it is - a more superficial relationship with an expiry date. This will go nowhere so be prepared to end it at some point.
Blind-Sided Posted September 4, 2021 Posted September 4, 2021 I think it's time to buy her out of her half of the house... and tell her to get out. She doesn't care about you, and your family... get away NOW !!!!!!!!!!!!
Timshel Posted September 4, 2021 Posted September 4, 2021 14 hours ago, Mw58853 said: This confused me as I feel by kicking off I am having balls and not rolling over. Keep kicking. It's a shame you have bought a house with her, see about getting out of that arrangement.
Lotsgoingon Posted September 4, 2021 Posted September 4, 2021 Dude, I hate to break the news, but there is no way you are in a good relationship. She treats you like dirt. You shuns your father's big b-day and then insults you along the way. There is a reason you think she puts friends first--because she DOES put friends first! Come on now. You've only talked about this one or so situation, and I would pull our a $100 and say if we got you talking for 5 minutes, there are tons of other nasty things your gf has said to you and tons of other important meaning events you really wanted her to attend with you that she blew off. You're in denial. This is a terrible relationship . 1
salparadise Posted September 4, 2021 Posted September 4, 2021 (edited) If she's treating you with this kind of disrespect at three years, I'd hate to think what it will be like at five or ten years. You know it's only going to get worse. If it were merely the one-time decision on the birthday party it would be one thing, but the way she speaks to you is totally unacceptable. You need to show her that you've got enough balls to not be treated like her whipping boy. Tell her that was the last straw and you're done. Yea, the house makes it harder, but thankfully you aren't married. If you can afford to buy her out, do it. If not you'll need to sell the house. i'm pretty sure you can force a sale if necessary. Edited September 4, 2021 by salparadise
Author Mw58853 Posted September 5, 2021 Author Posted September 5, 2021 21 hours ago, introverted1 said: Are you two very young? She’s 27 I’m 32
Wiseman2 Posted September 5, 2021 Posted September 5, 2021 (edited) On 9/3/2021 at 6:00 PM, Mw58853 said: . I want her to come to my dads surprise 50th and help set up as she is creative Wait... You're ending a 3 year relationship replete with messy co-owning a house because she won't help you decorate for a party? There's more to this than that. You both should maintain your own friends and social life outside of the relationship. You take care of your family business she takes care of hers. Is she going to the party? Are you living together for convenience and economics or do you plan on a future such as family, etc.? Ask your own friends and family to decorate for the party. Do you help her with all her family stuff? How intertwined are your families? Edited September 5, 2021 by Wiseman2
elaine567 Posted September 5, 2021 Posted September 5, 2021 Sell the house and take the hit, financially and emotionally and get this woman out of your life . At the moment she sounds like she is NOT gf/wife/mother material and may never be. She does not respect you and may not even like you. I don't know the history, so maybe she has a good reason for being angry/upset with you enough to keep wanting to hurt you, but you can't live you life like this. Whatever hit you take now, will be nothing to what will happen years down the road. Grasp the nettle and end it is my advice. 2
Lotsgoingon Posted September 5, 2021 Posted September 5, 2021 9 hours ago, elaine567 said: She does not respect you and may not even like you. This is so right on. It happens often that one partner doesn't even like the other. In these cases, I think the mean partner gets their kicks from having the upper hand and manipulating and demeaning the other partner. I bet this woman doesn't spend a second doubting her answers or worrying that you feel hurt and ignored. Not a second. Seriously, she likely gets a high from knowing you are unhappy and that she has the upper hand. 1
smackie9 Posted September 5, 2021 Posted September 5, 2021 IMO this relationship has deteriorated. She's obviously not very happy. When they start choosing their time to be with friends, insult you to hurt you, that says it's coming to an end....the writing is on the wall. 1
Lotsgoingon Posted September 6, 2021 Posted September 6, 2021 The writing is on the wall indeed @smackie9. The problem is the OP doesn't want to read it.
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