Happy Lemming Posted October 31, 2021 Posted October 31, 2021 9 minutes ago, Gaeta said: Hello there, I had 2 prospects this week, both suggested meeting this weekend but they didn't put into actions their verbal suggestions... I don't understand this... When I dated, I already had a plan and a backup plan (if the woman did not like my first idea) - when I called her up for a date. Don't bring up the subject of meeting or getting together if you don't already have a plan - date, time, place & activity. It really is quite simple. It isn't hard, the first date should be something fun that isn't too loud, so you can talk and get to know more about the woman. The man can gather "clues" from the first date, so he can plan the second date.
Author Gaeta Posted October 31, 2021 Author Posted October 31, 2021 (edited) Just got a text from someone else I was exchanging with. It's 11h and he wants to 'change his mind' by grabbing a coffee with me tonight (first meeting)....... I told him *last minute invitation on holloween night, that's your big plan to meet me?* and I blocked him. Edited October 31, 2021 by Gaeta
Author Gaeta Posted October 31, 2021 Author Posted October 31, 2021 1 minute ago, Happy Lemming said: I don't understand this... I fully understand it. It's laziness. And women have been putting up with this laziness so why make special efforts.
Happy Lemming Posted October 31, 2021 Posted October 31, 2021 1 minute ago, Gaeta said: I told him *last minute invitation on holloween night, that's your big plan to meet me?* and I blocked him. Good call... last night was "date" night. Why didn't he take you out last night?? And (this is just my opinion) meeting for coffee is not a date. Again, a date should be some form of activity and a meal, especially on the first date, not a cup of coffee. Grabbing a cup of coffee is something I did on my way to work, it doesn't count as a date.
Alvi Posted October 31, 2021 Posted October 31, 2021 4 minutes ago, Gaeta said: Just got a text from someone else I was exchanging with. It's 11h and he wants to 'change his mind' by grabbing a coffee with me tonight (first meeting)....... I told him *last minute invitation on holloween night, that's your big plan to meet me?* and I blocked him. What do you mean he wants to "change his mind?" It seems like you are his plan B. Plan A didn't pan out so on to the next, lol. But than again, we might always be someone's plan B, C or D without even realizing it.
Author Gaeta Posted October 31, 2021 Author Posted October 31, 2021 6 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said: When I dated, I already had a plan and a backup plan I think it's been a while since you were on the dating market? Last time I was single was 6 years ago and it was bad back then but it's worse now. I don't know if it's online or if it's because last time I was single I was in my 40s and now I'm in my 50s so it changes something, not sure.
Happy Lemming Posted October 31, 2021 Posted October 31, 2021 3 minutes ago, Gaeta said: I fully understand it. It's laziness. Then why even go through the effort of putting your profile up on OLD in the first place?? (If you are not going to follow through with some kind of effort.) I do hope your "lock down" restrictions get lifted soon, so you can attempt to meet someone in "real life".
Alvi Posted October 31, 2021 Posted October 31, 2021 (edited) 4 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said: Good call... last night was "date" night. Why didn't he take you out last night?? And (this is just my opinion) meeting for coffee is not a date. Again, a date should be some form of activity and a meal, especially on the first date, not a cup of coffee. Grabbing a cup of coffee is something I did on my way to work, it doesn't count as a date. Happy Lemmings, you seem to understand how women think. Wish more guys had a similar mindset. But the majority of guys that I've encountered though on-line dating are just lazy, not that interested and/or are suffering from the grass is greener on the other side syndrome. Edited October 31, 2021 by Alvi 1
Alvi Posted October 31, 2021 Posted October 31, 2021 1 minute ago, Happy Lemming said: Then why even go through the effort of putting your profile up on OLD in the first place?? (If you are not going to follow through with some kind of effort.) That might take them 2 minutes. They might even cut and paste it from somewhere else. 1
Happy Lemming Posted October 31, 2021 Posted October 31, 2021 1 minute ago, Gaeta said: I think it's been a while since you were on the dating market? Yes... almost 10 years, but I would still have a plan and a backup plan (if I asked a woman out).
Author Gaeta Posted October 31, 2021 Author Posted October 31, 2021 3 minutes ago, Alvi said: What do you mean he wants to "change his mind?" It seems like you are his plan B. Plan A didn't pan out so on to the next, lol. But than again, we might always be someone's plan B, C or D without even realizing it. He said this weekend he was studying for an exam tomorrow and now he needs to change his mind, big blah. I am sure he was not studying last night. This guy put in minimal effort into keeping up with me this week.
