d0nnivain Posted August 31, 2021 Posted August 31, 2021 4 minutes ago, Krysten2022 said: I mean there are other reasons why we got engaged...he said he likes to be married ..he likes the married life. This ex wife really seem to hurt him. He would talk about their history and how he would have stayed married to her forever but she didn't want to be married. I had to get the ball rolling about the notarized paperwork to get them divorced because he failed to mail it off. And I reached out to the ex wife...she had the nerve to ask me why HE wasn't the one contacting her about some paperwork that needed to be filled out. I kindly told her that he has her on blocked...he did that for me. He's really trying to make changes and let me know he wants us to work. He's trying. He is not trying. He's getting you to do everything because you refuse to see this guy for the awful prospect that he is. When people are divorcing they have to communicate, whether through lawyers or directly but there are things that must be coordinated. Asking him to block his wife was not the best move on your part. The fact that he acquiesced to your demand is mind-boggling. In her shoes, I understand why his EX was startled by you contacting her. Their divorce was none of your business other than being entitled to know it happened. She wasn't the one with a lot of nerve here -- you were. It's not a good thing that you had to mail his divorce papers to get the ball rolling. He's lazy. This laziness will permeate your whole relationship, with you doing everything & him sitting on his hands, letting you. Remember, when you lay down with dogs you get up with fleas. 3 1
Author Krysten2022 Posted August 31, 2021 Author Posted August 31, 2021 7 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: Wait, what? He claimed not to know that he was not divorced? GIRL. Yes she left him in February and they decided to go through with the divorce proceedings...problem is...he thought he should file where they got married. This is what he said...but then finding out from the ex wife they went to marriage counseling in march and they truly ended communication and SHE wanted divorce in late April.. but he thought the divorce was dissolved in February . Which didn't make sense until I talked to ex wife
Author Krysten2022 Posted August 31, 2021 Author Posted August 31, 2021 1 minute ago, d0nnivain said: He is not trying. He's getting you to do everything because you refuse to see this guy for the awful prospect that he is. When people are divorcing they have to communicate, whether through lawyers or directly but there are things that must be coordinated. Asking him to block his wife was not the best move on your part. The fact that he acquiesced to your demand is mind-boggling. In her shoes, I understand why his EX was startled by you contacting her. Their divorce was none of your business other than being entitled to know it happened. She wasn't the one with a lot of nerve here -- you were. It's not a good thing that you had to mail his divorce papers to get the ball rolling. He's lazy. This laziness will permeate your whole relationship, with you doing everything & him sitting on his hands, letting you. Remember, when you lay down with dogs you get up with fleas. Well I'm glad it was due to laziness than of him stalling. I needed to get the ball rolling.
glows Posted August 31, 2021 Posted August 31, 2021 8 minutes ago, Krysten2022 said: How exactly is he " out if it" ? I didn't mind to help...the courthouse was close to the area where me and my friend go hiking. It needed to be done. I got the ball rolling...now they're divorce. I'm surprised people don't see this as a good thing. You have initiative and a great deal of motivation but sadly it's misplaced. You'll be picking up after a man who can't clean up his own messes the rest of your life if you stay married to him. That's a dynamic that you have helped fix even before marriage. Do tread with care. It's hurtful to hear these things about someone you love or care about and jolting even. You are just about to marry someone whom you've invested and put a lot of work into, assisting to get to this place. I don't think anything anyone says will have much of an effect if you are determined to marry him. There are a lot of red flags and warning signs. 1
Gaeta Posted August 31, 2021 Posted August 31, 2021 7 minutes ago, Krysten2022 said: Well I'm glad it was due to laziness than of him stalling. I needed to get the ball rolling. Sounds like your mind is made up. I strongly suggest if you have any type of assets to protect yourself with a prenup agreement. 3
Author Krysten2022 Posted August 31, 2021 Author Posted August 31, 2021 40 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: You are surprised because you are completely missing the point. The point is you are his rebound from a divorce he did not want. This man is a mess, and comes with a boatload of additional problems. You are going to get very hurt. You all keep saying he's " out of it" and a " mess"...how? I understand there are some imperfections in our union but he working on it. I don't want to leave him like the wife did. 2
Author Krysten2022 Posted August 31, 2021 Author Posted August 31, 2021 29 minutes ago, Gaeta said: Sounds like your mind is made up. I strongly suggest if you have any type of assets to protect yourself with a prenup agreement. He still has alot to prove to me and he didn't necessarily do anything wrong I guess I felt some way about being in the location that he and the wife shared as a wedding location but when you all tell me it's not an issue, I guess it was an irrelevant concern..I guess If I were HER, I'd feel some way though.
