Miss Spider Posted August 31, 2021 Posted August 31, 2021 I guess there’s not another. O gosh I’m tripping . I could of sworn d0nnocaun and a couple others made posts earlier 2
Daisydooks Posted August 31, 2021 Posted August 31, 2021 2 hours ago, Krysten2022 said: If I were HER, I'd feel some way though. Yes. Thankful I divorced his ass is how Id feel. 1
hajk Posted September 1, 2021 Posted September 1, 2021 4 hours ago, Cookiesandough said: I guess there’s not another. O gosh I’m tripping . I could of sworn d0nnocaun and a couple others made posts earlier @Cookiesandough you were not imagining. Here is link to the other post about similar issue 3
Ami1uwant Posted September 1, 2021 Posted September 1, 2021 10 hours ago, Krysten2022 said: Unfortunately it was a woman he married isn't the mother of his kids ....he was involved with her for 6 years off and on. The way he would talk about how he would have stayed married to her forever but she wanted the divorce, made me think he's not over her. But he could be over her and it could be just a destination spit he likes to go to but he chose THAT particular spit to get married....I'm not looking for reinforcements...a matter of difference of opinion from people who could she'd some light or share a different perspective because it had me thinking. a person being able to ho estly talk about a relationship means they are ready to move on. They wouldn’t be able to talk about it if they weren’t. if someone had a favorite place to go why should they sacrifice it. He could have regularly go there. she liked it to. Why should he have to sacrifice that location because he shared a time with an ex there? Does it need to be written in the divorce papers? 1
Miss Spider Posted September 1, 2021 Posted September 1, 2021 3 hours ago, hajk said: @Cookiesandough you were not imagining. Here is link to the other post about similar issue Thank you! I was beginning to think that I really had finally lost it
Author Krysten2022 Posted September 1, 2021 Author Posted September 1, 2021 2 hours ago, Ami1uwant said: a person being able to ho estly talk about a relationship means they are ready to move on. They wouldn’t be able to talk about it if they weren’t. if someone had a favorite place to go why should they sacrifice it. He could have regularly go there. she liked it to. Why should he have to sacrifice that location because he shared a time with an ex there? Does it need to be written in the divorce papers? Thank you for your reassurance. I'm glad to read this...I want to believe he's moved on... Appreciate your opinion on this
ExpatInItaly Posted September 1, 2021 Posted September 1, 2021 3 hours ago, Ami1uwant said: a person being able to ho estly talk about a relationship means they are ready to move on. This is most definitely not always true. People who often talk about their exes are generally still hung up on them. They wouldn't be thinking about them so much otherwise, and would have little desire to bring them up. And OP's guy was very clear he would still be married to his ex if she hadn't left. This man is not ready to move on, but is rebounding with her. 1
Fletch Lives Posted September 1, 2021 Posted September 1, 2021 13 hours ago, Krysten2022 said: ...he has accepted that he's the reason for the problems in each if his other marriages/relationships. He wants to do better and he's been working on these changes. Most men are the problem in relationships, lol Well if you are already having problems in the first three months, that's a bad sign. If everything was going right, you'd be in the honeymoon stage of the relationship......you guys don't know each other well enough to have problems yet..............but obviously, that's not the case. Keep in mind that it can take years for a person to get over a divorce and be ready to love another 1
d0nnivain Posted September 1, 2021 Posted September 1, 2021 15 hours ago, Krysten2022 said: You're right I admit because I do only focus on the relatively good parts of him ..and not taking the bad as red flags. Krysten2022 -- re-read your own statement above again. Now look at the red flags that have been identified for you. Why do you still want to marry this dreadful man?
Ami1uwant Posted September 1, 2021 Posted September 1, 2021 5 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: This is most definitely not always true. People who often talk about their exes are generally still hung up on them. They wouldn't be thinking about them so much otherwise, and would have little desire to bring them up. And OP's guy was very clear he would still be married to his ex if she hadn't left. This man is not ready to move on, but is rebounding with her. it’s much more often the case. saying he would still be married does not mean he still loves her. youaskanyone who thought the marriage was great and they discovered the other was cheating which led to divorce woukd say the same thing. They’d thought they’d be still married. But after that happened they aren’t going back.
d0nnivain Posted September 1, 2021 Posted September 1, 2021 9 minutes ago, Ami1uwant said: ouaskanyone who thought the marriage was great and they discovered the other was cheating which led to divorce woukd say the same thing. They’d thought they’d be still married. But after that happened they aren’t going back. Somebody who thought they'd be married forever but left after being cheated on is not the same thing as what is going on here. The EX-W of OP's FI left him, probably because of all the red flags OP describes but refuses to acknowledge. The guy didn't want his EX to leave & they had only been together for a short time. She is also not the mother of his children so she may be at least EX #2. 1
NorthernGuard Posted September 1, 2021 Posted September 1, 2021 19 hours ago, d0nnivain said: He bounces from one relationship to the next because he is incapable of being alone. He doesn't a wife. He needs a caregiver. I have a family member who is EXACTLY like this! They don't change! He cannot be alone and on his own. Has been this way as long as I can remember and repeats the pattern over and again. Jumps from one ended relationship straight on into the next with barely a pause to get to truly know his new GF before moving in together. Most have ended in disaster in relatively short order. No biggie though as there's always a "next".. He's a good looking, charming guy with a wandering eye (and has cheated) who also keeps contact with exes (and has cheated with them on new GF's) and flirts with other women. He's in his early 50's now, and I've been watching this go on since he was in his early 20's. Never been engaged, married or had kids, but always has and lives with a GF.
