Fiance took me on vacation to the same place he and ex wife got married.

[Krysten2022]

Hi all I am new here and would like some opinions on things...so me and my fiancee have been seeing each other for 3 months...he and ex wife just finalized their divorce last week. We came back from vacation yesterday and some things have been on my mind...we went to Florida...went to 3 other locations but the last place we went to was Panama City Beach where he and the ex wife got married...I don't know...something about that had been bothering me.  In your opinion, does this mean he wants to create new memories in this location or is he not over his ex wife?

Thank you for reading and I appreciate all the advice or opinions.

[Ami1uwant]

Fiancé  is male -ee ending is female. Why finance after 3 months?

 

 

just because this is where he and ex got married could be  irrelevant 

 

1. Is his home town that area?

2. spent a big part of life and has friends there or favorite place to go?

 

[Miss Spider]

Yes, it seems a bit in poor  taste. However, I agree with D0n, that people just tend to stick with what works for them. If he knew that place  and really liked it and doesn’t otherwise know that area than he may not see it as a big deal 

Edited August 31, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[Krysten2022]

Sorry  autocorrect always messes me up lol.

 

Nope not his hometown nor no friends there..he's been there with his kids and panama city beach and it's where he got married..plus he took me to the same places he and his ex wife visited, just something that kind of weirded me out it but I could just be overthinking things.

 

ETA: he likes being married and with my last relationship...he wasted 4 years of my life not asking me to marry me, no ring...nothing...this guy comes along and asks me to marry me...sure there's be alot of issues such as me and him running into women he hooked up with, him responding...well... entertaining women who have reached out to them ( yes I know this because I saw his phone) but I want to believe he and I have a future together.

Edited August 31, 2021 by Krysten2022
Responding to a question I missed

[Krysten2022]

2 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

Yes, it seems a bit in poor  taste. However, I agree with D0n, that people just tend to stick with what works for them. If he knew that place  and really liked it and doesn’t otherwise know that area than he may not see it as a big deal 

I'm glad I came here! I appreciate the responses. It's been a time with him to say the least.  I want to believe that I am giving my heart to the right person so my feelings may be paranoid due to other things that have happened. 

[stillafool]

13 minutes ago, Krysten2022 said:

sure there's be alot of issues such as me and him running into women he hooked up with, him responding...well... entertaining women who have reached out to them ( yes I know this because I saw his phone) but I want to believe he and I have a future together

And you think this is a good candidate for a husband? Don't settle with a cheater, you'll be miserable.

[Miss Spider]

11 minutes ago, Krysten2022 said:

I'm glad I came here! I appreciate the responses. It's been a time with him to say the least.  I want to believe that I am giving my heart to the right person so my feelings may be paranoid due to other things that have happened. 

It’s hard to say. If there’s things that are  making you question his integrity, maybe it is best to postpone the wedding until you can iron those out for good. I really wouldn’t suggest marrying someone you don’t trust

[Krysten2022]

16 minutes ago, stillafool said:

And you think this is a good candidate for a husband? Don't settle with a cheater, you'll be miserable.

He hasn't cheated on me 

[Krysten2022]

15 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

It’s hard to say. If there’s things that are  making you question his integrity, maybe it is best to postpone the wedding until you can iron those out for good. I really wouldn’t suggest marrying someone you don’t trust

This is true and we have talked about things...he knows where I stand because before he came along, I was doing fine and I will not put up with this behavior. There is cheating in his past and he accepts that he makes mistakes and he's trying to change...I will not change up my life for him..he wants me to quit a job I've been at for 31 years or find a job that is the same schedule as his. He thinks I want it always take charge but it's not that I want to be in control...it's moreso with HIM wanting to be in control...him flirting with other women in front of me has to change and it doesnt matter how many trips we take , he needs to be better.

[ExpatInItaly]

I don't think him taking you to a spot he enjoys means anything, OP. 

But there are a lot of other issues in this relationship, going by what you have just posted. Going to this specific locale sounds like the the least of your problems with this man. 

[Ami1uwant]

1 hour ago, Krysten2022 said:

I'm glad I came here! I appreciate the responses. It's been a time with him to say the least.  I want to believe that I am giving my heart to the right person so my feelings may be paranoid due to other things that have happened. 

You are looking for reinforcement bias?

 

he bring his kids there. It sounds like a regular vacation spot the family travels to once a year. This is part of his life.

