IrinaM Posted August 29, 2021 Posted August 29, 2021 Quote Who gets to decide which deal-breakers are acceptable and which are not? reasonable person standard lol
divegrl Posted August 29, 2021 Posted August 29, 2021 I am so sorry. His actions were extremely inconsiderate. You deserve so much better. Hugs.
Author mortensorchid Posted August 29, 2021 Author Posted August 29, 2021 6 hours ago, Shining One said: Something to consider... why were you so emotionally invested before the first date? Yes, getting stood up sucks. Most of us have been there. You were already dressed up, so why not have a night out? That's what I started doing after getting stood up became a somewhat common occurrence. Heck, I once picked up a woman who had been stood up at a bar. Because despite my hard as a rock appearance I hurt inside. I try and find nothing but horrible experiences. 1
Wiseman2 Posted August 29, 2021 Posted August 29, 2021 Sounds like an excuse. Surely he noticed your social media content long before the meeting. Maybe he's married and couldn't get away and pulled this excuse out of his butt. As an aside, posting that kind of stuff on social media and keeping social media open to guys you are talking to isn't a great idea. Reset your social media privacy settings so only people you know and trust can view your content.
introverted1 Posted August 29, 2021 Posted August 29, 2021 Anyone whose politics matter more than good manners is someone I wouldn't want to date in the first place. So sorry this happened to you, MO. Probably doesn't feel this way now, but this guy is not worth your tears. 6
Blind-Sided Posted August 29, 2021 Posted August 29, 2021 Mo... I'm sorry this happened. And without a doubt... this guy is a total ass. But right now, politics have changed to a party system to work on 2 sides... to a "Team Sport" where one side his to win over the other. (sad really) I tell my friends all the time to use SM to just post about what's going on in their lives, so their friends can see whet they are up to... and don't post about politics, guns, or anything else that is controversial. Going to an extremes has been known to effect relationships, and even jobs. My advice would be to remove anything political to help in the future. Once again... sorry this happened. 7
Stevnx3 Posted August 29, 2021 Posted August 29, 2021 4 hours ago, mortensorchid said: Because despite my hard as a rock appearance I hurt inside. I try and find nothing but horrible experiences. ☹ This guy is a jerk, who should have been up front with you. He had to have known well before. It sounds like he missed a wonderful opportunity, as you went all out for him. Shameful. Dating, relationships... Are all tough, especially now. Please cheer up and keep hunting. You will find someone totally worth it. Not some jerk. 1
Gaeta Posted August 29, 2021 Posted August 29, 2021 I'm so sorry Morten (((hugss))) I find it unusual that he only checked your FB a few minutes before leaving for the date. Also the way he interrogated you about it and the way he disappeared without a word, all that says a lot about the kind of man he is. The type you don't want in your life. 6
smackie9 Posted August 29, 2021 Posted August 29, 2021 (edited) OMG hats off to you to making a change! I love the idea that you dressed up nice. Don't let this jerk a$$ deter you. You did good, and I hope you pick yourself up and give it another go, hopefully with a nice gentleman next time. This guy was a wack job, you dodged a bullet. Chin up girl! You can do this! be angry with him, not disappointed in yourself. Edited August 29, 2021 by smackie9 6
Author mortensorchid Posted August 29, 2021 Author Posted August 29, 2021 18 hours ago, Fox Sake said: You deserve so much better! The brisk “yes or no. Life is short” sounded quite closed minded, I’m amazed you still went after that. Every dirt bag brings you closer to a pot of gold Keep your chin up. Good things are always just around the corner -hugs- I was already at the place when he sent the message, at the bar waiting for him.