Alpacalia Posted October 31, 2021 Posted October 31, 2021 I've always done dinners too for a first date. But I haven't been on a lot of OLD dates so maybe the coffee date is more of an OLD thing?
Alvi Posted October 31, 2021 Posted October 31, 2021 30 minutes ago, Gaeta said: There was this one guy we hit it off real good, I liked his personality, his witt, his talents and last minute he told me he doesn't drive, never did. I dropped him instantly, now I kind of regret, but realistically, I'm afraid his funny wouldn't suffice after a while driving him around. Not that it would help you in any way but some people might not be driving due to a health reason or to some meds that they take. I met one guy who told me that he doesn't have a license because he has epilepsy. At one point, when I was in my early 30th, I had to stop driving for almost a year. I was taking meds for my health condition. They were making me very unfocused. I got off them eventually, but hey, I didn't have much choice but to take them at that time.
Happy Lemming Posted October 31, 2021 Posted October 31, 2021 4 minutes ago, Alvi said: Happy Lemmings, you seem to understand how women think. Wish more guys had a similar mindset. But the majority of guys that I've encountered though on-line dating are just lazy, not that interested and/or are suffering from the grass is greener on the other side syndrome. I learned (early on) that for a woman to say "yes" to a date, then to a second date, etc. etc.. The date has to be something fun or interesting or both. And guys, have a plan ready... Date, place, time and activity, it doesn't hurt to have a backup plan, if she doesn't like the first idea. Now... if she shoots down my first idea and my backup plan, I'll ask her for some suggestions so I can plan a date that she might like. If she offers no suggestions, then I'll assume she really doesn't want to go out with me and I'll remove my "hat from the ring". 1
Author Gaeta Posted October 31, 2021 Author Posted October 31, 2021 7 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said: Yes... almost 10 years, but I would still have a plan and a backup plan (if I asked a woman out). I imagine your presence online would be to find a relationship so your efforts would demonstrate that. I feel very little men in my age range are interested in a relationship, they talk to women till one request low efforts. 1
Author Gaeta Posted October 31, 2021 Author Posted October 31, 2021 3 minutes ago, Alvi said: Not that it would help you in any way but some people might not be driving due to a health reason or to some meds that they take. I met one guy who told me that he doesn't have a license because he has epilepsy. At one point, when I was in my early 30th, I had to stop driving for almost a year. I was taking meds for my health condition. They were making me very unfocused. I got off them eventually, but hey, I didn't have much choice but to take them at that time. I really liked him so I asked all the questions and no, it was not a health reason, I even asked him if he would be willing to at least get his driver's license and his answer was vague. He said he was married 15+ years and his wife never mind. I have a hard time beleiving a woman would have no issue going through life, marriage, parenthood all the while being the sole driver in the family. He was disappointed I dropped him, I was disappointed to.
Author Gaeta Posted October 31, 2021 Author Posted October 31, 2021 5 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said: The date has to be something fun or interesting or both. I only want to go for coffee or a walk for a first date. I've had dinner invitations before and I always decline them. You've seen the amount of weirdos I'm meeting, I would not want to be stuck with them in a restaurant. I also find 'eating at a restaurant' restrictive. I perfer a walk where our movements are free, easier to express and see each other's personality.
Weezy1973 Posted October 31, 2021 Posted October 31, 2021 3 minutes ago, Gaeta said: I only want to go for coffee or a walk for a first date. I've had dinner invitations before and I always decline them. Yes, with OLD this is definitely the way to go. First in person meeting is short and casual. Meet for a drink or a coffee to see if there’s potential. Then if both want to meet again, you have a proper date. Women who insist on a dinner date on a first meet are just looking for a free meal in my opinion. Considering the vast majority of people you meet from OLD are “one and dones”. 1
Weezy1973 Posted October 31, 2021 Posted October 31, 2021 28 minutes ago, Alvi said: . But the majority of guys that I've encountered though on-line dating are just lazy, not that interested and/or are suffering from the grass is greener on the other side syndrome. This is a symptom of aspirational dating which is really prevalent with OLD. Both men and women are most attracted to people slightly out of their league. So it could be “grass is greener” syndrome, but it also could be he has better options hence the laziness. Both are symptoms of aspirational dating (first one him, second one you).