Ami1uwant Posted September 1, 2021 Posted September 1, 2021 6 hours ago, d0nnivain said: Somebody who thought they'd be married forever but left after being cheated on is not the same thing as what is going on here. The EX-W of OP's FI left him, probably because of all the red flags OP describes but refuses to acknowledge. The guy didn't want his EX to leave & they had only been together for a short time. She is also not the mother of his children so she may be at least EX #2. We don’t know the time thismarriage ended the divorced vs the start of this relationship. I look at claims said one side as highly biased.
d0nnivain Posted September 1, 2021 Posted September 1, 2021 1 hour ago, Ami1uwant said: We don’t know the time thismarriage ended the divorced vs the start of this relationship. I look at claims said one side as highly biased. The OP has her BF/FI's version. She has the EX's version. Remember she talked to the EX-W. She also has what she sees but ignores with her own eyes: the guy being controlling; the guy having a history of cheating; the guy being lazy; and the guy having a roving eye. Leopards don't change their spots. These issues probably plagued the newly dissolved marriage too.
Author Krysten2022 Posted September 1, 2021 Author Posted September 1, 2021 2 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: The OP has her BF/FI's version. She has the EX's version. Remember she talked to the EX-W. She also has what she sees but ignores with her own eyes: the guy being controlling; the guy having a history of cheating; the guy being lazy; and the guy having a roving eye. Leopards don't change their spots. These issues probably plagued the newly dissolved marriage too. You are right ..he told me that the marriage only lasted 2'weeks...then said he tried to divorce her in February...which made no sense to me .then later I find out from ex wife that they married in October ( he was truthful about that) ...she said she left him in February...then filed for divorce in June... Divorce was finalized on August 24th. He did tell me that he would be married to her forever and wanted to give her the world...but how she kept her apartment and never wanted to move in...her version had more indepth reasoning. Bottom line is ..I just want to believe he will be different towards me. Ex wife said what you said @d0nnivain that he isn't going to change and that he's said the same things he saud to her that he said to me...only difference is she hasn't met any woman he was physically involved in...only the mother of his kids...seems like he's more candid with sex talk to me than he was with her.
Alfano Posted September 1, 2021 Posted September 1, 2021 On 8/31/2021 at 2:08 PM, Krysten2022 said: I mean there are other reasons why we got engaged...he said he likes to be married ..he likes the married life That's a great reason for entering what is intended to be a lifelong commitment to a cheater who just got divorced a few months ago who you've only known for 90 days. And people wonder why the divorce rates are so high. 3
Gaeta Posted September 1, 2021 Posted September 1, 2021 @Krysten2022 what your family & friends think of this marriage?
d0nnivain Posted September 1, 2021 Posted September 1, 2021 1 hour ago, Krysten2022 said: Bottom line is ..I just want to believe he will be different towards me. Oh the joys of living on Hope-ium. Wake up! Stop kidding yourself. He's not a good guy & he won't be different towards you. In addition to everything else you disclosed this cockamamie story about being married for 2 weeks shows that he has a very lose relationship with the truth. This guy is BAD NEWS. 3
AnnK Posted September 2, 2021 Posted September 2, 2021 On 8/31/2021 at 11:23 AM, Krysten2022 said: This is true and we have talked about things...he knows where I stand because before he came along, I was doing fine and I will not put up with this behavior. There is cheating in his past and he accepts that he makes mistakes and he's trying to change...I will not change up my life for him..he wants me to quit a job I've been at for 31 years or find a job that is the same schedule as his. He thinks I want it always take charge but it's not that I want to be in control...it's moreso with HIM wanting to be in control...him flirting with other women in front of me has to change and it doesnt matter how many trips we take , he needs to be better. OK..the flirting with other women in front of you? Big NO. I have had that type and they are not worth the time it takes to scrape S*** off your shoe. It never gets any better and is a prelude to all out cheating. Run. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted September 2, 2021 Posted September 2, 2021 9 hours ago, Krysten2022 said: Bottom line is ..I just want to believe he will be different towards me. It is bad to go into a marriage with this mindset. You shouldn't have to hope for this, especially if after only 3 months you don't see any signs that he has changed. You are old enough to know better, if I may be blunt. Have you not had much relationship experience before this? 1
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