I feel like my boyfriend is losing interest in me. Should I just end it?

[bblueberry]

We're both 24 and met through a Facebook group. A few dates in, he asked me to be his girlfriend. We've been dating for about a month now. We make time to see each other at least once or twice a week. Whenever we're together, he is very affectionate and interested. He calls me beautiful, he says he's lucky to be with me, and he says he loves hanging out with me. We have a similar sense of humour and just so much in common.

Our last date was last week. Afterwards, he was very engaged with texting, we would text each other every 2 or 3 hours on average throughout the day. Then, a few days ago, our communication started decreasing. Now, I'd be lucky if he texted me twice the whole day. The frustrating thing is, I'm trying to make plans with him, and it's taking forever for him to contribute and everything's just being dragged out. For example, I texted him this morning a suggestion of where we can go for our date, and he still hasn't responded. 

I feel like something is off. When he DOES text me back, he types a lot and seems really interested etc but sometimes silence speaks louder than words. If he really wanted to see me again, he would be more proactive in making plans, right? 

When the texting pattern has changed, and the other person doesn't seem too into making plans with you, does that mean the relationship is going dead? It's just such a jump from how he was even last week or two weeks ago. It's almost like seemingly overnight, I became less of a priority to him. 

He literally has no commitments, no work, no school. So I don't know what's going on. I feel confused and lost because I really thought we had a good connection, and he seemed SO interested when we were last together. He even was talking about our next date and stuff. But now, it feels like he's almost purposely ignoring my texts. 

I don't know. I hate being the one who cares more, makes more of an effort in the relationship. Should I just call it quits or is this salvageable?

 

Edited August 28, 2021 by bblueberry

[Wiseman2]

9 minutes ago, bblueberry said:

When the texting pattern has changed, and the other person doesn't seem too into making plans with you, does that mean the relationship is going dead?

Tray backing off and see what he does. Is he on/off with an ex? Try not initiating or making plans. Has he made plans to see you?

[bblueberry]

13 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Tray backing off and see what he does. Is he on/off with an ex? Try not initiating or making plans. Has he made plans to see you?

He doesn't have an ex. 

He used to make plans, just last week he made the plans for our date. 

Now this week all of a sudden, it's like he's gone cold.

[petee]

You seem off the scale. Perhaps he doesn't like the plans you are coming up with but doesn't want confrontation? Give him some space, don't smother him and sort stuff out together.

If you are past the third date and are sleeping together then this would be a bit odd for a bloke to be doing. I suspect you aren't and this is just 'getting to know the boundaries' sort of stuff. 

I do not like my wife making plans for me, it's a bloke thing. I get little enough time off work as it is, I don't want that time being spent for me.

 

[bblueberry]

10 minutes ago, petee said:

You seem off the scale. Perhaps he doesn't like the plans you are coming up with but doesn't want confrontation? Give him some space, don't smother him and sort stuff out together.

If you are past the third date and are sleeping together then this would be a bit odd for a bloke to be doing. I suspect you aren't and this is just 'getting to know the boundaries' sort of stuff. 

I do not like my wife making plans for me, it's a bloke thing. I get little enough time off work as it is, I don't want that time being spent for me.

 

We are way beyond the third date. As I said, we've been dating for a month. HE was the one who asked me to be his girlfriend.

If he didn't like my plans he could have said something instead of seeming enthusiastic about it.

Also he doesn't have a job. 

Edited August 28, 2021 by bblueberry

[petee]

You seem, and forgive me if I am wrong, full on. He doesn't seem to be able to to do the right thing? I'd step back and let this settle, or you run the risk of seeing him off. Relationships do happen, but they take time. Every time you change gear the dust needs to settle, otherwise we'd all be divorcing.

In COVID, a month could only mean a couple of dates, so forgive me on that.

[spiderowl]

Trust your instincts xx

[stillafool]

50 minutes ago, bblueberry said:

He literally has no commitments, no work, no school.

Thus, he has no money.  That is probably why he is slow responding to making dates.  I imagine if you put "my treat" at the end of your suggestion to a date he will respond.

[petee]

3 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Thus, he has no money.  That is probably why he is slow responding to making dates.  I imagine if you put "my treat" at the end of your suggestion to a date he will respond.

Good point, but also she/ he needs to be cognizant of the male pride!

[d0nnivain]

Why are you dating a 24 year old who doesn't work or go to school?  

As someone said, money may be a factor.  

Covid id actually another possibility. He may be sick or may be caring for or worrying for someone else who is.  

If you are that unhappy with the texting pattern, you are free to end things.  But how about asking him or suggesting some other meet up, your treat or suggesting something free you can do together?  

