GoodVibess Posted August 31, 2021 Posted August 31, 2021 I have been seeing a guy since last month we’ve had our ups and downs but we continued to make it work. We met off a dating app, I told him I want consistent communication because he disappears a lot, we met up last night as I initiated the meet up. We talked about him being more consistent and he said he would and he also said we would meet up this weekend. I texted him when I got home and he said he had a good time with me as well. I think the date went pretty well more towards the end…he kissed me and said he will see me this weekend. Anyways, this morning he texted me “good morning beautiful” I replied with a good morning back to him. But this time he said nothing back usually he would say like “wyd” I sent it at 10am. It’s now nearly 10pm…. I texted an hour ago asking “are u ok?” he didn’t reply and his snap score is going up. So clearly he’s on his phone, I don’t get why he wouldn’t reply back if we both had a pretty good time last night. What should I do? I don’t even know if he was serious about meeting up this weekend as he is my plans.
Miss Spider Posted August 31, 2021 Posted August 31, 2021 (edited) No one should be having “ups and downs “or trying to “make it work” after a month of dating. You’re incompatible. He is right to stop responding and move on and I think you should do the same Edited August 31, 2021 by Cookiesandough 9 1
Author GoodVibess Posted August 31, 2021 Author Posted August 31, 2021 Just now, Cookiesandough said: No one should be having “ups and downs “or be “trying to make it work” after a month of dating. That’s a sign you are incompatible. He is right to stop responding and move on and I think you should do the same so why did he text me “good morning beautiful” and why would he meet me last night?
Miss Spider Posted August 31, 2021 Posted August 31, 2021 (edited) I dunno… sex ? That’s usually the reason why guys do stuff. Kinda kidding. It sounds to me like you are one of many women that he is talking to. He texts when he’s bored, but if he has other options come up, you get ignored. I think you should just forget him move forward. He’s not worth it . I know you’re probably not going to but that is my advice Edited August 31, 2021 by Cookiesandough 3
Mrin Posted August 31, 2021 Posted August 31, 2021 Just tossing this out there... Texting isn't always reliable. I've had texts going missing or be seriously delayed both inbound and outbound. Has led to some *ahem* issues. But agree that baring that this just sounds like his MO and his MO doesn't work for you. I'm not into constant texting myself but some are. In those cases it is just better to move along rather than force a square peg into a round hole.
Miss Spider Posted August 31, 2021 Posted August 31, 2021 (edited) 3 minutes ago, Mrin said: Just tossing this out there... Texting isn't always reliable. I've had texts going missing or be seriously delayed both inbound and outbound. Has led to some *ahem* issues. But agree that baring that this just sounds like his MO and his MO doesn't work for you. I'm not into constant texting myself but some are. In those cases it is just better to move along rather than force a square peg into a round hole. OK, delayed. Yes. Missing? This is very unusual. Actually, I don’t think it is ever happened to me and all of the years I have ever texted anyone and I’ve texted lots and lots of people for many years on a crappy provider. However, have I used this excuse countless times? You betcha. I would rethink the person who told you that they never got your msg… Edited August 31, 2021 by Cookiesandough 2
Mrin Posted August 31, 2021 Posted August 31, 2021 (edited) 8 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: OK, delayed. Yes. Missing? This is very unusual. Actually, I don’t think it is ever happened to me and all of the years I have ever texted anyone and I’ve texted lots and lots of people for many years on a crappy provider. However, have I used this excuse countless times? You betcha. I would rethink the person who told you that they never got your msg… Ha. Ya. First time it happened was in a relationship where she sent me a loooooong text about a serious issue and it never came in and I carried on with my inane banter about what I made for dinner. She finally called me up and said "don't you want to respond to what I said???" and I was like "about not liking chimichuri sauce?" Then we compared screenshots and discovered it never came though. It has happened several other times with other people (both directions). Frustrating to say the least. I also get the delays sometimes... Hours, days even weeks. Which is a totally PITA when I hear one come in but it posts way way back in our history. I live in a resort town so the networks get overloaded all the time. Edited August 31, 2021 by Mrin 1
