Absence of compliments

[Amanda92]

I am so sorry, but also happy that you don't cry anymore. I know my boy 3 weeks and when I think that he could dump me now... I can't imagine it. 😦 At least he gives me many compliments, maybe it's a good sign. 😄 Although we have a problem that he can't trust me even if I am "a good girl". I really don't want to come back to online dating.

[Happy Lemming]

On 9/1/2021 at 4:53 AM, Gaeta said:

Your wish came true! I got 2 dates coming up on the weekend! Not bad, 48 hours after being dumped! 😉

Any updates??

Did anything (positive) come from these two dates??

[Gaeta]

12 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

Any updates??

Did anything (positive) come from these two dates??

Nothing happenned at all.

Guy No.1: The nurse with 4 kids. Total flake. He's exactly as he was 7 years ago. I read my history from back in 2014 when I dated him. We had 4 dates in 3 months. He did not confirmed our weekend date and text me 7 days later at 11 pm. I told him I was busy. 

Guy No.2: It started on a big misunderstanding so I don't know if it can be salvaged. We spoke on the phone on a Thursday and he offered we do something on the weekend. The following day (Friday) I initiated contact and we spoke for a bit. I did not hear from him until Monday pm (holiday). He text me Looks like you don't want to have anything to do with me as I'm not vaccinated. I asked where he got that impression, yes he did tell me he was not vaccinated yet and he was waiting for the government to make it obligatory for his employees (he works for government). I did not make any comment other that he's a smart man and I know he'll do what's right for him. He read between the lines I didn't want to see him because of that. I said I'm double vaccinated, I'm not the one at risk, he is AND since Sept 2nd in our Province the vaccine passport is obligaroty to go to restaurants, movies, theaters, concerts, gym..name it so even if we wanted to go on a date we could not enter anywhere. Even if he got his 1st shot now  he'd have to wait 6 weeks for his 2nd shot, then 3 weeks waiting period for his passport to activate. We've been texting since but it's like a big bucket of water was thrown on our camp fire. 

[Happy Lemming]

Sorry to hear things didn't go so well.

Anyone new in the works?? 

[glows]

55 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Nothing happenned at all.

Guy No.1: The nurse with 4 kids. Total flake. He's exactly as he was 7 years ago. I read my history from back in 2014 when I dated him. We had 4 dates in 3 months. He did not confirmed our weekend date and text me 7 days later at 11 pm. I told him I was busy. 

Guy No.2: It started on a big misunderstanding so I don't know if it can be salvaged. We spoke on the phone on a Thursday and he offered we do something on the weekend. The following day (Friday) I initiated contact and we spoke for a bit. I did not hear from him until Monday pm (holiday). He text me Looks like you don't want to have anything to do with me as I'm not vaccinated. I asked where he got that impression, yes he did tell me he was not vaccinated yet and he was waiting for the government to make it obligatory for his employees (he works for government). I did not make any comment other that he's a smart man and I know he'll do what's right for him. He read between the lines I didn't want to see him because of that. I said I'm double vaccinated, I'm not the one at risk, he is AND since Sept 2nd in our Province the vaccine passport is obligaroty to go to restaurants, movies, theaters, concerts, gym..name it so even if we wanted to go on a date we could not enter anywhere. Even if he got his 1st shot now  he'd have to wait 6 weeks for his 2nd shot, then 3 weeks waiting period for his passport to activate. We've been texting since but it's like a big bucket of water was thrown on our camp fire. 

In some ways we can thank our current situation as it exposes personalities a lot faster. Onwards, I think. Neither of these are an option.

Edited September 12, 2021 by glows

[Gaeta]

I just had a looooong conversation with a male friend of mine. He insists I don't need online dating I just need to go out. So I asked how does that translate for a 55 yo woman (he's 49). He sent me a bunch of fancy restaurants with bars. He said to go around 18h to eat, to dress as if I was heading to a wedding, to order an expensive drink and not water, apparently that's what differenciate a regular woman from an escort and to wait it out, they will come to me. 😨

I asked if he ever dated a woman he met that way, he said yes his recent ex. I said OH the crazy one?...he said yep!

[Happy Lemming]

24 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

...they will come to me. 

