Broke up with gf made a big mistake.

[Moo138]

2 minutes ago, Goodguy05 said:

Thats a good point be Pro active reach out occasionally and slowly build the communication don't wait for her to contact you she won't give her space but U know what I mean reach out here and there and don't bring up the break up or ask where she's at keep it friendly banter like how's your day etc keep it well away from anything to do about where she's at with you if you can do that it may slowly develop 

I was thinking of that but I did say to her would you rather I didn’t text you just as in chit chat and she said I’d rather you didn’t and let me come to you so wasn’t sure if I should or not? At the same time was thinking if it’s been a month just send a little hello message but didn’t want to annoy her or invade the space she needed 

[Maldives]

No I would disagree from personal experience I lost my last ex and my wife going no contact 

[Maldives]

Respect her space give her enough time it wouldn't hurt to send a sms here and there up to U mate good luck

[ExpatInItaly]

1 minute ago, Goodguy05 said:

No I would disagree from personal experience I lost my last ex and my wife going no contact 

I am also speaking from personal experience, of having been in the position OP's ex is in. 

He didn't leave me alone after trying to open the door again. It was annoying and disrespectful. 

[Moo138]

1 minute ago, Goodguy05 said:

No I would disagree from personal experience I lost my last ex and my wife going no contact 

I was tempted to send a memory message. So on the 20th September last year we went away for the weekend to this little place. Was tempted to just say 1 year ago today we had the best weekend here and maybe a picture of the place. Do you think that’s a good idea?

[ExpatInItaly]

4 minutes ago, Moo138 said:

she said I’d rather you didn’t and let me come to you

Then please listen to her. 

She is telling you she doesn't want idle chit-chat. Don't risk irritating her further by ignoring that. 

[ExpatInItaly]

Just now, Moo138 said:

Was tempted to just say 1 year ago today we had the best weekend here and maybe a picture of the place. Do you think that’s a good idea?

Terrible idea. 

It will come across as manipulative and likely only hurt her. Do not do this. 

[Moo138]

Just now, ExpatInItaly said:

Terrible idea. 

It will come across as manipulative and likely only hurt her. Do not do this. 

Ok good point. Thank you 

[ExpatInItaly]

Just now, Moo138 said:

Ok good point. Thank you 

Trust me on this - just stop. 

Do nothing now. Listen to her when she says she will get in contact when she is ready, and please stop trying to get her to do what you want through memories, texts, and so on. It's transparent and will tell her that you aren't listening. 

 It's up to her now. 

[Maldives]

4 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

I am also speaking from personal experience, of having been in the position OP's ex is in. 

He didn't leave me alone after trying to open the door again. It was annoying and disrespectful. 

Fair enough good to hear a woman's perspective I guess everyone is different. Will be up to U to assess the best thing to do

[Moo138]

Just now, Goodguy05 said:

Fair enough good to hear a woman's perspective I guess everyone is different. Will be up to U to assess the best thing to do

Check your pm’s mate 

[Maldives]

25 minutes ago, Moo138 said:

Check your pm’s mate 

Keep us all posted hope it works out for you mate best of luck 

[Moo138]

1 minute ago, Goodguy05 said:

Keep us all posted hope it works out for you mate best of luck 

Will do thank you

[elaine567]

23 hours ago, Moo138 said:

she got it into her head over the 2 months that nothing would ever happen between us again.

This is the big problem that you have here.

She got used to not having you around and she got used to thinking you were never going to be around again.
She was processing the hurt and disappointment and  she was surviving, she realised she did not die without you, it was quite possible to live a nice life without you and was no doubt thinking of trying again with someone else.
Now you are back professing love, she is not best pleased. You hurt her badly and are now showing up expecting her to take you back.
Like some dumpees might have done, she did not immediately drop everything and run into your arms, so that is probably a bad sign sorry to say. 
I guess in this space she she has asked for, she will decide NOT to take you back.
Sorry.

Romantic love is conditional, you screw up and love dies.
Never take love for granted. 

[Moo138]

6 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

This is the big problem that you have here.

She got used to not having you around and she got used to thinking you were never going to be around again.
She was processing the hurt and disappointment and  she was surviving, she realised she did not die without you, it was quite possible to live a nice life without you and was no doubt thinking of trying again with someone else.
Now you are back professing love, she is not best pleased. You hurt her badly and are now showing up expecting her to take you back.
Like some dumpees might have done, she did not immediately drop everything and run into your arms, so that is probably a bad sign sorry to say. 
I guess in this space she she has asked for, she will decide NOT to take you back.
Sorry.