Miss Spider Posted August 31, 2021 Posted August 31, 2021 (edited) 9 minutes ago, Mrin said: Ha. Ya. First time it happened was in a relationship where she sent me a long ass text about a serious issue and it never came in and I carried on with my inane banter about what I made for dinner. She finally called me up and said "don't you want to respond to what I said???" and I was like "about not liking chimichuri sauce?" Then we compared screenshots and discovered it never came though. It has happened several other times with other people (both directions). Frustrating to say the least. I also get the delays sometimes... Hours, days even weeks. Which is a totally PITA when I hear one come in but it posts way way back in our history. I live in a resort town so the networks get overloaded all the time. Ohhhh I didn’t know. I still don’t think it is likely enough to even be considered here, but that’s interesting. ( & with living on a resort down having an impact) . I’m gonna be a bit confessional right now and say that I have told them I’ve sent messages when I haven’t and then I have also told them I haven’t received their messages when I had them blocked or I just forgot to respond I didn’t want to respond for whatever reason. Then I have deleted the messages ( in the cases they were blocked, I skipped this step) and I sent them screenshots of what I “received“ and they were like wow “I cannot believe that it didn’t go through! I thought you were ignoring me” and I was like yeahhh noo wayyyy I thought you ignored me lol Edited August 31, 2021 by Cookiesandough 2
Mrin Posted August 31, 2021 Posted August 31, 2021 3 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: I’m gonna be a bit confessional right now Say five Hail Mary's, three Our Father's and do 10 burpees and all will be forgiven my child... Go forth and sin no more 3
Stevnx3 Posted August 31, 2021 Posted August 31, 2021 1 hour ago, GoodVibess said: I have been seeing a guy since last month we’ve had our ups and downs but we continued to make it work. We met off a dating app, I told him I want consistent communication because he disappears a lot, we met up last night as I initiated the meet up. We talked about him being more consistent and he said he would and he also said we would meet up this weekend. I texted him when I got home and he said he had a good time with me as well. I think the date went pretty well more towards the end…he kissed me and said he will see me this weekend. Anyways, this morning he texted me “good morning beautiful” I replied with a good morning back to him. But this time he said nothing back usually he would say like “wyd” I sent it at 10am. It’s now nearly 10pm…. I texted an hour ago asking “are u ok?” he didn’t reply and his snap score is going up. So clearly he’s on his phone, I don’t get why he wouldn’t reply back if we both had a pretty good time last night. What should I do? I don’t even know if he was serious about meeting up this weekend as he is my plans. Yeah, You shouldn't be having so much trouble, so early in in dating. Red flag. Him disappearing for a time and ghosting you are red flags. Given the time of your "dating" I would end it if I were in your shoes. Life is too short for these games. End it. Better fish out there! 1
hannabolics95 Posted August 31, 2021 Posted August 31, 2021 5 hours ago, GoodVibess said: I have been seeing a guy since last month we’ve had our ups and downs but we continued to make it work. We met off a dating app, I told him I want consistent communication because he disappears a lot, we met up last night as I initiated the meet up. We talked about him being more consistent and he said he would and he also said we would meet up this weekend. I texted him when I got home and he said he had a good time with me as well. I think the date went pretty well more towards the end…he kissed me and said he will see me this weekend. Anyways, this morning he texted me “good morning beautiful” I replied with a good morning back to him. But this time he said nothing back usually he would say like “wyd” I sent it at 10am. It’s now nearly 10pm…. I texted an hour ago asking “are u ok?” he didn’t reply and his snap score is going up. So clearly he’s on his phone, I don’t get why he wouldn’t reply back if we both had a pretty good time last night. What should I do? I don’t even know if he was serious about meeting up this weekend as he is my plans. Unfortunately, telling a man that you want consistent communication, initiating the meet up and then texting him when you get home is putting yourself in a very masculine role. I do not care how progressive people are, this is not something you should be doing. You should be the one being cold and standoffish at the *start*. He is not going to change and the fact that you have to say this early on; not going to work. Move on. Watch the toxic dating coach, instead of Mark Rosenfeld. Unfortunately taking the masculine role doesn't work. I'm sorry but you deserve so much more.
