Newmumtobe2021 Posted August 27, 2021 Posted August 27, 2021 I’m a 22f and been with my boyfriend 31m for almost 14 months after approximately 4 months of dating I fell pregnant & I decided to keep it even though he didn’t want me too, he actually ignored me for 2 weeks after finding out. He had just left a long term relationship 3 months prior to meeting him and we used to party together all the time. Al the way through pregnancy he’s been very off with me and can be awful, he doesn’t listen to me when I ask him not to do stuff, and when we argue mainly over something he’s done he can go about 3 weeks without talking to me, even though I’ll text or call after a few days but he just blanks me. But then he seems to get Intouch when he needs something which is beneficial to him. I’m just a week today and I’ve asked him not to go out with he’s friends drinking incase I go into labour and he says he won’t then does it anyway. I’ve told him numerous occasions he doesn’t need to stay with me because I’m pregnant but he’s stayed. He won’t move in together he makes excuses up when I bring it up so I’m staying with my parents for now. He’s always depressed when I’m around, he’s not sleeping and I feel like he looks at me with hate sometimes, I stay over at he’s house 3-4 times a week but I feel like he can’t be bothered with me anymore. He’s told a mutual friend that this relationship wasn’t ever meant to be this way of course he denied saying it I just don’t know what to expect when this baby comes, I know he’s always wanted a child but I feel like he’s got the wrong girl pregnant & it’s not he’s ex. He said nothing will change in he’s life until the baby is actually here but I don’t know because I feel he’s struggling to come to terms with the fact he’s having a child with me, I can tell he doesn’t love me and it was all just fun for him at start. He’s bought everything for our baby but something just feels off between us like he doesn’t want to be with me? We spent every single night together at the start and now it’s not, after a few days he wants me to go stay back at home. I get he’s scared for baby coming and especially it wasn’t something he wanted but I thought he come round to it because he’s stayed & didn’t mention abortion again. But I just don’t know how things will be when the baby comes, will it put everything in place for him & me? He rarely argue much but he seems very snappy with me when I do nothing wrong or is it because he’s scared and wasn’t a life he planned with me?
d0nnivain Posted August 27, 2021 Posted August 27, 2021 He's doing his duty to his child & you two will be tied together forever because of this baby but he's not with you by choice at this point. the bloom came off the rose as soon as you were pregnant. If you were not pregnant maybe you would have partied together for a while but you were never really his Ms. Right. At this point, you can expect financial contributions for the child you share. Hopefully he will want to raise the baby but he does not want a romance or marriage with you. Stop the sleepovers. Fix your place for the kid. Figure out ways to co-parent & leave it at that. 5
spiderowl Posted August 28, 2021 Posted August 28, 2021 Do you actually NEED to be with him, OP? I am sorry for your situation; it is extremely stressful for you. This guy is not treating you right. I think you are correct in that he didn't want a baby with you. He has certain financial responsibilities now but you can split up with him and you do not have to live with him or have him living with you. I cannot see what you are getting out of being with him as he is being hurtful in his behaviour towards you. Maybe he feels he has to stay for the baby? I doubt it somehow; I suspect he is used to being with you and is scared of splitting up. However, he thinks he can get away with treating you like crap regardless. You do not deserve to be treated so poorly. Please take a real break from him and look after yourself. Have you got family who can support you and care for you? You are currently allowing your boyfriend to treat you like rubbish by putting up with him. He needs to learn that you will not put up with disrespect or him being unkind and thoughtless. He will not learn that lesson unless you throw him out. Why are you keeping him around?
stillafool Posted August 28, 2021 Posted August 28, 2021 (edited) He had only been out of his relationship for 3 months before you got pregnant. You were a rebound and he isn't over his ex. He may have thought after a while they would get back together but now that he's gotten someone pregnant she probably wants nothing to do with him and that dream is dead. So he blames you. He still loves the baby because that is his seed. You say he won't move in with you but you live with your parents. Where would he move in to your parents home? I don't see him being with you much longer after the baby is born but he will have certain financial responsibilities and will get visitation rights. At this point stop trying to make him be with you and spend your time and energy thinking about building a life for you and your baby because he won't be around. I'm curious were you using birth control? Edited August 28, 2021 by stillafool
ExpatInItaly Posted August 28, 2021 Posted August 28, 2021 On 8/27/2021 at 2:54 PM, Newmumtobe2021 said: something just feels off between us like he doesn’t want to be with me? Unforutnately, you are completely correct. He doesn't want to be with you. On 8/27/2021 at 2:54 PM, Newmumtobe2021 said: But I just don’t know how things will be when the baby comes, will it put everything in place for him & me? No, it won't. It will likely make things much worse, since this is a child he didn't want. It's sad to think about, I realize. But it's very obvious he feels duty-bound, and is not happy about becoming a father. On 8/27/2021 at 2:54 PM, Newmumtobe2021 said: I can tell he doesn’t love me and it was all just fun for him at start. Again, your instincts are correct. I would start planning for a life apart from him. It's heading that way anyway, and it's too stressful to be in a nearly-dead relationship with a man who clearly does not want to be there. Sit down with him, acknowledge that the relationship isn't working, and discuss a plan to raise this baby as co-parents rather than as a couple. Speak to a lawyer if you need to, about arranging a formal custody/visitation schedule. 1
smackie9 Posted August 28, 2021 Posted August 28, 2021 This wasn't what he bargained for, so don't expect much. Me personally would seek out legal action to get full custody and child support from him. Why would you want to be with some dude that's gonna treat you like trash, because you are having a baby he didn't want.
