_Bunny_ Posted August 26, 2021 Posted August 26, 2021 So it’s been like 3 years and 5 months since my ex and I broke up. I just can’t get myself to get over him completely, sometimes I forget him for months and then it hits me so hard out of nowhere that I can’t sleep for days. I came yesterday from my holidays and went today to see my doc for a check up after that I waited for my dad to pick me up and out of nowhere I see him drive past me like 4 times and then parking right behind me. I just couldn’t look him in the eyes, my gaze was till my dad came on the ground. And here I am again feeling so sad and don’t know what to do, to get rid of this feelings and regrets I have. 1
d0nnivain Posted August 26, 2021 Posted August 26, 2021 If you are not grieving daily to the point of not being able to function, don't worry so much about being a little upset when you saw him today. Try making a list of all the good / fun things that have happened to you over the last 3 years. Re-read that as a sign that these positive things might not have happened if you were still with him. Have you dated at all since the break up? 2
Author _Bunny_ Posted August 26, 2021 Author Posted August 26, 2021 Tbh I shut myself in and cut all my friends off my life expect for my one male friend. So everything that happened to me the past 3 years was just focusing on graduating from school, starting university and be home all the time with my family. Btw I think my older sister is my best friend. I tried to date but it didn’t work out because of my past so yeah.
Miss Spider Posted August 26, 2021 Posted August 26, 2021 7 minutes ago, _Bunny_ said: Tbh I shut myself in and cut all my friends off my life expect for my one male friend. So everything that happened to me the past 3 years was just focusing on graduating from school, starting university and be home all the time with my family. Btw I think my older sister is my best friend. I tried to date but it didn’t work out because of my past so yeah. So this is your problem. You can’t move on if there’s no movement 1 1
d0nnivain Posted August 27, 2021 Posted August 27, 2021 13 hours ago, _Bunny_ said: Tbh I shut myself in and cut all my friends off my life expect for my one male friend. So everything that happened to me the past 3 years was just focusing on graduating from school, starting university and be home all the time with my family. Btw I think my older sister is my best friend. I tried to date but it didn’t work out because of my past so yeah. That's why it's taking too long to grieve. You stopped living. By isolating yourself you focused too much on him & what you think you lost. You forgot to see all the things to come. . Are you in university now? When the semester starts up again make a point to get involved, to make new friends. Join a club; pledge a sorority; join an IM team. . . just get out there & live life. Your BF was part of HS but he is not your future. Your future is in your hands. Take your power back. 1
Author _Bunny_ Posted August 27, 2021 Author Posted August 27, 2021 3 hours ago, d0nnivain said: That's why it's taking too long to grieve. You stopped living. By isolating yourself you focused too much on him & what you think you lost. You forgot to see all the things to come. . Are you in university now? When the semester starts up again make a point to get involved, to make new friends. Join a club; pledge a sorority; join an IM team. . . just get out there & live life. Your BF was part of HS but he is not your future. Your future is in your hands. Take your power back. Thank you sm. This hit kinda really hard but I think I need to start new. Yeah I’m in my second year in Uni right now but everything is online so it’s kinda hard to meet new ppl. 1
d0nnivain Posted August 27, 2021 Posted August 27, 2021 Then find another outlet that is open. isolating yourself is what is holding you back. Covid & lockdowns don't help. 1
Maldives Posted August 29, 2021 Posted August 29, 2021 (edited) On 8/27/2021 at 5:48 AM, _Bunny_ said: So it’s been like 3 years and 5 months since my ex and I broke up. I just can’t get myself to get over him completely, sometimes I forget him for months and then it hits me so hard out of nowhere that I can’t sleep for days. I came yesterday from my holidays and went today to see my doc for a check up after that I waited for my dad to pick me up and out of nowhere I see him drive past me like 4 times and then parking right behind me. I just couldn’t look him in the eyes, my gaze was till my dad came on the ground. And here I am again feeling so sad and don’t know what to do, to get rid of this feelings and regrets I have. Yes me I can relate to you been five for me but I think it's due to a no. Of things regrets being one. We see each other where we live its not hard to do and stirs up emotions and also I haven't had much luck finding someone new I could see myself with. I feel it's always unresolved so I'm at the point where I think I'll actually say hello. I tried a few weeks ago we literally walked passed one another in the supermarket but I just froze and couldn't do it as we haven't spoken a word in 5 yrs. She saw me in the a few mins before and I caught her sussing me out lol. Anyway not sure how to help in Ur case. In my case though I've had this happen before took yrs to get over them and the only thing that really progressed and helped me close that chapter was reaching out in some form of fashion and telling them my regrets that immediately moved it along quickly and closed that chapter. I'm hoping the same will be the case this time round Edited August 29, 2021 by Goodguy05 1