[Ami1uwant]

Talk don’t text

[bblueberry]

Update of sorts, he did respond to me, albeit half a day after my initial text. He replied with a barrage of texts, he confirmed the plans, and apologized for not responding back.

It’s happening more and more now, Im afraid he’ll just fade away one day. I hate being the person who always makes the most effort. The one who cares the most. And yet, I don’t want to leave because I’m scared of being alone.

[ExpatInItaly]

6 hours ago, stillafool said:

Thus, he has no money

I was about to say the same thing. Unless he's living off savings or family money or something, he's going to run into financial trouble sooner or later. After a month of dates he might've checked his bank account and realized he's running dry. 

I would give it some time, OP, and see if picks up the initiative. Maybe next time suggest a date that doesn't cost him anything - a walk in the park, a picnic lunch you pack, something to that effect. See how he respnds to that. 

But on that note - why does he not have a job?

[Wiseman2]

5 hours ago, bblueberry said:

. I hate being the person who always makes the most effort. The one who cares the most. 

That's good. Now relax and enjoy getting to know each other better.

Ok. That's an easy one. Stop overinvesting. Always consider return on investment.

Treat dating like the stock market, not like a slot machine.

Also consider the self fulfilling prophecy aspect. Desperation and smothering drives people away.

[d0nnivain]

6 hours ago, bblueberry said:

I don’t want to leave because I’m scared of being alone.

You gotta get over this.  You can't settle for just anybody because you are afraid of being alone.  You need to have more self esteem & be able to be choosy.  Being alone is soooooo much better than being with the wrong person whose actions exacerbate every fear.  

FWIW, waiting a half a day to respond is not losing interest.  People get 24 hours to respond.  Just because we have the ability to be connected 24/7 doesn't mean we have the obligation to do so.  

[snowboy91]

6 hours ago, bblueberry said:

Update of sorts, he did respond to me, albeit half a day after my initial text.

Only half a day? That's still pretty good time! I know in the past you chat to each other all day, but you eventually reach a point where the rest of life is happening around you and you may not have time to message constantly.

Focus on the energy when you are actually physically with him. I know it's 2021, but don't make the connection solely dependent on messaging each other.  

[bblueberry]

20 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

You gotta get over this.  You can't settle for just anybody because you are afraid of being alone.  You need to have more self esteem & be able to be choosy.  Being alone is soooooo much better than being with the wrong person whose actions exacerbate every fear.  

FWIW, waiting a half a day to respond is not losing interest.  People get 24 hours to respond.  Just because we have the ability to be connected 24/7 doesn't mean we have the obligation to do so.  

I know. When I was single I was lonely but I didn’t have a panic attack everyday.

I get it if I texted something trivial like good morning or hope you have a good day, idgaf if he responds promptly to that. But if Im literally trying to make time sensitive plans then its rude to wait an entire day (12 hours) to respond. My friends give me more respect than that.

Also this date is free. And he has savings and passive income. 

[Gaeta]

6 hours ago, bblueberry said:

I’m scared of being alone.

You already are alone. A boyfriend of 1 month that doesn't show interest, that doesn't reply to your text, that doesn't initiate dates is the same as being alone for a woman. 

[bblueberry]

1 minute ago, snowboy91 said:

Only half a day? That's still pretty good time! I know in the past you chat to each other all day, but you eventually reach a point where the rest of life is happening around you and you may not have time to message constantly.

Focus on the energy when you are actually physically with him. I know it's 2021, but don't make the connection solely dependent on messaging each other.  

Yeah, thats true, just sucks that the response time is like 12 hours when Im trying to make plans with him. Its like pulling teeth trying to set up a time and place for our date. Which we agreed upon is a hiking trail since he loves the outdoors.

[d0nnivain]

Since you find him to be so rude, be done.  It's too early to be this upset by his behavior.  If he's this nonchalant during what should be the honeymoon phase imagine how much worse it will be once you are established. 

[Calmandfocused]

Hmm..

No money, no job, no career prospects….

Remind me again why this guy is such a prized catch? I’m not quite grasping this. 
 

If you believe this is the best you can do, you need to take a long hard look in the mirror. 
 

The problem lies here with you and your picker, especially if your self worth is dependant on the value that guys like this place on you. 

[stillafool]

15 hours ago, petee said:

Good point, but also she/ he needs to be cognizant of the male pride!

I agree but when he is a grown man with no commitments, no work and not going to school, what is he doing - selling drugs?  If so, he doesn't have much male pride and is a bad drug dealer.  LORD HAVE MERCY!

[ExpatInItaly]

Why doesn't he have a job, OP?

 

[smackie9]

If I were you I would just have him on my friends list, and seek out a better BF.