Is he leading me on or not

[Myname216]

I know I would crazy and obsessive. But I’ve been seeing a guy for a little over a month. We’ve spent a lot of time together and have spent multiple days in a row together. And within this month we talked about being exclusive but wanting to go slow. He made it very clear on multiple occasions how much he liked me and that he could see us going somewhere. When we started talking he was also talking to an old friend back home that was trying to get at him. Now at the time I didn’t know this I just thought she was a friend. But we met and really hit it off and at first he just told me they were friends and I didn’t care cause we only knew each other for a little. But one night we’re getting ready for bed and this “ friend” keeps blowing up his phone. Apparently she was drunk. The first time he answered it was while I was in the bathroom and took it outside. He came back in and was like “gosh she’s crazy and drunk, she’s crying and just can’t get words out straight” so I just said okay not trying to make a big deal but then she keeps blowing up his phone. So he answered again and took it out of the room. At this point I was confused. Anyway he comes back in the room and starts off with “I know this seems suspicious and I’m sorry, I know you have questions so ask them.” I really didn’t know what to say. Long story short he had still been talking to her in that way but he just didn’t know how to tell her he wasn’t interested in her anymore and met someone else. I told him that if he wanted to be with her then that was fine, but then we’d be done no hard feelings. He said he didn’t want her like that and wanted me. We talked about it for a while and came to an agreement that he would deal with it. Now when we first met he told me he was going home for her birthday. But then like 2 weeks later said he didn’t want to go home and wanted to cancel the trip but he already told his family so he was still gonna go. So he told me that he would talk to her then and deal with it. So flash forward to last weekend we spent three days together. It was amazing we talked about really deep personal things and the future and all the things we want to do together. I talked to him about how I was scared he was gonna get weird while he was gone and come back not wanting me anymore cause that’s happened in the past. And he told me he was nervous that I was gonna leave him and was too good to be true. We got really deep into this and he told me he was gonna get weird when he was home but that was only because he would be super busy and not have his phone ever. So I chose to believe him. But I’m on day 3 of 14 of his trip and he texted me very little since he left. And I’m not gonna lie I’m the type of person who checks snap scores and yesterday it kept going up while he ignored my message. I know he warned me about it but all my trust issues are flaring up. I really like this guy and we click very well. He’s actually been really good at communicating his feelings and what he wants. Should I sit around and trust him while he’s back home or should I just tell him that it’s not worth the anxiety of the situation and call it? 

[spiderowl]

He can still reply when he is on holiday visiting his family.  If he is not keeping in touch each day, then it is suspicious.

I can understand your concerns.  He is still embroiled with this woman in some way.  If she is phoning him up so much, even though he says she was drunk, she still thinks there is some kind of relationship even if he doesn't.  It's all a bit too uncertain.

In your situation, I think I would back off quite a bit and wait and see what happened.  I would want some kind of certainty that he had finished with the woman and I cannot see how he can provide that.  He could have reassured you a lot by staying in touch with you whilst away.  People do get tied up in conversations with family but if you are really keen on someone, you will be messaging them a couple of times a day and making sure they knew they were not forgotten.

 

Edited September 1, 2021 by spiderowl

[d0nnivain]

You can be slow & exclusive.  Slow just means you are taking your time with the emotional investment but you aren't seeing multiple people.  

At this point, I would emotionally write him off.  What happens while he's back home, happens.  You can't do anything about it from where you are.  Pressuring him won't change the outcome but it may make him hide things. 

Just sit & wait & watch but try not to make yourself crazy stalking him on social media.  

When he gets back ask him how the trip was & if he saw her.  Gage his response.  Make sure the story makes sense.   Don't blow up at him, just ask.  In a week or two bring up back home again & listen to make sure what he says the 2nd time matches what he said the 1st time.  

Edited September 1, 2021 by d0nnivain

[Stevnx3]

Like other posters have said. I would back off emotionally and wait and gauge this man's heart, when he returns. He clearly is not done with the other woman. He clearly must be done with her to move onward with you. She is an anchor keeping him / you back.

He should be able to communicate with you, even with being away. I see no reasons why he couldn't. I'd say he is at a cross between his friend and you. 

Anyway, back off a bit. Check his responses when he returns.

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Myname216 said:

I’m the type of person who checks snap scores and yesterday it kept going up while he ignored my message. 

It's 30 days dating and too many red flag. Cut your losses early.

[stillafool]

2 hours ago, Myname216 said:

super busy and not have his phone ever.

Really?  Ever? That sounds strange even if he is busy.  Most people carry their phones.

[Miss Spider]

He’s snapping and ignoring your message … you’re an option. 

[glows]

He hasn't tied up loose ends and is a complete turn off. How are you remotely turned on by this man? You sound very attached so either cut your losses or stick around because of that emotional investment until you are, eventually, totally  turned off.