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Saturday night crying

mortensorchid

By mortensorchid
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Trail Blazer Established Member

Trail Blazer

Posted
Posted
10 hours ago, Mrin said:

That she is. 😊 While this has been a lesson in tolerance and acceptance it has also clued me into something else. Just because a person has abhorrent political political beliefs (to me) doesn't mean they are a bad person or a person I wouldn't want to be around. That's an interesting distinction because I think too often we think that certain beliefs automatically mean a person is somehow bad or incompatible. 

After a while you kind of forget. We were at a bar getting some chips and queso the other day after hiking. The TV was on in the corner over my shoulder. She does this nod thing at it and says, "God I love that woman". I turn around and Margorie Taylor Green was on it. Pretty much choked to death on the chips I was scarfing down. By the time I regained my composure, I looked at her and croaked, "omg don't say things like that. I won't be able to F you for a week now until I forget that you said that" Kidding/notkidding

It would be interesting to see how you'd feel if your girlfriend were to start sharing her political beliefs with others and those beliefs, essentially an espousal of far-right conspiracy theories, were shot down by others whose views align with yours. 

How would you reconcile justifying defending her?  If she felt attacked because her views drew the ire of those around her, and those individuals were letting her know how they felt about people who harbor such views?  It is hard to seperate someone's political views from their personal beliefs.

The same rings true for @mortensorchid's date, I would say.  He finds Trump to be a reprehensible creature, and thus cannot make a distinction between the man himself and his ardent followers as seperate entities.  In his mind, they're one and the same.  The ultimate deal-breaker.

P.S. I cannot stand that woman! 

  • Like 1
Ami1uwant Established Member

Ami1uwant

Posted
Posted
14 hours ago, Mrin said:

That she is. 😊 While this has been a lesson in tolerance and acceptance it has also clued me into something else. Just because a person has abhorrent political political beliefs (to me) doesn't mean they are a bad person or a person I wouldn't want to be around. That's an interesting distinction because I think too often we think that certain beliefs automatically mean a person is somehow bad or incompatible. 

After a while you kind of forget. We were at a bar getting some chips and queso the other day after hiking. The TV was on in the corner over my shoulder. She does this nod thing at it and says, "God I love that woman". I turn around and Margorie Taylor Green was on it. Pretty much choked to death on the chips I was scarfing down. By the time I regained my composure, I looked at her and croaked, "omg don't say things like that. I won't be able to F you for a week now until I forget that you said that" Kidding/notkidding

30 years ago ( at least where I grew up) there were political differences but they weren’t extremely different.  People can easily socialize with people who were different politically.  A friend of mine from college and a friend since high school were pro business republicans but they were not on things on democratic social policy.  There are some other peop,e I’ve known who were more religious.

 

in early relationships I had were with more Republican leaning then. On my mother’s side of the family most would identify as Republican then.

 

in the last 20 years things have changed.

Now you are getting more tribalism and very different versions of reality.

 

it’s one thing to disagree on some environmental regulations and policy.  It’s another to not even acknowledge the problem even exists.

 

With Covid people refuse to get vaxxed thinking it’s fake et all.  You can have a debate about what to do if you both agree that it even exists and vax is needed.

 

overal politically things have grown apart. 3

0 years ago political views followed a bell curve. Not it’s split into a bi nodal curve like looking down at a womans breasts where you have 2separate peaks.

these political views now are critical in a live in relationship and for some it even affects friendship. On social media peop,e have dropped friends because of far out beliefs.

 

 

 

  • Like 2
Shining One Established Member

Shining One

Posted
Posted
5 hours ago, elaine567 said:

The crying part was more about disappointment than being emotionally invested in this guy.

While she may not have been emotionally invested in the guy, she was emotionally invested in the outcome. I get it, being stood up sucks. I admit it took a lot of willpower to not show my disappointment the first dozen or so times it happened to me. I learned to deal with it and the OP would be well served to do the same.

  • Like 1
poppyfields Established Member

poppyfields

Posted
Posted (edited)

>>If he finds Trump to be a reprehensible creature, and thus cannot make a distinction between the man himself and his ardent followers as seperate entities.  In his mind, they're one and the same.  The ultimate deal-breaker.<<

__^^

Someone who feels that strongly about it should have that in their OLD profile.

No Trump supporters.  

Or ask about their political views prior to scheduling a date. 

I mean what happened here was ridiculous.

I am inclined to think he used it as an excuse because something better came along. 