Author _Bunny_ Posted August 30, 2021 Author Posted August 30, 2021 15 hours ago, Goodguy05 said: Yes me I can relate to you been five for me but I think it's due to a no. Of things regrets being one. We see each other where we live its not hard to do and stirs up emotions and also I haven't had much luck finding someone new I could see myself with. I feel it's always unresolved so I'm at the point where I think I'll actually say hello. I tried a few weeks ago we literally walked passed one another in the supermarket but I just froze and couldn't do it as we haven't spoken a word in 5 yrs. She saw me in the a few mins before and I caught her sussing me out lol. Anyway not sure how to help in Ur case. In my case though I've had this happen before took yrs to get over them and the only thing that really progressed and helped me close that chapter was reaching out in some form of fashion and telling them my regrets that immediately moved it along quickly and closed that chapter. I'm hoping the same will be the case this time round Thanks sm for your comment I know it’s controversial to be happy about someone being able to relate to it cause it’s painful that’s why thanks a lot. Knowing I’m not alone is really sad but gives me strength. 2
glows Posted August 30, 2021 Posted August 30, 2021 On 8/27/2021 at 7:54 AM, _Bunny_ said: Thank you sm. This hit kinda really hard but I think I need to start new. Yeah I’m in my second year in Uni right now but everything is online so it’s kinda hard to meet new ppl. Are you open to volunteering and seeing what groups and associations there are on campus? Think of it as dual-purposed: socializing and adding to your resume. Find some part time work also in your field, ask around for openings and available positions in your department. 1
FudgeSwirl Posted August 31, 2021 Posted August 31, 2021 When you see an ex for the first time in a long time, it's normal to feel things like hurt, anger, or maybe even plan old relief. However since you mentioned you haven't really moved on from him after these past three years, you will notice that you will feel loads better about that relationship once you forge new friendships and eventually revisit the dating scene. When things go back to normal from Covid that will be even better, but for now you can meet people by joining groups that maybe meet virtually like a book club or an outdoor exercise group. If there are volunteer opportunities like at am animal shelter. 1
Miss Spider Posted August 31, 2021 Posted August 31, 2021 (edited) The cure to any kind of oneitis is to date 10 other people. Not 3. Not 9. Ten.Come back when you have done that and let me know if you still have this problem Edited August 31, 2021 by Cookiesandough 1
Author _Bunny_ Posted September 3, 2021 Author Posted September 3, 2021 So as I mentioned in my last post, it’s been 3 years since we broke up and I already tried to write him in the past but it always ended with arguing and swearing at each other but we never had a clean break so I just don’t know if I should write with him again. Both of us are now 21 maybe we can talk it this time out and I can have a clean cut. I just don’t know if this is right or if I just should leave him alone. But since the last time I saw him, I keep looking at the old pictures of us and started stalking his ig again.
glows Posted September 3, 2021 Posted September 3, 2021 Sending him a letter or message is repeating the same cycle and pattern that hasn't worked in years. Arguing and swearing is dysfunctional and verbally abusive. Try harder to break out of that cycle. You can write a letter but don't send it. Delete those old photos. Your actions aren't helping you in moving forwards. Others commented that you put your life on hold or stopped living after the break up. What are you doing to change that? 1
Author _Bunny_ Posted September 3, 2021 Author Posted September 3, 2021 2 minutes ago, glows said: Sending him a letter or message is repeating the same cycle and pattern that hasn't worked in years. Arguing and swearing is dysfunctional and verbally abusive. Try harder to break out of that cycle. You can write a letter but don't send it. Delete those old photos. Your actions aren't helping you in moving forwards. Others commented that you put your life on hold or stopped living after the break up. What are you doing to change that? Thanks for the reply. But I think that we really need to have one last normal conversation cause i can’t be the only one who’s hurting and still holding on. It’s not like I’m completely shutting myself in, when university starts I will start to interact with ppl again and so on but rnw I think I need to be alone to find myself and sort things out.
glows Posted September 3, 2021 Posted September 3, 2021 2 minutes ago, _Bunny_ said: Thanks for the reply. But I think that we really need to have one last normal conversation cause i can’t be the only one who’s hurting and still holding on. It’s not like I’m completely shutting myself in, when university starts I will start to interact with ppl again and so on but rnw I think I need to be alone to find myself and sort things out. What are you looking for in terms of an explanation from him? You could very well be the only person who's still hurting and holding on. Try not to assume he cares at all. It's better not to have those expectations. Are you wanting him to spell it out for you that he does not care about you in order for you to move on? How did your previous or last conversation end? What did he tell you?
d0nnivain Posted September 4, 2021 Posted September 4, 2021 It's been 3 years. He does not want a letter from you. He thinks you have moved on as he has. He will think poorly of you if you confess to still holding a torch for him because frankly it's not normal. You need to let go. Obsessing about him is unhealthy. Do not send him some letter out of the blue 3 years later but do write out your feelings, preferably in long hand with pen on paper so you can't accidently hit send. Write down everything you feel. . . just let the stream of consciousness flow. Pour out your heart & soul. Then fold up the letter & put it in a drawer. Take it out in a week or so & re-read it, preferably dispassionately. If you are emotional, add to it & repeat the process. Keep doing this until you purge the emotions. When you can finally read everything you have written find a safe outside space to build a small fire. Have an extinguisher on hand. Light the fire. Burn the pages. Watch the smoke & hopefully that will be your connection from him evaporating.
