poppyfields Posted August 30, 2021 Posted August 30, 2021 (edited) I just read more of the responses and from what you have posted G, you are NOT needing to be "showered" with compliments not sure where that's coming from. The way I read this, your own words in fact, you are 55, he is 48, and you need to hear he thinks you are sexy and beautiful. A far cry from needing to be love bombed with compliments, in fact compliments may be the wrong word here. You need to feel beautiful and validated through "words of affirmation." On some level, you don't feel that, and that is nothing to feel shame about. Most people need that at the very least! These early stages are the time to evaluate behaviors to determine if someone is right for you long term. Assuming long term is what you want. You can talk to him if you want (I would not), but I don't see this changing. He may go through the motions but it won't be coming from his heart, which is where it should come from imho. Edited August 30, 2021 by poppyfields 2
poppyfields Posted August 30, 2021 Posted August 30, 2021 (edited) 14 minutes ago, Gaeta said: *gulp* I'm sorry G, yes, that was the elephant in the room no one wanted to mention. But his response to your expression of physical attraction that you think he's handsome would have been the perfect opportunity for him to respond - "and you're beautiful"! Instead he asks "you really think I'm handsome"? Seeking reassurance after you just told him you think he's handsome! I would not dismiss that, I think it's telling, jmo. Edited August 30, 2021 by poppyfields 1
Author Gaeta Posted August 30, 2021 Author Posted August 30, 2021 5 minutes ago, poppyfields said: I just read more of the responses and from what you have posted G, you are NOT needing to be "showered" with compliments not sure where that's coming from. The way I read this, your own words in fact, you are 55, he is 48, and you need to hear he thinks you are sexy and beautiful. No, I don't need to be showered with compliments. In the love language test it's my 3rd need at 23% so it's far from being vital to me. I also don't doubt his physical attraction toward me. You'll have to trust me on that one. 2
Author Gaeta Posted August 30, 2021 Author Posted August 30, 2021 3 minutes ago, poppyfields said: But his response to your expression of physical attraction that you think he's handsome would have been the perfect opportunity for him to respond - "and you're beautiful"! I think his response to my compliment took him off guard and people off guard don't think of 'I should return the compliment'....they think 'damn I'm uncomfortable right now'. 2
poppyfields Posted August 30, 2021 Posted August 30, 2021 (edited) 7 minutes ago, Gaeta said: No, I don't need to be showered with compliments. In the love language test it's my 3rd need at 23% so it's far from being vital to me. I also don't doubt his physical attraction toward me. You'll have to trust me on that one. I know you don't need to be showered with compliments, it's what I just posted. Bolded, ok, excellent that's all that matters! Go enjoy your blossoming relationship G, be happy. xo Edited August 30, 2021 by poppyfields 1
poppyfields Posted August 30, 2021 Posted August 30, 2021 (edited) 11 minutes ago, Gaeta said: I think his response to my compliment took him off guard and people off guard don't think of 'I should return the compliment'....they think 'damn I'm uncomfortable right now'. He's uncomfortable having the woman he is exclusively dating and having sexual relationships with telling him she thinks he's handsome? Ok but the question is why would that make him uncomfortable? It's such a basic thing. Anyway, said my piece G, if you feel cherished and beautiful that is all that matters! I didn't think you did which is why you created this thread, you felt a lack. Apologies my bad. Edited August 30, 2021 by poppyfields 1
Author Gaeta Posted August 30, 2021 Author Posted August 30, 2021 6 minutes ago, poppyfields said: He's uncomfortable having the woman he is exclusively dating and having sexual relationships with telling him she thinks he's handsome? Ok but the question is why would that make him uncomfortable? It's such a basic thing. I will ask him. I will tell him I've noticed he's uncomfortable with compliments and let him talk. It's the perfect way to open that topic. 1