I'm sorry Mort. :classic_sad:

Edited by poppyfields
  • Like 2
Woggle Established Member

Woggle

Posted
Posted
17 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

>>If he finds Trump to be a reprehensible creature, and thus cannot make a distinction between the man himself and his ardent followers as seperate entities.  In his mind, they're one and the same.  The ultimate deal-breaker.<<

__^^

Someone who feels that strongly about it should have that in their OLD profile.

No Trump supporters.  

Or ask about their political views prior to scheduling a date. 

I mean what happened here was ridiculous.

I am inclined to think he used it as an excuse because something better came along. 

I'm sorry Mort. :classic_sad:

I actually believe he was sincere. Some of these anti-Trump or anti-conservative types can't have anything other than contempt for those they disagree with. My sister in law is Trump supporter who is married to a Trump hater and he is verbally abusive and degrading towards her because of it all while going on and on about what a woke ally of women he is. When I look at that the OP might have dodged a bullet.

poppyfields Established Member

poppyfields

Posted
Posted (edited)
21 minutes ago, Woggle said:

I actually believe he was sincere. Some of these anti-Trump or anti-conservative types can't have anything other than contempt for those they disagree with. My sister in law is Trump supporter who is married to a Trump hater and he is verbally abusive and degrading towards her because of it all while going on and on about what a woke ally of women he is. When I look at that the OP might have dodged a bullet.

Ok, but again, since he feels THAT strongly about it (and I contend many people do), why wait until the last minute, when mort was there waiting, to tell her?

Surely since they met on FB, he would have discovered this info (which was on her FB) prior to even scheduling the date!  

That was my question.

Someone with such strong political beliefs would never have taken it as far as he did.  They would have either asked her political views or scoped her FB earlier for the info. 

But suddenly, right at the time they're supposed to meet, when mort is there waiting, he discovers on her FB (where they met) she'a a Trump supporter and rudely breaks the date? 

Makes no sense.  Not buying it.

A more attractive offer presented itself last minute and he decided to go with that. 

The Trump thing was a convenient excuse. 

Just my take. 

Edited by poppyfields
  • Like 1
poppyfields Established Member

poppyfields

Posted
Posted

Something else to consider is that it's possible he struggles with social anxiety, and while he enjoyed chatting with Mort on FB, right before the date, he became overly anxious and broke it. 

There are many people like this, which accounts for all the flakiness we see happening on line.

I mean the guy was angry!  Almost like he was in a panic!

Which very much points to anxiety of some sort. 

Just thinking outside the box, things are not always so black and white, and are often not what they appear to be at first blush. 

 

  • Like 1
Snow_Queen Established Member

Snow_Queen

Posted
Posted

I believe he did what a lot of people do: he liked what he saw and focused on that. I always notated I was a single mom on my dating profile. When the kid topic came up, many responses were angry, as if I had been trying to pull a fast one. He did not do enough research here. He wasted your time when it could have been easily avoided.

  • Like 2
mark clemson Established Member

mark clemson

Posted
Posted

JMO, but I think there something to be said for:

A) if you're relatively moderate, NOT putting up political or other potentially polarizing stuff on a profile to avoid driving folks off, BUT

B) if you've got very strong feelings about certain large categories of folks, in that case indicating as much to avoid misunderstandings, wasting other's time, connecting with the wrong people for you, etc, etc.

  • Like 1
Amanda92 Established Member

Amanda92

Posted
Posted

I'm very sorry for you. He is a jerk indeed, but am I the only person who is surprised that people dress so pretty for the first meeting? I think the first one doesn't have to be that official and we should show the real ourselves.

notbroken Established Member

notbroken

Posted
Posted

You 'dodged a bullet'.  He showed just how tolerant he was of any opinion that wasn't his.  Sadly this is all too common these days.   You are lucky to have found this out so early.   Next.

  • Like 1
Blind-Sided Established Member

Blind-Sided

Posted
Posted
22 hours ago, mortensorchid said:

1) Yes there is!  There is one place near me that does, it has been open since the 1930s and in those days it served peanut butter on hamburgers and still does!  I just discovered it a while ago and it's strange yet so so tasty.  And if you can't get it from the restaurant itself, bring it home and put peanut butter on it yourself.

Over the years, I think I've figured out that we live relatively close.  What's the name of the place... I have to try this.  LOL

Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

Posted
Posted (edited)

Are you guys talking about triple xxx. Yay Midwesterners. 