ExpatInItaly Posted September 4, 2021 Posted September 4, 2021 8 hours ago, _Bunny_ said: i can’t be the only one who’s hurting and still holding on. Why not? Just because you feel this way does not mean he does, no matter how much you want him to. And if it's been three years and he hasn't come looking for you, well, it's pretty clear isn't hurting or still holding on. Don't write him. It will only show him that you are still obssessing over the past, something that he let go of a long time ago and probably doesn't even think about. I don't mean to be harsh but you need to face the reality of this situation, which is that you are the only one who is stuck.
Blind-Sided Posted September 4, 2021 Posted September 4, 2021 13 hours ago, _Bunny_ said: Thanks for the reply. But I think that we really need to have one last normal conversation cause i can’t be the only one who’s hurting and still holding on. It’s not like I’m completely shutting myself in, when university starts I will start to interact with ppl again and so on but rnw I think I need to be alone to find myself and sort things out. Well... this is your first problem. You obviously don't want to hear the truth, and will keep searching until someone tell you what you want to hear. You have been apart for 3 years... it's done. And yes... I'm guessing you are the only one hurting. I'm guessing he has moved on. Also... the comment about "Not having a clean break" in your original post is just silly. You broke up... that's all that you need to know. in most break ups... there is no "Clean" break... they are generally ugly, and messy... and full of emotions. Delete everything, and don't shut yourself in once you are back to school. Live your life, and you will heal.
d0nnivain Posted September 4, 2021 Posted September 4, 2021 The time to have that one last "normal" conversation was 2.5 years ago. You are the only one who is hurting. It's been 3 years. Move on already or get genuine mental help if you can't. Your obsession is unhealthy
Author _Bunny_ Posted September 5, 2021 Author Posted September 5, 2021 On 9/4/2021 at 12:23 AM, glows said: What are you looking for in terms of an explanation from him? You could very well be the only person who's still hurting and holding on. Try not to assume he cares at all. It's better not to have those expectations. Are you wanting him to spell it out for you that he does not care about you in order for you to move on? How did your previous or last conversation end? What did he tell you? Our last convo after lots of arguing was that I wrote him “I miss you, can we pls meet and talk face to face” he replied with a date where I had to register for uni ( even though he knew) so I wrote him to remind him again that I need to be present there but we could meet after that. But he insisted on the time and date, so ofc I went to uni to register but after I was done I ran like my life was on the line to catch the bus and subway to meet him. On the subway I wrote him “I will be just 10min late so pls wait”, I arrived just 10 min late but he was nowhere to be found so I called and texted him but he would neither pick up or reply to my texts. His last massage was “told u, u gotta chose what’s more important to u, u chose wrong”. After that we never really talked or massaged each other. I found out recently that my ex best friend massaged him to kinda expose me, idk why but he said he’s gonna make my life a living hell and gotta get revenge so that no one would ever approach me. So the question is WTF DID I DO? HE BROKE UP WITH ME EVEN THOUGH HE WAS AT FAULT?!! Side note My ex best friend felt like s*** after she did it so she send me everything as a parting gift.
ExpatInItaly Posted September 5, 2021 Posted September 5, 2021 Just stop. No more messaging him. Delete him off your social media. You need to let go and move on.
glows Posted September 5, 2021 Posted September 5, 2021 3 hours ago, _Bunny_ said: Our last convo after lots of arguing was that I wrote him “I miss you, can we pls meet and talk face to face” he replied with a date where I had to register for uni ( even though he knew) so I wrote him to remind him again that I need to be present there but we could meet after that. But he insisted on the time and date, so ofc I went to uni to register but after I was done I ran like my life was on the line to catch the bus and subway to meet him. On the subway I wrote him “I will be just 10min late so pls wait”, I arrived just 10 min late but he was nowhere to be found so I called and texted him but he would neither pick up or reply to my texts. His last massage was “told u, u gotta chose what’s more important to u, u chose wrong”. After that we never really talked or massaged each other. I found out recently that my ex best friend massaged him to kinda expose me, idk why but he said he’s gonna make my life a living hell and gotta get revenge so that no one would ever approach me. So the question is WTF DID I DO? HE BROKE UP WITH ME EVEN THOUGH HE WAS AT FAULT?!! Side note My ex best friend felt like s*** after she did it so she send me everything as a parting gift. He doesn’t sound like a catch. Anyone who forces you into a position like that or doesn’t respect or care about your present commitments or goals (ie registering for classes) is not worth having around. He treated you badly. Are you really going to save photos and contact info of a man who did that? I suggest you treat this seriously and speak with your doctor about recurring thoughts, if you feel trapped or helpless or unable to manage these emotions. Seek support and help from professionals and do not contact your ex.
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