Allupinnit Posted October 21, 2021 Posted October 21, 2021 1 minute ago, Gaeta said: I really want to understand what you mean. Before yesterday's walk we dated for 6 weeks this summer. I had a really good time dating him and everything appeared as if he was genuine. Did I sleep with him? Yes. People usually are intimate by that time. Did I close my eyes on red flags? No, until the day he suggested I help him with money I had no reasons to doubt him. Did I give him 100% my trust? Of course not. It seems you have it figured out, then. I don't wish to argue with you or make you feel badly about yourself. Your experiences seem to mirror those of most of the women I know who use online dating.
Author Gaeta Posted October 21, 2021 Author Posted October 21, 2021 4 minutes ago, poppyfields said: It was because of the perception many men have when a 50+ woman advertises herself on line - wealthy, lonely, vulnerable. Thirsty. Please trust me, I don't advertise myself as such. Also right now I have 5 prospects I exchange with, their age are 43-50-51-47-50. Men my age don't message me! I only get messages from men 48 to 53. The only man my age that messaged me was Perv-guy. Men my age are probably all busy chasing younger women. That 43 yo I listed is an accident. He messaged me, I started chatting, he had grey hair and beard, I only saw his age after.
Author Gaeta Posted October 21, 2021 Author Posted October 21, 2021 6 minutes ago, Allupinnit said: It seems you have it figured out, then. I don't wish to argue with you or make you feel badly about yourself. Your experiences seem to mirror those of most of the women I know who use online dating. I am not out to argue with you, I sincerely want to understand. My experiences are not the mirror of most women. My experiences are WORSE than ANY woman I know!! I dare you to find someone that has worse luck than me! 1
poppyfields Posted October 21, 2021 Posted October 21, 2021 (edited) 7 minutes ago, Gaeta said: Please trust me, I don't advertise myself as such. I know you don't. You don't have to, it's the perception some men have by merely being a 50+ woman on line. Anyway, no sense in belaboring the point. Simply be aware, that's all. There IS a lesson to be learned from this G, if you are open to that. All the best moving FORWARD!! Edited October 21, 2021 by poppyfields 2
vla1120 Posted October 21, 2021 Posted October 21, 2021 7 minutes ago, Gaeta said: My experiences are not the mirror of most women. My experiences are WORSE than ANY woman I know!! I dare you to find someone that has worse luck than me! I feel like I could give you a run for your money. 1
Author Gaeta Posted October 21, 2021 Author Posted October 21, 2021 6 minutes ago, poppyfields said: I know you don't. You don't have to, it's the perception some men have by merely being a 50+ woman on line. When did it become so hard *sigh* What is younger? 50 is too young for me? My mom keeps telling me: Get a younger man! you got the looks and the energy! don't bother with an older man that is stuck in his ways blah blah. This 40 year old at the bank was after me and all I heard home was *you go mom!!*. On LS I hear.............you're old, act old, pick old. 1
Allupinnit Posted October 21, 2021 Posted October 21, 2021 33 minutes ago, Gaeta said: When did it become so hard *sigh* What is younger? 50 is too young for me? My mom keeps telling me: Get a younger man! you got the looks and the energy! don't bother with an older man that is stuck in his ways blah blah. This 40 year old at the bank was after me and all I heard home was *you go mom!!*. On LS I hear.............you're old, act old, pick old. The only place this seems to really matter is online. Men filter out women above a certain age in searches so they don't even see women the same age.
poppyfields Posted October 21, 2021 Posted October 21, 2021 (edited) 40 minutes ago, Gaeta said: When did it become so hard *sigh* What is younger? 50 is too young for me? My mom keeps telling me: Get a younger man! you got the looks and the energy! don't bother with an older man that is stuck in his ways blah blah. This 40 year old at the bank was after me and all I heard home was *you go mom!!*. On LS I hear.............you're old, act old, pick old. If you relate to younger men better than 50+ Gaeta, that's OK! I'm just telling you what the perception is "on line" thats all. For some men. Perhaps even many. Meet men in real life, like guy at bank. Take advantage of those opportunities, I do! I post about it often. it is NOT that difficult if you are attractive and look young with a youthful spirit. Be open to it, become approachable, make that effort. Everywhere you go, I met two guys within one hour recently. Elevator and market during a whiskey tasting. Go to meet ups. Talk to people. You have been doing on line for many many years, met over 300 men. Had a LTR with one who turned out to be sociopathic sex addict. Enough is enough. It's not working. Time for a change. Try something different. Stretch yourself, out of comfort zone. Something to consider at least? Edited October 21, 2021 by poppyfields 2
elaine567 Posted October 21, 2021 Posted October 21, 2021 45 minutes ago, poppyfields said: , it's the perception some men have by merely being a 50+ woman on line. I think some men seem to have a let's say "critical" perception of women no matter what decade they fall into. 1
vla1120 Posted October 21, 2021 Posted October 21, 2021 44 minutes ago, Gaeta said: On LS I hear.............you're old, act old, pick old. Love knows no age. You do YOU, Gaeta. We're just a bunch of strangers with opinions formed of our own (bitter) life experiences. 3
poppyfields Posted October 21, 2021 Posted October 21, 2021 4 minutes ago, elaine567 said: I think some men seem to have a let's say "critical" perception of women no matter what decade they fall into. Women on line? Or all women? I assume the former.