Edited by Cookiesandough
Trail Blazer Established Member

Trail Blazer

Posted
Posted
21 hours ago, poppyfields said:

>>If he finds Trump to be a reprehensible creature, and thus cannot make a distinction between the man himself and his ardent followers as seperate entities.  In his mind, they're one and the same.  The ultimate deal-breaker.<<

__^^

Someone who feels that strongly about it should have that in their OLD profile.

No Trump supporters.  

Or ask about their political views prior to scheduling a date. 

I mean what happened here was ridiculous.

I am inclined to think he used it as an excuse because something better came along. 

I'm sorry Mort. :classic_sad:

I agree.  Put it in your profile if you feel that strongly about it.  What this guy did wasn't the right way of going about things.  He felt emboldened by his convictions and lost his empathy in the process.

Trail Blazer Established Member

Trail Blazer

Posted
Posted
20 hours ago, poppyfields said:

Something else to consider is that it's possible he struggles with social anxiety, and while he enjoyed chatting with Mort on FB, right before the date, he became overly anxious and broke it. 

There are many people like this, which accounts for all the flakiness we see happening on line.

I mean the guy was angry!  Almost like he was in a panic!

Which very much points to anxiety of some sort. 

Just thinking outside the box, things are not always so black and white, and are often not what they appear to be at first blush. 

 

Anything is possible, but I doubt it.  I wouldn't be looking to make excuses for such behavior.  People need to own their actions.  

  • Like 2
poppyfields Established Member

poppyfields

Posted
Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, Trail Blazer said:

Anything is possible, but I doubt it.  I wouldn't be looking to make excuses for such behavior.  People need to own their actions.  

I agree people should own they sh*t, my only point really was this bozo had ample time to discover she was a Trump supporter, again it was on her FB and they met on FB!

But yet he waits till the time of the date to suddenly search her FB?

I dunno, you are all probably right, I just find that odd and thought he may have used as an excuse to not show up.

For whatever reasons, people have all sorts of excuses when they don't want to be somewhere. 

But y'all are probably right. In any event, bullet dodged! 

Consider it a blessing of sorts. 

Edited by poppyfields
Crazelnut Established Member

Crazelnut

Posted
Posted

You are seriously overreacting to be dumped by somebody you never even went out with. 

  • Like 4
skins33 Member

skins33

Posted
Posted

The guy sounds a bit hysterical. He's probably a blue-anon type who thinks that you are part of a cabal to bring down the United States government, and are being watched by the FBI. It's possible that he's looking out behind his curtains as we speak.

You obviously aren't responsible for a random guy's silly behaviour. No one is (except maybe CNN). May he find peace.

  • Like 1
Angelle Established Member

Angelle

Posted
Posted (edited)
On 8/31/2021 at 7:09 PM, Mrin said:

That she is. 😊 While this has been a lesson in tolerance and acceptance it has also clued me into something else. Just because a person has abhorrent political political beliefs (to me) doesn't mean they are a bad person or a person I wouldn't want to be around. That's an interesting distinction because I think too often we think that certain beliefs automatically mean a person is somehow bad or incompatible. 

After a while you kind of forget. We were at a bar getting some chips and queso the other day after hiking. The TV was on in the corner over my shoulder. She does this nod thing at it and says, "God I love that woman". I turn around and Margorie Taylor Green was on it. Pretty much choked to death on the chips I was scarfing down. By the time I regained my composure, I looked at her and croaked, "omg don't say things like that. I won't be able to F you for a week now until I forget that you said that" Kidding/notkidding

I've found the opposite. I've tried to put friendship before politics. It isn't working, so I would never date someone whose beliefs opposed my own, so much. No matter how good they looked.

Edited by Angelle
Angelle Established Member

Angelle

Posted
Posted (edited)
On 9/1/2021 at 5:56 AM, Trail Blazer said:

 

P.S. I cannot stand that woman! 

Same! 

There are people I found attractive in the past, who I can no longer stand, because of this sort of thing. So I can understand this guy getting it out of the way, before they met in person. I think he should have asked sooner, it sucks that she had her hopes up, but I also understand. 

Edited by Angelle
  • Like 1
Weezy1973 Established Member

Weezy1973

Posted
Posted
On 9/2/2021 at 2:25 PM, Crazelnut said:

You are seriously overreacting to be dumped by somebody you never even went out with. 

Yup. This is where your focus should lie OP. This was a stranger. Who knows why he did what he did? Who cares? But why it made you so distraught that you cried is something to explore. 

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