Girl Fade Away Posted October 31, 2021 Posted October 31, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, Gaeta said: Just got a text from someone else I was exchanging with. It's 11h and he wants to 'change his mind' by grabbing a coffee with me tonight (first meeting)....... I told him *last minute invitation on holloween night, that's your big plan to meet me?* and I blocked him. Hello @GaetaI just mentioned you on another thread by @babybrowns, similar situations. I will say same thing to you, feel free to be as picky and choosy as you like, as women we seem to have a sixth sense about these things. However, a man inviting me to meet (first meet) the day of would have been fine with me, it's just a first meet, not a big elaborate date, and Halloween is a fun night too! But if you didn't like him, it was certainly your right to block him. Edited October 31, 2021 by Girl Fade Away
Author Gaeta Posted October 31, 2021 Author Posted October 31, 2021 1 minute ago, Girl Fade Away said: However, a man inviting me to meet the day of would have been fine with me, it's just a first meet, not a big elaborate date, and Halloween is a fun night too! But if you didn't like him, it was certainly your right to block him. I would have accepted that invitation under different circumstances, like a great connection, stimulating conversations and such. This guy interest in me was ' I was his type of woman'. He sent me 1 text a day for the 'form' without ever getting into a conversation. When we spoke on the phone Friday and he told me *I was REALLY his type* I said to him I don't get out of the comfort of my home to meet a man because he finds me 'his type'. I need more than that. He said 'of course'. But his actions didn't follow his words. I am so choosy right now, I'll probably remain single.
Girl Fade Away Posted October 31, 2021 Posted October 31, 2021 (edited) 27 minutes ago, Gaeta said: I would have accepted that invitation under different circumstances, like a great connection, stimulating conversations and such. This guy interest in me was ' I was his type of woman'. He sent me 1 text a day for the 'form' without ever getting into a conversation. When we spoke on the phone Friday and he told me *I was REALLY his type* I said to him I don't get out of the comfort of my home to meet a man because he finds me 'his type'. I need more than that. He said 'of course'. But his actions didn't follow his words. I am so choosy right now, I'll probably remain single. Emboldened paragraph, it is certainly your right to next a man you are not 'feeling it" with, whether on line or IRL. I am the same! However, I will ask you same question you asked @babybrowns, how much interest are you needing a man to have prior to the first meet? He told you that you were his type, what more did you need from him w/r/t indicating interest? You had not even met yet. Edited October 31, 2021 by Girl Fade Away 1
Author Gaeta Posted October 31, 2021 Author Posted October 31, 2021 2 minutes ago, Girl Fade Away said: Emboldened paragraph, it is certainly your right to next a man you are not 'feeling it" with, whether on line or IRL. I am the same! However, I will ask you same question you asked @babybrowns, how much interest are you needing a man to have prior to the first meet? He told you that you were his type, what more did you need from him w/r/t indicating interest? You had not even met yet. Babybrown's guy made conversation with her. She felt the conversations were not about her but he still made an effort to converse with her. When my guy said *I was his type of woman* he refered to my curves, it was only about my physique. He did not inquire about anything else and he never voluntered anything about him. When a man talks with me and after a conversation he says 'you're my type of woman' at least it's based on some of my character as well. This guy here, when he called me, first thing he said 'you really are my type of woman' refering to my pictures. MEH! Contrary to Babybrowns I know exactly the level of attention I need and when I don't get it I move to next. That's why I was asking BB what type of attention she needs from a man she never met. When you know, you don't waste your time. I also felt her man gave her attention but nervousness may have interfered why he sounded self-centered. 1
Girl Fade Away Posted October 31, 2021 Posted October 31, 2021 1 minute ago, Gaeta said: Babybrown's guy made conversation with her. She felt the conversations were not about her but he still made an effort to converse with her. When my guy said *I was his type of woman* he refered to my curves, it was only about my physique. He did not inquire about anything else and he never voluntered anything about him. When a man talks with me and after a conversation he says 'you're my type of woman' at least it's based on some of my character as well. This guy here, when he called me, first thing he said 'you really are my type of woman' refering to my pictures. MEH! Contrary to Babybrowns I know exactly the level of attention I need and when I don't get it I move to next. That's why I was asking BB what type of attention she needs from a man she never met. When you know, you don't waste your time. I also felt her man gave her attention but nervousness may have interfered why he sounded self-centered. Fair enough, did not realize he was referring to only your physical appearance when saying "you are my type." So thank you for clarifying. Did not mean to put you on defensive, it was confusing. To me. I was always very choosy too, on line is difficult. Good luck. 1
chillii Posted November 2, 2021 Posted November 2, 2021 On 11/1/2021 at 2:12 AM, Alpaca said: I've always done dinners too for a first date. But I haven't been on a lot of OLD dates so maybe the coffee date is more of an OLD thing? But l've read 100 times around LS , more, from women and men. Just make it a coffee when you first meet someone from online encase you don't like them, quick exit. No meals or long situations like that. l'm not after instructions l'm not even single , just sayin l've read that a lot . 1
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