Absence of compliments

[glows]

His personal situation doesn't bespeak of someone who is in a place to date. I think stress as he put it is an understatement. It's good that his situation is improving so wish him all the best from your heart and say goodbye as you did. You had questions. They are answered. You're strong enough to walk away and that's what matters. Brush yourself off and move forward.

[Agentra]

Sorry you had to deal with that.. At least now you have your closure, which is "the fool has a screw loose"

PS! Happy belated birthday. 

[Calmandfocused]

I’m sorry you went through this Gaeta however now you know for certain that he did indeed have a game plan. 
 

He came back to you because he wanted something from you. For him! It’s all about him! 
 

What a selfish man! Utterly and completely. 
 

If he was thinking about you in any way he would have left you alone, knowing that you want a relationship and he can’t give you that to you. 
 

instead he’s compelled to contact you to do his tax returns??? What a joke! 
 

Good riddance. He wasn’t worthy of you. At all! 

[Wiseman2]

It's best not to hunt at the damaged goods bargain table looking for high quality stuff.

Don't recycle bad matches. Delete and block are your friends after it's determined someone is not a match.

Move forward, not backwards.

[elaine567]

 I get it, you needed to null and void "the dumping" for your ego..
He was either supposed to want you back and you would decide yay or nay, or you were supposed to realise he wasn't all that and get rid.
Either way you would do the choosing...
Get back together or dispose of him.
BUT he didn't want you back, he wanted you to sort out his tax... and that is not great for the ego.

The mistake was assuming that you, as the dumpee, were in control.
The dumpee is never in control. He, as the dumper was holding the cards. It was his choice to make and he didn't choose you.
Not only were you once dumped unceremoniously by this man, now you have been dumped twice unceremoniously by this man.
Your ego let you down here..

Edited October 21, 2021 by elaine567

[Gaeta]

26 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

Not only were you once dumped unceremoniously by this man, now you have been dumped twice unceremoniously by this man.
Your ego let you down here..

I prefer an ego bitten down twice but in peace, than an ego that continues wondering. I don't regret that second beating down at all. The peace i'm feeling right now is priceless.

[Calmandfocused]

39 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

 I get it, you needed to null and void "the dumping" for your ego..
He was either supposed to want you back and you would decide yay or nay, or you were supposed to realise he wasn't all that and get rid.
Either way you would do the choosing...
Get back together or dispose of him.
BUT he didn't want you back, he wanted you to sort out his tax... and that is not great for the ego.

The mistake was assuming that you, as the dumpee, were in control.
The dumpee is never in control. He, as the dumper was holding the cards. It was his choice to make and he didn't choose you.
Not only were you once dumped unceremoniously by this man, now you have been dumped twice unceremoniously by this man.
Your ego let you down here..

I usually agree with you Elaine but not this time. 
 

He “offered” Gaeta a booby prize which she threw right back at him. 
 

That’s great for the ego and shows high self respect. 
 

He probably thought Gaeta would accept any breadcrumb he threw her way. The fool. 
 

I don’t agree that Gaeta should have met him but nevertheless she walks away with her head held high. 

[Weezy1973]

44 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

I prefer an ego bitten down twice but in peace, than an ego that continues wondering. I don't regret that second beating down at all. The peace i'm feeling right now is priceless.

Yes. And it’s just part of OLD. Many false starts. I would caution in general about dating people that are at low points in their lives. You may hold their interest while their confidence is shot, but when their lives improve and their confidence goes up do they stick around? 
 

Regardless, next! Always more prospects  on the horizon…

[bene]

I’m curious, is he some sort of Greek god that you put up with all this nonsense? You don’t strike me as naive and easily fooled. So what was the allure of this guy to begin with?

[Gaeta]

1 hour ago, bene said:

I’m curious, is he some sort of Greek god that you put up with all this nonsense? You don’t strike me as naive and easily fooled. So what was the allure of this guy to begin with?

