Phoenix13Nash Posted September 2, 2021 Posted September 2, 2021 I’m in a long distance relationship with this girl for 1.5 years. We had dated in the past for 5 years before breaking up for another 5. She completely blocked me during this time and only reached out because she didn’t want to have regrets about the pandemic and such. We ended up having a connection years later and decided to date again. We had originally broken up because early in the relationship I had been texting other girls and immature and dependent on my parents.. Flash forward the five years we broke up, I’ve had plenty of time to grow and reflect. I can say that I’ve been faithful to her throughout our new relationship and I’m in a position where I’m striving to take care of my family and create a future for her. And now after 1.5 years she wants to have a break to really think about things. Our conditions were no seeing other people, 1 week (though now she stated indefinitely and not to pressure her), and to change our FB status from “public” to “friends only” because too many of her clients at work look her up and she wants privacy. We also agreed to talk and text on a regular basis though I’m at a loss for what to do. I’ve been trying to play it cool, but it’s hard to keep a strong front. The thing is some coworkers of hers talked about how their boyfriends cheated and how they wouldnt change. She’s now reminded of the past and her family always asks why I haven’t visited. The first year I was studying for my license and we were still in the talking stage. Then I was on an on call job as needed so I couldn’t visit. Her job had a flexible schedule and she visited me twice for a couple weekends. Now she uses this to guilt me saying why she always visits. I have picked up a full time job now where I get the weekends off, and now she picked up a part time job on the weekends so now that I can see her, she can’t. And it sucks because I don’t have any weekdays off and I don’t know who when or how to request time off since I’m in a newly promoted position. it’s a slap in the face because she says I’m the same person and nothing has changed…. But I spent all those years reflecting and growing. I haven’t cheated on her,. I don’t know what to do at this point because I just want to treat her like my girl.
ExpatInItaly Posted September 2, 2021 Posted September 2, 2021 Now that this is essentially the second break-up (or third?), I think you need to walk away for good. It's not working and she's backing out of the relationship. You two tried but it wasn't a match anymore.
glows Posted September 2, 2021 Posted September 2, 2021 It takes two. She called the break. You can't salvage anything alone. Leave this alone for awhile and rethink whether you would want to be with someone who can't forgive or look past your history together. There may be latent resentment there and broken trust. The relationship continues to be on/off and dysfunctional without working through past issues. That's why reconciliations rarely work. You both have to truly do the work, both of you. 1
d0nnivain Posted September 2, 2021 Posted September 2, 2021 Breaks are silly. You are long distance. How much time off does she need? You fix what's wrong in a relationship by communicating & working together. What she's doing is childish. You are not even there. She has all the time in the world to think. This is going no where. Have you discussed a plan for closing the distance gap? Have you actually seen each other in this 1.5 years? All if it has been during the pandemic. If this is OL only, just walk away. She was wasting your time while she was lonely when the world was closed.
Gaeta Posted September 2, 2021 Posted September 2, 2021 Sounds like you outgrew her. If she lets busybodies influence her and cannot judge this relationship for herself then she isn't mature enough to build a strong relationship with. Find someone local you can have a real relationship with. 1
spiderowl Posted September 3, 2021 Posted September 3, 2021 (edited) I'm sorry, OP, but she has asked for a break and wants to be just friends. It looks to me like she is edging her way out of this relationship. A separation first, change of status, then a break for good. I know you want to build on this relationship but she is pulling the foundations out from under you. If she was really interested, she would have found a way to be available to meet you. She hasn't. It could be that things in the past weren't going her way, with you not being available, but it sounds like she has truly given up now. I don't think she wants a break from the relationship, she is trying to end it. I really wouldn't invest anything more in her. You would be better coming to terms with this (I know that's easier said than done) and moving on to find someone who is wholehearted about you. It sounds like you've done great and worked hard to get yourself in a place where it is easier to date. Some other girl will appreciate this. Edited September 3, 2021 by spiderowl
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