Author Newmumtobe2021 Posted August 29, 2021 Author Posted August 29, 2021 23 hours ago, stillafool said: He had only been out of his relationship for 3 months before you got pregnant. You were a rebound and he isn't over his ex. He may have thought after a while they would get back together but now that he's gotten someone pregnant she probably wants nothing to do with him and that dream is dead. So he blames you. He still loves the baby because that is his seed. You say he won't move in with you but you live with your parents. Where would he move in to your parents home? I don't see him being with you much longer after the baby is born but he will have certain financial responsibilities and will get visitation rights. At this point stop trying to make him be with you and spend your time and energy thinking about building a life for you and your baby because he won't be around. I'm curious were you using birth control? No I wanted us to get our own home before the baby come, I’ve told him he doesn’t have to stay just because I was pregnant a couple of months ago and he’s stayed, but during arguments before over petty things he says “I don’t want to be with you anymore” but some how we end up getting back together
Author Newmumtobe2021 Posted August 29, 2021 Author Posted August 29, 2021 22 hours ago, smackie9 said: This wasn't what he bargained for, so don't expect much. Me personally would seek out legal action to get full custody and child support from him. Why would you want to be with some dude that's gonna treat you like trash, because you are having a baby he didn't want. I’ve stayed because I love him, he says he exited about meeting the baby but he’s mood is really low, it’s just confusing! I know it wasn’t the best situation with me been he’s rebound but I really thought he was over her but I really don’t think he is, I’ve told him he doesn’t need to stay because I’m pregnant and he has, but maybe it’s because he feels obligated to do so
Author Newmumtobe2021 Posted August 29, 2021 Author Posted August 29, 2021 23 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: Unforutnately, you are completely correct. He doesn't want to be with you. No, it won't. It will likely make things much worse, since this is a child he didn't want. It's sad to think about, I realize. But it's very obvious he feels duty-bound, and is not happy about becoming a father. Again, your instincts are correct. I would start planning for a life apart from him. It's heading that way anyway, and it's too stressful to be in a nearly-dead relationship with a man who clearly does not want to be there. Sit down with him, acknowledge that the relationship isn't working, and discuss a plan to raise this baby as co-parents rather than as a couple. Speak to a lawyer if you need to, about arranging a formal custody/visitation schedule. Then why won’t he leave when I’ve give him the option to do so a few times & we have split a few times and we’ve always ended up back together
stillafool Posted August 29, 2021 Posted August 29, 2021 1 hour ago, Newmumtobe2021 said: Then why won’t he leave when I’ve give him the option to do so a few times & we have split a few times and we’ve always ended up back together Because of his baby. He's obviously not the type to abandon his child but that doesn't mean he wants you. He will always be available to his child whether he is with you or not. Do you want a man who is only with you because of his child? His heart is still with his ex and sadly he is probably wishing this were her being pregnant with his child.
Miss Spider Posted August 29, 2021 Posted August 29, 2021 (edited) Sorry.. it sounds like he was never into you and just stayed because you fell pregnant. [ ] I guess if you both force it, it can, but happy is another story. You can be happy without him and coparent the kid right even if you aren’t together. Best of luck to you and your family!! Edited August 29, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator rude
Calmandfocused Posted August 29, 2021 Posted August 29, 2021 Oh gosh op. What a mess! Please just concentrate on your baby for now rather than trying desperately to keep this non relationship going. Your baby didn’t ask to be born in this chaos. Your job now is to ensure that your baby has an environment that is stable, secure and nurturing. Thank god you live with your parents - this will be your family unit for the foreseeable future. Do not try and force a living situation with your boyfriend. He doesn’t want to be with you. That is not a stable environment for the child. Your boyfriend does not want to play house. He doesn’t want to play boyfriend/ husband. He only marginally wants to play Daddy. Unfair I know. You won’t have a choice. The majority of the parenting/ responsibility will be yours. He wants to party and not be in a relationship with you. You’d be doing yourself and your baby a big favour if you work towards accepting that 1
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