Author GoodVibess Posted August 31, 2021 Author Posted August 31, 2021 6 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: It's illegal in the US for an employer to not give breaks. He's lying to you. yes we are in the US. plus he works from home so it should be even easier to text.
Wiseman2 Posted August 31, 2021 Posted August 31, 2021 9 minutes ago, GoodVibess said: he said he was driving 2 hours so he couldn’t reply? and said he never gets breaks at work. Agree. Dating 30 days and having ups and downs is a red flag. Also relationship talks are premature at this stage. Text tethering comes across as clingy and needy, don't nag about it. Step back and observe what's going on rather than fixing, changing talking at him about your communication "needs" etc. Relax take a deep breath. Step away from your phone. Stop staring at his social media activity seething that he "should " be texting you continually. Keep in mind dating 30 days means you are both still talking to and meeting others. 2
Author GoodVibess Posted August 31, 2021 Author Posted August 31, 2021 Just now, Wiseman2 said: Agree. Dating 30 days and having ups and downs is a red flag. Also relationship talks are premature at this stage. Text tethering comes across as clingy and needy, don't nag about it. Step back and observe what's going on rather than fixing, changing talking at him about your communication "needs" etc. Relax take a deep breath. Step away from your phone. Stop staring at his social media activity seething that he "should " be texting you continually. Keep in mind dating 30 days means you are both still talking to and meeting others. i am not meeting others?
Wiseman2 Posted August 31, 2021 Posted August 31, 2021 3 minutes ago, GoodVibess said: i am not meeting others? Have you had the exclusive talk? Try not to get this attached, overinvolved and overinvested after dating 30 days. He does not have to text you this much. It doesn't matter if he's driving, at work, doing other things, he Does Not have to explain to you where he is, what he does, how he spends his time, etc.. Did you recently break up with someone? You seem to be carrying around some hurt/baggage and seem to want him on a suffocating tight leash.
Snow_Queen Posted August 31, 2021 Posted August 31, 2021 (edited) I have to agree with everyone else on having ups and downs so soon. It should only be ups at this stage. Sorry to say, but he doesn’t seem very interested. He probably determined you two were incompatible and I have to agree. Not everyone says goodbye when they decide they’re done. It’s sad that this happens but it’s becoming more common. Edited August 31, 2021 by Snow_Queen Typo 2
Author GoodVibess Posted August 31, 2021 Author Posted August 31, 2021 5 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Have you had the exclusive talk? Try not to get this attached, overinvolved and overinvested after dating 30 days. He does not have to text you this much. It doesn't matter if he's driving, at work, doing other things, he Does Not have to explain to you where he is, what he does, how he spends his time, etc.. Did you recently break up with someone? You seem to be carrying around some hurt/baggage and seem to want him on a suffocating tight leash. so you’re telling me i should be fine with him replying every 10 hours?
Wiseman2 Posted August 31, 2021 Posted August 31, 2021 9 minutes ago, GoodVibess said: i should be fine with him replying every 10 hours? Text-tethering and other forms of clinging and smothering has the ironic effect of people pushing back and even running from this type of thing. So unfortunately desperate attempts to monitor and police his time becomes the self-fulfilling prophecy of the insecurity in itself leading people to flee from this grip.
Author GoodVibess Posted August 31, 2021 Author Posted August 31, 2021 10 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Text-tethering and other forms of clinging and smothering has the ironic effect of people pushing back and even running from this type of thing. So unfortunately desperate attempts to monitor and police his time becomes the self-fulfilling prophecy of the insecurity in itself leading people to flee from this grip. he told me “i need to relax and stop freaking out, just because he takes very long to reply doesn’t mean he’s doing anything bad”
Wiseman2 Posted August 31, 2021 Posted August 31, 2021 Just now, GoodVibess said: he told me “i need to relax and stop freaking out, just because he takes very long to reply doesn’t mean he’s doing anything bad” Yikes! You need to relax and stop policing him.
Author GoodVibess Posted August 31, 2021 Author Posted August 31, 2021 4 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Yikes! You need to relax and stop policing him. so what is he trying to say? to move on?
glows Posted August 31, 2021 Posted August 31, 2021 If you stop wondering about the whys of the what he’s doing or what what he’s thinking does his behaviour seem attractive to you? Pause for a bit and think about this on your terms. He’s not who you want him to be. Could you explain a bit more what’s attractive or enticing about this man? Does he have other qualities?