poppyfields Posted August 30, 2021 Posted August 30, 2021 (edited) 12 minutes ago, Gaeta said: I will ask him. I will tell him I've noticed he's uncomfortable with compliments and let him talk. It's the perfect way to open that topic. Sounds good! It's funny, if he was uncomfortable with that, wondering what he'd do with a woman like me, lol. During early stages when we are both HOT for each other, I'm like "gawd, you're sexy!" I'm like all over him with that! Most men love it, makes them feel like a King and they return my affection, and then some! I'm big on verbal expression. I never viewed it as compliments per se, just expressing how HOT we are for each other. But everyone's different. Anyway, good luck G, hopefully this is just a tiny glitch that will soon get resolved! Edited August 30, 2021 by poppyfields 2
Miss Spider Posted August 30, 2021 Posted August 30, 2021 (edited) I don’t like gushing on laying it on, but I couldn’t date a guy who didn’t compliment me even a little. I like men who are affectionate, not only in actions, but words too. Edited August 30, 2021 by Cookiesandough 1
Author Gaeta Posted August 30, 2021 Author Posted August 30, 2021 12 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: I don’t like gushing on laying it on, but I couldn’t date a guy who didn’t compliment me even a little. I like men who are affectionate, not only in actions, but words too. I don't want to give the impression he's not verbally affectionate, he is. He'll say things like I'll think about you until I fall asleep. I miss your kisses/lips, I wish I was with you right now, etc.He's far from being a block of ice.
glows Posted August 30, 2021 Posted August 30, 2021 Whatever for? Are you meeting him later to talk about it?
Alpacalia Posted August 30, 2021 Posted August 30, 2021 So seems there was a disconnect. That sucks. Sorry, Gaeta. 1
Author Gaeta Posted August 30, 2021 Author Posted August 30, 2021 5 minutes ago, glows said: Whatever for? Are you meeting him later to talk about it? He sent me a long message that he thought about it hard and he's not in a good place to date with all of his issues (he does have a bunch of issues with custody battle and income tax debts and a couple of other things) and that he needs to concentrate on his issues. That I am a fantastic woman blahblah, I'll be with the right man in no time blahblahblah. He can say what ever, I just did not capture his heart...but it sure damn felt like it for a while 4
glows Posted August 30, 2021 Posted August 30, 2021 3 minutes ago, Gaeta said: He sent me a long message that he thought about it hard and he's not in a good place to date with all of his issues (he does have a bunch of issues with custody battle and income tax debts and a couple of other things) and that he needs to concentrate on his issues. That I am a fantastic woman blahblah, I'll be with the right man in no time blahblahblah. He can say what ever, I just did not capture his heart...but it sure damn felt like it for a while They are significant issues. I'm sorry to hear that. I think you dodged a bullet. Onwards from this. Time out for awhile and then see what's out there. 1
lana-banana Posted August 30, 2021 Posted August 30, 2021 I'm sorry, Gaeta. It's hard when you don't click (or when it's one-sided), but good on him for not letting it drag out and good on you for being dignified about it. Give yourself a little while and then get back in the game! It's a Monday, so maybe by the weekend you'll be up for getting out and having some fun. 1
poppyfields Posted August 30, 2021 Posted August 30, 2021 (edited) 4 hours ago, Gaeta said: I think his response to my compliment took him off guard and people off guard don't think of 'I should return the compliment'....they think 'damn I'm uncomfortable right now'. Gaeta, wow just read he broke up with you, I'm so sorry, I hope you're okay. I can't say I'm surprised though, are you? I think you sensed something was off, but didn't want to admit it? To yourself? Remember my post saying when you sense something feels off, do not rationalize, justify or sweep under the rug? Like you did with your ex about some pretty major red flags? Well, reference the above quote, that's what you were doing here too, imo. Justifying and rationalizing. When you're partner is attracted to you and you pay him a lovely compliment about how handsome he is, it's not gonna throw him "off guard" and respond seeking more reassurance. Or cause him discomfort. I've never heard of that, not when a man is attracted and into you. To the contrary, his instincts will naturally drive him to want to return the compliment! Just something to consider moving forward, always listen to your inner voice. That voice was telling you something, otherwise you would not have needed to create this thread. Anyway, again so sorry G. Back to the ole drawing board. Edited August 30, 2021 by poppyfields 2 1