ExpatInItaly Posted August 31, 2021 Posted August 31, 2021 5 hours ago, GoodVibess said: I have been seeing a guy since last month we’ve had our ups and downs but we continued to make it work. Only a month and you're already having ups and downs? It shouldn't be like this so early on. That sort of thing is for longer-term relationships, not someone you've only been seeing a few weeks. When you're already "making it work" this early, it's generally a sign you're not compatible. It will also turn many guys right off to be having these kinds of talks a few weeks in. Too much hassle. 5 hours ago, GoodVibess said: I told him I want consistent communication because he disappears a lot I am wondering what you mean by this. When he disappears, how long are you talking? A few hours? A few days? You seem to place a lot of weight on texting, so I am curious what, for you, consistent communication means. At the end of the day, you can't make someone fit your needs. If you want consistent communication, and he's just not motivated to do it on his own - well, he's not the guy for you. 2
hannabolics95 Posted August 31, 2021 Posted August 31, 2021 38 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: Only a month and you're already having ups and downs? It shouldn't be like this so early on. That sort of thing is for longer-term relationships, not someone you've only been seeing a few weeks. When you're already "making it work" this early, it's generally a sign you're not compatible. It will also turn many guys right off to be having these kinds of talks a few weeks in. Too much hassle. I am wondering what you mean by this. When he disappears, how long are you talking? A few hours? A few days? You seem to place a lot of weight on texting, so I am curious what, for you, consistent communication means. At the end of the day, you can't make someone fit your needs. If you want consistent communication, and he's just not motivated to do it on his own - well, he's not the guy for you. Yes. I'm afraid, it seems that OP has some particularly unhealthy behaviours that she should be aware of. Looking at someone's snapchat score going up and getting upset about that and then sending another message asking if he's ok when you have only been talking for a month? OP is dealing with (at best) a very passive man; or worst case, someone she is just never going to be compatible with. I don't claim to know it all but you should not be having these problems that early on. I have been talking to a guy since April and it just feels calm, easy and relaxed. Will it necessarily go anywhere? Maybe not. But it such a difference when you truly can *feel* you are compatible with someone. Him sending her good morning messages mean nothing. 1
d0nnivain Posted August 31, 2021 Posted August 31, 2021 Sorry @GoodVibess. I'm with everybody else. One month in there shouldn't be "ups & downs" or the need to make an effort. Him disappearing & you having to voice that you need consistent communication are all bad signs. That said your idea of consistent is poorly named It sounds like you want constant communication which is bad. This early in you should have gone on between 3-8 dates IMO & be talking 2-3 times per week but there is no need for good morning & good night texts. Talking throughout the day, especially all day, every day, is far too much. Your expectations may be out of whack. You want to go from just met to instantly having the type of connection & interactions that should take years to build. It's an artificial & unhealthy construct. 1
Blind-Sided Posted August 31, 2021 Posted August 31, 2021 Yep...... dating for a month... if there are any "Downs"... it should just be over. A long term relationship doesn't start with "Making it work". Time to move on. 2
Author GoodVibess Posted August 31, 2021 Author Posted August 31, 2021 4 hours ago, hannabolics95 said: Unfortunately, telling a man that you want consistent communication, initiating the meet up and then texting him when you get home is putting yourself in a very masculine role. I do not care how progressive people are, this is not something you should be doing. You should be the one being cold and standoffish at the *start*. He is not going to change and the fact that you have to say this early on; not going to work. Move on. Watch the toxic dating coach, instead of Mark Rosenfeld. Unfortunately taking the masculine role doesn't work. I'm sorry but you deserve so much more. he told me “text me when you get home?” and i never had a problem with other guys coming to an understanding with texting more constantly. so idk why everyone’s saying i’m doing wrong? i’m not looking for casual and this makes it seem like it’s casual anyways and i never had a guy only text me good morning then to go silent for days. until i decide to send another text.