Els Posted August 29, 2021 Posted August 29, 2021 The timing is unfortunate, but I don't understand what else he could have done. Probably he should have looked at your FB page BEFORE that day if he was going to at all, but at that point it was too late. We all have our dealbreakers. If you see a photo of your date eating/cooking dogs or stabbing bulls to death for sport (both common in various countries), would you stand them up? After all, it is "just" a hobby... Politics aren't "just" politics. They reflect someone's priorities, viewpoints, moral compass, definition of ethics, etc. Especially in a country as polarized as the US. 8
spiderowl Posted August 29, 2021 Posted August 29, 2021 I don't know if this will help at all mortensorchid but if you go on dates with people from online it may be best to have a plan B in case they do not turn up. There is no reason why someone genuine who is genuinely interested will not turn up but until we really know these people, we cannot predict what they will do. I have often though that if someone does not turn up to a date, I will not be upset by it, instead I will talk to whoever is around and make the most of an unexpected night out. I did have a date turn up late once (he was travelling some distance so I did not blame him, it was a traffic issue). He let me know he was likely to be late but I did not know how late. I decided to have something to eat as I was hungry. I was seated at a table by staff at the place and got talking to the guy at the next table. It ended up with him saying that if my date did not turn up, to please join him for a drink. He seemed to enjoy chatting to me. I would never have met him otherwise. If someone does not turn up, they are a rubbish date anyway so might as well make the most of being out and looking great. 1
Miss Spider Posted August 29, 2021 Posted August 29, 2021 (edited) Wow… directly hurting other people, animals, and children analogous with a supporting a particular political party? They could completely dislike EVERY principle the party stands for except one( like fiscal conservatism or something) that they feel very strongly about. They could just be completely ignorant. Yet somehow they deserve as little respect as animal torturers. I mean, I definitely don’t support that party and I’m not exactly the pinnacle of social propriety, but that is a very interesting perspective to me. ——- I too think the timing is very fishy and seems convenient. Why is he online looking at your photos when he should be at your date or at least driving to it? Anyway, you need to have a back up for being stood up. It sucks, but happens to a lot of people and it shouldn’t ruin your night. Call up some friends and see if they’re out. Go out with another dude. You sounded like you looked cute. Like I said, I hope you took some pics that you can put on your dating profile ^^ Edited August 29, 2021 by Cookiesandough 2 2
FudgeSwirl Posted August 30, 2021 Posted August 30, 2021 I am really sorry you had to get hurt in this way. Unless there is an emergency, breaking off a date at the very last minute is rude. Like others have mentioned, I find it bizarre that he suddenly decided to go through your FB photos right before your date especially since you met on FB so he had plenty of time. Also instead of being accusatory he could have actually spoken to you in person about it to learn more about you in general before deciding on a second date or not. If people only want to date people of a certain political party, religion, etc. they should be more upfront about it. This guy sounds off and probably has many unlikable features anyway so you deserve much better. 3
Whodatdog Posted August 30, 2021 Posted August 30, 2021 You should have thanked him for exposing himself so soon that he was an ignorant loser. I know people who have been happily married for years that are on the opposite side of the political spectrum. How you treat people says more about you than about your party affiliation. 2
basil67 Posted August 30, 2021 Posted August 30, 2021 How about looking at this in reverse: The outcome of this date saved you from wasting time with someone who was never going to be a match. 4
Weezy1973 Posted August 30, 2021 Posted August 30, 2021 OP, I know it’s hard to hear, but you have a deep set pattern of picking / being attracted to guys that aren’t good guys. That’s the real issue here and something you need to dig deep to figure out why. 2
basil67 Posted August 30, 2021 Posted August 30, 2021 @mortensorchid may I respectfully suggest you take ownership of your end of the situation? When one posts things which they know could be divisive, then they need to accept that division can be a consequence of that. While I haven't put any political posts up for a while, someone might go back through my history and find stuff they don't agree with and decide to unfollow or unfriend me. But that's OK. I believe what I believe and if they don't want to know me because of what I believe, that's fine with me. I own it. And I will also own that I will unfollow or unfriend people who have values which I abhor. Conversely, if I didn't want to be judged on my views, I wouldn't put them on social media. Instead, I'd just post things which aren't at all divisive. It would be all good news stories, family pictures, scenery and kittens. Much like in the old days where one didn't discuss politics, sex or religion in polite company. No divisive content = no division. We are what we put out there. And if we're going to put it out there, we may as well own the consequences. 4
d0nnivain Posted August 30, 2021 Posted August 30, 2021 5 hours ago, basil67 said: @mortensorchid may I respectfully suggest you take ownership of your end of the situation? When one posts things which they know could be divisive, then they need to accept that division can be a consequence of that. While people get to disagree about politics, even divisive politics, this man agreed to this date & then cancelled when she was already at the location. Nothing excuses that level of rudeness. 3 1
Ami1uwant Posted August 30, 2021 Posted August 30, 2021 47 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: While people get to disagree about politics, even divisive politics, this man agreed to this date & then cancelled when she was already at the location. Nothing excuses that level of rudeness. Ifyou discovered this person isn’t who they say they are how are you to react? its hypocracy to say what happened to OP was bad but say it’s good if OP did the same thing to man when she discovered he was married/ involved with someone else.