Yes... they will!!

[Eternal Sunshine]

16 hours ago, Gaeta said:

I just had a looooong conversation with a male friend of mine. He insists I don't need online dating I just need to go out. So I asked how does that translate for a 55 yo woman (he's 49). He sent me a bunch of fancy restaurants with bars. He said to go around 18h to eat, to dress as if I was heading to a wedding, to order an expensive drink and not water, apparently that's what differenciate a regular woman from an escort and to wait it out, they will come to me. 😨

I asked if he ever dated a woman he met that way, he said yes his recent ex. I said OH the crazy one?...he said yep!

This sounds like a good idea. Much more appealing than online dating.

Thinking back, when I was traveling for work, I naturally ate and drank at nice bars and restaurants by myself. Men often did come to talk to me and most were not to my liking, but I always had a good time. You will still have to be careful of married men, they tend to frequent these places.

[chillii]

And did anything worthwhile come of all those times for you ES ?

Must admit , Once l was well , sort of ready , waking up single again after 22yrs, l went to a few bars and pubs. There was no one to take , all married or partnered up. l use to party it up big back in young days in all those places , but l'd def' lost that interest. l seemed to be the only one on my own in every place every time and tbh it all felt pretty messed up at that age now and l started doing other things instead .

Edited September 13, 2021 by chillii

[Gaeta]

My friend says he meets women all the time BUT my friend is not interested in a relationship. He has a lot of female friends he goes out with and are just friend-friend like me, and a lot of hook up female friends. Maybe that's why these places work for him. 

Edited September 13, 2021 by Gaeta

[Gaeta]

And to add to that.

My friend offered to come with me for my first time out to teach me the 'routine'. He said to ask my waiter's name, ask when he/she works, to always go there when that waiter works, give generous tips and once that waiter is familiar with me he will sit single men close to my table. I am nervous just thinking about it!! And they call that meeting organically? There is nothing organic about it. 😨

[chillii]

26 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

My friend says he meets women all the time BUT my friend is not interested in a relationship. He has a lot of female friends he goes out with and are just friend-friend like me, and a lot of hook up female friends. Maybe that's why these places work for him. 

 

Yeah right , they were good for that for sure, wasn't interested though at the time. Having some good places would help.

ps , just read the second one , oooo l dunno , if your brave l suppose haha.Your friends got it all down eh , funny.

Edited September 13, 2021 by chillii

[Happy Lemming]

38 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

 And they call that meeting organically? There is nothing organic about it. 😨

Think of it as just increasing your odds...

40 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

My friend offered to come with me for my first time out to teach me the 'routine'.

I think that is a great idea... What do you have to lose?? 

Many years ago, I had a female business acquaintance that wanted to meet men (this was pre-internet) but she was nervous about going to a bar/pub by herself.  So, I'd sit at the other end of the bar/pub and watch sports and drink my Guinness, while she talked to various men.  If something went wrong or she got scared, I was there.  We didn't walk into together, and we didn't want it to appear as though we were a couple.  I'd sit down at the very end of the bar, she'd "hold court" looking for men at the opposite end.  It made her feel safe and she paid my bar tab at the end of the evening (Win-Win for both of us).

[Gaeta]

2 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

I think that is a great idea... What do you have to lose?? 

My dignity lol.

I don't want to be that middle aged woman sitting by herself in a bar-restaurant looking around for single men. 

[Happy Lemming]

4 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

My dignity lol.

I don't want to be that middle aged woman sitting by herself in a bar-restaurant looking around for single men. 

The woman I assisted (many years ago) was middle-aged.  Again, she was an older business acquaintance (she owned her own business) and wanted a nice guy to spend time with.  

I can assure you she did not lose her dignity and met some really nice guys.  She was dating one of those men (she had met) when I moved away from the area, so I don't know how things turned out.  But when I left that town, I do know she was happy.

[SumGuy]

20 hours ago, Gaeta said:

I just had a looooong conversation with a male friend of mine. He insists I don't need online dating I just need to go out. So I asked how does that translate for a 55 yo woman (he's 49). He sent me a bunch of fancy restaurants with bars. He said to go around 18h to eat, to dress as if I was heading to a wedding, to order an expensive drink and not water, apparently that's what differenciate a regular woman from an escort and to wait it out, they will come to me. 😨

I asked if he ever dated a woman he met that way, he said yes his recent ex. I said OH the crazy one?...he said yep!