Author GoodVibess Posted August 31, 2021 Author Posted August 31, 2021 31 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: Sorry @GoodVibess. I'm with everybody else. One month in there shouldn't be "ups & downs" or the need to make an effort. Him disappearing & you having to voice that you need consistent communication are all bad signs. That said your idea of consistent is poorly named It sounds like you want constant communication which is bad. This early in you should have gone on between 3-8 dates IMO & be talking 2-3 times per week but there is no need for good morning & good night texts. Talking throughout the day, especially all day, every day, is far too much. Your expectations may be out of whack. You want to go from just met to instantly having the type of connection & interactions that should take years to build. It's an artificial & unhealthy construct. everyone’s different….i don’t tell him to send me good morning texts. and if he doesn’t like it he can easily tell me, because clearly we aren’t on the same page. he ignores me for hours but when we’re together he’s always on his phone answering text messages. i have every right to be concerned. and he also has pics of his ex on instagram still which is a red flag.
d0nnivain Posted August 31, 2021 Posted August 31, 2021 Just be done You two aren't on the same page. FWIW just because you aren't talking all day every day in the beginning does not necessarily make a new relationship casual. IMO you need to build up to that level of interaction not start there.
Author GoodVibess Posted August 31, 2021 Author Posted August 31, 2021 3 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: 9 hours ago, GoodVibess said: I am wondering what you mean by this. When he disappears, how long are you talking? A few hours? A few days? You seem to place a lot of weight on texting, so I am curious what, for you, consistent communication means. 10 hours or all day, consistent communication means not replying after 8 hours. he leaves me hanging and it’s weird because when we hang in person he is always answering text messages instantly.
d0nnivain Posted August 31, 2021 Posted August 31, 2021 2 minutes ago, GoodVibess said: 10 hours or all day, consistent communication means not replying after 8 hours. he leaves me hanging and it’s weird because when we hang in person he is always answering text messages instantly. If he's treating you differently (worse) than he treats friends by responding to them instantly but not to you that is a sign you are not that important to him, unless he's not responding to you during the work day when he can't. Even then, he gets a lunch break when he should be able to shoot a quick text if he wants to
ExpatInItaly Posted August 31, 2021 Posted August 31, 2021 7 minutes ago, GoodVibess said: 10 hours or all day, consistent communication means not replying after 8 hours. he leaves me hanging and it’s weird because when we hang in person he is always answering text messages instantly. Then I think you need to concede that he's not as interested as you are, and not the right guy for you. It's disappointing but better to move on.
Author GoodVibess Posted August 31, 2021 Author Posted August 31, 2021 3 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: If he's treating you differently (worse) than he treats friends by responding to them instantly but not to you that is a sign you are not that important to him, unless he's not responding to you during the work day when he can't. Even then, he gets a lunch break when he should be able to shoot a quick text if he wants to he doesn’t reply even when he’s off work he replies at 11pm to my messages. he gets off at 5 also he never wants to talk on the phone and he knows i prefer it than texting. he only replies instantly if i wanna hang out or i’m concerned about something.
d0nnivain Posted August 31, 2021 Posted August 31, 2021 This is more evidence of incompatibility. So why are you hanging on to him? It's all too much drama & nonsense for what should be the honeymoon phase when everything is easy. It's won't get better. So cut your losses & move along. 1
Author GoodVibess Posted August 31, 2021 Author Posted August 31, 2021 1 hour ago, d0nnivain said: This is more evidence of incompatibility. So why are you hanging on to him? It's all too much drama & nonsense for what should be the honeymoon phase when everything is easy. It's won't get better. So cut your losses & move along. he said he was driving 2 hours so he couldn’t reply? and said he never gets breaks at work.
d0nnivain Posted August 31, 2021 Posted August 31, 2021 It's illegal in the US for an employer to not give breaks. He's lying to you. 2
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