Author Gaeta Posted August 30, 2021 Author Posted August 30, 2021 Unfortunately I think I was charmed and played. Saturday we spent the day together and I felt a shift during the day. At some point he was talking about his income tax debt and that he didn't want to pay interest so he borrowed money from his siblings and he now owes his siblings. Then he said 'maybe you can help me too'. I said if we had been together for a year or more I would but I could not do that after only knowing him for 6 weeks. He then said he was joking and that was not a real request. From there the 'connection' was broken. Yesterday he did not initiate contact as he usually does and today I got that broke up text. 1 1 1 6
poppyfields Posted August 30, 2021 Posted August 30, 2021 (edited) 10 minutes ago, Gaeta said: Unfortunately I think I was charmed and played. Saturday we spent the day together and I felt a shift during the day. At some point he was talking about his income tax debt and that he didn't want to pay interest so he borrowed money from his siblings and he now owes his siblings. Then he said 'maybe you can help me too'. I said if we had been together for a year or more I would but I could not do that after only knowing him for 6 weeks. He then said he was joking and that was not a real request. From there the 'connection' was broken. Yesterday he did not initiate contact as he usually does and today I got that broke up text. OMG, that I did not see coming! Jeezus! It sounds almost surreal in a way, I mean I believe it, but it sounds unbelievable!! How did you respond to break up text? Or have you? Edited August 30, 2021 by poppyfields 1
IslandSanctuary Posted August 30, 2021 Posted August 30, 2021 (edited) Early way over the top compliments and love-bombing is a sign of a personality disorder and that you'll probably get fkd around. At least he's not a raging narcissist. But yeah, asking you for a loan is a huge red flag. Run. Edited August 30, 2021 by IslandSanctuary
elaine567 Posted August 30, 2021 Posted August 30, 2021 38 minutes ago, Gaeta said: At some point he was talking about his income tax debt and that he didn't want to pay interest so he borrowed money from his siblings and he now owes his siblings.Then he said 'maybe you can help me too'. Oh dear...
poppyfields Posted August 30, 2021 Posted August 30, 2021 (edited) 27 minutes ago, IslandSanctuary said: But yeah, asking you for a loan is a huge red flag. Run. He broke up with Gaeta after she declined giving him money, never giving her the chance to run, HE ran first. Thankfully, he showed his sociopathic colors after only 6 weeks and not 6 years. This was a blessing. Edited August 30, 2021 by poppyfields 1
Author Gaeta Posted August 30, 2021 Author Posted August 30, 2021 47 minutes ago, poppyfields said: How did you respond to break up text? Or have you? Yes I replied. He kept saying he was sorry so I said I was sorry I did not capture his heart, & good luck. He replied thank you and good luck to you too. Then I was thinking for 3 weeks he supported me through my father's surgery. Calling me to make sure I don't fall asleep on the wheel. Asking me to text him when I get home because he wouldn't go to bed until he knows I am safe. Then after working all night he'd drive to the garage to make sure my dealership didn't charge me unnecessary repairs. I really really felt all this was genuine. Anyway it's over but now I know I can feel strong sexual attraction toward a man again and fully enjoy it. I thought I would never feel that way again with how my last relationship ended. 1
poppyfields Posted August 30, 2021 Posted August 30, 2021 3 minutes ago, Gaeta said: Anyway it's over but now I know I can feel strong sexual attraction toward a man again and fully enjoy it. I thought I would never feel that way again with how my last relationship ended. That's a very positive takeaway. But it's ok to feel angry too. Yes this man was very thoughtful and kind but he had an agenda, a very self-serving disingenuous agenda. Hell, I feel angry on your behalf! But you will work through your emotions in your own time and own way. I'm sorry this happened G, hugs. 1
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