Ahhh of course they will come to you...but are they the ones you want, and do they know the whole water=escort thing or not?  How does your friend know that?  Is that really a thing?    

To circle back, are the men that troll expensive restaurant bars looking for dates where you live likely to be the men you want to meet?  No judgment, but I am in the same age category and that scene where I live is all about ONS (at best).

Edited September 13, 2021 by SumGuy

[SumGuy]

1 hour ago, Gaeta said:

My friend says he meets women all the time BUT my friend is not interested in a relationship. He has a lot of female friends he goes out with and are just friend-friend like me, and a lot of hook up female friends. Maybe that's why these places work for him. 

Yes that is exactly it where I live.  It is the hook-up scene, a pretty sad one in my view.  Your friend sounds like a half decent creature.  Most men that are doing the picking up where I live are not decent from what have observed.   The environment your friend describes is 100% PUA type turf, so my limited observation is be pre[pared to get a lot of those types..

[poppyfields]

27 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

My dignity lol.

I don't want to be that middle aged woman sitting by herself in a bar-restaurant looking around for single men. 

Agree Gaeta, it's got desperation written all over it, at any age!  

Unless you are seeking "hook ups" which is fine except that's not what you're looking for. 

You are seeking a serious long term relationship with like-minded men, doubtful you will find that at bars.  

It's not impossible you might find it there, but I foresee more problems with that than OLD. 

 

 

Edited September 13, 2021 by poppyfields

[Gaeta]

2 minutes ago, SumGuy said:

The environment your friend describes is 100% PUA type turf, so my limited observation is be pre[pared to get a lot of those types..

It crossed my mind today that maybe my friend got into that PUA. He tried online dating a few years back and got no attention, he's not too photogenic and not too tall BUT he's got what it takes to hypnotize a woman in real, he dresses expensive, spends big when he's out and he could talk the panties off a nun. I'm gonna text him right now and ask him ....

[FMW]

Honestly I don't like the idea of going anywhere with the main goal of meeting men.  If there are men available in these places in your area, then there should be men available at places you can go to enjoy hobbies or interests (other than men!).  That would be the organic way of meeting men.

I don't know what your interests are, but give it some thought.  I fell in love 6 years ago with small (100 people or less) live music venues.  I started going by myself and developed relationships over time.  My closest friends now, men and women, have come from that shared interest beginning.  So have my romantic interests, including the guy I've been with for about 2 years now.

 

Edited September 13, 2021 by FMW

[Gaeta]

2 hours ago, Gaeta said:

It crossed my mind today that maybe my friend got into that PUA. . I'm gonna text him right now and ask him ....

Bad idea. Do not ask your friend if he's picking his ideas in the PUA manual 🙂

[Mrin]

7 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Bad idea. Do not ask your friend if he's picking his ideas in the PUA manual 🙂

Hahaha. Epic!

[Gaeta]

15 minutes ago, FMW said:

Honestly I don't like the idea of going anywhere with the main goal of meeting men.  If there are men available in these places in your area, then there should be men available at places you can go to enjoy hobbies or interests (other than men!).  That would be the organic way of meeting men.

I have only met men to date when I searched for men to date. Going about my life, doing my own thing, has never brought men to cross my path. Maybe my interest are too girly. I also live in suburbia wonderland surrounded by families. Nothing here is aimed at singles. The good news is I work downtown so I could stay downtown after work and 'do something'. 

[chillii]

13 hours ago, Gaeta said:

My dignity lol.

I don't want to be that middle aged woman sitting by herself in a bar-restaurant looking around for single men. 

That was the first thing crossed my mind whenever this started.

l felt like that as a guy myself , suppose if l was just out for fun it'd have been fine, but l wasn't.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I can see the dignity point but how is it any different to advertising yourself to strangers online? I think both of those things are about equal dignity-wise. Certainly far cry from anything to do with meeting men organically. However, after a certain age, especially if you don't have any single friends, what else is left?