elaine567 Posted October 21, 2021 Posted October 21, 2021 6 minutes ago, Allupinnit said: The only place this seems to really matter is online. Men filter out women above a certain age in searches so they don't even see women the same age. IRL they do the same filtering, but not via age in the first instance but how old a woman looks, speaks and acts. Once age is known they will do a second filter. So basically the same thing. Online and IRL if you are too old or look older then you will be filtered out by men to which age is important.. 2
Allupinnit Posted October 21, 2021 Posted October 21, 2021 7 minutes ago, elaine567 said: IRL they do the same filtering, but not via age in the first instance but how old a woman looks, speaks and acts. Once age is known they will do a second filter. So basically the same thing. Online and IRL if you are too old or look older then you will be filtered out by men to which age is important.. Makes me wonder if it's even worth it after a certain age? Seems to become near impossible over 40 (for women).
elaine567 Posted October 21, 2021 Posted October 21, 2021 9 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Women on line? Or all women? I assume the former. All women. There always seems to be some pretty horrible box, some men will find to put a woman into, whatever her age. 2
FMW Posted October 21, 2021 Posted October 21, 2021 I'm 56 and have been divorced 5 years. Sure, there are messed up guys out there, but there are also some pretty great ones. The criteria we use for filtering who we will date and who we won't has a lot to do with our overall experience. I'm not making any judgments on your criteria @Gaeta, i don't know what they are. I'm just trying to steer things back into a more positive direction. I believe in giving people the benefit of the doubt to a certain point (more so than some people), but if you don't cut your losses soon enough you'll get into a negative cycle of thinking bad experiences just happen to you and you have no control. That will make finding the "right" guy even harder. 1
ramen234 Posted October 21, 2021 Posted October 21, 2021 16 hours ago, Gaeta said: I'm back. It's nothing any of you imagined, and nothing I could have ever imagined. He gave me an apology, he said the stress got the best of him and he heard himself say things he would have never imagined and he was not proud of himself. We spoke for a good 2 hours non stop about his life, my life. We did not touch at all. Most his problems are solved, he got a promotion, got a raise with it, got the custody he wanted .....then, he said he needs someone trust worthy to take care of his income tax so he doesn't get in trouble again and if I would take care of that for him, I said no but I can refer him to a firm I trust. At that point I said Why did you invite me over? He said he knew this question would come, he said he asked himself this question and he's not ready for a relationship but would welcome my friendship. I said no, I still have lingering feelings, I cannot be friends. He said he understood and we said our good byes I deleted him. That doesn't make sense if he wants your money or resources he would have complimented you a lot.
Author Gaeta Posted October 21, 2021 Author Posted October 21, 2021 4 minutes ago, FMW said: I believe in giving people the benefit of the doubt to a certain point (more so than some people), but if you don't cut your losses soon enough you'll get into a negative cycle of thinking bad experiences just happen to you and you have no control. That will make finding the "right" guy even harder. I know, I know. I thought I was cutting them out pretty quickly already. I met 15 men this summer and none I gave more than 2 dates. Than this guy I dated 6 weeks but I had no reason to cut him loose until the surprise at the end. Yes I accepted his invitation but that was not a date, and I cut him off after 2 hours. It's not like I'm spending numerous weeks in bad or incompatible relationships. 4
bene Posted October 21, 2021 Posted October 21, 2021 5 hours ago, Gaeta said: All this none sense? I did not put up with none sense. The 6 weeks we dated he was a perfect gentleman. What attracted me was exactly that, he was a gentleman, kind, polite, helpful, interested in me, caring, funny, affectionate. Maybe I mixed something up. I thought he was the one making crude remarks that made you uncomfortable. Anyhow, he’s history now, onward and upward!