All this none sense? I did not put up with none sense. The 6 weeks we dated he was a perfect gentleman. What attracted me was exactly that, he was a gentleman, kind, polite, helpful, interested in me, caring, funny, affectionate. 

[poppyfields]

3 hours ago, Gaeta said:

I prefer an ego bitten down twice but in peace, than an ego that continues wondering. I don't regret that second beating down at all. The peace i'm feeling right now is priceless.

G, I'm confused about what you were wondering about after the first dumping? 

He hit you up for money, then dumped when you refused, what was there to wonder about? 

Serious question.

I AM very glad you feel a sense of peace now though. 

 

Edited October 21, 2021 by poppyfields

[Allupinnit]

Glad you have your closure but honestly I'm wondering why you went at all.  Only to be humiliated and let down once again.  I'm sure you had hopes of what was going to go down, you defended him here like, "oh but men can change their mind." 

You would have taken him back in a heartbeat if he had wanted that, regardless of asking you for money and dumping you over text so shamelessly.  Just be honest with yourself.  That's why you went. 

THAT is the part of yourself that you need to address.  You entertain fools.

 

[Gaeta]

4 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

He hit you up for money, then dumped when you refused, what was there to wonder about? 

The 6 weeks of blissfulness. Him supporting and reassuring me during my fathers heart surgery. The way he cared, his presence & kindness, I felt a real connection and then BOOM! But the <boom> does not cancel right away the feelings you've been building up. I was not 'blinded' by him, after all I said 'no', but the build up of affection was there. 

[Gaeta]

2 minutes ago, Allupinnit said:

Glad you have your closure but honestly I'm wondering why you went at all.  Only to be humiliated and let down once again. 

I was not humiliated. 

Actually he's the one who should feel humiliated. He lured me in with confidence, he thought he could use me. I said no to helping him with his papers, and I said no to his friendship. He lost. 

[poppyfields]

8 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

The 6 weeks of blissfulness. Him supporting and reassuring me during my fathers heart surgery. The way he cared, his presence & kindness, I felt a real connection and then BOOM! But the <boom> does not cancel right away the feelings you've been building up. I was not 'blinded' by him, after all I said 'no', but the build up of affection was there. 

Ah, OK, I understand.

So, given what went down yesterday, what are your thoughts now pertaining to those blissful 6 weeks?

Guy full of *?  Disingenuous, pretending?  

Because as I said earlier, men like him whose ultimate purpose is to swindle a woman, are extremely seductive, and very skilled. 

You didn't fall for his bs, you should feel proud for that!!

You didn't allow him to use you.  You maintained your dignity and your money. 

 

Edited October 21, 2021 by poppyfields

[poppyfields]

6 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

I said no to helping him with his papers, and I said no to his friendship. He lost. 

He never wanted a friendship Gaeta.

He reached out again because he wanted something from you.

He's a user and a taker. 

[Allupinnit]

5 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

I was not humiliated. 

Actually he's the one who should feel humiliated. He lured me in with confidence, he thought he could use me. I said no to helping him with his papers, and I said no to his friendship. He lost. 

You don't want to be his friend because you're in love with him.

Were you sleeping with him the whole time?  Over six short weeks?  I don't think he's humiliated at all he probably has several women on the take, he's a user.  He used his family.  You KNEW all of this about him, but you still went, eager to patch things up with him. 

I'm not sure you just can't be honest with yourself.  Why did he think you could help him with his taxes?  You claimed over and over that his ex wife was a physician so why all of the money troubles, asking for help from strange, unsuspecting women he meets online?  That's not weird to you?

[Gaeta]

2 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

He never wanted a friendship Gaeta.

He reached out again because he wanted something from you.

He's a user and a taker. 

I agree, he did not want a friendship, not a real friendship anyway. It was just a way of keeping me around to use me in other ways when needed. 

Yes the 6 weeks of blissfulness were not sincere on his part. It was well thought out on his part, he had a plan.  

 

[Gaeta]

5 minutes ago, Allupinnit said:

You don't want to be his friend because you're in love with him.