Pumpernickel Posted August 31, 2021 Posted August 31, 2021 (edited) 12 hours ago, GoodVibess said: I told him I want consistent communication because he disappears a lot Making demands during the first month of dating appears clingy. I do what I want if I am not exclusive. I owe the other person zero, if we are not exclusive (which you are obviously not – yet). I am sure he thinks the same way. You are talking about ups and downs already. Ups and downs about what? You don't even have a relationship. You literally just met the guy, and mayben had sex on a few occasions. That's not a relationship. You have no idea who this person is. Like at all. 37 minutes ago, GoodVibess said: so what is he trying to say? to move on? I think if you read between the lines, then yes, pretty much. Other than saying it out loud using exactly these words, he couldn't be much clearer. Actions speak louder than words. 28 minutes ago, glows said: Could you explain a bit more what’s attractive or enticing about this man? Does he have other qualities? I am curious as well. What are his qualities? Good lover? Funny? Wealthy? Handsome? There's gotta be something there that you really want to have. Don't be so tense. Loosen up a little. Let him do his thing, and let him come to you. Don't chase and don't ask questions. You're neither in LTR, engaged, or BF/GF. You have no leverage here. Edited August 31, 2021 by Pumpernickel 1
JRabbit Posted August 31, 2021 Posted August 31, 2021 He works from home and says he can't text you? That's a good one. He is probably dating others and you're in the rotation. I agree with posters though about not policing peoples ability to reply or when they reply. Conversation should happen organically when you are thinking about each other. Not a requirement from the start. Do you have any hobbies?
poppyfields Posted August 31, 2021 Posted August 31, 2021 (edited) OP, may I ask how old you are? You sound very young and inexperienced. Not a dig, I was once very young and inexperienced too. I look back on my own behavior and literally cringe! Lol No one is asking you to be OK with any of his nonsense behavior. But what you fail to understand is by "nagging" him and "freaking out" about it (which is how HE views your behavior), you are pushing him further away. Heck, he even flat out told you to stop freaking out! You are a behaving like you are in a long term relationship wherein you have some sort of territorial rights or something. And even in a LTR I don't recommend behaving like you are! Yes it IS all wrong if you want to achieve success in your dating experiences and relationships. Stop reaching. Stop pushing. Stop nagging and stop texting! You are pushing him right out the proverbial door, in fact he already sounds OUT. This has been posted so many times, but these early stages (0-3 months at least) are for observing behavior to determine if someone is the right fit for you long term. Both men and women should do this, trust me he is! He ignores your texts for 10 hours? He texts others while spending time with you? Or any other behavior you are not happy with? You wish him well and WALK away, period end of. Anything else makes you an insecure clingy nag in his eyes. 100% truth, ask any man. Your request for more attention (which is what you are doing) is certainty NOT going to inspire him to want to give that attention or move closer to you towards a relationship. The opposite, it will turn him off, as I suspect what is happening now. The bottom line is do not ever ask or tell a man to give you more attention. Like text you more often, be more consistent or anything else. He may comply but it's not coming from his heart or his own desire to do so, so telling him defeats the purpose and will turn him off. After only a month in, best to wish him well and walk away. Look for a man who is more into you whom you don't have to tell to pay more attention to you. Or to like/love you more which is what you have essentially been doing, covertly. All the best moving forward. Edited August 31, 2021 by poppyfields
Author GoodVibess Posted August 31, 2021 Author Posted August 31, 2021 24 minutes ago, Pumpernickel said: Making demands during the first month of dating appears clingy. I do what I want if I am not exclusive. I owe the other person zero, if we are not exclusive (which you are obviously not – yet). I am sure he thinks the same way. You are talking about ups and downs already. Ups and downs about what? You don't even have a relationship. You literally just met the guy, and mayben had sex on a few occasions. That's not a relationship. You have no idea who this person is. Like at all. I think if you read between the lines, then yes, pretty much. Other than saying it out loud using exactly these words, he couldn't be much clearer. Actions speak louder than words. I am curious as well. What are his qualities? Good lover? Funny? Wealthy? Handsome? There's gotta be something there that you really want to have. Don't be so tense. Loosen up a little. Let him do his thing, and let him come to you. Don't chase and don't ask questions. You're neither in LTR, engaged, or BF/GF. You have no leverage here. okay i will…he said he only said good morning cuz he was checking in. i’m used to men talking everyday sooooo
Author GoodVibess Posted August 31, 2021 Author Posted August 31, 2021 (edited) 29 minutes ago, poppyfields said: OP, may I ask how old you are? You sound very young and inexperienced. Not a dig, I was once very young and inexperienced too. I look back on my own behavior and literally cringe! Lol No one is asking you to be OK with any of his nonsense behavior. But what you fail to understand is by "nagging" him and "freaking out" about it (which is how HE views your behavior), you are pushing him further away. Heck, he even flat out told you to stop freaking out! You are a behaving like you are in a long term relationship wherein you have some sort of territorial rights or something. And even in a LTR I don't recommend behaving like you are! Yes it IS all wrong if you want to achieve success in your dating experiences and relationships. Stop reaching. Stop pushing. Stop nagging and stop texting! You are pushing him right out the proverbial door, in fact he already sounds OUT. This has been posted so many times, but these early stages (0-3 months at least) are for observing behavior to determine if someone is the right fit for you long term. Both men and women should do this, trust me he is! He ignores your texts for 10 hours? He texts others while spending time with you? Or any other behavior you are not happy with? You wish him well and WALK away, period end of. Anything else makes you an insecure clingy nag in his eyes. 100% truth, ask any man. Your request for more attention (which is what you are doing) is certainty NOT going to inspire him to want to give that attention or move closer to you towards a relationship. The opposite, it will turn him off, as I suspect what is happening now. The bottom line is do not ever ask or tell a man to give you more attention. Like text you more often, be more consistent or anything else. He may comply but it's not coming from his heart or his own desire to do so, so telling him defeats the purpose and will turn him off. After only a month in, best to wish him well and walk away. Look for a man who is more into you whom you don't have to tell to pay more attention to you. Or to like/love you more which is what you have essentially been doing, covertly. All the best moving forward. the thing is in person it’s great and he just doesn’t text. my therapist told me he should be talking to me if he’s interested and she told me to tell him my feelings which is what i did. he has a bunch of pics with his ex on instagram… never have i told a guy to text me. until this one who i like but i guess i’ll just not care anymore and see what happens. i feel disrespected that he does it which is why i told him. he says he has nothing to tell me which is why he doesn’t want to talk everyday and if i don’t understand then i can leave. Edited August 31, 2021 by GoodVibess
Pumpernickel Posted August 31, 2021 Posted August 31, 2021 2 minutes ago, GoodVibess said: she told me to tell him my feelings Don’t listen to your therapist. Is this one of your first love interests?