 

if this is the spot he married his kids mom us very different because it’s important to his kids too.

[d0nnivain]

You have only known this guy for 90 days & 

* you are engaged 

* he has a history of cheating 

* he wants you to quit a presumably good job you have had for 31 years

* he is controlling but gaslights you & claims that you are the controlling one

* he flirts with other women in front of you

* you are already complaining that he has to "be better"; this is the honeymoon best behavior phase, as good as its ever gonna get

When your EX didn't marry you after 4 years you have now wrongly concluded that this genius who proposed to a stranger is a good prospect.  Just how desperate are you to be married?  Seriously this is all too fast.  You two don't even know each other.  

As for his choice of vacation spots, he's a creature of habit who went where he was comfortable.  He knew the area & wanted to return.  It wasn't about her.  It was a combo of familiarity & laziness, coupled with no sense of adventure.  

[Krysten2022]

6 minutes ago, Ami1uwant said:

You are looking for reinforcement bias?

 

he bring his kids there. It sounds like a regular vacation spot the family travels to once a year. This is part of his life.

 

if this is the spot he married his kids mom us very different because it’s important to his kids too.

Unfortunately it was a woman he married isn't the mother of his kids ....he was involved with her  for 6 years off and on. The way he would talk about how he would have stayed married to her forever but she wanted the divorce, made me think he's not over her. But he could be over her and it could be just a destination spit he likes to go to but he chose THAT particular spit to get married....I'm not looking for reinforcements...a matter of difference of opinion from people who could she'd some light or share a different perspective because it had me thinking. 

[ExpatInItaly]

What's the reason you two got engaged so fast, OP?

Ink is barely even dry on dude's divorce papers. 

[Krysten2022]

23 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

What's the reason you two got engaged so fast, OP?

Ink is barely even dry on dude's divorce papers. 

We hit off pretty well in the beginning...he was speaking my language...I like to travel and hike and he wanted to do those things....we seem to fall for each other. He told me he thought he and the ex wife were divorced in February. 

[Krysten2022]

31 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

You have only known this guy for 90 days & 

* you are engaged 

* he has a history of cheating 

* he wants you to quit a presumably good job you have had for 31 years

* he is controlling but gaslights you & claims that you are the controlling one

* he flirts with other women in front of you

* you are already complaining that he has to "be better"; this is the honeymoon best behavior phase, as good as its ever gonna get

When your EX didn't marry you after 4 years you have now wrongly concluded that this genius who proposed to a stranger is a good prospect.  Just how desperate are you to be married?  Seriously this is all too fast.  You two don't even know each other.  

As for his choice of vacation spots, he's a creature of habit who went where he was comfortable.  He knew the area & wanted to return.  It wasn't about her.  It was a combo of familiarity & laziness, coupled with no sense of adventure.  

Well I guess when things are put in that particular way, I guess we could be considered making a mistake...he has accepted that he's the reason for the problems in each if his other marriages/relationships. He wants to do better and he's been working on these changes. 

Well I appreciate you all saying that the trip wasn't about her...says very little about his marriage to  her if he's willing to take me there. I feel much better now.

[d0nnivain]

34 minutes ago, Krysten2022 said:

Unfortunately it was a woman he married isn't the mother of his kids ....he was involved with her  for 6 years off and on. The way he would talk about how he would have stayed married to her forever but she wanted the divorce, made me think he's not over her. 

He makes bad relationship choices because he rushes into things & doesn't think things through. You are following him down a rabbit hole.  The on & off thing is a hallmark of a dysfunctional relationship.   think about the bad things you are already noticing in this fledgling relationship.  Assume he did all that & worse to this recently EX-W.  Do you still wonder why she left?  

Speaking your language because he like travel & hikes.  Good grief that is the equivalent of likes long walks on the beach.  It's just something people say & they do.  It's not a foundation for a marriage.  

You really need to take another look at the writing on the wall here.  This man is not a good prospect.  He hasn't even been divorced for 6 months. Geesh.  

My post wasn't designed to make you feel better.  It was designed to refocus your attention on the actual red flags here, of which the vacation spot was merely a yellow caution flag & the least of your problems with this guy.  