ExpatInItaly Posted August 31, 2021 Posted August 31, 2021 (edited) 4 minutes ago, Krysten2022 said: You all keep saying he's " out of it" and a " mess"...how? I understand there are some imperfections in our union but he working on it. I don't want to leave him like the wife did. I already said why: because you are very clearly the rebound, and he doesn't treat you right. I don't mean to be unkind, but surely this isn't your first rodeo. Do you not feel you can get higher-quality men? Were you very lonely before you met him? Edited August 31, 2021 by ExpatInItaly 2
Miss Spider Posted August 31, 2021 Posted August 31, 2021 Why was the beginning half of the thread deleted?
Author Krysten2022 Posted August 31, 2021 Author Posted August 31, 2021 (edited) 21 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: I already said why: because you are very clearly the rebound, and he doesn't treat you right. I don't mean to be unkind, but surely this isn't your first rodeo. Do you not feel you can get higher-quality men? Were you very lonely before you met him? Thank you for explaining. I didn't know that was the answer. But I understand...this is quite similar to what the wife said...he doesn't recover from the past relationship before entering into another...not wanting to be alone. Yes I do feel like I can do better...I was doing just fine before we met. He was speaking my language, I'm not getting any younger and here I thought I found a relatively decent man who wants to be married too. There are so many times ( if I can be completely vulnerable here...more than I have been) where it gives me hope. We've gone on a few trips, Florida wasn't just the only place...I love to travel. He shows affection...something the 2 of us wasnt getting much from,from our exes. But then he shows me a completely different side...someone who has a temper, wants to control and has no issues with sharing info about what woman gave him oral...and flirting with this woman Infront of me as if I'm not there....it's a head game sometimes. I'd assume I wouldn't be considered a rebound and that he's completely over her. Edited August 31, 2021 by Krysten2022
Author Krysten2022 Posted August 31, 2021 Author Posted August 31, 2021 1 minute ago, Cookiesandough said: Why was the beginning half of the thread deleted? I still see it? It's 2 pages now lol. 1
Miss Spider Posted August 31, 2021 Posted August 31, 2021 (edited) Sorry. I just realized that there are two threads on this topic. Edited August 31, 2021 by Cookiesandough
Author Krysten2022 Posted August 31, 2021 Author Posted August 31, 2021 1 minute ago, Cookiesandough said: Sorry. I just realized that there are two threads on this topic. There's another?
ExpatInItaly Posted August 31, 2021 Posted August 31, 2021 3 minutes ago, Krysten2022 said: it's a head game sometimes. Only with yourself, really. He's not a good catch. At all. But you seem to really want him to be - so you put up with crap that most women would've run a mile from, and fast. I think you know deep-down that marrying him is a not a good idea at all and will only bring you pain. It's better to stay single than to marry a man like this. 2
Author Krysten2022 Posted August 31, 2021 Author Posted August 31, 2021 1 minute ago, ExpatInItaly said: Only with yourself, really. He's not a good catch. At all. But you seem to really want him to be - so you put up with crap that most women would've run a mile from, and fast. I think you know deep-down that marrying him is a not a good idea at all and will only bring you pain. It's better to stay single than to marry a man like this. You're right I admit because I do only focus on the relatively good parts of him ..and not taking the bad as red flags.