Romantic love is conditional, you screw up and love dies.
Never take love for granted. 

But do you not think the questions she asked and the fact she said a face to face talk is needed is a positive sign?

I just think if she was dead set on not taking me back she would have already said. I guess she needs to think and make a decision  

Edited September 3, 2021 by Moo138
Spelling

[elaine567]

 

6 minutes ago, Moo138 said:

But do you not think the questions she asked and the fact she said a face to face talk is needed is a positive sign?

I just think if she was dead set on not taking me back she would have already said. I guess she needs to think and make a decision  

She maybe feels she needs closure, hence the questions and the need for face to face; blind sided dumpees often do..
But, also some find it difficult to cut people off dead, so they tend to kick the can down the road instead, then just fade away...

[Wiseman2]

12 hours ago, Moo138 said:

I’ll do you if that’s ok? I signed up 

What does this mean, exactly?

[Moo138]

9 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

What does this mean, exactly?

It was a typo, meant to say I’ll pm you 

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, Moo138 said:

But do you not think the questions she asked and the fact she said a face to face talk is needed is a positive sign?

It might not be the sort of talk you're hoping for. 

She might indeed have some questions for you and have a need to get some things off her chest, without necessarily wanting to take you back. I personally think that if she were leaning toward reconciliation, she'd have been more eager to set a time and day to meet. 

However, only she really knows. We might be wrong. And by the same token, your assumptions might be wrong too. All you can do is wait and see. 

[Moo138]

32 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

It might not be the sort of talk you're hoping for. 

She might indeed have some questions for you and have a need to get some things off her chest, without necessarily wanting to take you back. I personally think that if she were leaning toward reconciliation, she'd have been more eager to set a time and day to meet. 

However, only she really knows. We might be wrong. And by the same token, your assumptions might be wrong too. All you can do is wait and see. 

Yeah but just by going from what I know of her a face to face would be more positive I think/hope. If she wasn’t going to give it another try I think she would tell me over text. I guess I’ll have to wait and see 

[glows]

7 hours ago, Moo138 said:

I was thinking of that but I did say to her would you rather I didn’t text you just as in chit chat and she said I’d rather you didn’t and let me come to you so wasn’t sure if I should or not? At the same time was thinking if it’s been a month just send a little hello message but didn’t want to annoy her or invade the space she needed 

She’s quite specific here so let her message you. You have a choice how long or whether you want to wait. 

[GeorgiaPeach1]

On 9/2/2021 at 4:52 AM, Moo138 said:

Hey all, so I broke with my ex of 1 year 3 months ago now, didn’t think I was 100% happy and my head wasn’t in a good place with some things like lockdown and work. Realised I made a massive mistake and messaged her 4 weeks ago now saying how I felt etc. She was so angry at first and didn’t want to hear anything and told me multiple times leave her alone. Well a few days later she messaged me asking if I meant what I said etc and other questions like what if your head wasn’t in a good place again, I was surprised about this but anyway she seemed less angry and been speaking to me a bit. I poured my heart out to her so it’s come as a shock as she got it into her head over the 2 months that nothing would ever happen between us again. So last week she said I think I talk is needed but right now I need time alone as I’m not in the right headspace atm, she’s been listening to me but needs space and will come to me when she’s ready. I really don’t know how to take this, like if it’s positive or not? I’m giving her the space she needs and not contacting her till she contacts me, but waiting her for to contact me is horrible and my anxiety is so bad at the moment I can’t eat,  wondering how she’s feeling or what she’s thinking. 

People who try to come back after months have gone by are coming back for themselves. They thought life would be smooth sailing after dumping the other person, and realize the grass isn't greener on the other side. At this point, her trust in you is probably gone.

[Moo138]

15 minutes ago, GeorgiaPeach1 said:

People who try to come back after months have gone by are coming back for themselves. They thought life would be smooth sailing after dumping the other person, and realize the grass isn't greener on the other side. At this point, her trust in you is probably gone.

I disagree 

[Miss Spider]

Xxxxccx

Edited September 3, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[GeorgiaPeach1]

57 minutes ago, Moo138 said:

I disagree 

Okay