Starting a relationship with someone who hasn't dated in 3 years

[kate-elizabeth]

  So I'll start with this, Im getting into something with a guy who hasn't dated in 3 years and Im crazy for him. In the last decade of dating and casual hookups I have always ended up in something so one sided. Ive always been the one with feelings or wanting something more than just casual sex.  So the guy Im starting to see really likes me back and its such a crazy feeling having someone you really like, actually want you too.  So we've had a few dates and Sunday he's coming over for dinner and we haven't really talked about what we want from this and it makes me nervous. But this last year I haven't really been on any birth control and made the comment to him over text that I would be willing to get back on it if I knew I was going to be in a sexual relationship. He responded with "We should really talking about this in person" which is the most adult response I have gotten in a long long time but should I be worried at all? It could go either way and it just makes me beyond anxious. Ive never had these fast of feelings for someone and I really want this be the real deal but am I just a hopeless soul or am I crazy for even thinking about this so fast? We have had nothing but great conversation and not be to TMI but its the absolute best sex of my life. The other night we talked for hours on hours without getting on our phones or even worrying what time it was. And I could tell how nervous we both were to get into bed together and it just has taken my breathe away at how kind and sincere he is. But I don't want to get my hopes up too high if he doesn't want that and thats why he hasn't been in a relationship or another women in 3 years. And I really can't afford to get hurt again by someone I really wanted. I don't really believe in things like fate or anything in that sense but theres so many odd things that have led to me to be with this guy. For instance, this is kinda crazy, about a month ago I got into a bad car wreck and it ended up being right in front of his house before I really knew who he was or knew where he lived. I've kinda known him in the past as a regular at my job but we've never really talked till one of my girlfriends invited him out for drinks on my birthday earlier this month. Ever since that night we have just clicked and here we are. Please give me your advice and even knock some common sense into me if you have too. 

 

 - A very anxious, single, and overthinking 25 year old 

[d0nnivain]

Slow your roll.  You are moving waaaaayyyyyyy too fast here.  It's only been a few dates.  You are totally over thinking this.  Him coming over for Sunday dinner is about dinner, not the rest of your lives.  

Him not dating for 3 years is a red herring.  You are focused on the wrong thing & you fail to take into account that 1/2 of that time was Covid lockdowns.  Nobody had real dating prospects then.  FWIW my husband was just getting back into dating after a 10 year hiatus when we met.  I think he had been out on 1st dates with about 3 other women when we met.  Instead of looking at this as a bad thing, try to wrap your head about the idea that the guy is picky & can be, that he chose you.  

Just keep talking & having fun.  Project no farther than Labor Day.  At this point you can't even be sure you have a date for Halloween.  Take it day by day, week by week.  Maybe after Christmas you can plan for Valentine's Day but you are way ahead of yourself now.  

[Maldives]

On 8/27/2021 at 12:52 PM, kate-elizabeth said:

  So I'll start with this, Im getting into something with a guy who hasn't dated in 3 years and Im crazy for him. In the last decade of dating and casual hookups I have always ended up in something so one sided. Ive always been the one with feelings or wanting something more than just casual sex.  So the guy Im starting to see really likes me back and its such a crazy feeling having someone you really like, actually want you too.  So we've had a few dates and Sunday he's coming over for dinner and we haven't really talked about what we want from this and it makes me nervous. But this last year I haven't really been on any birth control and made the comment to him over text that I would be willing to get back on it if I knew I was going to be in a sexual relationship. He responded with "We should really talking about this in person" which is the most adult response I have gotten in a long long time but should I be worried at all? It could go either way and it just makes me beyond anxious. Ive never had these fast of feelings for someone and I really want this be the real deal but am I just a hopeless soul or am I crazy for even thinking about this so fast? We have had nothing but great conversation and not be to TMI but its the absolute best sex of my life. The other night we talked for hours on hours without getting on our phones or even worrying what time it was. And I could tell how nervous we both were to get into bed together and it just has taken my breathe away at how kind and sincere he is. But I don't want to get my hopes up too high if he doesn't want that and thats why he hasn't been in a relationship or another women in 3 years. And I really can't afford to get hurt again by someone I really wanted. I don't really believe in things like fate or anything in that sense but theres so many odd things that have led to me to be with this guy. For instance, this is kinda crazy, about a month ago I got into a bad car wreck and it ended up being right in front of his house before I really knew who he was or knew where he lived. I've kinda known him in the past as a regular at my job but we've never really talked till one of my girlfriends invited him out for drinks on my birthday earlier this month. Ever since that night we have just clicked and here we are. Please give me your advice and even knock some common sense into me if you have too. 

 

 - A very anxious, single, and overthinking 25 year old 

Yep fate believe it and no I wouldn't be concerned about his comment 

[smackie9]

Just let it unfold, and enjoy the journey.

[FudgeSwirl]

Because this is only the very beginning of dating, I suggest that you slow things down a bit.  People who are not on the same pace become catalysts for the end of a relationship.  When it comes to sex in general, your decision to be on the pill should be prompted by your personal choice in regards to protection.  

People often make the mistake of getting too invested after a few dates so instead of developing high hopes or fantasies, just enjoy the ride and your time together as it takes time to know one another.  If it is meant to develop into a serious relationship it will so for now, continue to relish in the phone calls, texts, and time together.