Were you sleeping with him the whole time?  Over six short weeks?  I don't think he's humiliated at all he probably has several women on the take, he's a user.  He used his family.  You KNEW all of this about him, but you still went, eager to patch things up with him. 

I'm not sure you just can't be honest with yourself.  Why did he think you could help him with his taxes?  You claimed over and over that his ex wife was a physician so why all of the money troubles, asking for help from strange, unsuspecting women he meets online?  That's not weird to you?

Would you like I hand you a bat so you can hit me on the head harder?

I don't need anymore convincing he's a bad person. I agree. 

 

[Happy Lemming]

8 hours ago, glows said:

His personal situation doesn't bespeak of someone who is in a place to date.

To add to this... I'm just curious why he is on a dating site and actively dating (to begin with)??

Is he looking for a "mark" to scam money from?? Is he looking for an accountant, who will assist him for free?? What is his deal??

Clearly, he could have continued to date @Gaeta and have sex with her (if that was his agenda), but he dumped her after she refused to help him financially.

His actions don't seem to line up with someone who wants to date a nice woman and have a normal relationship.

[Allupinnit]

7 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Would you like I hand you a bat so you can hit me on the head harder?

I don't need anymore convincing he's a bad person. I agree. 

 

No!  I am sorry that I am coming down hard on you but @Gaeta you have to take some responsibility for your love life.  This didn't "just happen" to you, you chose it and willingly walked into it.  THAT is what I'm trying to get you to see.  How many of these non-starters where you hand over your body, your heart and your precious time are you going to put yourself through?  You're not an endless supply.

It takes TIME to get to know someone for who they really are, people can pretend to be ANYONE for a month, especially with online dating.  Slow and steady.  

[Gaeta]

1 minute ago, Allupinnit said:

No!  I am sorry that I am coming down hard on you but @Gaeta you have to take some responsibility for your love life.  This didn't "just happen" to you, you chose it and willingly walked into it. 

I did not walk into anything. He contacted me, I went to meet him, I did not sleep with him, we did not touch. He asked for things, I refused, came back home and deleted him. A blind woman would have taken his paperwork, use his friendship offer to remain in his circle in the hope to rekindle the relationship. I don't do that. 

If you follow me you know I don't fall easily. One date, two dates and I am usually out. This one played a good game, a really good game but luckily I was grounded enough to say <no> 3 times to him. 

[Allupinnit]

I'm talking about before yesterday's walk.  

But, if the way you're dating is working for you, then carry on.  You seem to be satisfied so who am I to say.

 

[poppyfields]

I hate to make this point, again, but the reason he (a hot, sexy younger man) thought he might be able to swindle and use you was not because of anything you did or said, or any sort of vulnerability or naivete he sensed from you. 

It was because of the perception many men have when a 50+ woman advertises herself on line - wealthy, lonely, vulnerable.  Thirsty.

Please don't ignore this harsh reality G, it's very real. I have heard this from men themselves and read stories about it happening.

Like Dirty John, which is just one example, but there are hundreds more.

Not all men obviously but enough that you should be aware and not allow yourself to get swept up in all that early "bliss."

From what you described, it was too much G, too over the top.

I know as women we like to believe we are "special" and on one hand that's good, to love yourself and have that confidence.

But on the other hand, none of us are really all that "special," and it's important to see ourselves realistically.

I do.  I'm not sure I would have fallen for his seductive charms.

He probably would not have hit me up anyway though as I don't fall into the demographic of women he is searching for as stated above. 

 

 

 

 

Edited October 21, 2021 by poppyfields

[Gaeta]

13 minutes ago, Allupinnit said:

I'm talking about before yesterday's walk.  

 

I really want to understand what you mean. 

Before yesterday's walk we dated for 6 weeks this summer. I had a really good time dating him and everything appeared as if he was genuine. Did I sleep with him? Yes. People usually are intimate by that time. Did I close my eyes on red flags? No, until the day he suggested I help him with money I had no reasons to doubt him. Did I give him 100% my trust? Of course not.