JRabbit Posted August 30, 2021 Posted August 30, 2021 Is it common to add potential date interests to FB? I reserve that for people I know, close friends etc. Seems like a bad idea to just add everyone you want to date.
Els Posted August 30, 2021 Posted August 30, 2021 19 hours ago, Cookiesandough said: Wow… directly hurting other people, animals, and children analogous with a supporting a particular political party? They could completely dislike EVERY principle the party stands for except one( like fiscal conservatism or something) that they feel very strongly about. They could just be completely ignorant. Yet somehow they deserve as little respect as animal torturers. I mean, I definitely don’t support that party and I’m not exactly the pinnacle of social propriety, but that is a very interesting perspective to me. Cooking and eating dogs is not technically any different than cooking and eating cows and pigs, in some cultures - and also not "animal torture" in and of itself, otherwise any culture that wasn't completely vegan would be guilty of that. Regardless, I wouldn't date someone who cooked and ate dogs either! That's the whole point. People get to choose their own dealbreakers.
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted August 30, 2021 Posted August 30, 2021 On 8/28/2021 at 5:26 PM, mortensorchid said: I had connected with this guy on Facebook. We got to chatting over things, he asked me out. He was/is 55 so he wasn't a kid, he looked like Paul Rudd sort of. We arranged to meet, and I made an effort to look my best for it. I wore a dress and heels, make up, perfume, let me hair down rather than the usual shorts and T shirt I usually wear. I was even showing a bit of cleavage because I said I was going to make the effort to look more attractive rather than just a tomboy anymore. He chose the place, I got there on time, it wasn't some dive it was a really decent restaurant and I sat down at the bar after using the bathroom. I was ready. I get an IM from him through Facebook on my phone: Him : Hi, I know we're supposed to meet at 5:30, I saw some photos from a Trump rally on your Facebook page. Do you support Trump? Me: Why? Him : It's a yes or no question. Life is short. Me: Are you saying if I say yes then you will not show and if I say no you will? Those photos were taken when I went to a Trump rally with a buddy of mine, we went and took some goofy pictures of us with Trump signs, and we Photoshopped them. (There is one of me and him holding the sign on the Planet of the Apes beach which was a big hit with others) Me: I am at the place now waiting for you. AM I to leave and forget the whole thing over some goofy pictures and you waited until the last minute? (no answer) Me: Wow, just wow. I hope you treat the next one far nicer than you did me. I came home crying. I had black streaks running down my cheeks and someone said how pretty my dress was before they got closer and realized I was crying. Thank your lucky stars he revealed himself before you got attached.
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted August 30, 2021 Posted August 30, 2021 On 8/28/2021 at 7:33 PM, Shining One said: Interesting. I've been called "cruel" for going out on a date with a woman after I had already determined I saw no real potential in her. Did you ask her for the date, or did she ask you?
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