Author GoodVibess Posted August 31, 2021 Author Posted August 31, 2021 1 hour ago, Snow_Queen said: I have to agree with everyone else on having ups and downs so soon. It should only be ups at this stage. Sorry to say, but he doesn’t seem very interested. He probably determined you two were incompatible and I have to agree. Not everyone says goodbye when they decide they’re done. It’s sad that this happens but it’s becoming more common. he told me if i can’t accept he doesn’t wanna talk everyday the door is open…..
Wiseman2 Posted August 31, 2021 Posted August 31, 2021 (edited) 5 minutes ago, GoodVibess said: my therapist told me he should be talking to me if he’s interested and she told me to tell him my feelings which is what i did. Perhaps it's time to see a physician for an evaluation of the anxiety/depression and get a referral to a licensed qualified therapist whose advice is with regard to your situation, not 30 day dating dilemmas. Well yes, he's losing interest because of the policing, "freaking out" and claiming he's "doing something bad" if he's not text-tethered 24/7. Your therapist may need to address your anger, controlling behaviors and insecurities. Edited August 31, 2021 by Wiseman2
poppyfields Posted August 31, 2021 Posted August 31, 2021 Just now, GoodVibess said: he told me if i can’t accept he doesn’t wanna talk everyday the door is open….. He's right! 2
ExpatInItaly Posted August 31, 2021 Posted August 31, 2021 9 minutes ago, GoodVibess said: he told me if i can’t accept he doesn’t wanna talk everyday the door is open….. He's absoltely correct. You can't change him. If you don't like the way he is, you need to stop seeing him. This is way too much trouble for a few weeks, and it's clear he is getting annoyed with you. 2
hannabolics95 Posted August 31, 2021 Posted August 31, 2021 (edited) Not denying that there isn't anything redeeming about this guy but I think you are attracted to the uncertainty and the fact that he's giving you mixed signals probably because he's not that interested; unsure due to you policing him or. You need to realise that, even if a relationship did come from this, both of you are not starting out on a good note. He is not going to change either. It is so much more healthy to find a man that is actually invested in you, and you will find that. Please move on. You will be forever trying to control this poor man, it is not healthy and you must realise this. You will damage your mental health as a result. Edited August 31, 2021 by hannabolics95
Author GoodVibess Posted August 31, 2021 Author Posted August 31, 2021 13 minutes ago, hannabolics95 said: Not denying that there isn't anything redeeming about this guy but I think you are attracted to the uncertainty and the fact that he's giving you mixed signals probably because he's not that interested; unsure due to you policing him or. You need to realise that, even if a relationship did come from this, both of you are not starting out on a good note. He is not going to change either. It is so much more healthy to find a man that is actually invested in you, and you will find that. Please move on. You will be forever trying to control this poor man, it is not healthy and you must realise this. You will damage your mental health as a result. lol everyone blames me no one has been helpful. like he isn’t at fault
Miss Spider Posted August 31, 2021 Posted August 31, 2021 (edited) 6 minutes ago, GoodVibess said: lol everyone blames me no one has been helpful. like he isn’t at fault They’re just telling you to take a little accountability in the situation and stop wasting your time.He is just living his life and enjoying it, while getting marginally annoyed by some women he’s casually dating that can’t take the hint that it’s casual. He isn’t the one coming here with a problem. It’s on you if you keep participating in this Edited August 31, 2021 by Cookiesandough 1
ExpatInItaly Posted August 31, 2021 Posted August 31, 2021 (edited) 24 minutes ago, GoodVibess said: lol everyone blames me no one has been helpful. like he isn’t at fault Helpful to what extent? What is it you want us to tell you? How to make him more interested in you and make him do what you want? He doesn't want to text you more than he does. He isn't your boyfriend. You have totally different expectations than he does, which is how you know this is not a match. He's not wrong. You're not wrong. But you're probably wrong for each other. If you're not fine with how often he texts you, quit badgering him and having "talks" and go out and find a guy who shares your views. You're too intense for a guy you hardly know, @GoodVibess Edited August 31, 2021 by ExpatInItaly
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