Edited August 31, 2021 by d0nnivain

[Gaeta]

2 hours ago, Krysten2022 said:

Hi all I am new here and would like some opinions on things...so me and my fiancee have been seeing each other for 3 months...he and ex wife just finalized their divorce last week. We came back from vacation yesterday and some things have been on my mind...we went to Florida...went to 3 other locations but the last place we went to was Panama City Beach where he and the ex wife got married...I don't know...something about that had been bothering me.  In your opinion, does this mean he wants to create new memories in this location or is he not over his ex wife?

We should talk about that instead.

Have you met him in Central America? You are aware of the scam these men run on North American women right?

[Krysten2022]

5 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

He makes bad relationship choices because he rushes into things & doesn't think things through. You are following him down a rabbit hole.  The on & off thing is a hallmark of a dysfunctional relationship.   think about the bad things you are already noticing in this fledgling relationship.  Assume he did all that & worse to this recently EX-W.  Do you still wonder why she left?  

Speaking your language because he like travel & hikes.  Good grief that is the equivalent of likes long walks on the beach.  It's just something people say & they do.  It's not a foundation for a marriage.  

You really need to take another look at the writing on the wall here.  This man is not a good prospect.  He hasn't even been divorced for 6 months. Geesh.  

My post wasn't designed to make you feel better.  It was designed to refocus your attention on the actual red flags here, of which the vacation spot was merely a yellow caution flag & the least of your problems with this guy.  

I mean there are other reasons why we got engaged...he said he likes to be married ..he likes the married life. This ex wife really seem to hurt him. He would talk about their history and how he would have stayed married to her forever but she didn't want to be married. I had to get the ball rolling about the  notarized paperwork to get them divorced because he failed to mail it off. And I reached out to the ex wife...she had the nerve to ask me why HE wasn't the one contacting her about some paperwork that needed to be filled out. I kindly told her that he has her on blocked...he did that for me. He's really trying to make changes and let me know he wants us to work. He's trying.

[ExpatInItaly]

12 minutes ago, Krysten2022 said:

We hit off pretty well in the beginning...he was speaking my language...I like to travel and hike and he wanted to do those things....we seem to fall for each other. He told me he thought he and the ex wife were divorced in February. 

Wait, what?

He claimed not to know that he was not divorced? 

GIRL. 

 

[Krysten2022]

7 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

We should talk about that instead.

Have you met him in Central America? You are aware of the scam these men run on North American women right?

No...my ex mother in law, who works for him, hooked us up .

[glows]

2 minutes ago, Krysten2022 said:

I mean there are other reasons why we got engaged...he said he likes to be married ..he likes the married life. This ex wife really seem to hurt him. He would talk about their history and how he would have stayed married to her forever but she didn't want to be married. I had to get the ball rolling about the  notarized paperwork to get them divorced because he failed to mail it off. And I reached out to the ex wife...she had the nerve to ask me why HE wasn't the one contacting her about some paperwork that needed to be filled out. I kindly told her that he has her on blocked...he did that for me. He's really trying to make changes and let me know he wants us to work. He's trying.

This is hard no. I'm sorry - he is completely out of it and not prepared for a new relationship. He's going from one marriage to another too quickly. Pump the brakes here and slow things down. You shouldn't have gotten involved in his divorce.

[Gaeta]

1 hour ago, Krysten2022 said:

he wants me to quit a job I've been at for 31 years or find a job that is the same schedule as his

That puts you in your 50s !! C'mon girl !! You know better than to melt your finance to a man you know nothing about. You're not a young naïve influenceable woman anymore  to want a marriage - with a stranger - that bad. 

Edited August 31, 2021 by Gaeta

[Krysten2022]

1 minute ago, glows said:

This is hard no. I'm sorry - he is completely out of it and not prepared for a new relationship. He's going from one marriage to another too quickly. Pump the brakes here and slow things down. You shouldn't have gotten involved in his divorce.

How exactly is he " out if it" ? I didn't mind to help...the courthouse was close to the area where me and my friend go hiking. It needed to be done.  I got the ball rolling...now they're divorce. I'm surprised people don't see this as a good thing. 

[ExpatInItaly]

2 minutes ago, Krysten2022 said:

How exactly is he " out if it" ? I didn't mind to help...the courthouse was close to the area where me and my friend go hiking. It needed to be done.  I got the ball rolling...now they're divorce. I'm surprised people don't see this as a good thing. 

You are surprised because you are completely missing the point. 

The point is you are his rebound from a divorce he did not want. This man is a mess, and comes with a boatload of additional problems. You are going to get very hurt.