Author Gaeta Posted October 21, 2021 Author Posted October 21, 2021 22 minutes ago, bene said: Maybe I mixed something up. I thought he was the one making crude remarks that made you uncomfortable. Anyhow, he’s history now, onward and upward! haha, the crude remarks guy has been gone for a while. When you follow my dating you have to have a pen and paper handy to keep track 1 1
Weezy1973 Posted October 21, 2021 Posted October 21, 2021 4 hours ago, poppyfields said: Not all men obviously but enough that you should be aware and not allow yourself to get swept up in all that early "bliss." Not getting swept up in the early stage “bliss” is good advice regardless of demographic. A couple things - time is your friend when dating. Gaeta dated this guy, liked him, but never made any kind of commitment or anything. It was 6 weeks and then he asked for money and she said no and he broke up with her. When he contacted her again, he was a better prospect than the others she’s been interacting with, so she agreed to meet him again. And now it’s over completely. This was a very small event as far as dating goes. And nobody really knows what’s going on with this guy. It’s all speculation at this point. It’s possible he was desperate, asked her for money, was embarrassed and realized he was in no place to date so ended things. And then reconnected because he legitimately was seeking help with his finances and knows Gaeta works in finance. Who knows? Not me that’s for sure… But none of this is some major lack of judgment on Gaeta’s part. Nothing happened. It was short term, ended. Upwards and onwards. 2
poppyfields Posted October 21, 2021 Posted October 21, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, Gaeta said: I know, I know. I thought I was cutting them out pretty quickly already. I met 15 men this summer and none I gave more than 2 dates. Than this guy I dated 6 weeks but I had no reason to cut him loose until the surprise at the end. Yes I accepted his invitation but that was not a date, and I cut him off after 2 hours. It's not like I'm spending numerous weeks in bad or incompatible relationships. Bolded, keep in mind that's your perception which may have clouded by the chemistry you felt and all that "bliss." You did not post about him much once you began dating him, but if you had and mentioned some of things he had been doing/saying, it's possible many of us might have noticed some "flags" that you missed because as you admit, you were quite caught up in all that bliss. For example: >>Him supporting and reassuring me during my fathers heart surgery. I don't know the timing, but this is a bit over the top given you had just started dating. At 6 weeks (or less, again I don't know the timing), personally I would not have involved a new man in a private family situation like that. I am not sure if I would have even mentioned it. I certainly would not have felt comfortable accepting all his support and reassurance. It's too much, too soon. Seems contrived and disingenuous (to me). In retrospect, do you believe his concern was genuine and sincere? Anyway, it's all water under the bridge now. Lesson learned. Slow down no matter how intoxicating the chemistry. Get to know him a bit first before getting swept up in the bliss. Develop TRUST. He may have sensed your attachment and as such felt the timing was right to hit you up for the money. I am speculating but it's possible and just some things to consider going forward. Edited October 21, 2021 by poppyfields 1
Author Gaeta Posted October 21, 2021 Author Posted October 21, 2021 (edited) 27 minutes ago, poppyfields said: You did not post about him much once you began dating him, >>Him supporting and reassuring me during my fathers heart surgery. I did not post much because there was nothing to report. When I date and something annoys me I am pretty quick to post to ask people's take on it. As for him being supportive during my father's surgery it's nothing like you imagine. He was just good at keeping up with what was going on, asked how was dad's progress, I did a lot of driving on weekends because my father was being operated 3 hours away so Romeo called me while I was driving to keep me company a bit, sometimes to keep me awake I had to drive late at night a few times. He would check my route and let me know what was ahead. When I drove 6 hours in a day just to spend 1 hour with my father, he made sure I did not drive to get to him, etc. His support had nothing to do with my emotions toward the situation. He would say things like he won't be able to sleep while I'm driving so to make sure to let him know when I arrived, etc. Edited October 21, 2021 by Gaeta 1
poppyfields Posted October 21, 2021 Posted October 21, 2021 12 minutes ago, Gaeta said: I did not post much because there was nothing to report. When I date and something annoys me I am pretty quick to post to ask people's take on it. As for him being supportive during my father's surgery it's nothing like you imagine. He was just good at keeping up with what was going on, asked how was dad's progress, I did a lot of driving on weekends because my father was being operated 3 hours away so Romeo called me while I was driving to keep me company a bit, sometimes to keep me awake I had to drive late at night a few times. He would check my route and let me know what was ahead. When I drove 6 hours in a day just to spend 1 hour with my father, he made sure I did not drive to get to him, etc. His support had nothing to do with my emotions toward the situation. He would say things like he won't be able to sleep while I'm driving so to make sure to let him know when I arrived, etc. Okay fair enough. Weird though, because he seemed thoughtful and nice. Not too over the top, not doing anything overtly to "sweep you off your feet" or anything like that. I don't blame you for your confusion. You are are strong woman G, I am too but I don't think I would be able to maintain my composure and positive attitude had I experienced even a fraction of what you do. Kudos to you for maintaining a positive spirit! Doesn't seem fair, but your "prince" will come (to quote Disney which I shouldn't because I don't believe in all that)... but anyway.... Keep the faith!! 1
Weezy1973 Posted October 21, 2021 Posted October 21, 2021 4 hours ago, Allupinnit said: Makes me wonder if it's even worth it after a certain age? Seems to become near impossible over 40 (for women). I’d say mid 30s to late 40s are likely the toughest for women. Once you get past the age where men are still considering having kids things even out again.
Weezy1973 Posted October 21, 2021 Posted October 21, 2021 (edited) 5 hours ago, Gaeta said: My experiences are not the mirror of most women. My experiences are WORSE than ANY woman I know!! I dare you to find someone that has worse luck than me! I remember the last epic OLD run you went on (before you met your ex) it was pointed out multiple times that your picker is “off”. That being said, it seems to me like you’ve recalibrated in this round and have a very level head about the whole thing. The fact that this Romeo ordeal doesn’t seem to be fazing you (and it shouldn’t) is a great sign. Edited October 21, 2021 by Weezy1973 2
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