Author Krysten2022 Posted August 31, 2021 Author Posted August 31, 2021 My initial question was possibly some insecurities and I wouldn't want any of my exes taking another woman to the place we got married. I didn't say anything to him about it at the time because I didn't want to make an issue out of it. Though he and I clash alot, we do get along for the most part.
Els Posted August 31, 2021 Posted August 31, 2021 3 hours ago, Krysten2022 said: ETA: he likes being married and with my last relationship...he wasted 4 years of my life not asking me to marry me, no ring...nothing...this guy comes along and asks me to marry me...sure there's be alot of issues such as me and him running into women he hooked up with, him responding...well... entertaining women who have reached out to them ( yes I know this because I saw his phone) but I want to believe he and I have a future together. This.... is just red flag central. Are you really so desperate to get married that you would marry a man who is almost certainly going to cheat on you? 2
ExpatInItaly Posted August 31, 2021 Posted August 31, 2021 1 minute ago, Krysten2022 said: My initial question was possibly some insecurities and I wouldn't want any of my exes taking another woman to the place we got married. Your initial question is the very least of the significant problems with this man and this relationship. 3
Gaeta Posted August 31, 2021 Posted August 31, 2021 3 minutes ago, Krysten2022 said: Though he and I clash alot, we do get along for the most part. You cannot clash a lot, and get along most time. May I ask how old you are? And what is the rush in getting married? 2
Author Krysten2022 Posted August 31, 2021 Author Posted August 31, 2021 29 minutes ago, Gaeta said: You cannot clash a lot, and get along most time. May I ask how old you are? And what is the rush in getting married? I'm 50. One of my friends didn't quite understand me saying that either...we get along but we have our disagreements. She doesn't feel we will last.
Author Krysten2022 Posted August 31, 2021 Author Posted August 31, 2021 32 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: Your initial question is the very least of the significant problems with this man and this relationship. I get what you're saying... I only asked because something in me is feeling he still loves her.
ExpatInItaly Posted August 31, 2021 Posted August 31, 2021 1 minute ago, Krysten2022 said: I get what you're saying... I only asked because something in me is feeling he still loves her. I think you are absolutely correct. But your clue wasn't really where he took you on holiday. It was the fact the didn't want to divorce her to begin with, and he flat-out told you that when he said they'd still be married if she hadn't left. This is going to end badly for you. 2
d0nnivain Posted August 31, 2021 Posted August 31, 2021 You did not find a good man. You found a controlling guy who can't function independently. He bounces from one relationship to the next because he is incapable of being alone. He doesn't a wife. He needs a caregiver. You "not getting any younger" at 50 is making you desperate. You so want companionship you are rushing head long off a cliff & refusing to see him for the train wreck he is. Your friend is right. You won't last. At the very least have a LONG engagement, like 2 years. Maybe in time you will see the real him. He's not the knight in shining armor good guy you want him to be. He's a lazy, philanderer who can't sustain a relationship. He also has a temper. Since you know you can do better I don't see the point in trying this at all. 2
glows Posted August 31, 2021 Posted August 31, 2021 23 minutes ago, Krysten2022 said: I get what you're saying... I only asked because something in me is feeling he still loves her. That must be painful for you. And do you feel comfortable still going ahead with your marriage ceremony feeling this or knowing this?
Noproblem Posted August 31, 2021 Posted August 31, 2021 (edited) 5 hours ago, Krysten2022 said: ETA: he likes being married and with my last relationship...he wasted 4 years of my life not asking me to marry me, no ring...nothing...this guy comes along and asks me to marry me...sure there's be alot of issues such as me and him running into women he hooked up with, him responding...well... entertaining women who have reached out to them ( yes I know this because I saw his phone) but I want to believe he and I have a future together. Red flag he likes to be married, any woman will do. You are not special and you'll find out eventually that he doesn't really love you but he can't function without being in a relationship as he is very co-dependent. Don't let your past relationship affects your judgment. Also, you can be happier in your 50s by yourself than being with a guy who DOESN"T love you! Edited August 31, 2021 by Noproblem 2
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